


Take Comfort Where You Can

by LostInWonder



Category: Walking Dead, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 107,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInWonder/pseuds/LostInWonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Daryl/Shane fills for TWDkinkmeme, strung together in chronological order. Just some smut and a little sweetness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Some Unexpected Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for twdkinkmeme prompt: Shane gets Daryl off using just his fingers. 
> 
> Set at the quarry camp after Merle went missing, in this verse they just stayed a little longer.

Shane was out in the woods, making sure the traps and snares the men had set up around the perimeter of the camp were still intact. He was glad to be alone for the time being. Rick's return had been devastating. How could he reconcile the joy at having the man he considered a brother back in his life with the crushing guilt of having fucked his wife? And without even more then a couple of months gone by. Sure, he had wanted Lori for years, shit, since high school, and their marriage had been rocky the past couple of years anyway. But he was pretty positive Rick would never have done the same in his shoes and that made his stomach twist when he thought about it.

And the look Lori had given him. Like he had _planned_ it or something. Like she thought he would actually lie about him thinking Rick was dead just to get into her panties. How did she come to think like that about him, for Christ's sake? If he was such an animal, why did she jump on him just as fast?

He wandered deeper into the woods than he had planned. The gentle sound of moving water from a nearby creek drew him in, the sound was so soothing as he attempted to calm his chaotic thoughts. He stood there on the bank, breathing deep, closing his eyes...

The sudden crackling sound of leaves being crushed jolted him alert. He spun towards the sound, his hand already on his sidearm. To his relief, it was Daryl Dixon, looking uncharacteristically unsteady as he came through the clearing, his crossbow slung over his shoulder. He stopped when he saw Shane, his eyes wary. They weren't exactly friends, but he actually didn't mind the hotheaded redneck, despite the animosity he had felt towards his brother.

"What's up, man?" Shane said, nodding at him in greeting.

"Huntin' squirrels," Daryl muttered. A few hung from a rope over his shoulder. A small haul for him, Shane thought. 

"Ain't like none a y'all are catchin' anything." Daryl added, half under his breath. He stumbled slightly on the uneven ground and as he passed a little closer Shane noticed he smelled of alcohol. The cop in him made him step in front of him, cutting him off.

"You ok, man?" he asked, using his concerned voice.

Daryl looked more surprised than pissed, which surprised Shane. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Shouldn't be out huntin' drunk, man. C'mon, you know that." Shane still felt the weight of the group's safety on his shoulders, and like it or not, Daryl was part of the group at the moment. And really the only decent hunter they had left.

"I ain't drunk, " Daryl snorted, moving around Shane, but not enough to clear him. They bumped shoulders roughly and something clattered to the ground out of Daryl's knapsack that immediately caught Shane's eye. A baggie full of pills, the different kinds in their own smaller baggies.

They both went for it but Shane was quicker, snatching it off the ground and stepping back a pace as Daryl went to grab it out of his hand.

"What's this, huh?" Shane asked, raising his eyebrows. He hadn't taken Daryl for a pill popper.

"None a' your business, " Daryl snapped. " You best give it back, " he growled, stepping towards Shane threateningly.

Shane's mind went back to when he had wrestled Daryl to the ground after he had lashed out at Rick. Despite all the other shit going through his mind at the time, the feel of that warm, wiry body squirming underneath him had left an impression, one that he hated to admit he had flashed back on a few times. He wondered if that was where this was going.

"You take any of these?" Shane asked, when Daryl didn't immediately lash out.

"What's it to you?" Daryl asked sullenly. Shane noticed his speech was a little slurred, his eyes a little unfocused. Could be just booze but he saw that some of the pills were knocked out of their own baggies and mixed in with eachother. He recognized some of them as Ecstasy. Well, that would be interesting, he thought. Not the sort of high he figured Daryl would be the type to look for but then again, he didn't know him all that well. 

"Well, we got kids back there, can't have you all fucked up, drunk and high, " he said, shoving the baggie of pills into his pocket.

For some reason he felt like testing Daryl. Would he actually take that? This cop taking his stash out here like they were back in the old world? He also wanted to check his reaction for signs of the drug, people high on that shit could be hard to handle, and Daryl was a little volatile even when he wasn't high. 

Daryl didn't even go to demand his shit back again before dropping his crossbow and swinging a punch at Shane's head, which Shane only managed to evade by the skin of his teeth. Damn, Shane thought, feeling his heart start to pound, he was fast. Fuck going blow for blow, Shane thought, ducking his head and barreling into Daryl instead, using his weight and momentum to knock the wind out of him as they fell to the ground.

They wrestled around, but Shane was stronger and eventually was able to get him in an armlock, pinning him so that they were nearly on top of one another. He was thankful for high school wrestling, as he felt Daryl lose his fight once he realized he couldn't move without causing severe pain to his arm. Shane made sure to keep his head back, just in case Daryl had a mind to headbutt him in frustration. Daryl was winded, still making small futile attempts to free himself. The small grunts and groans he made as he struggled made the blood rush to Shane's cock.

Shane was suddenly aroused as hell, his hard on pressed into Daryl's hip as he restrained him. He shifted to get a little more on top, releasing his arm from the painful hold, and realized Daryl had a hard on as stiff as his own. He was pretty sure about now that he had gotten into some of that Ecstasy. Especially when he groaned as their groins met, pushing back a little, or so Shane hoped. 

"You calm, now?" Shane asked, pushing slightly into Daryl's hard-on, but not enough that it would seem too obvious. Shit, dudes got hard when they fought. It was pretty natural. 

Daryl was staring up at him, and Shane noted how flushed his face was, how his eyes were no longer glaring but curious. Curious and a little nervous all at the same time. And he definitely wasn't struggling anymore. Fuck it, if he was reading the signs wrong he was pretty sure Daryl wouldn't be the type to talk about it. He pressed in again, and Daryl definitely responded that time, a breathy sigh escaping his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Encouraged, Shane went ahead and slipped his hand down the front of Daryl's jeans. He wasn't one for subtle, once he got the go ahead. But apparently that was a little too fast for Daryl's taste. He slid back and out from under him like he got lit on fire, though it wasn't lost on Shane that he had hesitated a moment, letting Shane close his hand around the length of his dick first.

"The fuck are you doin',man? " Daryl spit out, but his voice was lacking the sort of disgust Shane would have expected to go with those words. Instead it was a little shaky, even.

Damn, he figured a guy like Daryl would either be down to fuck or not. This in between shit was aggravating. Shane was so horny he didn't care much about Daryl's issues at the moment though. He realized Daryl might be high as fuck, but all the Ecstasy in the world wouldn't make you horny for something that didn't already turn you on.

So he moved forward to where Daryl was half-sitting, half-lying on his back and knelt up over him.

"Don't worry, " Shane said smirking, "Nothin' you ain't gonna like."

Taking advantage of Daryl's confusion, because he was still just sitting there, his eyes all heavy-lidded with arousal, Shane partially straddled him at the knees, reaching his hand down to stroke his cock again. Daryl made another effort to resist, knocking Shane's hand away forcefully and starting to protest, but Shane just calmly bent down over him and took him in his hand again.

"I know, I know, " he murmured over Daryl's threats, while his hand continued to stroke his dick slowly and firmly. "You can try to kill me later," he added, amused at how easily Daryl then went quiet, his eyes meeting Shane's for the briefest moment before he turned his head to the side, letting his eyes close as Shane continued to work on him. Shane was starting to be real thankful for that baggie of drugs. No way this would be happening otherwise, he thought.

After a few seconds, Daryl's eyes opened fast like he just came to his senses. "I'm fucked up, man," he mumbled, moving to slide his dick free.

Well, fuck this, Shane thought. This wasn't how this was ending. It was starting to feel like his high school days, having to coax horny virgins into something they wanted to do in the first place. He found himself thinking that this was probably how it would've gone with Rick, too, had he ever had the balls to try.

"Nah,you ain't _that_ fucked up, " he said. "You didn't want this, you wouldn't still be sitting there."

"You best shut the hell up!" Daryl snapped, backing away, but not getting up.

Shane laughed. "You gonna take care of that before you go runnin' back to camp ?" he said, gesturing at the raging erection hanging out of Daryl's undone jeans.

Before Daryl could move again, Shane came forward into his space. "Here, lemme help you, " he said, closing his hand around Daryl's cock again. Daryl groaned a little at that and Shane went to straddle him fully, coming forward until he had Daryl completely on his back. He was amused again at how little resistance he put up after all that.

"What you need to do is relax and stop thinkin' so much about it, " Shane said, starting to slowly stroke him again. " And don't be trying to jump away from me again when you know you're gonna wind up right back here."

That seemed to be the right thing to say, because Daryl did go still, looking back at him with that same curious, nervous expression before he let his eyes close again, allowing Shane to keep going.

After not quite a minute,Daryl started to thrust into his hand slightly.Shane was damn near getting blue balled at this point. He was starting to wonder just where he was going to be able to take this.

Without giving it much thought Shane flipped Daryl over and pulled him up onto his hands and knees, started working his jeans and boxers down over his ass. Daryl started to struggle, but Shane had his legs somewhat trapped by the fabric so he had a few seconds to make him change his mind about the next part. He wet his finger real good with spit and went to slide it into him. He jolted at this and swore, trying to twist away, but Shane moved with him and managed to get in deep enough that he hit the right spot, and then Daryl rocked back with a startled moan.

"Now that ain't so bad, is it?" Shane said, smiling.

He took his own throbbing cock out and pressed it against Daryl's ass. It made Daryl struggle again but Shane kept hold of him.

"Relax, man, I ain't doin' _that_ ," he said soothingly, "I just wanna show you something." He worked the finger he still had in him further until he hit the prostate again, and Daryl moaned. Shane moved his finger gently in small circles into that tender area until Daryl was practically whimpering. The Ecstasy was probably making it feel even better than it normally would, Shane thought. 

"Feels good right? Just relax and go with it, man. " Shane crooned, moving as gently inside him as he could.

Shane was surprised at how pliant Daryl became in his hands, letting him do all the work, just leaning in, his eyes closed tight, his head hanging between his shoulders. His skin was feverishly warm from the Ecstasy, and Shane had a passing thought that he probably should be more concerned about how much he might have taken. But the thought passed pretty quickly as Daryl started to writhe against his hand, no doubt overwhelmed by the unfamiliar sensation.

As much as Shane was aching to get off, he realized spit and pre-cum just wouldn't cut it as lube for the pounding he'd like to give Daryl right now. He didn't think this was the time to try for a blow job,either. He was getting a pretty good idea that Daryl had never done anything like this before. For some reason, it made him want to fuck him even more.

And then he realized what he had to do. He had to treat this like he had his other conquests, from ages ago. Give a little more then you expect to get so you can get a whole lot more later. So he kept on Daryl, working him slowly with his finger, listening to his breathing grow heavier, satisfying himself with grinding his own stiff cock against the warm skin of Daryl's hip. All he knew was he wasn't letting Daryl go until he had made him come.

He gripped Daryl's dick in his other hand and let him thrust into it more and more urgently as he got closer. He could tell Daryl was trying to be quiet, only tiny whimpers escaping his throat every couple of seconds, and that made Shane start to lose it.

When Daryl finally came it was with a strangled moan he had been trying desperately to hold back, and it sent Shane into his own climax, his come pulsing out in hot spurts against Daryl's bare skin.

He rested over Daryl for a few seconds, feeling the heat radiating from his body, until Daryl abruptly slid out and away, fumbling to pull up his pants before he even got to his feet. He walked unsteadily to the creek and just stood there, looking dazed. Shane shook his head, watching him. Dumbass didn't even bother to clean the come off himself before he got dressed. Must be higher than he thought.

Shane walked over to join him, a little dazed himself after what just happened. 

"You best gimme back my brother's stash now," Daryl muttered out of the corner of his mouth as he approached.  
Shane looked him over. Daryl wouldn't look back at him, and he looked so sullen it made Shane want to laugh out loud at the thought that he had just had him writhing in his hand not two minutes ago.

"Why, you wanna make sure you're ready next time I catch you out here alone?" Shane asked with a grin.

"Yeah, you wish, " Daryl mumbled back, so softly Shane barely caught it.

For some reason, that small bit of cockiness after all Shane's effort got under his skin even as it amused the hell out of him. He just couldn't resist. He grabbed hold of Daryl before he knew what hit him, hoisting him off his feet and dumping him unceremoniously into the creek.

"Sonovabitch!" Daryl spluttered furiously, moving to climb back up the slippery bank with angry purpose. Shane laughed, pushing him back into the water with his own feet still on more solid ground. He took the baggie from his pocket and shook it at him.

"You want this back you better clean yourself up. You ain't walking back to camp with my jizz all down your leg."

Daryl glared up at him, flushing beet red at the reminder. That was better, Shane thought. He watched as Daryl waded deeper into the water to clean himself off, wondering if what had just happened was the start of something regular, or a one time thing. It wasn't the first time Shane found himself looking for a distraction to help get over Lori.

When Daryl was done, Shane reached down to give him a hand up, half expecting him to yank back and throw him into the water as payback.

Instead, he took the hand up and for the briefest second met Shane's eyes, his expression unreadable. He let go of Shane's hand and pushed past to grab his gear, water dripping from his soaking wet clothing as he moved.

"Hey, " Shane called out. As Daryl turned he chucked him the baggie, which he easily caught one handed. "Maybe next time I won't have to wrestle you beforehands," he added, grinning.

Daryl's eyes flitted up to Shane's at that, meeting his gaze for only a fleeting second before lowering his eyes again quickly. But there was the smallest hint of a crooked smile turning up one corner of his mouth as he stuffed the package back into his knapsack.

Well, Shane thought to himself, I think I got my answer.


	2. A Little Refreshment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the twdkinkmeme prompt: Daryl minding his own business bathing in a stream then Shane or Rick pounces on him.

This day was proving to be a test of his sanity, what with the scorching heat, and the way Lori seemed to spend all her time avoiding making eye contact with him. Tried her best to keep him from interacting with Carl, even. And the way Rick had just insinuated himself into the defacto leadership position without even trying...

Shane guessed it was the way he stayed in that damn sheriff's uniform, though he suspected it also had something to do with the fact that it was now obvious to everyone that he had been fucking his best friend's wife behind his still-very-much-alive back. He realized that wasn't exactly a trait men respected, even if it _was_ the end of the world and he had been the one holding shit together for them up till now.

Then again, it could have been the savage beating he had given Ed Peletier, which in hindsight had been a little excessive. He could admit that to himself now, even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone else. He knew he'd let out some of the pent-up fury he felt at Rick and Lori on Ed, but shit, Ed was a scumbag who deserved a beatdown regardless. But the ladies of the camp apparently were not fans of frontier justice. Even Carol, the man's wife, was a little wary of him now, and he resented the way they looked at him like he was some kind of loose cannon or something when all he had been trying to do was keep some fucking order.

He made his way down to the lake in his Jeep, at least he could gather water for the camp while he had some time to kill. Stay useful, stay busy. That and he wanted to cool down a bit, alleviate at least some of the discomfort he was feeling.

Daryl Dixon had made himself scarce since early this morning. He hadn't taken his truck, and his tent was still up, so he knew he was either hunting or catching some alone time, hopefully at the lake where he was heading.

Shane had been thinking off and on about their little encounter by the creek for the last two days. Hell, he'd jacked off about it twice already, though in his mind Daryl had done a bit more than let him grind one off on his leg while he did all the work. His mind was already working on strategies he could use to get the man down on his knees for some real relief. The practical side of his brain had already thought to keep a little tube of KY on him, realizing with Daryl, he'd have to be ready when the opportunity presented itself. It wasn't like he was gonna seek Shane out himself.

Daryl had been gruff and short with everyone around camp, keeping his distance from the others, keeping to the tent he had shared with his brother before he'd gone missing. Shane had been looking for an excuse to get him alone again so he could get a little more distraction out of him. He had a lot to want distraction from about now. But he was avoiding Shane like the plague, except to tell him to fuck off when he suggested they should go gather firewood together. It was frustrating, but at least the way he got all fidgety, dropping his eyes and chewing on his lower lip whenever he accidentally met Shane's gaze gave him a little encouragement.

All the time he'd spent at the camp, keeping an eye on the surly redneck and his loud, obnoxious brother, he never would've imagined that he'd have had him bent over and practically whimpering to come with just his hands. Just bringing that image to his mind again made his groin start to ache.

Fate was finally smiling on him today, though. He saw movement on the water as he parked his Jeep near the lake and looked down the embankment. He jumped out, grabbing the two large empty water coolers from the back seat. Daryl's head emerged a couple of seconds later, then the rest of that slim, muscled torso. He hadn't seen him with his shirt off and was a little shocked as he came closer at the scars littering the man's body. He realized instantly that they weren't the kind of scars a man told war stories about. Boy must have had one hell of a fucked up time of it growing up, he thought.

Apparently the water was muffling the sound of Shane's approach enough that he was able to make it all the way down to the water's edge without catching Daryl's attention. His back was still to him and the way he suddenly shook the water out of his hair reminded Shane of a stray dog coming out of a puddle for a second. A stray dog whose ass he would hopefully be pounding on the regular, he thought to himself with a chuckle, despite the fact that those scars had kind of put a damper on his arousal. Though not entirely.

Daryl's clothing lay folded up on a rock, his crossbow resting on another close by. He waited with anticipation for Daryl to turn around, just to see the look on his face when he realized he wasn't alone. Shane was standing perfectly still but suddenly Daryl whipped around like he heard a gunshot or something. Shane was actually the one startled at that. Must have eyes in the back of his head, he thought. That or a sixth sense.

"What're you doin'?" Daryl snapped , glaring at Shane accusingly.

"Just gettin' water, man, " Shane said casually, holding up the coolers. He stooped to the water and filled them both nonchalantly.

"See?" Shane asked when he had finished. "That's all." He grinned easily at Daryl, who was eyeing him warily.

For a second he felt like he was back in high school, trying to work out a plan to get his dick sucked by the end of a date.

This was the first time they'd been completely alone together since the creek and Shane was determined to make something come of it. If Daryl didn't understand how to take advantage of something good when it presented itself, he was more than willing to teach him a thing or two about it. And if he recalled correctly, he seemed to have liked it when Shane took control, got a little rough. Which was fine with him, too. But first, he had to get him there.

"Whatcha hidin' under there?" Shane asked jokingly, since Daryl was standing waist deep in the water.

"Fuck you, " Daryl spat out. Shane laughed, realizing Daryl took his meaning just how he intended it.

"Now that's more what I was thinkin', " he said, crouching down by Daryl's clothing and boots.

"Don't be gettin' no ideas," Daryl said threateningly, " I ain't high or drunk right now."

That sullen glare only served to make Shane stiffer, especially since he could hear the hesitation under the bluster. "That's ok, I don't need you high or drunk. Matter of fact, I think I'll like it better if you ain't. "

"You might like it better, too, " he added, gathering Daryl's clothes up, looking him straight in the eyes. He noted the way Daryl's gaze faltered, how he swallowed reflexively. His mood was lifting at the chance to mess with him a bit, he hoped it would have the effect he was looking for. Hell, how hard could this be? He already had him naked.

"Cut the shit, man," Daryl said angrily as Shane stood up, holding his clothing in his arms now, and taking a step back.

"What? " Shane laughed, "I'm just keepin' the bugs off 'em. G'on, get out, I'll hand 'em over."

"I ain't playin', man," Daryl snarled at him.

"What's the matter?" Shane teased, "I ain't gonna see nothin' I ain't already seen."

Daryl looked fuming pissed, but the fact that Shane could see the tip of his erection poking out of the water now made it a lot less intimidating. And a lot more encouraging.

"You best put my shit down, I ain't gonna tell you again."

Shane smirked. "Alright, suit yourself, you can walk back to camp buck naked if you want to." He turned away and started walking back to the Jeep. He hoped Daryl would charge out of the water at him, he could go for some grappling right about now, especially since he was pretty sure he could take him again.

"Shane!" he heard Daryl yell out, his voice gritty with anger and frustration. He kept on walking, just to push it further. Besides, he wanted to make sure Daryl had far enough to walk that he could have himself a good show.

"Shane!" he called out again, his voice sounding a little more desperate. Shane reached the Jeep before he bothered to turn around. Daryl had come out of the water finally, but only just. He was right by the water's edge, looking awkward as hell what with not knowing whether to cover his hard-on or be nonchalant about it.

"C'mon, man, this shit ain't funny, give me back my pants." The slight pleading in his voice was hot as hell to Shane for some reason.

"Come and get 'em, then." Shane called back to him, making like he was putting the key in the ignition. "You're gonna be chasin' my dust here in a minute."

Daryl started up the bank towards him, his face all red and indignant, even though he was rock hard. It turned Shane on like nothing else. He got out of the Jeep and waited for Daryl to make it over, resting an arm casually on the roll bar as he watched him approach, his wet, naked body glistening in the bright sunlight.

He grinned widely as Daryl came up to him, standing there with his arms hanging loosely in front of him, as if he was trying to hide his erection without actually resting his hands on it. He was glaring off to the side, unable to look Shane in the eye right now, his chest heaving. 

"Gimme my fuckin' clothes now," he muttered.

Daryl's folded up clothing lay on the passenger seat. Shane was standing between him and his goal.

"What do you say?"

"What?" Daryl looked at him then, incredulously, like he couldn't believe Shane was actually fucking with him like this.

"Go on, ask me if you can have 'em back now," Shane goaded him playfully. He couldn't believe how much fun he was having with this, the stress from early in the day was all gone now. "Say please," he added, knowing that would make Daryl snap.

And he was right. Daryl went to shove him hard, to get him out of the way and grab his clothes but all that did was give Shane the opportunity to throw his body over Daryl as he bent over the driver seat. He pinned his arms to his sides and used his weight to hold him down.

The feel of that lithe, naked body writhing against him as he tried to break free felt even better than expected. And he kinda liked having Daryl all exposed like this while he was still fully dressed.

"Get the fuck off me," Daryl grunted, bucking against him but unable to get loose. Shane slid a hand under him to grab hold of Daryl's erection, which hadn't softened in the slightest through all this.

He leaned his head close to Daryl's ear , bearing down harder to keep him in place, tightening his grip on his dick. "You want this as much as I do, you just ain't got the balls to admit it," Shane whispered. "You gonna tell me I'm wrong?" Daryl only groaned under him, and Shane could hear the longing in it, and the frustration.

He was pretty sure Daryl just wasn't ready to own up to this without the chemical assistance he had last time. He'd have to make it easier.

“Tell you what, “ he said firmly, starting to jerk Daryl's dick, keeping the rhythm slow for now. "You just relax and do what I tell you, and I'll have you beggin' me to get you out here bent over my Jeep again. You got that?"

It seemed to work. Daryl stopped struggling, even as Shane pushed his own erection against his ass.

"That's better, " Shane said softly. He leaned up off of Daryl to get at the little tube of KY in his pocket. He saw the muscles in Daryl's back tense as he did so and preemptively pushed a hand down on his lower back.

"I didn't tell you to move, " Shane warned, and his cock throbbed at the way Daryl actually stilled at that.

He moistened a finger and slipped it in, going deep enough to start working on that sensitive spot. "You can move now, " he said, half-joking, but Daryl's whole body shuddered as he pushed back against him compliantly, his hips thrusting into the padded car seat, seeking friction since Shane had let go of his dick. This is getting better and better, Shane was thinking.

He added another finger, slowly, making sure to lube it up real good and be gentle. It made Daryl tense up and go still anyway. Shane knew actually getting fucked was crossing some kind of line for Daryl but he wasn't about to let that stop him when it was this close.

"What're you doin'?" he heard Daryl ask, his voice all husky with arousal but a little nervous all the same.

"Did I say you could talk?" Shane said gruffly, pulling Daryl off the driver's seat. He needed better access. "Get down on the ground."

When Daryl didn't move right away, he pressed against him, guiding them both onto their knees beside the Jeep. He was surprised at how Daryl let him, not resisting at all now. It turned him on more than it probably should have, he was thinking.

He took a few seconds to enjoy the view of Daryl bent over naked in front of him, then he couldn't wait any more. He took out his dick, lubing it up as much as he could because he really didn't want Daryl's first time to be so painful he wouldn't want to go again.

He pushed the head in slowly, holding Daryl close to keep him from squirming off as he realized exactly what was going on.

"Shane, wait, someone could see us-" Daryl blurted out, a little panicked and starting to resist again slightly.

"Better be quick, then, huh? " Shane whispered in his ear. "Now get back here," he said, wrapping an arm around Daryl's waist and pulling him back roughly as he pushed in deeper. At this moment, he couldn't give a shit who might walk up on them like this. He bit at the back of Daryl's neck impulsively, stopping short of leaving a real mark and he felt Daryl give in to him and let him go all the way in. Daryl was panting beneath him, so he stilled and gave him a couple of seconds to catch his breath before he started slowly thrusting into him.

He knew he had hit the right spot when Daryl gasped sharply. He was so warm and tight around him that Shane wondered if he was going to be able to hold back enough to make this work out. He had only been the first to enter anyone a handful of times, and he didn't want to fuck this one up.

But Daryl was already starting to build as Shane brushed against his already sensitized prostate over and over again. He felt Daryl's weight shift beneath him and realized he was trying to touch himself as the feeling got too intense. Shane knocked his hand away, making him pitch forward slightly. "That's for me to do," Shane whispered harshly, thrusting into him harder.

Daryl let out a small whimper at that and didn't make a move to do it again. Shane took him in his hand then, and he rutted into it almost frantically. He was tempted to play with him a little more before letting him finish but just thinking about it made him start going over the edge. Then Daryl was coming so hard his arms nearly gave out under him, and Shane felt his own orgasm flood out of him as Daryl clenched around him like a vice. They both shuddered together for a few seconds, coming down. Daryl didn't pull away abruptly like before, he stayed where he was, Shane's body draped heavily over his. He waited for Shane to pull out and get up before standing himself.

Shane held his clothing out to him as he turned around.

"Yeah, I'd say you've earned these back now," he said, grinning.

"Fuck you, " Daryl muttered, snatching the bundle from Shane's hands without looking up.

Shane stood there watching him dress, a little surprised at the sudden surge of affection he felt for a man he barely knew and had just fucked in the dirt. He chalked it up to the normal endorphin rush after sex, putting it out of his mind.

They walked back down the bank together in silence, Daryl to grab his crossbow, Shane to pick up the water coolers he'd come out here to fill.

"I catch you out here again, you best be ready for me, " Shane said lightheartedly. "Ain't always got time for all that foreplay."

Daryl didn't answer, waiting until they were both at the water's edge to turn suddenly and shove Shane backwards into the lake.

Shane was laughing even before he hit the water. He had pretty much expected it. The cool water actually felt damn good after all that heat.

"You're gonna pay for that next time, boy," he called out to Daryl as he picked up his crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.

"Yeah, we'll see, " Daryl called back, a shy but cocky smirk on his lips as he turned to head back towards camp.

Shane watched him retreat up the path, his mind wandering to the picture of that naked, muscled body bent over the driver seat of the Jeep. If he'd been a bit younger he'd have been ready to go again. 

Yeah, we will, he agreed silently. Daryl could definitely count on that.


	3. Tell you what I'm gonna do...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for twdkinkmeme prompt: Nobody knows Daryl and Shane are fucking. When they're surrounded by the other survivors, Shane likes to whisper what wants to do to Daryl. With his words and the slightest brush of his fingertips, Shane can make him cum, delighting in Daryl's desperate attempts to hide his orgasm.

Daryl was seated by the campfire, a little offside and back of everyone else because he liked the warmth but he really didn't need to be part of all the chatter. Dale always going on with some bullshit about how the world was _then_ versus how it is _now_ , as if his opinion was worth a damn just because he was old.Everyone swapping stories about their pasts, trying to act like shit was normal. Like they weren't all on edge, waiting for the rattling sound of a walker tripping one of the makeshift alarms set around the perimeter.

He shifted uncomfortably in the lawn chair. He was still a little sore from the night before. Shane was not the gentlest dude when he was hell bent on cumming, and Daryl wasn't the sort of pussy who would whine about a little roughness. Especially since he wasn't exactly familiar with that sort of thing. They were men, he figured it was supposed to be rough. 

Hell, if he hadn't gotten into his brother's stash and taken all that Ecstasy, he never would have been in this situation. It's not like he was some sort of fag or anything. It was just that Shane had been there and just took control of the situation before he had gotten the chance to stumble back to the rest of the group and make a total ass of himself. Who knows what would've happened then? If anything, he was kinda glad Shane had found him alone, at least he knew Shane knew how to keep a secret.

He heard a noise to his right as Shane set his own folding chair right next to his. His heart started thumping in his chest. They tried to avoid eachother normally, it made that other stuff less weird. What the hell was Shane doing, he thought? He concentrated on the stick he was sharpening idly in his hand. 

"You know what I'm thinkin' right now?" Shane muttered out of the corner of his mouth, keeping his eyes on the fire and his head bent slightly, so that the others might not even know he was talking. 

Daryl didn't answer. It didn't sound like the sort of question that really needed one. 

"Thinkin' about reaching over and slippin' my hand around your dick. What'ya think about that?"

What the fuck, was he crazy? "I'll fuckin' kill ya, that's what," Daryl shot back quickly, his heart starting to pound harder.

But Shane just chuckled slightly at that. "Maybe pullin' you out of your pants, lettin' everyone see how fucking hard you are right now."

"Shut up!" Daryl growled. Dammit, he WAS getting hard now. Fuck, what was wrong with him?

"Alright, maybe not, " Shane said amicably, a slight smirk still remaining. " Maybe I'll just say we need to fix a trap, call you out with me into the woods. "

Daryl felt his groin tighten at that. That wasn't a bad idea, he was starting to think. He did his best not to look eager, his attention completely on the knife and stick he was fiddling with. 

"Then again," Shane continued, "You're probably a bit worn out still. Maybe that's not a good idea." 

Daryl shifted in the chair again. Yeah, fuck, he was right. And fuck him for bringing it up, he thought,since it was him that did the damage to begin with.

"Then again, your mouth ain't hurt, " Shane whispered nonchalantly, leaning back a bit.

"Fuck you," Daryl growled low, "I ain't doin' that!" 

Shane looked amused as hell at that. " Alright, alright, " he murmered placatingly. "I'll just have to put you on your back then, and show you how it's done. That way you'll know what to do when it's your turn. " 

The thought of Shane sucking his dick made the blood rush to his head, and lower. His cheeks started burning. 

"You like that idea better, huh? " Shane asked. Again, Daryl figured he wasn't really expecting an answer. Not that he could have anyway, his throat had gone dry.

"... suck you so hard you'll be beggin' for it, " Shane continued. 

Daryl swallowed hard, feeling like the whole camp could hear his heart pounding, see how red his face was. 

 

"Maybe I'll let you come that way. Maybe I'll just flip you over and make you wait while I get me some instead." Shane drawled on, like he was talking about what he had for supper or some shit. 

"Yeah I think I'd like to make you wait like that, " he continued. "Wait til you're all squirming around, trying to jack your own dick. But I'll just shove you down lower, so you can't keep a hold. "

Daryl's dick was getting so hard it hurt. Just the fabric of his jeans rubbing against him was almost too much. He wanted to tell Shane to fuck off and shut up again, but the words froze in his throat. He didn't trust he would be able to get anything out that would even sound like words. 

 

"You'll be tryin' to push back up so you can do it yourself, but I'll keep knockin' that hand away, cause you ain't gonna come til I let you," Shane continued. He leaned his body over slightly so Daryl could hear him better. "Make you so desperate, you'll be dyin' to suck my dick next time, just so I don't make you wait like that. " 

A small sound escaped Daryl's throat at that, which he had to cover by clearing his throat abruptly. Andrea and Carol turned to look at him slightly, and he froze, wanting nothing more then to get up and run away right then. He felt like they could see right through him. 

"You alright, man?" Shane asked innocently, patting him on the back like he had been choking a bit or something. 

"Fine, " Daryl snapped, shrugging him off. 

The women turned back to the fire and to whatever inane conversation he had interrupted. He was grateful to Shane for deflecting their attention. He still felt the place on his back where Shane had laid his warm hand and his dick started to throb again, the image of taking Shane's cock into his mouth suddenly flitting across his mind. He never thought of doing that before and was shocked that the idea didn't really put him off like he thought it would.

 

Meanwhile, Shane was going on, as if he was not the least bit uncomfortable. "What was I sayin'? Oh yeah, that I'd have you bent over and tryin' to get me to let you come. That ring a bell? " he cast a sidelong glance at Daryl at that, smirking.

Daryl glared back at him before dropping his eyes quickly under Shane's cocky, amused expression. At the same time, it made him ache for Shane to keep going. 

He obliged. "I'll take my time, riding you slow and hard, til you're just beggin' me, please Shane, please just let me come and I'll suck your dick next time, I swear." 

Shane may have been amusing himself with that slightly mocking imitation , but Daryl was practically squirming in the chair now, dropping his knife and twisting the stick in his fingers pointlessly as he struggled to keep his composure.

 

"I'll keep going, lettin' you beg a bit more, and then finally when I think I'm gonna come, I'll let you go an finish yourself off, just to be nice." 

Despite himself, Daryl couldn't hide his disappointment at the quick end to the scene. 

Shane laughed softly. "Don't worry, I ain't done with you yet, " he said, his voice low and firm. Daryl felt himself building all of a sudden and started to panic a little.

"Next time, I'll get you out in the woods. Come up behind you all quiet-like, but you'll probably hear me comin' so you'll turn around." 

"I'll be all hard and ready, thinkin' about what you promised me you'd do. So I'll take my dick out and you'll be droppin' to your knees without me even having to ask you."

"Bullshit, I ain't gonna-" Daryl objected automatically, but Shane kept right on going as if he hadn't heard him.

"Yeah, you will, and you won't be talkin' no shit either, because I'll be putting that mouth of yours to a better use." 

Daryl gasped a little at that, without meaning to, and his eyes scanned the group quickly, praying no one would turn around. Just the sound of Shane's voice was bringing him closer and he was starting to freak out. What if he came in front of these people? He wanted to get up and run back to his tent but he felt rooted to his seat. It was like he was drugged and all he could do is sit there, listening to Shane go on in that deep, smooth voice that was driving him crazy. 

"...I'll be grippin' the back of your head, pushing my cock all the way in, fucking your mouth just like you said I could and you'll hardly be able to take it all in, but you'll be trying anyway, cause you know if you don't, you're gonna be suffering later."

Daryl felt a wet spot in his boxers where some precum had started to leak out. Fuck, he thought, he wasn't even touching anything, he thought. He wanted to cross his legs,but that was fucking gay ,he couldn't sit like that, so he just tried to stay real still. 

"And then I'll be coming down that throat and I'll be holdin' onto your head so you don't try and spit that shit out. "

Daryl felt a whimper in his throat and swallowed it down this time. He leaned forward, the stick slipping from his fingers, and Shane leaned forward as well, so their heads were still close enough to whisper and be heard. 

"After you're done swallowin' it all, I'll let go your hair. Take you and stand you up against a tree, cause otherwise, you ain't gonna be able to stay on your feet. "

Daryl was holding his breath, almost afraid to hear him continue. He felt like Shane had taken over his body, he didn't think he could even hold back if he wanted to now.

"I'll take your dick out, and by this time, you'll be aching for it. You'll practically be coming in my hand right there. But I'll go slow. Go down, take you in my mouth again..."

Daryl dropped his head low, rested his elbows on his knees. He felt the warm tingle growing in his lower abdomen. Shit, he couldn't really...just from this? 

"I'll be sucking you nice and steady and you'll be tryin' to come but I won't let you. Everytime you get ready, I'll pull back, make you stand there, with your cock just 2 inches from my mouth..."

Daryl was struggling not to move, he felt himself nearing the edge, already he couldn't see straight, couldn't bear to keep his eyes open.

"And just when you're ready to start begging me to let you come, I'll take your cock all the way down my throat and this time I won't stop until you're coming so hard you..." Shane stopped abrubtly as he realized Daryl was already losing it, hands gripping the armrests so tight his knuckles were white, body rocking slightly. He couldn't suppress a small groan as he came almost painfully, felt the warm liquid soak into his boxers. 

He was bent over double in the chair, so humiliated he couldn't even raise his head. They had to have heard that, had to know what just happened. As if the stain that was probably seeping through the front of his jeans wasn't enough. 

"Daryl, you ok over there?" he heard Dale's voice call out over the fire, sounding concerned. 

Shit. He started to sweat, just knowing they were all turning their heads right about now. His mind was blank, he had no quick blow -off reply to turn them around, he wanted nothing more than to be able to slink off into the woods right now and never face any of these people again. 

Just as the silence threatened to get awkward, Shane stepped in. 

"Pulled a groin muscle hunting earlier. I had enough of those in my old high school football days, hurts like hell when you move wrong, " he said shrugging, as if he hadn't just made Daryl come in his pants like a fucking 12 year old. He even had the balls to turn to him all innocent, and offer to go get him some ibuprofen from his pack. 

"nah, I'm FINE," Daryl grit out sullenly. 

Everybody seemed satisfied with that, T-Dog offering some advice from his own high school football years, telling him to keep pressure on it, before turning back to the fire. 

Daryl sat there for long moments unable to move, trying to calm his shaky breathing, recover his senses. 

Shane leaned in close. "G'on, go clean yourself up while they ain't looking," he whispered, his shit- eating grin making Daryl want to punch him in the face. Sonofabitch was enjoying this shit, he thought angrily. Though he was relieved that once again, Shane had known what to do.

 

He started to get up only to feel Shane's hand close tightly around his wrist, sending a shiver of warmth through his groin even as his heart jumped at the thought of being caught like this. 

Shane tugged Daryl's wrist a bit, making him stoop slightly to hear him. "At least when I have you limpin' tomorrow, you'll already have an excuse for it." He released him with a devilish wink, sending Daryl stumbling back to his tent, thinking tomorrow couldn't come soon enough now.


	4. Uncertainty

Daryl was gathering firewood, not too far from camp, but far enough, just in case. He hated that he was hoping Shane would wander out here, seeing he'd gone out alone. Bad enough he had made sure Shane saw him leaving camp, he felt like a bitch as soon as he realized what he was doing.

The last time they'd been out together, there hadn't been much time and to his shock Shane had gone and sucked him off.He'd always thought giving a blow job was bitch-like but when Shane actually took him in his mouth, any thought of that went clear out of his head. Fuck, even when Shane was sucking his dick he was in control. And what the fuck was wrong with him that he _liked_ that? And the idea that Shane _knew_ he did...no wonder he couldn't even look him in the eye when they were around the camp, even though at the same time he kept looking forward to the next time they wound up alone.

He had come down Shane's throat so hard he had to grab onto his head to steady himself, winding his fingers into Shane's short curly hair. Then fucking Morales and his wife had shown up, probably looking for some alone time themselves. Daryl had nearly fallen over pulling up his pants and then making like he'd just come back from an unsuccessful hunt and Shane luckily had brought a water cooler  
to fill.

Shane had caught up to him on the path back to camp. "Dodged a bullet that time, " he laughed, and Daryl wasn't sure if he meant not getting caught, or that Daryl had gotten off before having to return the favor. He'd made it pretty clear he never did that before and really didn't want to, but he also knew that if they hadn't been interrupted he wouldn't have been able to help himself.

The afternoon was fading fast, and Daryl was just about to head back. He was more disappointed then he wanted to admit to himself that Shane hadn't taken the hint. He felt stupid for trying. He wouldn't make that mistake again, that was for damn sure.

He stopped to re-tie the bundle of wood he had gathered, it had come undone. He heard footsteps in the brush and looked up to see Shane walking up through the trees. Daryl's heart started beating faster and he was as embarrassed by that as he was glad that Shane had finally shown up. Though he was kind of at a loss for what to do now, since he'd never been the one to lure Shane out. Luckily, Shane had enough pent up frustration for both of them.

He grabbed hold of Daryl, spinning him around to push his already stiff cock against his ass. "Been looking forward to this all day," he whispered next to Daryl's ear, his voice all gravelly with arousal. He slipped his hand into Daryl's jeans, gripping his dick and massaging it roughly. Daryl found himself thrusting into his hand, enjoying the feeling of Shane's body curved against his back.

He pushed Daryl up against a tree, then spun him around and sank to his knees. "Much as I'd like to pound your ass right now, we ain't got time for that, " Shane said gruffly. Daryl gasped as he felt Shane's mouth close around him, sucking him in deep. He closed his eyes, his body giving in to the sensation.

After a few seconds, he felt cool air hit the sensitive skin and the absence of pressure. Shane was standing up, taking Daryl in his hand again firmly. "Your turn, boy, " he said, grinning. "You shoulda known I wasn't letting you come first after last time."

He leaned in to bite at Daryl's neck and then he was pushing down on his shoulders and after a second of hesitation Daryl found himself on his knees. Shane was taking out his dick and gripping the back of his head, guiding himself into his mouth. Daryl gagged as his mouth was filled, Shane's cock hitting the back of his throat. For a second he didn't think this was going to be possible.

"Ok, ok," Shane said huskily, "Take it slow, relax your throat."

Daryl slowly started to slide his mouth along the length, getting used to the unfamiliar feeling. Shane's first moan sent a jolt of pleasure through him. He felt Shane's hands take hold of the sides of his head possessively, not pushing but gripping him tight so that he couldn't pull away. Daryl went to resist but after a second he realized that he liked it, and in this state he wasn't even able to be embarrassed about it. He sucked harder, drawing more throaty groans out of Shane as he figured out how to take him all in without gagging.

"Fuck, yeah, like that," Shane whispered urgently, thrusting harder into his mouth. "Don't stop, want you to swallow it."

The sound of Shane's voice like that made Daryl moan around the fullness in his mouth and the vibration sent Shane over the edge, filling Daryl's throat as his orgasm surged out of him. Daryl was unable to keep from gagging, and Shane finally let go of his head so he could catch his breath. For some reason, Shane seemed to find it funny that he choked, and was wiping come from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Fuck you, " he muttered defensively at Shane's soft laughter."S'not like I'm a fucking pro at this shit."

"Nah, you did fine, " he said soothingly, "No such thing as a bad blow job."

He grabbed Daryl by one arm and hauled him to his feet, shoving him back against the tree. He took him back in his mouth and had him shuddering within seconds, teasing him by changing the rhythm, keeping him from coming until Daryl grabbed his head to keep him there. Shane just clamped down harder on him so that he couldn't even thrust.

"Thought you said there wasn't no time?" Daryl groaned.

Shane slid his tongue along the underside, making Daryl gasp. "Got plenty of time, " he mumbled, slipping his mouth off him for a second. "I just wanted to see you suck my dick." He took Daryl into his mouth again and this time didn't let up until he had him coming so hard his knees buckled.

Shane stood abruptly, putting himself away and zipping up his pants. Daryl took a couple of seconds longer to recover before he was able to pull up his jeans.

He felt Shane's hand on his face then, his thumb rubbing along the side of his cheek. He flinched involuntarily at the unexpected touch and immediately felt stupid for it, shrugging him off roughly.

Shane looked a little surprised at that. "You still got some on your face, man, " he chuckled. "Just tryin' to clean you up a bit."

Daryl swiped at his face, wiping off the traces Shane had left, blushing hotly and looking away. Shane was standing too close in front of him, and now that they were done it made him feel cornered for some reason. He slid past, grabbing up the firewood, but he had forgotten to re-secure it and the bundle of sticks tumbled out of his hands.

"Sonofabitch, " he swore, crouching to gather them up. Shane got down to help, and after Daryl had tied them up again, placed a hand on his forearm to catch his attention.

"Andrea and her sister caught a lot of fish earlier, the ladies are getting ready to fry'em up."

"So?" Daryl was puzzled, why did that concern him?

"So, make sure you get yourself over there and get some before it's all gone," he said, getting to his feet again. "I mean, shit, they've been eatin' enough of your kills." 

Daryl watched him walk off, not sure why the first few words of friendly concern Shane had ever spoken to him suddenly made him almost as uncomfortable as what he'd just wound up doing. 

 

**************************************************************************************************************************************

Daryl was lying on his back in his small tent, staring up into the growing darkness through the nylon roof. The sounds of soft voices and laughter drifted over to him from the campfire. Despite Shane's invitation, Daryl couldn't bring himself to join them. He'd dumped off the firewood he'd gathered, retreating to his tent, the last space he'd shared with his brother.

He had never been so confused. It had only been two weeks since that day at the creek, where he had let some shit go down that he never figured he ever would. And then he'd let it happen again. And again after that. And again...He couldn't stop thinking about it, Shane's hands roving over his body, pushing him onto his knees, making him feel so fucking good that in the moment he couldn't even think about trying to stop it.

The last two times they'd just fucked. It had been all quick and rough, Shane bending him over and plying him open, not giving him any time to do anything but take it. Once Shane was inside him, he lost any kind of control, he came when Shane wanted him to, he couldn't stop it even if he'd tried. But what he did earlier...there was no way to make any excuse for that shit. Not for seeking out Shane's attention, or for blowing him afterwards.

His eyes landed on Merle's bedroll packed up in the corner, and his gut twisted with shame. He'd already had to talk himself out of going back out again to look for him after they'd failed the first time. He knew there was no way to track him out of the city. He could track better than anyone he knew, but on paved streets already covered in gore and debris he would have had to be a hound dog. Still, it felt like betrayal.

If Merle had it in him to get to a vehicle and hotwire it, he would've made it back here, he reasoned with himself. No way he would've left him behind, with a camp full of people they'd been planning to rob anyway. And that made him feel even worse. 

He'd argued with Merle about that the night before he left for Atlanta. Well, not quite argued. More like Merle could tell he didn't like the idea and called him out for being a bitch and told him he'd better have done a good job scouting out the camp assets for him fully before he came back. If he'd had the balls to tell him he thought it was fucked up, that there were kids and women here and NO, he wasn't gonna fucking steal from people that never did them wrong, or maybe if he'd went with them instead of running off to hunt early that morning so he didn't have to deal with feeling like shit about it...

And then he went and let a man fuck him who hadn't even cared that his brother had been left for dead like an animal. Sure, Shane had offered condolences when they had returned without Merle, but it didn't seem like anything more than trying not to look like such an asshole in front of Rick than him really meaning it. His stomach knotted up even worse as he remembered it.

Fuck these people and their stupid fish fry, he didn't need to be dealing with them. And fuck Shane for taking advantage of his being all high and drunk that first time. And fuck Merle for leaving that stash behind for him to get into in the first place. He felt tears sting his eyes at that last though and got even angrier. He was about to storm out of his tent, tell them all to go fuck themselves, Shane included, and then break down his small camp and leave these parasites in the dust.

Suddenly a woman's scream floated across the camp. Daryl grabbed his rifle instinctively. Another scream, this time from Andrea, her sister Amy's name torn from her lips in a desperate wail. His heart started to pound as more shouts and cries erupted. He left the tent and saw complete chaos, people running this way and that, the light of the campfire illuminating the carnage.

He heard Shane's booming voice ordering everyone to get down and then gunfire erupted and he saw bodies dropping here and there.

Without thinking, Daryl rushed into the fray, his eyes adjusting to the half-light enough to start picking off the obvious walkers and avoiding the living. He saw Rick and Shane form a shield around Lori and Carl, Carol and Sophia, and concentrated his efforts on the ones out of their line of sight.

Sonofabitch, there were so many of them, and he was out of ammo suddenly, dropping his rifle and yanking his buck knife out of it's sheath, plunging it into one head, and then another, so close that the body fell against him heavily, gore drenching the front of him before it slid to the ground with a thud.

He whirled around, looking for other targets, but saw none, only bodies on the ground, some torn up, some just lying there where they'd been shot. He saw Morales and his wife and kids, Jacqui,Jim and T-Dog staggering out of the shadows. Rick was standing in front of the RV, guarding the ones that made it inside. Glenn was at his side now. Andrea was crouched over her dead sister a little ways off, not moving from her side. He didn't see Shane anywhere. He scanned the campsite again and his heart sank unexpectedly. He started towards the RV with the others, hoping he had made it inside.

"Hey, " he heard Shane's voice call out sharply and his head snapped to the side where it had come from, relief flooding through him so hard he felt ashamed of himself all over again. 

Shane was storming up to him,from around the other side of the RV, grabbing him by the shoulders, his eyes scanning his bloody shirt-front. "You bit?" he practically growled.

"No," Daryl snarled back, pushing him off. His temper had risen immediately, what the fuck did Shane think, that he would actually try to hide it and endanger a bunch of women and kids?

But Shane was reaching forward again to grip the side of his face with one hand, giving it a little shake before releasing him. 

"Alright, good," he said gruffly, "C'mon, back to the RV, we're gonna hole up in there until dawn." He clapped a hand on Daryl's back, rubbing between his shoulderblades reassuringly before letting go and herding the other survivors toward the vehicle.

It took Daryl a few more seconds to register that Shane almost seemed as relieved as he was.


	5. Take Comfort Where You Can

For the rest of the group, the CDC was a relief. Air conditioning, hot water, real bathrooms, safe from any threat of walkers. But he couldn't give a shit about any of that. What was the point when it was just temporary anyway? It wasn't like they could really stay here, in the middle of a city of the dead. This doctor didn't know shit, he could see it when he looked at him. He was just as clueless as everyone else, even if he did have a lot of big words to describe what he didn't fucking understand.

Hell, if it weren't for Shane he might not have even come along. Shane had just assumed he was coming with, telling him the signal he and Rick had agreed on, to hit the horn once if he needed to stop the caravan for any reason. Shane had clapped his hand on his shoulder then, giving it a small squeeze that no one else would notice, then turned to head over to his Jeep like he hadn't even considered that Daryl might have wanted to stay back, to wait for his brother, or maybe just go his own way.

It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it. He had no doubt he could fend for himself as long as he had to. And as long as he stayed at the quarry camp, it felt like Merle could return at any time, even in his dire condition. Leaving felt like he was abandoning him for real, or like he actually could be dead. After all, if Merle _had_ taken their van like they thought he did, he would've made it back. Daryl had hoped for that for days, knowing as long as he was the one to find him first, he could smooth it all out. He had always been able to calm his brother down, even if it cost him a few bruises in the process.

But in the end he left with them, with the same group that had left his only living blood relative for dead. And as he got drunker off the bottle of Southern Comfort he had managed to find in one of the rooms, he felt worse and worse about it.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one having a shitty time. As he stumbled down the hallway looking for a room to crash in, he saw Shane coming towards him. His eyes were wild looking, and he had three red, raw scratches on the side of his neck. Immediately he figured it was Lori. He had seen Shane eying her darkly as she sat joking with Rick and Carl over dinner. He'd watched him guzzling down about twice as much whiskey as Daryl himself had. After the meal, he saw Rick head off with Jenner, and Carl with Sophia and Carol. So if Lori was alone, and Shane was drunk...well, he'd never actually seen Shane drunk but he figured he'd be just as likely to be a jackass as anyone else.

"You alright?" Daryl asked as he came closer.

Shane looked at him like he had just noticed he was right there in front of him. Stopped. Then he was grabbing Daryl by the shoulders, manhandling him into the first room with an open door. Daryl let him. He didn't really want to be alone right now anyway, and it wasn't like anyone could see through the doors in this place.

There was a little couch and a bed, but Shane was already taking himself out of his pants and pushing Daryl down onto his knees.

"C'mon, " Shane breathed, "You know what I want you to do."

The sound of Shane's voice when he talked like that was already getting him hard. No one else could've had him down on his knees without a hell of a fight.

He took the length of his cock into his mouth and started to suck it hungrily, trying not to gag as Shane gripped the back of his hair and thrust harder down his throat. He was getting a little too rough with it after a bit, Daryl was feeling like he couldn't catch a breath, like Shane was almost trying to get him to choke. It was turning him on at the same time it was kind of uncomfortable, but he was getting used to that with Shane at this point.

Shane abruptly dragged his head back, holding him by the hair. Daryl wondered if he'd fucked it up somehow. He was still pretty new at this shit. But Shane wasn't complaining.

"Over the couch," Shane said gruffly, his voice husky with arousal and a little slurred from the liquor.

Daryl found himself undoing his jeans and moving towards the couch. They didn't really talk during these times, except for Shane giving instructions or just talking some dirty shit, and for some reason when Daryl was all worked up like this he just wanted to comply. It was like Shane knew what he wanted better than he did anyway.

Shane was yanking down his jeans and boxers and pushing him over the couch, too impatient to wait for Daryl to get there himself apparently.

"Uh...don't we need something for that?" Daryl asked hesitantly, already feeling the weight of Shane's body bearing down on him, his warm, stiff cock pressed against his ass. He'd only done this a few times but he knew enough to remember that part.

Shane didn't answer, but Daryl felt his finger pushing in through his entry, wet with spit. He didn't wait too long before adding another, going to stretch him out. Daryl tried to relax for it, Shane seemed to always know how to hit the right spot. But he was a little rougher than normal, going in a little too hard, scissoring his fingers too quickly. His breathing was heavier than usual, and he wasn't even spouting any cocky bullshit about how he was gonna have Daryl beggin' for it in a minute. He removed his fingers abrubtly, the sensation making Daryl gasp a bit and then he felt Shane prodding him open with the head of his cock, wet with precum and saliva. He was forcing his way in and it hurt, but Shane was reaching around to grip his dick and the familiar warmth was spreading through his groin at the contact, making the pain a part of the warmth.

Then he was thrusting too hard and fast, and Daryl was gritting his teeth against the discomfort. It was almost on the tip of his tongue to tell Shane to stop, slow down, but he'd never done that yet any of the other times and it wasn't like it was gonna kill him. It felt like Shane really needed to fuck right now and he really didn't want to turn him off and have him leave, as much as he hated himself for feeling like that. 

Shane dragged him off the couch to bend him over further, apparently he wasn't in deep enough, as if it wasn't already fucking painful. Daryl was struggling not to wince from the pain like some kind of pussy, but after a bit a small sound escaped that definitely wasn't one of the noises Shane wanted to hear from him because he stopped suddenly. Daryl realized he had been going a little soft, too, and felt kind of stupid since he was still wrapped in Shane's hand. 

"What's wrong?" Shane asked thickly.

"Nothin'," Daryl muttered, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. He really didn't know what the rules were here, was he _supposed_ to tell Shane it hurt like fuck, and it was making him go soft? Or was he supposed to let him finish and just trust he wasn't gonna tear him open in the process?

"Just whiskey-dicked, I guess," Daryl added, trying to sound light about it.

Shane pulled all the way out then. "Nah, man, I'm fuckin' hurtin' you."

He rolled off Daryl and sat heavily on the floor, his back against the couch. He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a long sigh.

Daryl was a little confused. This wasn't the normal end to one of their things. Shane was always pretty forceful about making him come, and not too shy about making sure he got himself off somehow not long after. When they parted ways until the next time, they never said much. It was pretty simple, even though the way Daryl wound up feeling about it later definitely wasn't.

Shane looked over at him, his eyes glassy from the alcohol. Daryl was just starting to pull up his jeans, slowly, not really sure if this was the end of this encounter or what. But then Shane grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him forwards, landing Daryl awkwardly half in his lap.

"The fuck is wrong with me, man? " Shane asked, his speech slurring as he still held Daryl by his shirt, looking him in the face. His eyes were dark with some kind of emotion Daryl didn't recognize. "What the fuck am I doin'?"

Daryl felt his stomach clench at that. Ok, Shane was drunk and now he was getting all talky, and not the kind of talk Daryl was looking forward to. He'd been around enough drunk, emotional men to know something bad was coming. He figured this would be the time when Shane finally unloaded on him about what a fucking mistake this shit was, how he shouldn't be wasting his time with some redneck dirtbag just because it had been easy and he'd wanted to get off.

He was already bracing himself for all the humiliating words that were probably about to come when he realized Shane was pulling him closer, wrapping his arms around him and starting to kiss his neck. The unfamiliar softness sent a shiver down his back. It didn't take long for the kisses to become small bites then, trailing down his neck to his shoulder. Shane pushed him back slightly to come in and kiss him on the mouth, grinning slightly at Daryl's startled reaction. They had never actually kissed before and Daryl didn't know what to think about that so he let Shane take the lead like he had with all the other stuff, closing his eyes and letting their tongues mingle roughly. Shane tasted of whiskey, and there was something comfortingly familiar about it.

He was suddenly overwhelmed by the sense of relief that washed over him as he realized he wasn't being pushed away. He didn't know it would feel so good to have Shane touch him like this, all soft and nice. he couldn't even remember a time when anyone else had. Daryl felt his eyes stinging. What the fuck, he thought, blinking back unexpected tears before Shane could notice. Last thing he wanted was to look like some kind of bitch. 

Shane was pulling him up on his feet then, dragging his shirt up over his head and moving them both towards the bed. Daryl rarely had his shirt off, his body was so scarred he hated the looks it got, but Shane had already seen all that and never once made him feel stupid by making mention of it.

He pushed Daryl gently onto his back, running his warm hands along Daryl's muscled torso, then sliding his jeans and boxers back down off his hips. He moved up next to him and pulled him close, grinding himself against Daryl's stiffening cock as he leaned in to kiss him again.

Daryl moaned into the kiss, it felt even better this time now that he knew what to expect. He thrust against Shane needily, and Shane responded by pushing him flat onto his back and kissing him gently all the way down his chest and abdomen. Daryl held his breath, embarrassed by how this was making him feel. He cursed himself for the tears that were pooling in his eyes again. It was different when Shane was all rough and demanding, he could just give in and let his body respond. But then he felt Shane's lips brush against the head of his cock and he gasped out loud, his head clearing instantly.

"You ain't gonna be goin' soft on me this time," Shane said, his voice low and firm.

He slid his mouth down the length of Daryl's shaft, cupping his balls tightly as he did so. Daryl thrust into the warm, tight seal Shane's mouth made around him, all conscious thought disappearing under the feel of that steady, strong rhythm, pulling him in deeper, pushing him towards the brink. The sight of Shane's mouth on his cock made him shudder. He closed his eyes, a soft whimper escaping his throat as the ache to come became stronger and out of his control.

Shane stopped for a second, keeping the rhythm going with his hand. "Now that's more like it," he drawled, and Daryl could hear that familiar hint of amusement in his voice when he realized he had him desperate. "That's the kind of sound I wanna hear out of you."

Daryl always struggled to be quiet, it was like a battle of wills almost, Daryl trying to maintain his composure and Shane trying really hard to make him lose it.Shane had always won so far and this time was no different. Shane kept the rhythm steady enough to keep Daryl driving towards the edge but knowing just when to stop short and keep him from going over, again and again, so that he was fighting the urge to writhe and moan, to beg Shane to just finish it already.

And just when Daryl felt like he couldn't take it anymore, when he almost _wanted_ to beg, to tell Shane to fuck him if he wanted to, do whatever he wanted, he felt his body convulse into orgasm, feeling Shane's throat close around the head of his dick as he swallowed him hard. 

He opened his eyes slowly, expecting Shane to try and flip him over now so he could finish, but instead Shane flopped over next to him, stretching out fully onto his back, throwing his arm over his eyes against the fluorescent light neither had bothered to shut off. He was still half-hard and hanging out of his pants, and Daryl found himself confused again. Was he supposed to do something, or was Shane too drunk to want to bother? He felt stupid at the thought of asking about it, so he stood up and pulled up his jeans, started around the other side to grab his shirt.

"Hey," he heard Shane mumble, " Where you goin'?"

"Gonna find me a room," Daryl whispered. He felt weird leaving it like this but obviously Shane was done with him for now.

Shane looked out at him from under his arm, looking slightly puzzled, slightly annoyed. "Shut the light and get your ass back here, man," he said gruffly, covering his eyes again, not even bothering to see if Daryl was going to listen.

Daryl hesitated by the door. Part of him wanted to run away and polish off the rest of his bottle of whiskey alone and forget whatever this was that just happened. But the other part won out.

He flipped the light switch and kicked off his boots. He got back into bed, laying flat on his back, staring up into the dark. Shane was lying still next to him. He wondered if he was going to try anything else or if he had already passed out. He felt really lonely all of a sudden, even with another body this close.

Just as he was wondering why he didn't just get up and leave, go get piss drunk like he'd planned, he felt movement next to him. Felt Shane shove his arm under his back and roll him onto his side, so that his head fell awkwardly onto Shane's chest. His whole body tensed. This was the strangest shit ever, he was thinking. How fucked up did Shane have to be to be pulling shit like this? He wanted to say something sarcastic, let Shane know he wasn't some kind of pussy that needed to be cuddling and shit.

But his muscles were starting to relax, and it felt kind of good that Shane's arm was draped heavily over his back, his chin resting softly on Daryl's head. He hated to admit that he didn't want to move, that this felt so comfortable that he felt himself starting to nod off. Shane tightened his arm around him, pulling him closer. He could hear Shane's slow, steady heartbeat, feel the gentle rise and fall of his broad chest as he slowly drifted into an alcohol-induced slumber.

Daryl lay awake awhile longer, not knowing what he was supposed to make of what he was feeling right now. All he knew was he was damn tired and if this was what Shane needed to relax after whatever shit went down with Lori earlier, he wasn't gonna stop him. He only hoped if they woke up like this in the morning Shane would at least remember that this sure as hell hadn't been _his_ idea.


	6. What Lies Ahead

Shane woke to the worst hangover he'd had in years. His mouth felt full of cotton and there was a steady throbbing behind his eyes. Memories of the night before flooded into his mind. Lori. Holy shit, his neck was stinging where she had raked him with her nails. Had he actually tried to make a move on her again, grabbed at her crotch, made a complete fucking jackass out of himself?

There was a heavy weight against his chest, making it hard to take a deep breath as he fully awakened. The weight shifted slightly and he became aware of the warm body pressed tightly against his side. Daryl. A little of the pain lifted as he remembered how they had fallen asleep. He had taken a gamble, calling him back, pulling him close like that. But he'd been right. Daryl hadn't wanted to leave anymore than Shane had wanted him to.

He opened his eyes slowly. He saw nothing but blackness and then remembered there wouldn't be any light in the windowless room. He could feel Daryl's even breathing against him, still sleeping. He shifted Daryl off him gently, not wanting to wake him. He had to be at least as hungover as he was.

He made his way into the bathroom in the dark and shut himself in, cupping his hands under the sink faucet to slake his thirst before stumbling into the shower and blasting the water on full force. The hot shower felt so good he stayed a good long while, trying not to think of what might go down with Lori, or Rick if she was stupid enough to tell him. He doubted she would, since it would make her have to address why he went to her alone to begin with. Instead, his thoughts wandered to the half-naked redneck asleep in the other room.

He'd already thought about taking off on his own, after the attack at the quarry. He'd only gone along out of a sense of duty to Rick, and an unwillingness to write Lori and Carl out of his life for good just yet, although the realization was sinking in that it was probably inevitable. After last night's fiasco especially.

But this time, he was thinking about taking Daryl along with him. He was a hell of a hunter and a damn good shot, and with more than one weapon. If there was anyone who could be a help and not a hindrance on the road, it'd be him. He didn't think it'd be too hard to convince him. As much as he pushed people away with his surly attitude, Shane could tell he was needy. Just the way Shane was able to manipulate him into something he'd never done on his own told him that. And it's not like he had anyone else left. 

The hot water and the thought of Daryl lying ready in the other room was making him hard. He remembered he hadn't come last night and decided that might be a good way to wake Daryl up and clear his own head at the same time. He shut off the water and headed out, his mood lifting higher.

He opened the door to find the light on, and Daryl readying to head out the door, already fully dressed.

"So that's it, huh?" Shane called to him. "Just gonna leave me hangin' like that?"

Daryl turned around, his eyes catching on Shane's erection before darting away again. "Whatcha want?" he mumbled hesitantly.

"You. Over here. Now." Shane said, his voice husky and low, and commanding.

He felt his cock twitch as Daryl only hesitated for a split second before coming over to stand in front of him.

He was feeling in a mood to play, tell Daryl to strip just to see if he'd respond to that order as quickly, but he was too impatient and just grabbed him by the back of the head, pulling him in to kiss him roughly. He felt Daryl's lips part under his, felt his breath catch slightly.

A knock on the door made Daryl jump and disentangle himself, looking panicked.

"Shane, you in there?" they heard Rick's voice in the hallway. 

"Some timin', huh?" Daryl muttered, his lips twitching in a half-smirk.

Shane returned the smirk, motioning Daryl into the bathroom and grabbing a towel so he could get the door.

"What's up, man?" he asked, opening the door.

"Jenner says he's got something to show us after breakfast," Rick said. "Figured you might need a wake up call, you were pretty lit last night." Rick smiled then, partially at his own memory of last night Shane figured. "Felt good, waking up next to Lori, in a real bed. "

"Yeah. You're a lucky man." Shane said, with a friendly smile he didn't really feel, trying not to look so relieved that Lori hadn't said anything. "Be down in a bit."

"You seen Daryl around?"

Shane shrugged disinterestedly. "Probably passed out somewhere, drunk as he was. If I run into him on the way down, I'll pass the word."

Rick nodded and left.

Shane closed the door, as Daryl was emerging from the bathroom. "Guess it's not in the cards this morning," Shane grinned. "Best sneak out of here before anyone else comes knocking. We'll have plenty of time later."

************************************************************************************************  
Shane could not have been more wrong, Daryl was thinking, as he rumbled out of Atlanta on Merle's Triumph. He was leading the convoy now after his truck had died not twenty miles from the wreckage of the CDC. On the bike he was able to scout ahead a bit without the danger of getting stuck in a jam of dead vehicles. Movement was the key to survival at this point, at least until they found a place to make camp or hole up.

They'd tried to hook up with the Vatos again only to have found them all murdered and that was enough to make them hit the road, looking to get as far away from any hostiles as possible.

Once they cleared the devastation surrounding Atlanta, there were a couple of stretches of open road that for a few minutes here and there made him almost forget that the world had come to an end. His mind started to wander, almost against his will.

He couldn't help thinking about Shane. They hadn't had another second alone through all the chaos that had gone on, with that crazy fuck Jenner trying to take them all down with him. They'd barely gotten out alive. He still couldn't believe that Jacqui had stayed behind, and that Andrea had tried to, and that after all that, what was coming to his mind more than anything was Shane.

He hadn't ever spent a night like that with anyone his whole adult life. Slept together that close. Not since he was really little and Merle had still been at home, on the really rare occasions that his brother had let him crawl into bed with him when he'd be freaking out from their old man's drunken rages. He was embarrassed at how comfortable he'd felt laying all up against Shane with his head on his chest, like he was some kinda bitch.

It was just the whiskey, Daryl insisted to himself as he rode, trying not to remember how he'd fought the urge to join Shane in the shower, choosing instead to try and sneak out because he just didn't know what you were supposed to do in a situation like that. All those brief and random encounters around the camp had been different than that night. And they'd been so drunk, maybe Shane was feeling just as weird about it. He tried not to think about how relieved he'd been when Shane had caught him on the way out and called him back instead, like he was all good with it, and how quickly his body started responding to Shane's desires.

He found himself wondering about other things then, less dirty, like whether Shane was a decent hunter or not, and if he'd be someone he could hunt with. If he liked to fish, if he'd ever been noodling. If he'd ever be able to get over Lori...fuck, stop being such a pussy, he cursed himself, and forced his attention to stay on the road.

He rode right into a mess of a jam suddenly, and before Dale could even stop the RV , a loud crack sounded from under the hood and the vehicle stalled out right there anyway.

Everyone got out and after a brief debate, began scavenging the vehicles, for parts to fix the RV and anything else they found interesting. Daryl went to siphon gas with T-Dog and Shane managed to find a water truck, filled with enough bottled water to last for weeks. Daryl watched as he opened one 5 gallon container and just let it pour on out over his steaming head and all down his muscled chest. Realizing he was staring, he flushed red , scanning around quickly to make sure no one had noticed. Jesus, what was _wrong_ with him ?

*********************************************************************************************************

Just as everyone's guard was down enough that they had all scattered apart a bit, Shane heard Rick start telling everyone in a harsh whisper to get under the cars. He turned to see a small herd of walkers approaching, too fast for him to have the chance to do anything but dive beneath the nearest one to avoid detection, dragging Glenn under with him when the kid didn't move fast enough on his own.

Once underneath, he felt a rising panic. He saw Rick pull Carl under with him, saw Lori had gotten down with Carol under the car next to them. But he couldn't recall where he had last seen Daryl, and had no idea if Daryl had heard the warning or saw the walkers in time to take cover. The few minutes beneath that car felt like they'd never end, and he was thrown by how his mind was so stuck on that damn redneck once he saw Rick and Lori safe. The second he heard the others moving to come out, he was on his feet, eyes scanning the highway frantically.

The relief he felt when he caught sight of the back of Daryl's vest almost took his breath away. He was dragging a body off of T-Dog and handing him the red rag he always carried in his back pocket to cover a bleeding wound on his arm. Shane was at his side quickly, grabbing his arm and yanking him away from the injured man, ignoring Daryl's pissed off "hey!" at the rough treatment.

"You bit?" Shane asked T-Dog sharply.

"Nah...cut my arm...he saved my life, man." T-Dog's voice was gravelly with pain. "killed a walker and threw it over top of me...geeks just moved right past us..."

Dammit, Shane thought angrily, what the fuck was Daryl thinking? Coulda got himself killed. He barely nodded at T-Dog's response before turning to Daryl. Before they could do anything more than acknowledge their relief with a brief shared nod, a horrible cry tore from Carol's mouth, freezing them both.

"A walker's after my baby!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this started as an exercise in writing hot scenes for my OTP , but I decided to see if I can take their relationship through the series, staying as close to canon as is possible under the circumstances. Not sure if anyone is really interested in this idea, but since I am, it will continue...


	7. Almost Lost

Even with the sun down the air was heavy, the lingering heat oppressive. Shane made his way up the thin ladder to the roof of the RV, ready to take first watch. Rick, Lori, and Carl were in the Suburban, and everyone else had settled into the RV, getting ready to spend a tense night stuck out on the highway. 

Daryl had been able to track Sophia a little ways but then he and Rick had wound up messing around with a walker and they lost the light. Shane wasn't under any illusions. He was pretty certain the kid was gone for good, but he knew he'd have to keep that to himself. Rick would be torturing himself with guilt over this forever, he was thinking, even though he was the only one who ran after her right away without a thought. 

He heard footsteps coming up the ladder and turned to see Daryl climbing up.

"What's up, man, I thought you were taking the next watch?" Shane asked. He was glad to see him, he hadn't been looking forward to sitting up here alone for the next few hours. But it was weird, since he'd actually never sought out his company on his own like this. 

"Can't sleep, " Daryl muttered, settling in the other lawn chair. "Too hot, too many bodies in there."

Shane nodded, wondering if that was all. Daryl had looked more upset than he would have expected when he and Rick returned without Sophia. The thought occurred to him that he might be feeling guilty because he was the only one to see the tracks at all and then hadn't been able to follow though. That kind of thinking reminded him of Rick, and for some reason it annoyed him as much as it made Daryl feel a little more familiar.

Daryl wasn't saying anything else, just sitting there quietly, his eyes on the road. After a couple of minutes he was fidgeting a bit, then taking out his buck knife to clean the dirt from his fingernails. 

"You think you'll be able to pick up that trail in the morning?" Shane asked finally.

"If she stays by the creek, we'll find her," he said confidently.

"And if she doesn't?" Shane couldn't help asking. He wanted to know just how sure Daryl was, so he could figure on how to make the case for moving off the road if it seemed hopeless. She was a skinny little girl, scared of her own shadow, and there had already been at least the two walkers in the woods that Rick had taken out. If she hadn't made it right back to the highway, what else could have happened? It was too risky to stay out here, all exposed like this.

Daryl shot him a look at that. Shane was a little put off by the slightly accusing expression, it was like Daryl could sense his pessimism. "It's her only landmark, she'll stay close, " he said a little defensively.

"Just askin', " Shane said simply. 

"Coulda found a house to hole up in," Daryl added after a couple of seconds.

"Sure," Shane agreed out loud, even though he didn't really.

"Hell, I was younger'n her and I got lost, " Daryl was continuing. "Nine days...eatin' berries, wipin' my ass with poison oak..." 

Shane saw a tiny smirk cross his lips at the memory.

"How'd you get home?" he asked.

"I found my way back," Daryl shrugged, a hint of pride in his voice. "Went right into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. 'Cept my ass itched somethin' awful,"

Shane chuckled at that. "Your folks must've been pretty surprised," he added. A kid missing nine days was usually a goner, he thought, thinking back to some cases he'd been on that didn't have happy endings.

Daryl glanced at him briefly, shrugging before he spoke again. "My old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doing another stint in juvie. Nobody even knew I was gone." He said it so casually, it took Shane a second to realize what a fucked up story it was.

Daryl seemed to realize it too. "Sophia's got people looking for her, " he added quickly, taking the conversation off himself and back to the missing girl. "She's got an advantage." 

"Yeah, she does," Shane nodded, turning his eyes back out on the road. 

They lapsed back into silence. Shane had to admit he'd started getting aroused as they had sat together, by the proximity and the opportunity with them both up here alone, even though he realized the circumstances were all wrong. But after that story, Shane felt the arousal replaced with a different feeling, more like what he'd felt after they fucked that first time, and then again at the CDC. 

That was probably the most Daryl had ever said to him at one time, and it told Shane enough to understand where he was coming from. That and all the scars he'd already seen all over his back. He was reminded of all the messed up homes he'd been called to, all the beaten, scared kids that would eventually become the rough and shady men he'd have to arrest later. Except that this one was sitting here worrying about a missing child while he on the other hand was thinking about how long they'd have to be stuck out here before they'd be convinced to move on. 

He had wanted to bring up leaving the group together but he realized how callous that would sound about now, with the girl still missing. He was about to change the subject, talk about hunting or some other casual topic to lighten the mood when he heard another set of footsteps coming up. Andrea emerged over the railing. 

"Hey," she said, "Mind if I join the party?" 

"Ain't much of a party," Daryl muttered, not looking up.

Shane was amused that he seemed annoyed at the interruption. He was a little annoyed too. He wasn't minding the chance to just shoot the shit with Daryl, but he shrugged. "C'mon up." 

She refused Shane's offering of his lawn chair and sat cross-legged on the floor instead, taking out her pistol. What she wanted was to learn how to load and unload a clip, how to remove the magazine, how to take the whole thing apart to clean it. She didn't want to be caught helpless the way she'd been earlier, forced to defend herself with a screwdriver when she hadn't been able to get her gun ready quick enough. 

Daryl got up abruptly and walked to the other side of the roof. Shane had a pretty good idea that Daryl was still too uncomfortable with their situation to want to socialize with another person around. Fuck it, he thought, not his issue to deal with. He let Daryl watch the road while he gave Andrea a crash course on firearms handling, thinking after awhile that she wasn't as annoying as she seemed to him initially. 

Sometime later, Daryl went to leave the roof. "You can take my watch, I'ma get some sleep," he said to Shane over his shoulder, not bothering to look back for a response. His tone was sullen and annoyed, and Andrea, picking up on it, looked over at Shane. 

"What's with him?" she asked. 

He had a feeling, but he sure wasn't going to share it with her. "Hell if I know, " he answered her with a shrug. 

*****************************************************************************************************************************  
Today's search was proving just as fruitless. Daryl lost all hope of following the initial trail and instead they were just combing the woods, hoping to find anything that might provide a clue. The most hope all day came when they heard church bells ringing, but it turned out the bells were not bells at all, but a recording playing through speakers on a timer. The church was full of walkers, a pitiful group of parishioners still sitting passively in the pews until they came and disturbed them. 

After they dispatched the geeks, Daryl's eyes were drawn to the crucifix, hanging mutely over the whole scene. He muttered a half-hearted prayer before leaving the building. Probably wouldn't do shit but it couldn't hurt, he thought to himself.

Outside the church, Daryl stopped to take a piss. He was zipping up and getting ready to join the others when he heard soft voices nearby. Shane and Lori. They were just around the corner of the building, out of his vision. He heard her say "So you're just gonna leave like that? Not even gonna tell Rick? What do I tell Carl?" 

He heard Shane confirming it, telling her that it would be on her to explain, that he was making it easier on them this way. He'd just go and they'd never see him again. Daryl's heart started pounding unexpectedly. He hadn't considered that Shane might just take off and now the thought made him a little sick to his stomach.

He started as he felt someone come up next to him. 

"Don't worry, I won't tell them you were eavesdropping," Andrea said wryly, as she walked past him. 

He watched her catch up to Shane, who'd wandered off a ways after Lori had walked off. She was trying to talk to him and he stopped and listened. Daryl knew she had to have heard the same shit he did and he wished he could hear their conversation, since it looked like they were in on something, though Shane seemed more than a little rattled. 

Daryl was thinking of how they had been up on the RV roof. He had listened to them hitting it off, chatting easily between Shane instructing her on handling her weapon. It rankled him that this chick had been a lawyer, and that she looked at him like he was stupid white trash. It reminded him that that's probably how Shane looked at him too.

Shane _had_ to be attracted to her, she was hot, and she wasn't spoken for. And why wouldn't she want to hitch her wagon to someone who could protect her and show her how to survive? He went to join the rest of the group as they reassembled not even sparing a glance at either of them as he passed. He felt like an idiot for actually being upset. 

Why _wouldn't_ Shane want to move on? It's not like he'd want to stick around and watch Rick and Lori together. It's not like he had any other reason to stay. Daryl knew the deal. Shane didn't owe him nothin' just because they'd got off together. If Shane wanted him to know about him leaving, he would've told him last night when they were up on the RV together. So he guessed it just wasn't that big a deal to him. His eyes were stinging suddenly and he had to remind himself once again to stop being such a pussy. 

He didn't argue when Shane told him he was in charge of the search, but that he and Rick would be splitting off to cover more ground, taking Carl along, too. He thought it was a pretty stupid idea to split up, though.

When Rick went to leave Lori his sidearm for protection and she refused, Daryl stepped in and gave her his spare. He decided if Shane was going to ditch on him, he may as well try and make nice with these people, as best he could. He caught Shane's approving look and realized Shane was just as relieved as Rick that he was looking after Lori, and if he wasn't so pissed he might have felt sorry for him.

*************************************************************************************************************

Shane was just trying to steel himself for the inevitable. He had to start letting go, and distancing himself from Carl was part of that, even though it hurt like hell to see the disheartened look on his face when he brushed him off as he tried to share a cool find he'd made in one of the cars they'd been salvaging on the highway. When Lori called him out on it, it was the last straw. He had to go, there was no way he could sit back and watch Rick take back the family he had started thinking of as his own. 

Now he was out alone with Rick and Carl, and it was even more plain to him. Andrea's words still echoed in his mind. "Together we make a great third wheel," she had joked, trying to make a case for going off with him when he left, that neither of them had a place here. He had blown her off but he was starting to wonder if it wasn't such a bad idea. At least she least knew how to fish, and seemed determined to learn to shoot. She'd taken out a walker with a screwdriver, so she had some fight in her. Daryl didn't seem to like her, but he didn't seem to like a lot of people. Hell, he wasn't too sure if Daryl even liked _him_. After all, he'd been with chicks he liked to fuck but could barely stand otherwise. For all he knew, Andrea might become one of those. He knew she was feeling him out, testing for chemistry, and he had to admit he could see them fucking. 

The three of them continued on, finding no evidence of Sophia anywhere. They were alerted to a noise in the brush ahead and stilled. 

Into a clearing walked one of the finest bucks Shane had ever seen and he didn't hesitate to raise his rifle. That could feed the group for days. But he felt Rick's hand on his forearm, stopping him as Carl came forward, mesmerized by the animal and moving forward slowly and quietly. 

Shane lowered the rifle, moved by the kid's fascination, and for a few seconds he and Rick were brothers again, Shane sharing Rick's happiness with his boy as he admired such a fine creature. And then suddenly there was a loud crack and Carl was hitting the ground, a red stain blossoming through the back of his shirt as he fell. 

****************************************************************************************************************************

Daryl lay on the floor of the RV. Once again it was too hot to sleep, but sleep was the last thing he could've done anyway. Andrea sat at the little kitchen table. Apparently she was serious about learning what Shane had showed her, she was loading all the clips in the group's gun bag, familiarizing herself with all the motions. 

Carol lay in the small sleeping area, but she sure as hell wasn't sleeping. Daryl wished he could block the sounds of her soft sobbing out of his ears. A memory of his mother sprang unwanted into his mind. He didn't like to think about her. She had burned up in their house while he'd been out playing in the neighborhood. He'd left her alone, drunk and in bed, and even now, so many years later, it hurt to think of it. 

He was remembering listening to her crying through the thin wall that had separated their bedrooms. She sounded just like this woman did now. She'd had all sorts of reasons to cry, but she rarely did. Daryl never had a chance to do a thing to make it better for her. And then she was gone, before he ever got a chance to really know her. But this woman was crying for her missing daughter. _That_ was something he could fix, if he put his mind to it. He could find this girl, when no one else could. 

_That_ was more important than worrying about whether Shane was leaving, with Andrea or without her, or whatever. He'd been alone most of his life, it shouldn't even be something to think about. It was why he'd decided to stay here the night, after that crazy girl had rode up on a horse, saving Andrea's dumb ass from a walker in the nick of time before riding off with Lori, leaving them all stunned with the news that Carl had been shot. There was a chance Sophia could make it back here, if she hadn't gone too far, and he didn't want it on him that she could've missed them because they hadn't had the time to put up a sign for her yet, because they were too impatient to get off the road and rejoin the others.

Carol's crying was starting to get under his skin. He didn't like feeling helpless to stop it, and he didn't know the woman anyway, so there wasn't anything he could say to her. So he got up off the floor and went to grab a clip from Andrea, for his sidearm. 

He'd walk the road, shine a flashlight into the woods, maybe catch Sophia's eye if she was hiding out anywhere close. Anything to get him away from the sound of that crying, and all the shitty memories it was dragging up.

"I'm coming with you," Andrea offered, following him out the door. She was wanting to feel useful, he guessed. But she was the last person he wanted to be alone with right now. 

"Nah, don't need you tripping over me out there, " he said dismissively over his shoulder as he stalked off into the dark alone. She didn't follow.

 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

Shane's hands were numb on the steering wheel as he sped down the dark road back to the Greene's farm. Back to where Carl lay, possibly dying. His mind was reeling, replaying the scenario over and over again like a suspect trying to look for the best way to explain what had happened and not look guilty.

He and Otis, the man who's bullet had passed through that buck to hit Carl, went to gather equipment for Carl's surgery at a local highschool, but found it completely overrun with walkers. They had barely made it out of the building alive, and then had been mobbed on the way out, with their ammo almost all gone. 

The look on Otis' face as he realized the horror of what had been done to him wouldn't leave Shane's mind's eye. The reality of it was already sinking in, the finality. There was no way to undo what he did, and he would never be able to see himself the same way again. He shot a man, left him to be eaten alive, just so he'd make it out himself. 

You got the meds, and the equipment needed to save Carl, you did what you had to do to save Carl, he started to repeat to himself over and over like a mantra, blocking out the sick feeling that had started to make his chest tighten dangerously. 

Hadn't he been willing to go for the medical supplies alone? He'd offered, for Rick, not even hesitating. Otis came along out of his own guilt at having shot Carl, that wasn't Shane's problem. He knew it was a risk. Jesus, he had a wife, he thought. Maybe kids, he didn't know. 

They both might have made it if Shane had just helped him move quicker, even though his own ankle was still throbbing with pain from landing wrong as he'd had to drop from a high window to escape the building. But he'd panicked, thinking of Carl, and himself. Leaving Otis behind was the only way to absolutely guarantee his success. He made a choice.

He thought back to what he'd told Rick, while they waited outside the room where Carl lay. You can't torture yourself with what-ifs. No, I _had_ to do it, he started to repeat again. No other choice, no point to even think about it again. He clung to that, that he had had _no_ choice, and in that way cleared his mind enough to stay focused on the road ahead, back to Carl, back to Lori, and Rick. He prayed with what little faith he had left that Carl would still be alive, that this wouldn't have all been for nothing.

******************************************************************************************************************************

He'd been up all night waiting it out with Rick and Lori. It looked like Carl was going to pull through. And Lori, after Rick had gone with Herschel to give Otis' wife the bad news, had looked up at him from Carl's bedside and said "Stay." 

All the love he'd had for Rick had come back to the surface yesterday. Seeing him in agony over his boy, watching him start to fall into despair, it had made him feel protective again. Not at all like the man that had fucked his wife and almost wished him dead for returning. But then she said "stay," and that one single word, as she looked at him with the same concern he remembered from before Rick came back, threw all that out the window again. 

He was so full of frustration, guilt, and anger that he could barely stand to be around anyone. But he had no choice. He was helping the family gather stones for the grave marker they were going to leave in memory of Otis since there was no body when he saw the rest of the group driving up to the farmhouse. Daryl came up first on the Triumph and relief at the sight of him still in one piece pierced through all the darker emotions he was feeling right now. 

Daryl gave him an odd look as he got off the bike, and Shane remembered how ridiculous he probably looked about now. He was dressed in another man's ill-fitting clothes and he'd shaved his head in an attempt to hide the bald patches that Otis had torn from his head as Shane struggled to take the bag of supplies from his grip. He knew Rick wouldn't miss a detail like that, and he wanted to hide any evidence whatsoever of what had actually gone down.

Suddenly Shane was overcome with the urge to grab hold of Daryl, feel his warmth against him, watch his eyes take on that look that was filled with lust and desperation but a tiny glimmer of something else, something that had made Shane want to keep him close that night at the CDC. But there was a long day ahead of them, Otis' memorial service being the worst of it. He would just have to ride it out.

*************************************************************************************

After they set up camp a small distance from the farmhouse, Daryl took off alone into the woods. That memorial service was bugging him. He'd told himself he wasn't gonna waste another second thinking about Shane or anything to do with him, but he looked so fucked up when he was struggling to talk about Otis' last moments, after the dead guy's old lady had asked him to, that he couldn't help but feel bad and wonder what the hell had happened out there. 

But then as he was fixing to go out and look for the girl, he caught sight of Andrea joining Shane as he was cleaning the group's guns on a picnic table. He saw her flash her smile at him, watched him responding with interest, and he felt that hollowness in his stomach again. It was natural for him and Andrea to want to hook up, he told himself. What went on between him and Shane was just passing time, nothing anyone else could find out about, nothing that could go anywhere. He had to stop thinking about this shit. It was making him soft, and stupid.

As he passed Rick, the sheriff tried to tell him he didn't have to go out searching, they had a base camp, he didn't owe them anything. They were setting up a search grid, the way cops handled missing people all the time. He felt like Rick was letting him know he wasn't really needed here, that he could take off if he wanted. 

"I'm better on my own, " he had snapped when Rick asked if he'd be ok alone out in the woods, but right now, those words felt like bullshit even to him. 

He searched until late afternoon, enjoying the familiar calm that always came when he was out alone in the woods, even with the seriousness of his mission today. He found an abandoned house and evidence that someone small had holed up in a cupboard not more than a couple of days ago, judging from the remnants of a can of sardines he'd found opened. Even though he couldn't find any trace of a trail to follow he was sure it had to have been Sophia. 

Near the house, he spotted a familiar flower. A Cherokee rose. He remembered the story he'd heard as a kid, about that flower blooming where the tears of Indian mothers fell, as they worried about losing their children along the Trail of Tears. It was supposed to be a sign to them, that there was hope. He remembered his sarcastic prayer at the little church and wondered if maybe God wasn't throwing him a bone. Impulsively, he pulled one to bring back to Carol.

He made a vase for it out of a discarded liquor bottle and presented it to her when he got back, finding her alone in the RV. She'd cleaned and straightened it up, and was sitting there sewing a rip in someone's shirt. She reminded him of one of those TV moms, all soft and sweet no matter what was going on around her. Even when he'd watched her bashing her dead husband's skull in at the quarry camp, he realized she was a decent woman. And he'd seen her trying to protect her girl from the scumbag she'd married.She'd probably taken more than a few beatings in her place. Hell, it was a lot more than his own mother had been able to do.

He mumbled the little story of the rose to her, feeling a little awkward at how sappy he sounded, but she looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes but smiling, and he realized he'd done good. He slipped out quickly, before she could see his eyes welling up a little too.

Fuck Shane, fuck the rest of them, he was gonna find that little girl for this woman and then he'd be done. He'd backtrack to the quarry, maybe try and look for Merle, maybe just take care of himself like he'd always done. He didn't really know if he was better on his own, but he knew he didn't have much of a choice. 

 

*************************************************************************

Shane couldn't rest. That service for Otis had taken a lot out of him. Standing there and watching these people grieve, being forced to lie and make up some bullshit about how heroically the man had died. He could still hear the man's horrible cries as he was being torn to shreds behind him. 

But Carl's gonna make it now, he thought again, hoping to shake the queasy feeling that resurfaced every time those sounds, those images, came back into his mind. 

He left his tent, restless. His ankle ached, he knew he shouldn't be up on it, but he couldn't stand to be still right now. T-Dog was on watch atop the RV. Rick and Lori were up at the house, and he figured Andrea and Glenn were inside the RV with Dale and Carol. 

His eyes drifted to Daryl's tent. It was empty, the flap hanging open. He limped a ways out, looking for him. The sun was going down.

He found him near a cluster of trees, heading back with some firewood for the camp.

"How'd the search go?" Shane asked casually as he walked up on him.

Daryl found himself recounting what he'd found in the old farmhouse despite his initial plan to avoid talking to Shane at all. He hadn't expected him to catch him out here like this. 

"So what's with the new look? " he asked then, gesturing at Shane's bald head, curiosity getting the better of him.

Shane was a little caught off guard, he'd forgotten to think up a reason that would make sense. "What's wrong? " he asked playfully instead. " You gonna miss having something to grab on to ?"

"Shutup," Daryl muttered back, annoyed with himself for giving in and engaging him. This was just what he was trying to avoid.

"Hey, come to think of it, you still owe me one," Shane said jokingly, reminding him of the last night they spent together.

For some reason that made Daryl snap. "I don't owe you _nothin'_ ," he shot back, and Shane was startled at how his expression changed. He seemed genuinely pissed. Shane didn't know what the hell turned his mood but he wasn't giving up just yet. 

He stepped in front of Daryl, cutting him off as he attempted to pass, their chests bumping together. "The fuck was that for?" he asked sharply.

"Get out my face," Daryl growled at him.

Shane felt his temper rise at the unexpected rejection. "Make me," he dared him, pushing up against Daryl threateningly. He'd just wanted some company, maybe to fuck, or exchange blow jobs, whatever he could get to keep all that other shit out of his head, but if fighting was the only thing he could get out of Daryl right now, that was fine with him too, even with one bad ankle. 

"Man, I ain't _playin'_ ," Daryl snarled, giving him a vicious shove to put some distance between them. The bundle of wood he was carrying fell to the ground.

Shane moved in and shoved him right back, hard enough to make him stumble. He didn't want to give Daryl the chance to swing at him and his ankle wasn't good enough to fight upright, so he used the temporary advantage to take him down.

They wrestled around and Shane realized after a couple of seconds that Daryl wasn't looking to hurt him. He'd missed a chance for a headbutt, hadn't tried to swing a punch even. He realized he wasn't struggling to get on top, he was just trying to get free. Shane felt his anger and frustration taking over, clouding his judgement. He got Daryl onto his knees and pinned him with an arm behind his back, forcing him forward roughly onto the ground, not really knowing what he was even trying to do anymore. He felt himself get hard against Daryl as he struggled to free himself, and that set Daryl off worse. 

He bucked and thrashed against Shane, heedless of the pain it caused his pinned arm. "You wanna fuck why don't you go fuck Andrea?" he finally spat at him, his voice cracking from the exertion.

Shane was stunned. He loosed his grip involuntarily at that, but Daryl didn't pull free right away. Holy shit, Shane was thinking, was Daryl actually _jealous_ ? His anger started evaporating, but he went to restrain Daryl again as he was just starting to move. He really didn't want to let him go now.

"It ain't Andrea I got pinned out here, is it?" he whispered gruffly in Daryl's ear. He released the arm he had trapped, and pulled him up onto his hands and knees. He was relieved when Daryl didn't immediately break away. They stayed the way they were, Shane's body covering Daryl's, both of them winded and worn out. 

"I ain't holding you here. You wanna go, go. " Shane said after a few seconds. He was done with this shit. If Daryl didn't realize he'd come out here looking for him, he wasn't gonna try and argue. He felt his mood darkening again, that hollow feeling in his chest returning. Then he felt Daryl push back against him, just slightly, but enough for Shane to recognize the gesture, especially since he didn't move to get up. 

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he breathed, with a cockiness he wasn't really feeling right now, arousal and relief crashing over him in a wave. He moved a hand around to undo Daryl's jeans and slip his hand around him. Daryl thrust into his hand in response, gasping slightly. He wasn't as hard as Shane was but he was definitely getting there. And Shane was thinking he was glad he was practical enough to have stuffed that little tube of lubricant in his pocket before he'd come out here. 

Daryl was realizing he didn't have to think about Shane leaving for now, he knew he wouldn't for at least a little while, what with Lori's kid hurt and his ankle all fucked up. He couldn't help thinking Shane might only be here because Andrea wasn't down to fuck that fast, but he found himself not even caring. It just felt so good to have Shane against him, after the last few days of stress. It had gotten dark enough that no one would see anything unless they came looking with flashlights so Daryl let him yank down his jeans, let him push a slicked-up finger deep into him to start getting him ready. Hell, he thought, Shane had to have come out here for _him_ or he wouldn't have been prepared like this. 

He felt Shane slip his finger out and start entering him, and he started relaxing into that mindless state of pleasure that always came over him when he just let Shane do what he wanted. It was so familiar to him now that it was even starting to feel normal, at least in the moment.

"Want you so bad," Shane groaned, sliding into him just right so that Daryl let out a groan too, rolling his hips back to meet Shane's thrusts. He felt the urge to jerk himself off as the desire to come started getting unbearable, but he waited for Shane to grab hold of him instead, knowing he liked to be the one holding onto him as he came, knowing Shane always took him over the edge at just the right time. 

They came together, both of them stifling their moans of release since they were too close to camp, Daryl's seed spilling over Shane's fingers as he emptied himself inside him. Shane felt a sudden surge of possessiveness over the warm,shuddering body recovering beneath him. He wiped his hand off in the grass,and got to his feet, fastening his pants closed and waiting for Daryl to do the same. 

When he did, Shane spun him around and kissed him forcefully on the mouth, one hand on the back of his neck. Impulsively, he pulled Daryl closer, wrapping his arms around him, ignoring his initial resistance until it gave way and he actually let Shane hold him like that for a few seconds before shoving him off abruptly with a grunt. 

"Yeah, I get it. You're done with me," Shane chuckled. He couldn't really make out Daryl's face in the dark now, but he heard him huff in response and could almost see that little half-smirk turning up one corner of his mouth.

"Hey, " Shane said, as they started making their way back together. "Good lead you found today. Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow." It didn't matter that Shane didn't believe a word of it. If he had to, he'd let Rick know how he really felt about wasting the whole group's efforts on a girl that was likely dead, since he was the one trying to call all the shots around here anyway. No point bringing Daryl down when he was the only thing he had left right now that didn't hurt to think about.


	8. Stumbling Blocks

They made their way back to the camp together . Shane winced a little as his injured ankle came down wrong on an uneven patch of ground.

"You alright?" he heard Daryl's voice in the dark next to him.

"I'm fine," he said dismissively. The concern in Daryl's voice felt good though.

Shane went to grab a rifle, so he could take his turn on watch up on the RV, watching Daryl slip into his little tent. Fuck, he thought, thinking of the rest of the long watch, should've asked him to come up. It would be harder to keep his mind off things alone.

He settled in, fixing his eyes out across the open field, and got ready for a long night.

A little while later, he felt the RV dip slightly and realized someone was coming up the ladder. He was more than happy it was Daryl and not Dale.

"Here," Daryl said, holding out a closed fist as he reached the roof. Shane had held out his own hand, puzzled.

Daryl dropped a couple of little pills in his palm. "Oxycodone. For your ankle."

Shane accepted them. Then he smirked. "Second time your brother's stash came in handy." He was glad to see Daryl's little half-smile at that.

"Wanna keep me company?" Shane offered.

Daryl hesitated for a second before shaking his head slightly. "Gotta sleep so I can get up early to search tomorrow."

"Lemme ask you something," Shane said as Daryl was about to go back down. "You think Fort Benning's still worth a shot?"

Daryl paused, looking off to the side, chewing his lip a bit. "Think it's a waste a'time," he muttered finally.

"Why's that?" Shane asked, when Daryl didn't elaborate.

"Ain't the military the same folks that bombed Atlanta?"

"They were tryin' to contain it. "

Daryl snorted. "Did a fine job, huh?"

"I was there," Shane said absently, his mind going back to that night on the highway, watching in disbelief as the military dropped napalm on the city. "Saw the choppers flying overhead. Heard the explosions. Saw all the fires. It was unreal, man. " It was the first time Lori had clung to him, overtaken by grief and terror. The first time he realized how much he still loved her.

Daryl was silent. For a second Shane thought he was about to just head back down the ladder, but then he started talking. " I didn't hear about it til later," he said quietly. "We was on a huntin' trip. My old man and my uncle. We didn't know nothin' about any of it til some geeks came through our camp, tore shit up." He stopped abruptly and Shane didn't push.

"That musta been somethin' to see though," Daryl added after a beat.

"So if not Fort Benning, where?" Shane asked. For some reason, it hadn't bugged him to hear Daryl dismiss the idea like it had with Rick.

Daryl looked at him full on for once. He looked like he was trying to figure something out. Then he shrugged. "Here seems as good a place as any. Got some wells, woods to hunt, livestock, crops..."

"Old man don't seem too keen on us sticking around though," Shane ventured. "Doesn't even want us carrying."

"Bet he'll change his tune once the geeks start comin' around up here."

"You could be right about that, " Shane agreed.

Shane hadn't even realized he'd been feeling Daryl out, checking to see if he was still entertaining a search for Merle, or had anywhere else to go. Carl getting shot had put a hold on his plans to leave. He couldn't bring himself to abandon Lori just yet, even with Rick being back, even with all the hurt that brought. But he was relieved to find out Daryl wasn't planning on going anywhere just yet since he hadn't figured out a way to bring up them leaving together.

Daryl was still on the ladder, halfway between coming up or going down. Shane could see that hesitation in his face, the way he always got when they weren't fucking around. Like he still wasn't sure what to make of any of it. That made two of them, Shane was thinking.

"Go on, go get some sleep," Shane said. "You come up here, you'll probably just wind up tryin' to get me to fuck you again."

He grinned as Daryl huffed a sullen "fuck you" back at him, which Shane was coming to take as more like Daryl's way of flirting then anything like real irritation. He watched him climb down off the RV and head back to his tent and wondered how the hell he was going to make it through the next few hours alone without going crazy.

************************************************************************************************

Shane went out with Rick that morning to look for Sophia. He thought of going with Daryl, but Rick caught up to him before that. He seemed to want to talk or something, in the way he was so insistent that he go out with him. It made Shane uneasy. Did Lori tell him about them ? Did he suspect something about Otis?

They stalked the woods, not speaking, which made Shane wonder why the hell he asked him to come along in the first place. In the awkward silence it hit Shane hard all of a sudden, how really _gone_ everything was. There had never been tension between them. It wasn't just his hidden resentment over Lori. That he'd learned to swallow a long time ago, when Rick had won out over him early on. Even if Rick never found out about his betrayal, things couldn't ever be the same between them again.

Ever since high school Rick was the do-gooder, the straight-laced one. Shane was the fuck-up, the one who got them into fights, got them drunk, tried to get them laid, though Rick never had any follow through with that. He fucked other guys' girlfriends just to prove he could, slept with the wrongest bitches he could just to be able to brag about it... and Shane loved the amused but disapproving look Rick would get on his face when he recounted his worse exploits, knowing that Rick was eating it up, both the gory details and the chance to act superior. Knowing that he secretly looked up to Shane, for having the balls to do shit he wouldn't, but wanted to. Shane always knew Rick thought he was smarter. More level headed. More _sensible_. And he'd been pretty much right. What made them so close was the fact that they had respected the differences in each other. At least Shane did.

But it was different now, now that every decision you made meant something. Shane could sense Rick's disrespect at every turn. From when he first tried to talk him out of going back for Merle (though now that memory bothered him for a different reason),when he dismissed his idea of going to Fort Benning, to when he ignored his warning and insisted on taking him and Carl off to continue a pointless search that ended up getting the kid nearly killed. And as much as Rick seemed to doubt him, he was doubting Rick too. Since he'd found them, he seemed hell bent on playing the white knight, worrying more about doing whatever the "right" thing used to be then about keeping his family safe.

As far as Shane knew all of his own blood relations were gone. That was why it'd felt like salvation to have gotten to Lori, and Carl. He _saved_ them. He loved them. And as much as he'd mourned Rick, being with them made him feel like he'd never felt before, like a husband and father, not just the dude watching all his old buddies settle down and start families. Now along with the guilt and resentment, he had to watch Rick take for granted what he had just lost. Hell, he should be at Carl's bedside right now, with Lori. That's where _he'd_ be.

As his mind was morosely wandering, Rick finally broke the silence. "You remember the name of that waitress at the dairy queen when we were in high school?"

Shane looked at him, a little surprised by where Rick's mind had traveled.

"I know you well enough to know that there is only one sure-fire way of engaging you in a conversation, and that is to start asking you about girls you did in high school." Rick said, his tone light and teasing. "I don't want to, but I'm willing to do it if that's what it takes."

Shane was at least relieved that whatever talking Rick had wanted to do wasn't likely to lead where he had feared it might. Maybe he was just wanting to ease the tension between them.

"Maryanne, " he recalled, starting to grin involuntarily at the memory. She was twenty-two and got off on how horny she could get a high school senior. She wasn't all that hot, but he was more than happy to stroke her ego in exchange for an occasional blow job on his lunch hour. "I told you about her?"

"In excruciating detail," Rick replied.

"Excruciating, my ass, " Shane scoffed, his mood lifting a little. "You used to live for those details back in the day."

"I was impressionable," Rick shrugged. "And I may have been living vicariously through you."

"Why wouldn't you, with my impressive list of accomplishments?" Shane asked lightly, starting to relax into their old friendly banter. "I was an artist in his prime. A protege."

"You mean prodigy, " Rick corrected. But even Shane's slight irritation that Rick couldn't help himself but point out his mistake felt familiar enough to be comforting.

"Maybe, " he joked. "Is prodigy what you call a young high school stud that bangs 30-year-olds on the regular?"

"What 30-year-old were you banging in high school?"

"The P.E. teacher."

"Mr. Daniels?" Rick quipped.

Shane laughed. "Mrs. Kelly," he corrected.

"Yeah, the girls volleyball coach," Rick recalled, remembering. " Wasn't she married?" he asked, suddenly sounding for all the world like the same kid Shane could impress with that shit back in the day.

And just like that, they were shooting the shit, reminiscing like they were sharing a beer at a weekend barbecue. He was teasing Rick about one of the girls he'd lied to Shane about fucking, recalling her name, when he felt his mood go dark again.

He had fucked Lori. Told her he loved her. Felt wonderful when he had been mistaken for Carl's dad before Rick had found them again. They weren't in high school anymore, they weren't partners. Those boys, those men, were gone. As if they'd never existed.

He shook his head. "Shouldn't be talking about this stuff," he said quietly. "That life, it's gone and everyone in it. Sheila. Maryanne. Mrs. Kelly. It's like we're old folk. All the people in our stories are dead."

"We can't just forget them," Rick said, suddenly matching his seriousness.

"The hell we can't," Shane grit out. " It's hard enough accepting what's happened without digging up the past. Nostalgia...it's like a drug. Keeps you from seeing things the way they are..." As the words left his mouth,though, he was seeing things clear as day. They weren't brothers anymore. No way they could be now.

As much as his love for Rick had come to the surface when he saw him panicking over Carl, there was no way to go back. Before when it was Rick and Lori together, and him, it was almost like having them both, maybe not the way he'd wanted either, but at least they were in his life for good. It was comfortable. But now Lori had turned on him, and he was realizing for the first time how distant he and Rick really were despite the piled up years of shared experiences.

"What are we doing, man?" Shane asked wearily. " You got every able body at your disposal out scouring these woods for a little girl we both know is likely dead."

"You think we should abandon the search?" Rick sounded incredulous.

"It's not my call, is it?" Shane said, hardly able to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He couldn't help remembering that the quarry camp had been _his_ before Rick had shown up. He still regretted letting Rick take the lead, knowing it was his own guilt that made him accept it. Guilt that he bore alone, as Lori seemed perfectly able to make him the bad guy in her own mind.

"I'm asking you," Rick said earnestly.

"How many times we get called up to look for a missing child, man? You got 72 hours. After that you're looking for a body. And that was _before_. You honestly think we're just gonna find Sophia alive?"

"Are you that sure we won't?"

"We being completely honest?"

"I'm counting on you to be," Rick countered.

"Alive or not, Sophia only matters to the degree in which she don't drag the rest of us down." Shane didn't care how fucked up he sounded right now. He was tired of Rick putting everybody ahead of his own family and acting like he should be admired for it. If he'd gone off to help every needy person that crossed his path when shit started falling apart, Lori and Carl wouldn't be alive right now. And Rick wouldn't have the luxury of acting like the old world were still intact, complete with his family, and his old partner at his side to back him up.

He saw the look of disgust on Rick's face and scoffed. "I thought you wanted honesty. If we'd just moved on, we'd be halfway to Fort Benning right now and Carl wouldn't have gotten shot. You said so yourself." Shane felt bad for the wounded look that brought to Rick's face. Bad for going so low, and bad for the satisfaction he felt at having hit home so closely.

"I had her in my hand, Shane," Rick muttered, sounding a bit lost. "She looked in my eyes and trusted me. I failed her. If I hadn't, she wouldn't be out here. I think she's still alive and I'm not gonna write her off."

Shane shook his head, exasperated. It was so like Rick, to make this about him doing the right thing. He always had to be the good guy. _He'd_ gone after her, this was _his_ failure, _his_ wrong to make right. And it was so like him to ask Shane's opinion and then look disappointed, like he had expected better. Shit, if Rick knew the things he _wasn't_ choosing to blurt out hurtfully right now, he'd know he should never have had such high expectations.

Without another word, Shane pushed past Rick to continue searching their grid, the realization hitting him that Daryl hadn't just been helping him get over Lori. He was helping him get over Rick, too.

**************************************************************************************************

Daryl was riding up to the ridge where the map had shown him he'd be able to scan the entire grid below. The horse beneath him seemed a little skittish but it was only one in the stable when he went to take one and she seemed responsive enough. His mind was fucking with him again, as it seemed to do a lot lately whenever he was alone.

He'd started telling Shane about where he was when the world had first gone to shit, and stopped himself when he realized it wasn't actually something he wanted to remember out loud. Besides, why would Shane give a shit about that story ? He probably had some at least as bad and he wasn't unloading them on anyone. But since he'd brought it up, it was just sitting in his head, not going away.

That last hunting trip had been his uncle Jess' idea. He knew his brother's health was failing, a lifetime of drinking and hard living catching up fast. He'd convinced Daryl to take the trip, let his father join them, maybe make amends of a sort. It had been awkward.

The old man was no longer the towering figure that made him cower in fear just hearing his footsteps on the stairs. He wasn't the man who had told him it was his fault that his mother died in that fire because he wanted to go out and play with his friends instead of looking after her. Or the same man who told him he'd kill him if he ever stepped foot in his house again after he had finally been big enough to fight back. At sixteen he wasn't even close to big enough to beat him in an even fight but he was strong enough to get in a good enough sucker punch that he could get out the back door and be gone for the rest of the summer.

All Daryl saw now was a lonely and pathetic old man, about to die with nothing to his name but a lot of pain and regret and instead of being satisfied that he had gotten what he deserved, he felt like shit.

He remembered Jess watching him picking up tracks so faint neither older man could make anything of them and said "Boy's got fucking eagle eyes." And the old man had just nodded and said "Yup. Always has." He'd felt like such a pussy for the feeling of pride that flooded through him at such a simple compliment. His father hadn't said a good word about him as far back as he could remember and he'd hated how just that one thing almost made him willing to forget how horrible it had been back then.

But it _had_ made him stronger hadn't it? Hell, the old man had taught him how to track and hunt before Merle had taken over. And all that time alone in the woods, he could fend for himself like a mountain man if he had to. No point holding a grudge like some kind of bitch.

And then all hell had broke loose. He and Jess had left to go get more firewood and by the time they got back to camp, all that was left of his father was a half-eaten, mutilated body, and to Daryl's horror, he'd still been alive. All the fucking times he had wanted to kill the old man when he was a kid, wanted to beat him to a pulp and leave him lying in the dirt, and he couldn't even pull the trigger , when it was the merciful thing to do.

In the end, Jess had taken the pistol from his shaking hand and did it himself. And Daryl was left with a grief he didn't think he'd ever feel for the old bastard. He'd almost wished he never took the trip. It would have been easier that way, to just remember the man he mostly hated instead of the one that almost could've been a father.

What would he have thought about a son who let another man use him to get off, and who fuckin' _liked_ it? Who actually felt _bad_ when he thought of it never happening again? Shit, what would Jess have thought of that? Or Merle?

He shook all that out of his head angrily, he needed to concentrate. Wouldn't do to miss a sign of Sophia because he was too busy thinking about shit he couldn't change. Besides, they were all gone. At least Shane was _here_.

*********************************************************************************************************************

They had finished with their grid and returned to camp. Rick headed off with Lori for the house, to check on Carl. Shane scanned the camp for Daryl, but he wasn't back yet. His ankle was throbbing again, and he was pissed that he'd stressed it for nothing. He still had the pills Daryl had left him but didn't want to take them unless it was absolutely necessary. Wasting precious pharmaceutical grade pain killers on something as minor as a badly sprained ankle was definitely impractical on Daryl's part but the bit of care in that gesture wasn't lost on him.

Shane saw Rick coming towards the camp. He recognized the troubled look on his face, and despite the tension from the morning, he asked himwhat was up.

"Herschel's pissed, " Rick answered grimly. "That kid Jimmy didn't have his permission to go out searching with us like he said he did."

"He came back safe, that ain't that big a deal is it?"

"And that horse Daryl took out? He didn't ask, he just took it. "

"Guess that was stupid," Shane conceded, shaking his head. Especially since Daryl had seemed to think hunkering down here was a good idea.

"Yeah, according to Herschel she tends to throw people when she's not used to them and she spooks easy. Hope he knows how to handle himself. "

Shane felt a little pang of fear at that. Daryl had been gone since early this morning and it was already late in the afternoon. He'd had more than enough time to search his area on horseback. The fear turned instantly turned to anger, at Daryl, for being dumb enough to take a bad horse, but more at Rick.

"That's just great, man. You were the one so willing to go along with whatever this guy said, lay down our guns, stay out of their way. And look where it's got us."

"Hey," Rick snapped. "I can't control what other people do, I didn't tell that kid to lie, I didn't tell Daryl to steal a horse."

"Yeah, well, neither one of'em woulda been out there if it wasn't for you keeping up this pointless search."

"So it's pointless to look for a missing child now?"

"If we wind up losing useful people in the process, " Shane shot back angrily.

"No one twisted Daryl's arm to get him to go out looking for her. You're the only one here who seems to think it's not important."

"Lemme ask you something, do you even think about Carl?" Shane's voice was rising along with his temper." If we lose able bodied men, men who can protect this group, your son, your wife, you ok with that? "

"What am I supposed to tell her mother? That she's not _useful_ enough to the group to keep looking?" Rick practically snarled back at him.

"I don't know , Rick. You more worried about what to tell Carol then who you actually have to worry about here? Cause that lady's daughter is more than likely dead whether or not you're ready to tell her that."

Shane stalked off abruptly, not wanting to hear whatever else Rick had to say. The longer he stood there the more chance he would just keep picking a fight. And the more chance Rick might wonder why the hell he'd just blown up at him over something that really shouldn't have troubled him much at all.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Daryl could barely feel the rocky ground biting into his back where he'd fallen. Damn that fucking horse. He'd tried to control his fall but he was too close to the edge of the steep bluff. He was dimly aware of the throbbing pain in his side where an arrow was still lodged, more painfully after managing to roll down the hill a second time when his strength had failed him in his attempt to make it back up.

He felt like he was floating all of a sudden, that he was somewhere else other then half-dead on the ground. It should have bothered him that he wasn't feeling the pain he knew should be intense, but it didn't.

He watched as Merle suddenly loomed over him, looking down at his prone body , that familiar mix of caring and scorn on his grizzled features. Daryl noticed he had his hand back but it didn't feel wrong to him, no more so then seeing him here in the first place.

Right away he was mocking him, for chasing a little girl that wasn't even his, for having been laid out like this half-dead, for nothing. For not looking for him. For being another man's bitch...

"I ain't no one's bitch," he croaked out, the effort forcing him to wake up a little. But Merle was right, he knew he was. About all of it, that no one in this group gave a damn about him, probably not even Shane. He was nothing but redneck trash to them, no more than someone there to hunt for them, keep watch for them, risk his own skin so they wouldn't have to. Sooner or later, he'd be of no use to them. And Shane would move on, once he got a better fuck toy, one he wouldn't have to be embarrassed by. Probably Andrea, by the look of things.

He no longer wanted to move. So much easier to just go back to sleep. He'd missed Merle so much but now he just wanted to close his ears and not hear the taunting, biting words that were ringing too true.

But then a shock jolted through his body, something more real then the vision of his brother. He was suddenly, painfully, awake and a walker was grabbing his leg and moving it towards it's mouth. With panicked strength, he yanked his leg free and grabbed a loose tree branch, using it to smash it's head in. Too soon, another one was coming his way and with no time to think he yanked the bolt from his side and managed to load it into his crossbow not two seconds before it was bearing down on him. The bolt shot through it's head and he watched it land heavily next to him.

He collapsed onto his back, his chest heaving from the effort, reeling from the pain in his side where he'd torn through his flesh. He didn't know if seeing his brother meant Merle was dead, or if it was some kind of psychic message , or just some bullshit his mind had conjured up, but he was furious at himself for winding up this helpless. Maybe all that shit was true, but it didn't mean he didn't still have something important to do.

He grabbed for Sophia's doll, that he'd found close by right before he'd been thrown off that stupid horse, and stuffed it through his belt. He was going to make it back and show them what he'd found, now they'd at least know where to look. As he struggled to make it back to camp on foot, he just kept his mind on that. He was close to finding that little girl, and it was the only thing left to him now that he wasn't ashamed of.

***************************************************************************************************************************

Shane's heart was pounding out of his chest as he and Rick struggled to carry Daryl across the open field to the farmhouse. They each had an arm pulled over their shoulders to support him. He was out cold.

When Andrea had yelled a warning from the RV roof, the group had immediately turned their attention towards the woods, where she had her rifle trained. He and the rest of the men ran out to confront the lone walker she'd spotted through the rifle scope. He had fucking told her they'd handle this, she knew taking out one walker with a gunshot was an unnecessary risk. The noise could just attract more.

By the time they got to the edge of the woods Shane recognized the figure she had thought was a walker was Daryl, bloody and stumbling, barely able to stay on his feet, his crossbow dragging on the ground behind him by it's strap. He had closed the distance between them in seconds despite his own hurt leg but before he could touch him, the sound of a gunshot cracked in his ear and he watched in disbelief as Daryl dropped like a stone in front of him, a trail of blood exploding from the side of his head.

Now he was trying hard to stay focused on just getting him to the house without worsening his injuries. His t-shirt was covered in blood and dirt and plastered to his body. He had bandaged his torso with the arms of the shirt he'd left in this morning and Shane didn't even want to think about what was going on under there.

Herschel hurried them to one of the bedrooms on the first floor where they got Daryl onto the bed, and Shane hovered impatiently while the old man cut the ruined shirt off him and removed the makeshift bindings. Daryl started to come to, and finding himself shirtless and being pawed at, muttered "what the fuck?" and jerked away from Herschel sharply, looking disoriented. Herschel was a little startled by the reaction, and Shane moved in to grab Daryl's shoulder and try to still him, as gently as possible.

"Easy, man," Shane said soothingly. "You passed out, he's gotta stitch you up." Daryl sank back onto his good side, seeming to relax at hearing his voice.

"How's it lookin'? " he asked Herschel right after, trying to keep the worry out of his voice since he felt Rick looking at him oddly.

"You're right, he needs quite a few stitches," Herschel said. He moved his hands to Daryl's head wound, checking it gently. "Here, too," he added. "Neither should be life threatening, unless he develops an infection. How did you get this?" he asked Daryl.

"Bolt went through my side when I fell ," he whispered hoarsely. "Damn horse threw me." Then he looked at Rick. "Why the fuck you shoot at me?" he growled.

Rick shook his head. "It was Andrea. She...uh... thought you were a walker."

Daryl looked to Shane pointedly for a second before muttering "dumb bitch."

Herschel fixed Daryl up, cleaning and stitching both wounds. Daryl took it as stoically as Shane figured he would, barely flinching as the needle passed through his skin again and again. They had no anesthetic. Rick left to check on Carl but Shane took a chair against the wall, settling his gaze on the floor once he realized he'd been staring at Daryl's bare chest as Herschel worked on his side.

He hadn't expected to feel this much concern and it unnerved him. He remembered that last night at the quarry camp when he'd thought Daryl was bit, and then again when he'd saved T-Dog. Now this. These kind of injuries weren't bullshit in this world. An infection could kill him. Boy had the same knack as Rick for rushing into danger for people he barely knew and it pissed him off.

Afterwards, Daryl showed him and Rick where on the map he'd found Sophia's doll, and Shane caught the look of satisfaction on Rick's face as he met his eyes, as if to say "I told you so." Shane resisted the urge to respond, nothing good would be coming out of his mouth right now.

A fucking _doll_ , he was thinking. The more important part was that there were walkers in the same damn place, the ones whose ears Daryl had been wearing as a necklace when they found him, which Rick had the presence of mind to snatch from around his neck when he saw Herschel coming out to meet them. And if Sophia had dropped her doll at all, it was more likely because she had been attacked or was trying to run away. Neither boded well for her survival. But if Rick wanted to ignore reality, he wasn't going to waste time arguing. At least, not in front of Daryl.

Once Herschel offered Daryl the bed for just this night , and Rick left again, they were alone. Daryl was looking at him almost warily. Shane smirked, leaning forward in the chair. "Don't worry, man, I'm not gonna try and molest you right now," he said in a low voice.

"Shut up," Daryl whispered warningly, his eyes darting nervously to the open door.

"Shouldn't have gone out alone, man," Shane said quietly. "You barely made it back."

"Woulda been fine if that stupid bitch hadn't shot me," Daryl muttered.

" Yeah, cause that hole in your side wasn't a problem," Shane countered.

"I made it back fine, least I was still on my feet," Daryl snapped defensively.

"Barely," Shane shot back. "From now on, no one goes out alone. It's too risky."

Daryl glared at him. "Fuck that. I wanna go, I'll go. Don't need no one slowin' me down."

"How fast are you gonna be with your side all stitched up, huh ?"

"Still faster than any of y'all, that's for damn sure, " Daryl said snidely. "Shit, at least I know how to tell the livin' from the dead when I'm takin' a shot."

"Hey, maybe she was just tryin' to take out the competition," Shane said lightly, hoping to lighten the mood. He hadn't stayed with Daryl the past hour or so just to antagonize him.

Daryl didn't look the slightest bit amused though. In fact, he looked hurt. "Man, just leave me be, " he mumbled wearily. " I don't want you here."

And Shane was at a loss. He'd thought Daryl was over whatever pissy attitude he'd had about Andrea. He really didn't even understand what that had been about in the first place. If Daryl were a chick, he probably would've started laying on the charm, saying he was sorry for being a dick, that he'd been worried all day, and was just glad everything was ok.

Instead he got off the bed abruptly, his own hurt feelings irritating him. "Suit yourself," he said , walked out and shut the door, just short of slamming it.

Once outside, he let out a sigh of frustration. He'd been looking to Daryl to distract him from his problems, but now Daryl was becoming a distraction in his own right.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

The ladies had convinced the Greene family to let them cook them a thank you dinner. It turned out to be so uncomfortable Shane was glad to leave the table. Talk of Otis couldn't help but keep popping up, and it was all he could do to stay calm through it all, muttering the occasional platitude he knew they needed to hear, shit he learned on the job having to inform families of senseless deaths. He saw Carol put a plate of food together and get up and knew right away where she was going. Without thinking, he excused himself and quietly followed her after she had left the room.

She had entered Daryl's room, leaving the door ajar. He heard her soft voice speaking soothing words "...did more for my little girl today than her own Daddy did his whole life..."

"I ain't did nothing Rick or Shane wouldn'ta done, " he heard Daryl mutter back, in that same sullen tone Shane had come to find oddly arousing in other circumstances. Hearing Daryl mention Rick's name ahead of his pissed him off. He thought a second past that and realized Daryl was putting him and Rick in the same category, as men he obviously respected, and felt a stab of guilt that he hadn't even wanted him to keep looking for the girl. Well, he doesn't have to know that part, Shane thought.

Shane nodded to Carol as she left the room, shutting the door. He waited a second before entering, wondering if he'd be able to get them back on track as easily as he wanted. Daryl's back was to the door, a sheet pulled up over his body, the plate of food Carol left sitting untouched on the night table.

"Whatta _you_ want ?" he muttered irritably, after craning his neck around to see who it was.

"Hey, I wasn't tryin' to be a dick earlier," Shane said. It was as close to an apology as he could muster up.

"Well, you did a pretty good job anyways," Daryl replied, turning away again and pulling the sheet up tighter around his shoulders.

Definitely sounding sulky, but not telling him to fuck off, Shane thought. He could easily work with that.

Shane closed the door quietly behind him then grabbed a chair and pulled it over next to the bed, facing Daryl. "Lemme make it up to you."

"What?" Daryl looked up at him, catching the sudden huskiness in his voice.

"Pull that sheet down."

Daryl looked at him in disbelief. Shane figured getting off was the last thing on Daryl's mind right now, but it was the only way he knew to break the tension.

"Your arm ain't broke, you waitin' for me to do it for you?" Shane tried again.

Daryl blinked, his eyes narrowed and glaring, but then his expression softened a little and soon his hands were slowly dragging the sheet down off his naked torso and jean-clad hips. Shane congratulated himself for knowing just what tone to use on him.

"Them too," Shane said, motioning to his jeans.

"This ain't a good idea, man..." Daryl hesitated, his eyes glancing towards the closed door.

"Get them jeans down, I'll be changing your mind about that real quick," Shane whispered, his cock stiffening as Daryl undid his jeans and shimmied them down slightly, leaving his boxers mostly on. Shane was regretting Daryl's injuries and where they were a lot more than he had a minute ago.

He reached over and started to stroke him, his own arousal building at how Daryl shuddered a little when his hand first contacted, closing his eyes and letting his head fall slightly to one side as he pushed himself into Shane's hand.

"Whatta you think ? Think you can control yourself if I suck you ?" he murmured softly. "Cause you gotta be quiet..."

Daryl made a little sound in his throat that went straight to Shane's cock, and he leaned over then, starting to take the tip into his mouth gently. Daryl gripped the sheet tightly in his fists, bracing himself.

There was a faint knock at the door. Daryl's whole body jolted, hastily yanking the sheet up over his body, slipping his hands back under to put his pants right. Shane sat back quickly, almost laughing. Daryl glared at him menacingly, his face flushed from arousal and embarrassment.

Of all fucking people, Andrea poked her head in the door.

"Hey," she said softly, nodding at Shane and then turning her face to Daryl. "I just wanted to tell you...I feel like shit about what happened." Her voice sounded soft and caring, remorseful.

"That makes two of us," Daryl muttered, barely sparing her a glance.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but if there's anything I can do..." she trailed off awkwardly, apparently unsure of Daryl's reaction.

"You were tryin' to protect the group," Daryl said quickly, not wanting to drag this out. "We're good."

She smiled, seeming relieved that it had been that easy. "We still on for tomorrow?" she asked, turning to Shane.

Queen of bad timing, he was thinking. "Uhh...yeah," he said out loud.

She nodded, lingered for a couple of seconds as if she might have expected one of them to have something further to say to her, but even Shane felt at an awkward loss at the moment, so she backed out, re-closing the door behind her.

Daryl rolled back over on his good side, pulling the sheet back up over his shoulders.

"Showin' her how to make silencers out of oil filters...so I can train these people to shoot without attracting a damn herd from all the noise...." Shane was annoyed suddenly that he'd started explaining himself, that he'd felt like he should.

"Didn't ask," Daryl mumbled gruffly, not looking up.

Shane grit his teeth, his annoyance turning into anger. He was frustrated by the interruption and the rejection, but he'd be damned if he was going to pander to another man acting like a moody bitch.

"Whatever, man," Shane replied, purposefully making his tone one of complete disinterest. He left the room abruptly and stalked down the hall, inadvertently overhearing Lori and Rick murmuring softly to each other at Carl's bedside, the door slightly ajar.

For a second he felt an overwhelming rage that tensed all his muscles and made his mind almost blank. He had to will himself to continue on down the hallway and through the living room until he reached the front door and the darkness and the cool night air enveloped him, and he started to calm down.

************************************************************************************

The next morning, he got up first thing and went to find Andrea. He was pleased that she was already at the little picnic table workshop they had planned on, assembling the supplies they'd need. He couldn't help noticing that Daryl was already back in his tent, since the flaps were hanging open slightly for ventilation. Must have left the house before dawn, he thought, and guessed he'd taken Herschel's "one night only" offer pretty literally. He resisted the urge to check in on him. He had shit to do today, he'd promised these people gun training.

Andrea was in a good mood, wanting to jump right in on putting these silencers together.

"So I see you're really sticking around now, " she said, smirking flirtatiously as he settled in across from her. "Something change your mind?"

"Maybe a couple of things," he said lightly, allowing himself to flirt back a bit. Why the hell not. He was somewhat attracted to her, he had to admit. She'd irritated him a few times but most women like her did, and that had never been a deterrent to sleeping with any of them.

She impressed him with her determination. She often came off like a lot of other pretentious city attorneys when she spoke, but she wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. If she'd been a man, he'd probably have punched her in the face after she'd came so close to killing Daryl, and all because she wanted to prove she could man up and guard the group. But he realized she'd learned from that, and Daryl's head wound was actually pretty minor, so he decided to cut her some slack and see what other potential she might have.

After they assembled the silencers, they took the group out to practice shooting. Andrea wasn't bad after she got the right gun for her hand, and soon she was proving herself a natural.

He stuck by her, giving her pointers, and decided to take her along to search one of the nearby housing developments Rick and Herschel had figured Sophia might have wandered into if she'd gotten out of the forest near where Daryl had found her doll. Maybe they'd be the ones to get lucky and find her.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The housing development was a bust. Shane wasn't surprised at all, but this outing hadn't been about that anyway, not to him. He was testing her. He had to know if she was worth bringing along when he finally had to make his move. He had no idea how that idea would sit with Daryl, but he figured he'd work all that out when the time came.

All they'd found was a small herd of walkers that had surprised them on their way out of a house. Andrea impressed him again, able to regain her cool and clear a gun jam as they shot their way through back to the car.

She was quiet on the drive back, staring out the window. He was surprised, since once she had started getting hits, she was in a zone, getting headshot after headshot. He knew her adrenaline had to be running high. After a little while, though, she reached over and he felt her hand on his dick, squeezing and rubbing as she turned and gave him a leering smile. He'd figured she'd be open to the idea, but even he was surprised at the timing. Then again, he was already at half-mast from all the excitement.

"C'mon, then" he growled at her, and she obliged by straddling his lap, her back against the steering wheel, grinding herself against his erection until she was flushed and panting. He slid the seat all the way back and she struggled out of her jeans and panties in the tight space. He slipped his finger into her pussy as she did so, and she rolled her hips against his palm and started to kiss him hungrily.

Soon he was sheathed inside her and almost forgetting that they weren't protected. He grabbed her slim hips sharply and stilled her for a second. "Can't come inside you," he said hoarsely.

"I'm still on the pill," she breathed into his neck, pushing down onto his cock more forcefully until he said fuck it and let her ride him. He matched her rhythm, grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in to suck and bite at her neck, a little too hard he realized after a bit, but it seemed to get her going. He pushed her shirt up roughly, pulled her tits from her bra and sucked at them, grabbed her ass and held onto her bucking hips.

As he closed his eyes the image of Daryl slipping down onto his knees and taking him into his mouth that first time sprang into his mind unexpectedly. It was so clear in his memory, the way he started out all slow and hesitant until he figured it out and let him all the way into his mouth, the way his soft, sweat-dampened hair felt under his palm as he held onto his head and thrust into that warm, wet, mouth that had never been around another cock but his.

He thrust harder into her, his fingers tightening on her hips. The roughness made her quicken as well, short, throaty moans sounding in his ear as she leaned into him to angle herself better. But he was hearing those small, stifled whimpers Daryl always tried to contain as he struggled not to show Shane just how much he was turning him on. Before he knew it he was getting too close and had to slow down to let Andrea get there first.

She was loud, moaning against his shoulder as she let it go, the hot wetness and her spasms around his cock sending him over the edge only a couple of seconds later.

She raised up off him and kissed him again, sucking his lower lip. She climbed back into the passenger seat and shimmied back into her pants.

"See ? " she said playfully. "We could be a pretty good team."

"We could," Shane replied,grinning, thinking she probably wouldn't feel the same if she'd been in his head a minute ago. He put himself away and adjusted the seat again. They started back down the farm road, neither speaking.

Once he'd fully come down, Shane found himself feeling weird. It took a few seconds for him to realize what he was feeling was guilt. As stupid as Shane had thought Daryl's apparent jealousy had been, he had to admit he wasn't looking forward to Daryl finding out about them actually fucking.

******************************************************************************************

They got the stink-eye from Dale when they got out of the car together. It was like he could tell something had gone on. Shane noticed he'd left a few marks on her neck and was caught between being annoyed at himself and amused. High school shit. He saw Carol's wounded look when she saw them empty handed and it sobered him up fast.

Carol went to lead Andrea back to the farmhouse so she could wash up. He was about to head to his tent when Dale decided to confront him out of the blue.

They hadn't exactly ever gotten along. He'd been troubled by how he had beaten down Carol's husband. How he'd handcuffed Jim to a tree when he started acting crazy. Shane could tell he thought he was a bully, but he didn't give a shit. Dale was someone surviving because he was with men who were able to protect him, who allowed him the luxury of holding onto his old views of how people should behave. He wouldn't have paid him any mind at all except for that one time soon after Rick had come back and they'd been out in the woods together.

They were arguing about heading to the CDC, and after hearing Shane out, Rick had said "If it was your family, you'd feel differently." After the time he'd had with Lori, and Carl, that had driven a cold spike of hatred right through him. Rick had wandered away, his eyes elsewhere, and without really knowing how he got there, Shane had taken aim with his rifle on his oldest friend, a man he loved, called a brother. He had been enraged and hurt, and every time he thought back to that moment he told himself he had never even thought of really pulling the trigger.

But fucking Dale had wandered up on him, and never bought his attempt to blow it off.

"I know you've been planning to leave," he said, walking up in front of him. Shane guessed Andrea had clued him in on that. "Maybe now is a good time."

"Is this about Andrea?" Shane asked. It was certainly no secret to Shane that the old man had a thing for her, as ridiculous as that was.

"I'm looking out for the group, " Dale insisted.

Shane willed himself to keep his cool. "You think the group would be better off without me ? " he asked evenly. "Why don't you tell that to Rick or Lori? Their boy would be dead if I hadn't put my ass on the line."

"And Otis'," the old man blurted out. Shane stilled. Dread and anger started to coil in his belly. What the fuck was he talking about?

"You've been vague about that night, about what happened," Dale continued.

"Otis died a hero," Shane said, cutting him off.

"So you've said," Dale muttered.

"A little boy lived because of what went down that night, " Shane said angrily, stepping closer into Dale's space, making him fall back a step. "I think you ought to show some gratitude."

"I wasn't there," he said, shaking his head. "But I was the time that you raised your gun on Rick."

Shane could hardly believe Dale was going there. His heart was racing and he was aware that he was losing the battle with his temper.

"You had him in your sights and you held him there," Dale persisted. "I _know_ what kind of man you are."

"You don't know shit, old man." Shane turned his head at the sound of Daryl's pissed-off voice, coming up beside him. Must've been hearing all this from his tent, Shane realized, his stomach knotting up worse.

Dale blinked in surprise. "Daryl, you don't know-"

Now Daryl was moving in on the old man, slightly menacing in his demeanor. "You gonna accuse a man of something, you best have somethin' to back it up, otherwise I don't need to hear none'a this bullshit. I'm tryin' to rest over here. "

Dale's mouth fell open then snapped shut again. He hadn't expected to be confronting the both of them. With a disgusted shake of the head, he walked back to the RV.

"The fuck's his problem ?" Daryl muttered, after Dale had disappeared into the vehicle.

"We ain't exactly been friends, " Shane said evasively, shrugging. He really hoped Daryl wouldn't push right now. It was just dawning on him that Daryl had just stormed out of his tent to defend him, and that made him feel a little more guilty than he had, even though he was relieved that Daryl had gotten rid of Dale before he escalated the situation.

"Thought you were supposed to stay down a few days, til your stitches heal a bit ?"

Daryl shrugged. "Ain't that bad."

A few seconds passed, as they stood side by side. "So are y'all together now ?" he heard Daryl ask. He'd never heard that tone of voice from him before, it was real soft, almost kid-like.

"What?" Shane said, not because he hadn't heard him, but because he had no idea what to say. Daryl was making a lot out of an offhand comment. No way he could have figured out them fucking yet.

"You and Andrea," Daryl mumbled, his eyes still fixed off in the distance.

"I ain't with anybody, man, " he said offhandedly, only wanting to deflect the attention from Andrea, since honestly, that was the last thing on his mind right now. Then he realized just how dismissive that sounded when Daryl's eyes narrowed, and his jaw set.

"Unless you count where I'm gonna be after you get your ass back into that tent," Shane said, halfway between playful and rough. He had noticedthe camp was empty, other then Dale in the RV a little ways off. "We got some unfinished business to take care of."

"C'mon," he urged, nudging Daryl's shoulder with his own. Shane felt another pang of remorse at how quickly Daryl blinked away the anger he had seen there a second ago and led the way back towards his tent.

******************************************

The sounds of the group getting ready for dinner drifted through the thin nylon walls as Daryl lay resting. Shane had finished him off just seconds before everyone started wandering back into the camp and he was still coming down a little. They'd never done any of this shit this close to camp and in his own fucking tent, no less, the tent he and Merle had shared.

Once again, he found himself confused. He had heard Dale talking shit to Shane and without even knowing why, he was out there defending him as if he were kin, as if he _had_ to, without even stopping to think about what Dale had been saying. Then Shane had changed direction on him and he wound up on his back, Shane taking him into his mouth and robbing any coherent thoughts from his head for a good long while before finally letting him come down his throat.

He still didn't know why Shane could get to him like this but he couldn't seem to help it. All he had to do was use that _voice_ , and start grabbin' on him all rough and it was like he was drugged. His whole life, there hadn't been anybody made him feel that way. _Ever_.

But now Daryl was troubled a little, remembering Dale's actual words. Not the ones about Andrea, but about Otis, and Rick. The contempt he showed Shane was not at all like the way Dale acted around anyone else. It was weird. Daryl had noticed how upset Shane had been at Otis' funeral, how awkward a story he told about the end of the man's life. How odd it was that Shane had shaved all his hair off as soon as he returned.

And what he'd heard Dale say about Rick...why would Dale make something like that up ? Then again, Dale wasn't anybody to him, just some old dude creeping on a woman way too young for him. Probably just jealous that Andrea was trying to hook up with Shane. He could relate, he thought to himself with some shame.

Must be another side to the story, Daryl thought, that's all. And Otis, maybe he'd turned out to be a coward, died in a fucked up way or something, and Shane just didn't want to make him look bad to his family. He felt stupid, and a little disloyal, for even thinking it could be anything else.

He mustered up the courage to leave the tent and face the others once he had fully come down, enough to grab a little dinner. He saw Andrea seated next to Shane, leaning in towards him as they talked. He clearly saw the marks on her neck, noticed the change in their body language. Suddenly he had no appetite.

****************************************************************************************************

Shane went to check on Daryl after dinner. He had disappeared into his tent right after Carol handed him a plate. He lifted the tent flap and saw Daryl curled up on the cot, his back to the entrance. He thought he saw his shoulder twitch a bit when he half-entered, but after a couple of seconds standing there, he seemed to be sleeping quietly, so he stepped out silently. He knew he needed to rest.

Alone in his own tent later, Shane found his mind drifting back to his encounter with Andrea. It was almost funny how fucking her had made him see things more clearly. It had been no more of a release than jerking off. Like so many other encounters he'd had in his long career of one night stands and short-term flings. He knew she was just looking for a connection so she could attach herself to him for survival. It couldn't be simpler. The way she hopped on his cock like that, no way she'd be having any romantic delusions.

This thing with Daryl was completely different.

He thought back to the first time he'd gotten him off by the creek. Sure, Daryl had been high and confused, but not enough that he couldn't have pushed him off for real. No, instead of the rejection he had been half-expecting, it had turned into every fantasy about breaking Rick in that he had ever had, only better for the fact that it actually had happened.

And then the way he had given in to him at the quarry lake, when it was obviously something he'd never done before...it was like they had this understanding, Daryl needed Shane to take control because he couldn't bring himself to act on what he wanted, and Shane needed to feel Daryl give that control to him. Knowing that he was likely the only one who'd ever had that effect on Daryl made it almost intoxicating, like he was taming a wild animal or something.

He had been around the block more than enough times to know that this wasn't just a couple of dudes blowing off steam. He'd had those, and knew what they were. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't really think he'd leave if Daryl stayed, or stay if Daryl left.

He couldn't even be close to Daryl without wanting to maul him, bend him over and plunge into him, grab him by the back of his head and crush his lips with his own, force his tongue into his mouth until he felt him respond, reluctantly at first, but then needily, the way he always did. ,

Even Lori hadn't been able to get him so riled up and admitting that to himself started to ease a little of the pain that thinking about her always brought.

******************************************************************************************

Daryl was already up and eating breakfast when Shane finally woke the next morning. He'd slept better than he'd expected, and later than he wanted. He took the chair next to him, watching him lick his fingers clean after finishing off his eggs without bothering to use a fork. Daryl caught the leering look on his face and blushed, shooting him a dirty look before shifting his gaze elsewhere. "Stop," he muttered gruffly.

With no one in immediate earshot, Shane couldn't resist leaning in and whispering "I gotta keep watching you use your tongue like that, I'm gonna put it to better use."

Daryl tensed, his eyes flitting around the little camp to make sure no one heard.

Shane chuckled softly. "Relax, man, you know I know how to be careful."

He was considering coming clean about Andrea, laying it out just so he'd know where Daryl stood with that kind of thing. He wasn't sure Daryl understood what other guys would, that he could fuck a woman occasionally without it meaning a damn thing other than he'd gotten off. He wasn't in a competition, as he had thought to joke about it the night before and failed miserably.

But Glenn was demanding everyone's attention to make an announcement.

The barn was full of walkers.

**********************************************

There were a dozen or more, according to Glenn who had apparently known about it for a day or so.

The group went down to confirm it, Shane peering through the cracks in the wooden door and seeing the rotting bodies swarm the door as he did so.

Shane was fuming, that Glenn had known and kept it quiet,and then to find out that Dale had known as well. Bad enough the old farmer wouldn't let them carry guns when it was ridiculous not to.

Rick took Herschel's side, insisting it was his land , his rules, as though they could afford to be polite when there were lives on the line...he blew up at Rick, but when Lori stepped in between them, he'd had enough. He stormed off before he said anything he knew he'd regret later on.

Rick came to make peace a little later, when Shane had calmed down and set himself up to guard the barn. But by the end of the conversation, he'd told Shane Lori was pregnant and his whole world had cracked apart.

He had no idea if Lori had come clean with Rick on the rest or not, he sure couldn't tell from Rick's demeanor. He was unreadable, nothing like the Rick he'd ever been so close to. Watching him walk away, Shane felt a surge of pure hatred. Not only had Rick come back to take away Lori, but possibly his unborn child.

And like a glutton for punishment, he went to Lori, practically pleading with her to accept the fact that this child was his, that what they had was more than just grief and desperation on her part. All the calm he had felt earlier, the peace he had started to make with losing her, had fallen away at the thought that he had made a child with her, an unbreakable bond of flesh and blood that couldn't disappear with the passing of fickle emotions.

But she would admit nothing, she was cold as ice to him. And as he stalked away from her, tears of regret and frustration springing to his eyes, her last words to him were still ringing in his ears

"Even if it's yours, it's never gonna be yours, and there's nothing you can do to change that."

***************************************************************************

Shane went to gather the guns from the RV. His intention was to hand them out and organize a shooting gallery, take out the walkers in the barn, and tell Herschel they weren't leaving this farm. And to hell with Rick's opinion on the matter. He was through following his lead. He was running on adrenaline and rage and even he knew his thinking was a little addled, but he didn't care. But Dale was gone and so were the guns. He realized after his outburst at Rick that the prick might try something like this, taking any potential threat out of Shane's hands by removing their firearms.

He was about to go off to find Dale when he saw Carol walking away from the stable, looking troubled. She caught his eye and headed for him, so he stopped, impatiently putting his hands on his hips.

"What's up, Carol ?"

"Can you stop him ?" she asked plaintively. "He's trying to saddle up and go out again, but he's not-"

Before she even finished he was striding towards the barn, his anger finding a closer target.

"You serious ? You didn't learn nothin' from the other day ?" Shane was already yelling as he entered the stable and saw Daryl struggling with the heavy saddle, panting from the pain. Apparently he was trying to figure out a way to hoist it up and over the horse without it costing him more injury.

Daryl didn't even turn around to respond. This was bullshit, Shane was thinking. There was shit he had to take care of, no way was he gonna spend the day worrying that this dumbass might be lying out in the woods dead on top of everything else. That he was stupid enough to be trying to take this risk while he could barely lift the saddle made him want to knock him upside the head.

"You ain't goin' anywhere, man, " Shane said roughly, reaching out to grab Daryl's shoulder on his good side. It made Daryl twist away reflexively and the movement cost him. He let out a groan and the saddle fell out of his grasp onto the stable floor, his body hunching over his hurt side.

"You can't stop me," Daryl grit out, his voice cracking slightly from the pain.

"You really think you're in any condition to fight me ?" Shane stepped into Daryl's space, backing him against the wall. Daryl didn't go to shove him away, just glared at him through narrowed eyes, still clutching his side protectively. This close, Shane could feel the heat radiating off his body. He had the sudden urge to take him in his arms and just hold onto him, but he realized that would probably earn him a punch in the face right now, or at least an attempt at one.

"Lori's pregnant," Shane heard himself blurt out then. He hadn't meant to but the words had tumbled out anyway and it was too late now.

Daryl blinked, his expression shifting from anger to concern. His eyes met Shane's fully, taking that in. "It's yours, ain't it?" he asked quietly.

"Whatta you think ? If she's already able to tell there's no way it couldn't be." Shane took a step back, giving Daryl his space again.

"What're you gonna do?" Daryl said softly, his eyes looking away now.

Shane blew out a breath, scrubbed a hand over his head. Hell if he knew. But he said simply "I'm gonna take care of it."

"Does Rick know?"

"Yeah, Rick knows," he muttered. Daryl was staring at the ground now, chewing his lip.

"I mean, does Rick know it's _yours_ ?"

Shane stood there, regarding Daryl. His brow was furrowed with concern, like he was actually thinking on the problem. Like it was _his_ problem, too. Fuck it, Shane thought, they didn't need the rest of them for this. "You got your sidearm ?" Shane asked him.

Daryl looked up, a little confused. "Yeah..."

Course he did, Shane thought. He'd kept his own as well. He liked that they had that they had that in common. They weren't ones to let some arbitrary rules control their actions.

"Grab your crossbow," Shane said resolutely. "And go get whatever ammo you got hidden away. Me and you, we're gonna take care of that barn right now. We're gonna secure this damn farm. "


	9. Escalation

Daryl wasn't sure at all that this was a good idea. Well, no, he did think it was a good idea but maybe the wrong way to go about it.

He tried to reason with Shane after he had loaded his pistol and spare magazine, and they were heading back towards the barn. Herschel could kick them all out. What would happen to Lori, pregnant and on the road ? He also felt bad since Herschel had stitched him up and let him sleep in his house, but he didn't mention that. This wasn't about his own feelings.

"We ain't goin' anywhere," Shane had answered, not slowing his pace. So Daryl fell in beside him, despite his misgivings. He might not know what to call what they were to eachother, but he at least wanted to have his back at a time like this.

They screwed on their silencers. Shane busted off the lock and they stood back, taking aim and starting to fire as the walkers began to pile out of the open barn door. It wasn't hard, they were both excellent shots. The silencers didn't muffle the noise well enough that the group didn't hear, but that wasn't the intention. They only wanted to stop the sounds from traveling too far that it could attract any local walkers.

By the time they were down to the last few, everyone was running over. Daryl heard yelling, from T-Dog, Glenn, then female voices, probably the Greene girls. He concentrated on reloading. He and Shane would deal with the aftermath later.

His head snapped back up as he readied his pistol again and he froze. Sophia's skinny legs were twisted inwards at an odd angle, the skin on her exposed calves mottled. Her gait was lurching and unsteady, but her bloodshot eyes seemed to catch his as he stared, paralyzed.

This ghost he'd been chasing for days, his chance at doing something good, really good, for once in his life, was gone. He heard her name sobbed out a distance behind him and knew instantly it was Carol. He knew he had to pull the trigger but he just couldn't. He was stumbling backwards, putting distance between them, stalling the inevitable as he steeled himself to do it, when he heard another shot go off. Sophia dropped straight down in front of him. He turned his head to see Shane slowly lowering his pistol, his eyes wide as he turned to meet Daryl's stare.

For what seemed like forever there was absolute quiet, just the two of them sharing a horrible, unending moment.

Then all hell broke loose.

Beth came to throw herself down near the body of an older woman, sobbing. Rick and Herschel were approaching, two walkers in tow held by the throat by catch poles, the kind that animal control would use to contain a wild animal. Herschel was already shouting at them furiously, the dead woman at the end of the pole twitching this way and that , making his body jerk back and forth as he struggled to restrain it. He was telling them all to go, get the hell off his property, NOW, and Shane seemed to snap.

Daryl watched as he began to shoot holes through the corpse Herschel held, punctuating each shot with his own angry words.

"Does she look sick to you? " BOOM, a shot through her midsection. The woman surged forward a second later, throat rasping, teeth snapping. BOOM, another through her heart. "Would a live person come back from that?" The corpse continued to pull against Herschel's pole, and this time he lost his grip, as the reality of what he'd seen sank in and seemed to immobilize him. Shane put a round in her head, dropping her instantly. Then did the same to the one Rick was restraining. 

"How long did you know?" Shane shouted then, advancing on the old man. Daryl saw Maggie running up as he did so. "How long did you have us out there looking when she was right there in your fucking barn?"

Herschel was shaking his head, looking lost as he saw Sophia's body crumpled on the ground. "I didn't know...Otis...he must have put her there before he died..." 

Shane's hand went out towards Herschel in an angry gesture and Daryl didn't know what his intention was, but Maggie shoved him away, before Rick could even get between them, and slapped him hard across the face. "Don't you touch him," she snarled viciously. "You've done enough."

It calmed Shane enough that he took a step back.

"Off my land," Herschel growled at him. "I mean it." He went to his youngest, then, still crouched over the dead woman, crying brokenly.

Daryl saw Carol staggering towards the body of her daughter as if in a trance. She got a few feet away, staring with empty eyes, tears streaming down her face, her body convulsing with sobs. Then she broke her gaze and ran, away from the carnage around her, and the rotting corpse of her little girl.

Without thinking, Daryl found himself trailing after her, no thought in his mind other than not to leave her to herself right now. Everyone was so frozen with shock that no one else moved to follow her.

***************************************************************************************************************************************  
The Greenes retreated into their home. Rick was heading towards the house but rounded on Shane when he realized he was following him up.

"What are you doing?" Rick almost yelled . "I was _handling_ it."

" _Handling_ it ? All this time out there looking for that little girl and she was right there, the whole time. You gonna tell me he didn't know? "

"He didn't! And he thought they were _sick_. He thinks the two of you just went and massacred his _family_ ! "

"They had Sophia all this time, Rick !" Shane repeated, shouting. " Daryl almost died looking for her. Do you think I give a shit what he thinks? " Shane was so furious at Rick for taking Herschel's side he couldn't think straight. Couldn't he understand how ridiculous it was for them to just allow a barn full of potential threats not a stone's throw away from where Lori and Carl slept? To waste manpower keeping a constant watch on them?

"I was handling it, brother," Rick was saying, using his calm voice now, the one that told Shane he thought he was all wrong here. " I was handling it and you just couldn't wait- "

"You had us out in those woods looking for a little girl that every single one of us knew was dead!" Shane shouted back, somewhat irrationally he realized, even as he said it. "You're just as delusional as that old man." 

He turned and stormed away towards the camp. He needed to keep moving, blot the image of that little girl and Carol's crying out of his head. He'd get the farm truck, they'd haul off the bodies, they'd burn the strangers and dig graves for the family. He'd just take care of business and try to forget how hollow it rang now whenever Rick called him brother. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl slipped into the RV quietly. Carol was sitting at the table, staring vacantly out the window. She barely turned her head to regard him as he entered. He sat up on the kitchen counter and just stayed there. There were no words, he knew there wasn't any point to them. He felt the weight of his failure sitting on his chest like a heavy stone. He had come so close, if he hadn't been thrown...no she would have been in the barn already, if Herschel was telling the truth, he told himself. But he still felt awful.

The last time they had spoken was at the barn. She'd tried to stop him before Shane did, and he'd been nasty to her, called her a stupid bitch when all she was trying to do was look out for him. He didn't even know why he'd been such a dick. Maybe because it felt like she was giving up on her kid to waste her worry on his sorry ass,and he always got angry at stupidity.

He couldn't even apologize to her now, it was just petty compared to what she was dealing with, so he just sat there silently, hoping she knew he hadn't meant anything by it.

After a while he went and got her some water, even though she had refused it. The heat was stifling, she'd get dehydrated. He saw the group digging graves for the few that weren't going to just be burned. Watched Andrea and Shane working next to each other, talking seriously by the looks on their faces. His stomach felt hollow and aching all of a sudden.

He'd already proven himself to be a disloyal piece of shit by abandoning his search for Merle, the only kin he had left, to follow a dude that had not only gotten one woman pregnant but was fucking another. And here he was, such a lowlife that he was sitting there with a grieving mother and actually wasting a thought on whether Lori being pregnant would make it more likely for Shane to stay or to leave.

He was so disgusted with himself that he decided it was time for him to go, just pack up his shit and disappear. He felt a lump form in his throat at the thought of it, and that made him more sure that it was what he had to do.

Lori came to get Carol when they were ready to bury Sophia. She refused to go. She wouldn't acknowledge that it was even Sophia anymore. It was just "some... _thing_ , she said numbly, still staring out the window.

Daryl felt like she could barely stand to look at him now. He had given her false hope, and then attacked her when she'd been trying to be nice. He had nothing left to offer her. After a minute, he got up and went without her. At least he could pay respects to her little girl, if she couldn't. He owed her that much.

When the little service was done, Daryl took his crossbow and headed out for the woods, making sure to avoid Shane completely, not even looking his direction. He walked out a ways and then lost the mood and just sat down under a tree, far enough away from the camp that he wouldn't be visible.

He whittled a stick restlessly, wondering when he should just go and grab the rest of his gear and take off. He wanted to make sure it would go unnoticed at first. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to these people. Least of all Shane.

He heard the ground crunching off to his side, and glanced up reluctantly. Somehow he knew exactly who it would be.

"What're you doin' all the way out here?" Shane asked casually.

"Needed some quiet," Daryl answered curtly, turning his attention back to the stick.

Shane squatted down next to the tree stump Daryl was seated on. "You ok, man?" he asked softly. His voice sounded different then normal, he sounded concerned, and that made things worse.

"Probably gonna head out tomorrow or the next," Daryl blurted out almost against his will. He was at least glad his voice sounded flat and expressionless, instead of betraying how he really felt right now.

"Head out where?"

"Dunno yet. Maybe head north a ways." He shrugged as he said it, cause it really did make no difference to him right now.

Shane looked at him straight on. He looked thoughtful. "No you're not," he said, like he was sure of it.

"Why the hell not?" Daryl said gruffly. "Y'all don't need me to look for that girl no more, an' that old man wants us out anyways. Got no reason to stick around."

"You know, I didn't take you for a pussy," Shane said flatly.

Daryl turned to shoot him a dirty look. " _What_?" he said indignantly.

Shane shrugged. "You got a problem, thought you were the kind of man that'd say somethin', not just run away like that."

"Man, fuck you, I ain't runnin' away. I'm movin' on, like I shoulda already done."

"I _know_ you ain't cuttin' out on me over what we did back there. That was the right thing to do and you know it." Shane was looking at him intently. "Is this cause you think I got somethin' goin' on with Andrea ?" 

Daryl felt the heat rise to his face at that. He shrugged , looking down at the ground. "That ain't my concern," he snapped irritably.

"No? Cause you seemed pretty concerned the other night," Shane persisted.

"You think I give a damn who you're fuckin' ? " Daryl's voice started rising, ruining his plan to sound calm and disinterested. "S'not like we're...like we're..." Daryl's brain froze in mid-sentence. What the hell was he even trying to say? Dammit, why was he even _havin'_ this conversation?

"G'on, " Shane pushed. "Like we're what?"

"Man, just fuck off, alright? Go find your baby mama, take care'a her," Daryl snarled.

Shane's expression darkened at that, his eyes flashing angrily. "Leave her outta this, man," he warned.

"Outta _what_ ? " Daryl sneered, standing up now, his whole body tense with frustration. "She's with Rick now, you really think you're gonna be that baby's daddy?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, despite how angry he was.

Shane was on his feet now too, glaring back at him, eyes dark with hurt and rage, and for a second Daryl thought he was gonna take a swing at him. He was almost hoping for it, it would be familiar, it would break the tension and then Shane could forget what a low blow Daryl just dealt him.

Instead Shane grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shoved him roughly against the tree, pinning him. Their faces were inches away from each other, and for a second Daryl wondered if Shane was planning to kiss him or choke him.

"You listen to me," Shane growled. "You ain't goin' anywhere right now, alright? You got nowhere to go and there's too much shit goin' on here for you to just take off."

"Yeah, _your_ shit ," Daryl muttered sullenly. "I didn't ask for _none_ a' this."

Shane released his grip on his shirt, but neither of them moved from where they stood. Daryl felt a sudden urge to lean into Shane, rest his forehead to his chest, feel their bodies press together. He just felt so worn out.

"How'd you even find out I fucked her ?" Shane asked curiously after a couple of seconds. If he was pissed, he didn't sound it anymore, Daryl thought.

"I seen that big-ass hickey on her neck, " he muttered. "I didn't figure Dale gave it to her. "

Shane let out a laugh at that. "Bet he wishes he could've though," he said.

Daryl smirked despite himself, then turned serious again, his eyes lifting to meet Shane's gaze finally. "So _are_ y'all together, then, or what ?" His tone was challenging, and slightly hostile and it made Shane feel like an asshole.

"Ain't no big romance goin' on, man. She was all juiced up from the danger. Climbed up on me like she was gonna give me a lapdance. What was I supposed to do?"

Daryl shrugged , didn't say anything.

"It was just blowin' off steam, man. You know how it is. " Shane went on. But even as he said it, he was starting to wonder if Daryl really didn't. He was pretty positive he'd never fucked a dude before, and for all he knew he hadn't even fucked any women. If he had, he doubted it could've been very many. He'd never actually thought of asking. A strange feeling started welling up in his chest, making it slightly difficult for him to breathe.

"I need to blow off steam I take off into the woods awhile... " Daryl was answering . "Or get drunk."

Shane stood there, studying Daryl quietly as he looked off the the side, avoiding eye contact. He always got uncomfortable this close when they weren't fucking, or fighting, Shane knew. He clapped a hand on Daryl's shoulder roughly. "Then let's go get you drunk."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shane had left Daryl with a bottle of whiskey he'd stashed away when they'd all been looting cars on the highway. He lay in his tent alone, resting like everyone kept saying he was supposed to, taking swig after swig, even as he was telling himself it wasn't a good idea to get this drunk right now. He thought about joining Shane on top of the RV but didn't know what he'd even say to him. He was feeling like such a bitch right now. Shane calling him out about Andrea was humiliating.

He'd thought about going and sharing the bottle with Carol, but everyone seemed to have gone into the house, and he wasn't about to go up there after what he'd done this morning. She'd probably be better off not seeing him around at all, anyway. After all , he was the damn fool that had given her that little flower, made her think everything'd be ok.

He heard Shane come down off the RV and head into his tent. His watch was over. It had gotten dark.

He was disappointed that Shane didn't check in on him. He'd been looking forward to it, he realized. Fuck, he _must_ be drunk. He didn't even feel any shame this time. He was hearing Shane's words from before, "I know you ain't cuttin' out on _me_ ", he'd said. Not us, the group. Him. Then the way he told him he wasn't leaving, that he had nowhere to go. Instead of being angry that he'd talked to him that way, he was actually _glad_. Hell, if Shane really didn't care if he stuck around or not wouldn't he just have let him leave ? 

He was feeling restless. His mind started wandering. He remembered what Shane said about him and Andrea blowing off steam. Was that what this was to Shane too, then? Shit, what else _could_ it be, really ? 

He took a long pull off the bottle and stood up unsteadily. Ok, he was thinking, maybe I can handle that. It's still better than anything else I ever had. One more deep, warm swallow of whiskey and Daryl left his tent, dropping the bottle carelessly on the nylon floor behind him.

\--------------------------------------------

Shane lay back on his cot, not tired enough to sleep , but not having much to do once T came out from the house and relieved him on watch. Rick and Glenn had gone out after Herschel and hadn't come back, but he wasn't too worried yet. Apparently the old man had gone off into town in search of liquor, unable to deal with what happened at the barn. 

Shane was having a hard time, too. He couldn't get the image of Sophia out of his mind. Couldn't stop thinking about Lori carrying his child, and her refusing to acknowledge that it was _theirs_. 

What the hell was he gonna do if he was still here when that kid was born? Watch Rick raise it like his own right in front of him? He almost wished he had left when he'd wanted to, days ago. He and Andrea, and he would have hoped Daryl, would've been to Fort Benning by now, or at least somewhere that wasn't here. He would never have had to know he fathered a child that might never be his. 

He saw a shadow hovering outside the tent , and for a second his heart jumped, thinking from the sway of the man-shaped outline that it might be a walker. But then Daryl slipped into the tent all of a sudden, looking unsteady as hell.

"What's up, man?" Shane asked, getting a little amused at how drunk he looked. "You kill that whole bottle?"

Without a word, Daryl knelt clumsily next to the cot, his hands fumbling to undo Shane's belt buckle. Shane was so stunned he didn't even move, as Daryl moved on to the button and then the zipper of his cargo pants.

Daryl hadn't looked at him or said a word but after a couple of seconds Shane felt himself sheathed in his warm, wet mouth, as he sucked on the tip and then slowly down the whole length of the shaft. He started to stiffen despite all the heavy shit that had just been in his mind. He moved a hand to the back of Daryl's head, winding his fingers through his hair, debating with himself whether or not to stop him.

"What the hell is this for ?" Shane asked , almost laughing with the absurdity of it. Daryl had never once come to _him_. Even as drunk as he'd been at the CDC, it had been Shane who had grabbed hold of him, not the other way around.

"You want me to stop ?" he heard Daryl mutter thickly, not raising his eyes. His tone made it a dare, not a question. Shane felt his mind emptying as he tightened his grip on the back of his head and thrust himself into Daryl's mouth, the head bumping against the back of his throat. He didn't even gag, and Shane mused that the alcohol must be relaxing those muscles as well. Shane flattened his hand on the back of Daryl's head and pushed harder. Daryl moaned softly around his cock at that and quickened the rhythm.

Part of him couldn't believe he was callous enough to be doing this with all that had happened today, but it wasn't just that Daryl's mouth felt so good. It was the fact that he was _here_ , in _his_ tent, without having been coaxed, that made everything else fade from his mind.

Daryl was dragging his tongue roughly along the underside as he sucked, moving his hand to cup Shane's balls tightly. Shane gasped a little. "Damn, you remember all my tricks, don't ya? " he whispered hoarsely, as Daryl started tonguing the little area underneath the back of the head and then the slit.

The rhythm was changing slightly, faster then slower, then faster again, then some more shit with his tongue...and he realized Daryl was _teasing_ him. He'd have to remember to keep a stash of whiskey around wherever they wound up, he was thinking.

His eyes were rolling back in his head and he felt vibration around his cock as Daryl gave a throaty little noise of satisfaction when he heard Shane struggle to suppress a groan. Shane grabbed Daryl's head roughly in both hands then, suddenly feeling something more than just lust and the desire to claim his mouth, and Daryl reacted by going full force, taking Shane's length all the way down his throat, moving his mouth up and down at a relentless pace until he was coming so hard his vision dimmed and a too-loud moan escaped his lips.

Fuck, Shane thought, even _he_ wouldn't have wanted anyone to have caught that.

He heard a gasp above him and to the right that definitely hadn't come from Daryl, and then his eyes were wide open and he was sitting up quickly, his softening cock flopping back against his open zipper. Andrea was standing in the doorway, the tent flap raised in her hand , her mouth hanging open, a look of utter confusion on her face.

Daryl was frozen, sitting on the tent floor now, his head down, his chest heaving in and out rapidly. He almost looked like he was hyperventilating. He hadn't turned around to look but clearly he knew they'd been caught.

"What's up ?" Shane said weakly, feeling about as ridiculous as he probably looked with his hand now resting over his exposed dick. After a second he just put himself away. It wasn't like she hadn't already seen it.

Still, his face was burning and his heart pounding. He hadn't given any real thought yet to how or if he would ever share what was going on with Daryl with anyone, but this would have to be one of the worst ways he could think of. At least it hadn't been Rick.

But then Andrea recovered her senses and her words blotted out all the embarrassment and shock, replacing them with sheer terror.

"Lori's missing."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shane and Daryl sat in silence in the Hyundai as they drove up the long dark road off the farm. Shane was racked with guilt. He had been furious that Rick had gone off again, leaving his wife and son behind for another near-stranger who had to have had a screw loose to begin to have been keeping a barn full of walkers.

But he hadn't even bothered to check back on them. Just assumed Lori and Carl were in the house together, safe. He'd been too busy messing with Daryl to make sure. And then just took a watch shift like everything was ok. 

Shit, Carl had just lost the only friend his age he had left, and Shane had been lying back getting a blow job while the kid's mom was out in the dark alone. And then there was the other nagging fear for Rick. For all the resentment and hostility that had built up, he still couldn't imagine never seeing him again. If they weren't back after this long, something had to have gone wrong.

He insisted Daryl come along, partially for the back-up and partially because even though he was preoccupied with Lori, he realized Daryl shouldn't be left alone to deal with the aftermath of Andrea's catching them together. Shit, he had just barely gotten him to stick around, that could be the last straw for him.

After only a few minutes on the road, both of them jumped in their seats as they spotted Maggie's car, overturned on the side of the road. Shane slammed on the brakes, jumping out in a panic. She wasn't there. There was a rotten corpse in the car with a screwdriver jammed through the eye socket, and some blood on the broken side window. But no Lori.

Daryl was next to him, scouring the grassy area around the crash as Shane illuminated it with his flashlight.

"See anything?" Shane asked, knowing Daryl's eyes were better at this. Luckily all the stress seemed to have sobered him up fast. 

Daryl shook his head. " Don't see no sign she got off the road. Don't see no other set of tracks, neither. "

They got back in the car and drove on. Shane was heartened but still sick with fear. She could've been bit. Or she might be dead on the side of the road. He punched the dashboard hard, venting his utter frustration at how powerless he was, and how guilty he felt. He saw Daryl flinch out of the corner of his eye, startled by the sudden outburst. Then a couple of seconds later, he felt Daryl's hand tentatively on his shoulder, giving it a slight comforting squeeze before snatching it away awkwardly, as if he was embarrassed at attempting such a gesture.

It calmed Shane down enough to focus on the road. After a couple of minutes, he saw her stumbling up the street, alone. Her unsteady gait made his insides twist with dread. He stopped the car and rushed up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders, running his hands up and down her bare arms greedily, fighting the urge to crush her against his chest as he realized she wasn't bit or seriously wounded.

"You all right?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled.

"You're not fine. I saw the wreck. Let me look at you." He started looking her over for injuries, saw the blood on her forehead and gripped her chin tipping her head back to shine the flashlight to check her eyes.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Looked down at the map and hit a walker," she answered weakly.

"Next time stay put, you won't need a map," he said gruffly, hiding the weaker emotions he was feeling right now. "Come on, I gotta get you back."

"No, we gotta find Rick," she said insistently.

Shane thought for a moment, looking back at Daryl, who was standing outside the open passenger door now. He gave him a tiny conspiratorial nod, silently asking him to back up the lie he was about to tell.

"He's back. They're all back, safe and sound."  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
The ride back was so uncomfortable Shane almost regretted bringing Daryl along. He had shifted to the backseat so Lori could ride shotgun, but everything Shane wanted to say to Lori felt too intimate to share in front of Daryl. How relieved he was. How worried he was for the baby. How he wished she could see how Rick left her hanging every time she needed him. He cringed a little inside when she asked him why Rick hadn't come for her then, and he had to improvise and tell her Carl had asked Rick to stay with him instead.

The realization hit him like a splash of cold water to the face that a part of him was still hoping Rick never made it back.

When they pulled up at the farm, everyone was running out to meet them, save for Rick, Glenn and Herschel. As soon as Lori assured them she was ok, she asked where Rick was.

"They're not back ?" Lori snarled at Shane, as their silence confirmed what she should have suspected. "Where are they?"

Her eyes flashed near-hatred at him and Shane fell back a step. "Look, I had to get you back here-"

"You _asshole_ ," she swore in disgust. "He's my _husband_."

"Lori, I will go after him first thing in the morning, but I gotta look after you," he said pleadingly. " I gotta make sure the baby's all right, okay?"

"You're having a baby? " he heard Carl's voice pipe in. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The look on Andrea's face at the way Shane had broken that intimate news made him feel even worse than he had. Jesus, he was not looking forward to their next conversation, that was for sure. 

He and Daryl were left standing there as the others headed back up to the house, following Lori.

"You wanna go look for them now ?" he heard Daryl offer after a bit.

"Nah, I gotta keep an eye on her," Shane said absently, staring at the house in the distance.

" Do you want 'im to come back ?" Daryl asked hesitantly, after a long pause.

"What're you listenin' to Dale now?" Shane answered sharply. He was unnerved by how easily Daryl got to that point.

"What he said, 'bout Rick... was it true?" he persisted. 

Shane looked at Daryl, who had come to stand next to him. He was rocking on his heels slightly, head down, his lower lip caught in his teeth thoughtfully the way it did when he was nervous or uncertain.

A long silence passed. Then all of a sudden Shane found himself unloading shit he hadn't even wanted to. "I loved that girl for years, " he was saying. " Always thought I coulda been better for her, ya'know?" He didn't expect an answer and he couldn't read the expression on Daryl's face, but something in the way he was just quietly listening made Shane keep going.

" I thought he was _dead_ , man. " he said, almost pleading with Daryl to understand where he was coming from . "Put my head on his chest in that hospital bed, didn't hear no heartbeat. He was all hooked up to machines, there was no way I coulda saved him."

Daryl was perfectly still beside him.

" There were soldiers gunning men down in the goddamn hallways , man. " Shane went on. "You think I woulda done what I did if I thought he was still alive? He's like a _brother_ to me." And woulda been more than that if I thought it could've been, he was saying in his head. But I fucked all that up, too.

He knew he hadn't answered the question Daryl had asked but he realized he didn't have an answer. If he'd really meant to kill Rick that time, he would have pulled the trigger, wouldn't he? He loved Rick but that part of him that wished he'd never shown up again wouldn't go away, anymore than the love he still had for him after all that. But he wasn't willing to say any of those things out loud.

There was silence again, for long enough that Shane wondered if Daryl was going to respond at all.

"She ain't yours,man," he muttered finally.

It was so simple to him, Shane thought. But he sounded so sure of it that Shane felt it seep in painfully, in a way it hadn't before. It was like hearing it said out loud made it real. Lori's look of disgust, of dismissal, as she told him the baby would never be his, as she accused him of leaving Rick behind just so he could be with her, as she shoved him away at the CDC, all sprang into his mind's eye.

And now he just wanted to do something, anything other than run to Lori and beg her to see how much better he was for her, how much more he cared for her. He was realizing now how utterly pathetic and pointless that would be, while Rick was somewhere out there missing.

He turned to look at Daryl. "Still up for another ride?" he asked. May as well play the better man even if he didn't feel like it.

\----------------------------------------------------------  
They sped off up the road again, heading for the last location Shane knew Rick to have headed for, the bar on the main street of the little nearby town.

Daryl seemed just as eager to move as he was. Shane figured he wouldn't want to be anywhere near Andrea until he knew what would come of that. He'd stayed in the car when Shane went to tell the others they weren't going to wait until morning, and for T-Dog and Dale to keep watch on the camp. 

The way Lori's eyes softened on him as he told them, the way Carl looked at him so hopefully, made his chest hurt. It would almost be easier if she stayed disgusted.

Daryl was quiet in the passenger seat, his eyes on the road. 

"She ain't gonna say anything," Shane said into the silence. "It ain't junior high school." He knew Daryl wouldn't bring it up but he also knew it was weighing on him. He really didn't want to address it himself, but he wasn't nearly as uptight about it. At least, if it stayed between them and Andrea. His mind refused to even imagine Rick's reaction, or Lori's. Or God forbid, Carl's.

"I ain't no faggot, man," Daryl muttered back. 

Shane suppressed the urge to laugh at how that sounded coming from a man who'd been sucking his cock not a couple of hours back and instead said just as seriously "Yeah, me neither."

"You fuckin' with me ?" Daryl asked a second later.

Shane glanced over to see Daryl glaring at him in the dark. "You think any of that shit matters now ?" he asked. "Cause I'll tell you something, it didn't matter yesterday when I had you on your back, did it?" He didn't get an answer. "And it sure didn't matter a little while ago when you were-"

"Man, shut up," Daryl cut him off angrily, like he couldn't even stand to hear it out loud. "Why you always gotta talk shit like that?"

"Look, you wanna worry about what to call it, that's your problem, man," Shane snapped back at him. "Unless you're sayin' you wanna stop it ?" He regretted that instantly. This whole day had been hell , and Daryl's attitude was fraying his nerves, but pushing him away was the last thing he wanted to do.

But apparently that was just the right thing to say to make Daryl stop arguing. He folded his arms across his chest and settled back into the passenger seat, turning his attention back to the road.

"Let's just focus on finding these idiots so we can get back and get some rest, ok?" Shane said softly after a bit. Daryl made a little grunt of affirmation. 

At least he won't be worrying about me and Andrea anymore, Shane thought to himself with a little bitter amusement.

They continued on until they started to come into the little town. The moonlight provided just enough light that Shane could make out the car Rick and Glenn had taken, parked on the street across from the bar. "That's their car," he said, not quite relieved yet. 

Daryl pointed ahead suddenly. " _That_ ain't."

Shane saw the other vehicle then, closer to the bar. He thought he could make out a head over the driver's seat. He cut the headlights. He heard voices yelling, echoing through the empty street. One of them sounded like Rick, but he couldn't make out any words.

Out of the blue, gunfire erupted. He heard glass shattering from the bar. Daryl was immediately readying his pistol.

"Hold on, " Shane muttered, hitting the gas and driving the Hyundai into the rear of the strange car. He had no idea who they were but he was pretty sure Rick's voice had come from the bar and the other voice was yelling from outside. Whoever they were they were hostiles. The impact propelled the vehicle forward with a loud crack and there was another explosion of broken glass to his right as the passenger window shattered.

He heard Daryl gasp in pain and as he turned to look at him, Daryl was holding his hand up to the right side of his head. Without thinking, he grabbed Daryl and pulled him down across the center console, raising his own pistol to shoot out the open window at the outline of a man who appeared to be holding a gun. He had no idea if he hit anything, the light was so bad. But the shooting stopped.

Then the car he'd hit was speeding up, tires squealing as it disappeared into the blackness down the unlit street. 

Daryl was straightening up, and Shane gripped his chin and turned his head to look at his injury. There was blood but Daryl was shoving him off impatiently. "S'nothing, I think the glass just got me. "

Shane pulled the car up a little more until they were directly in front of the bar. All was still staying quiet, so he got out of the car, pistol at the ready, and walked up closer to the entrance. "Rick," he called out. "You in there?"

"Shane ?" he heard Rick's voice, sounding relieved. 

The door cracked open and Shane went to move in, Daryl coming up behind him. Rick, Herschel , and Glenn looked grim, weapons clutched in their hands. There were two dead men, one on the floor in the corner, the other laying over the bar. 

"Jesus Christ, what the hell happened?" Shane asked. Before anyone could answer, the sound of a man moaning in pain drifted through the door. 

" That car took off , looked like there could've been two inside," Shane said. "That's probably the guy that shot at us out there, I musta hit him." 

Rick started moving towards the door ignoring Shane's harsh whisper to wait. The moaning had turned to whimpering, and Rick went to step outside carefully.

Cursing, Shane went to join him, keeping his gun ready as his eyes scanned around the dark street.

Rick was kneeling next to the man lying on the ground with a bloody wound to his thigh, trying to calm him down. 

The wounded man, well, kid, really, now that Shane could make him out, was pleading with Rick not to leave him here, and suddenly Rick was calling for Herschel.

"What are you doin'?" Shane demanded. "He shot at us, man."

"He's a kid, we can't just leave him here to die."

"The hell we can't, let's get out of here, how do you know there ain't more of 'em coming ?" Shane was in pure survival mode. Besides, this kid was at least twenty, not some innocent child.

"We're not leaving him here," Rick repeated insistently.

"This is the second time Daryl almost took a bullet for one of your dumbass decisions, man ! " Shane exploded suddenly. " What's it gonna take for you to wake up ? "

"No one asked you to come up here, we were handling it ! " Rick yelled back.

"I'm here cause your wife and son are worried sick," Shane shot back at him, enjoying the look of guilt that instantly brought to Rick's face. "Lori went lookin' for you, you know that? Snuck out on her own, got into a car accident-"

"What ? Is she alright? What-" Rick's voice rose in a starting panic. Good, Shane thought.

"She's fine, Rick, cause _I_ went and got her, brought her back, _safe_. " The venomous look Rick gave him at that made him wonder if maybe Lori finally _had_ come clean about everything.

But then the kid broke in, pleading.

"Please, I won't be no trouble, I swear, " he was whining. "I hardly even know those guys."

Herschel was kneeling by his side as he babbled pathetically, cutting his pants leg away to check the wound. "Looks like the bullet went all the way through, " he said. He turned to Glenn. "You're gonna have to ride in the backseat with him, keep pressure on it."

Across the street, walkers were starting to converge, drawn by all the gunfire.

"We'll deal with all this when we get back," Rick said urgently, meeting Shane's eyes. "Let's just go."

Rick helped Herschel and Glenn rush the kid into the backseat of the car they had come up in. 

"What the hell ?" Daryl said, coming up alongside him, shaking his head, sharing Shane's confusion as they watched them start the car and pull away. 

"I don't know, man, " Shane answered bleakly. They hurried back into the Hyundai before the walkers got too close, and started following Rick's car back down the road to the farm. Nothing good was gonna come out of this, Shane was thinking.


	10. Understanding

The ride back started off loud. Shane was ranting about how stupid they all were, Herschel running off to get drunk, leaving his grieving daughters behind, Rick and Glenn running after him, Lori running after Rick,making him have to chase after her...and now some kid that had tried to shoot at them being taken back to their damn home base, to waste their meds and possibly lead to a standoff with some unknown group of armed men.

Shane was right about all of it, Daryl was thinking, but his head was pounding and he wished he'd just tone it down a little. He was still half-drunk from earlier, and taking a face full of broken glass hadn't made it any better. And he was tired as hell. He leaned up against the door, letting the breeze from the broken window brush his face soothingly.

"...I mean, Jesus," Shane was saying," you're the only one here that knows his ass from his elbow. Shoulda fuckin' left with you after the CDC. Never woulda even _known_ she was pregnant..."

That woke Daryl right up. "What?" he asked stupidly.

Shane didn't answer him and he wondered if he'd heard right.

"How's your head?" Shane asked instead.

"Told you it was fine," Daryl answered impatiently.

It was quiet between them for nearly another minute.

"Thought you was leavin' with Andrea," Daryl mumbled finally.

"She tell you that?" Shane asked.

Daryl shrugged, didn't answer. He couldn't. He wasn't about to admit that he'd been eavesdropping on him and Lori back by that old church and then spying on him and Andrea after. He felt like an idiot for bringing it up now.

"She offered to go with me if I left, " Shane said. "Obviously that didn't happen."

Daryl shrugged again, not knowing why that answer just irritated him.

"She wasn't my first choice, if that's what you're askin'," he heard Shane say after a pause.

"I wasn't askin' nothin', " Daryl shot back defensively, before what Shane just said actually sank in. Oh...

"I mean, shit, you can hunt, you can fight, and you can suck a mean dick, why wouldn't I wanna bring you along?" Shane grinned, shoving his shoulder lightly.

Daryl rewarded him with a not-so-light punch in the arm. "Asshole," he muttered gruffly, turning his face towards the open window again. He didn't need Shane to see how relieved he was to hear that. 

The rest of the way home was quiet, and suddenly a lot more comfortable.

\--------------------------------------------------------------  
It was a little after dawn. The entire group of them was assembled around the Greene's dining room table, debating the fate of the kid they'd brought back. His name was Randall, and he'd be stuck here for at least a week before he'd be able to walk at all, according to Herschel, who'd already patched him up as best he could.

Shane had convinced Daryl he should be in there with the rest of them, but he stayed by the front door, apart from the rest, an easy, unobserved exit available if need be.

Rick defended his decision to save the kid's life. Hershel backed him up. They would let him go with provisions as soon as he could get around. Shane was furious, told them they were living in fantasy land to think they could just let him go without bringing danger back on them. That they should've killed him or left him behind.

Daryl was frustrated by all the yelling and drama. Shane was right but he was so pissed he just riled the whole situation up worse. He came right out and blamed Herschel for the whole mess, going off to get lit and leaving his grieving daughters behind. Herschel already had his reasons for hating Shane after the barn but after that he finally just told him it was _his_ land and to keep his mouth shut. No one came to Shane's defense so he slammed out the back door in a huff and Daryl was left alone, feeling awkward as hell.

Bad enough he had to keep avoiding looking at Andrea every time she turned her head even slightly in his direction. He couldn't even imagine making eye contact with her right now, even accidentally.

Herschel hadn't addressed Daryl directly at all but he'd made it clear to everyone that Rick had talked him into letting him and Shane stay. The look of disappointment the old man gave him made him lower his eyes and want to slip out the door and get away from these people.

Herschel had seemed nice, he'd stitched him up and been gentle about it. He had a calm, kind voice, nothing like the men he'd grown up around. He hadn't even been much pissed about his lost horse, though much to Daryl's relief she had found her way home the next day. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like to have had a father like that. Even if Shane might've still had doubts, Daryl realized he hadn't known about Sophia being in the barn.

When he managed to look up again briefly, Carol caught his eye, flashing him a sweet, comforting smile before turning back to the conversation. She'd just lost her little girl a day ago and had the audacity to be looking at him like them social workers he'd had to deal with as a kid, when he still bothered going to school. Like _he_ was the one that needed _her_ sympathy. Fuck, had Andrea told her ?

It made him so uncomfortable he finally slipped out of the house and down the porch stairs.

He went to his tent and started taking it down, before anyone else came out to the camp. He was exhausted but he wasn't about to rest here.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shane caught sight of Daryl breaking down his tent. Jesus, he thought he took care of this bullshit when he finally brought up leaving together. The fuck was wrong with him?

As he crossed the yard he had already made a decision in his mind that Daryl wasn't leaving, he just wasn't sure how he was going to stop him yet. And if he really couldn't stop him, he might just pack his shit and go with him. The way Lori had thrown her arms around Rick when they'd returned without so much as a look in his direction until she'd heard him voice his anger at having brought that little prick back had wounded him more than how angry she had been with him earlier.

"Thought we talked about this," he asked as he got within a few feet of Daryl.

"I ain't leavin'," Daryl muttered, not looking up from his task. " Just moving off a ways. Don't feel right stayin' where you ain't wanted."

"Only one who doesn't want you here's that old man, and he'll get over it."

Daryl shrugged, kept on taking the tent down. Shane gave up and started helping. He saw Andrea coming out of the house towards them.

Daryl glanced up briefly. "I ain't talkin' to her," he warned.

"Don't worry, I got this," Shane said reassuringly. He intercepted Andrea halfway to the camp.

"Is he leaving ?" Andrea asked, watching Daryl breaking down his tent.

"Not if what you seen last night stays between the three of us. "

"So when were you planning on telling me that in addition to being in love with your best friend's wife you also have a _boyfriend_ ?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ah, man, don't put it like that..." he said, almost laughing at sound of the word. It sounded foreign, distasteful. He'd never looked at himself as a faggot and he wasn't about to start now. And Daryl was the last person in the world he could see referring to that way. Shit, there was nothing feminine about him , he figured that was the whole point.

"No? " she said, putting a hand on her hip. "So he's just a guy who occasionally comes into your tent and blows you for the hell of it?"

Shane sighed heavily, trying to figure out what the hell to say to her. "Look, what happened between you and me...I guess I should've said something... "

She held up a hand preemptively. "Hey, look, I made the move. I wasn't asking any questions. I sure as hell wasn't thinking we'd start going steady. But I'm not looking to get in the middle of... whatever it is you two have going on. "

"Fair enough," he conceded, wondering where this was going.

"But I really need to ask you- " she looked at him pointedly, "when you told Lori you were leaving, and I said I wanted to come with you, were you even really considering it ?"

"I was," he said honestly.

"And what about him ?" she asked, nodding her head towards Daryl.

"What do you mean ?"

"Was he part of the deal?"

"Maybe." That was honest, too. He'd never even brought it up to him before the car trip home. 

"Then what the hell were you thinking, having _sex_ with me ?"

" I like you, I'm attracted to you," he said, shrugging. " You seemed like you knew what you wanted. Didn't see a reason to turn you down." He left out the part in his head, that he figured the way she'd just grabbed his crotch and climbed on him, she'd probably slept around enough that it wouldn't be a big deal if it didn't turn that romantic. Though now it was dawning on him that he really should have given the whole thing a lot more thought. Well, it wasn't the first time he went and fucked someone and figured out later that it was a bad idea.

"Me and Daryl have an...understanding," he said. That was bullshit, but he couldn't just admit he'd assumed because it was just sex it would be ok with Daryl. He doubted Andrea would take that too well.

She shook her head, looking disgusted. " At least now I know why that man has barely spoken three words to me since we left the quarry. Apparently it's not just your relationships with women you're clueless about. But I think I'll pass on being a third wheel. "

He felt like a complete idiot standing there with nothing to say back. He started to apologize to her for being such a dick, but she raised a hand in dismissal, cutting him off.

"I'll keep your secret, for both your sakes. But you are _way_ too old to be this confused."

He had no answer to that either. She had a point. After a beat she asked him if he wanted her to take watch, like nothing had happened. A tiny part of him was offended that she wasn't all that upset about it. But the rest of him was pretty relieved that it had gone so easy and that she'd hopefully be keeping her mouth shut.

"Sure," he said. "Relieve T in a few hours. I'll take the graveyard." He'd be business as usual then, too. 

She nodded, walked off a few feet before stopping and turning around. "For what it's worth, " she said, almost reluctantly, "You were right about bringing that kid back here. It was a bad idea. " Then she headed back for the house.

Dale had come out on the porch, waiting for her. Shane caught his gaze from across the yard and held it, until Dale looked away. He had a feeling he'd been keeping an eye on Andrea as she'd come out to talk to him.

He knew Dale had it in for him. That time with Rick. The way he looked at him like a wild animal after he'd beaten down Carol's husband. He probably knew he'd fucked Andrea. His attempt to make some vague accusation about Otis, that thankfully Daryl had clumsily interrupted and blown off. Hiding the guns on him, like he was some psychopath not to be trusted. And finally, Dale's look of utter contempt this morning, as Shane argued against saving that boy. He was clearly an enemy in Shane's book now.

He watched Rick and Herschel leaving the house together as Andrea was nearly to the door, apparently having a serious conversation as they made their way towards the barn. He felt his mood darkening.

After _he'd_ been the one to finally bring Sophia's disappearance to a conclusion, after all his effort to do the right thing last night, to bring those jackasses back safely, at least for Lori's sake, he was still the odd man out.

He was about to go meet up with them, force his way into their plans, remind them they needed to make sure Randall was kept away from everyone here and from any chance of seeing the outside surroundings so he didn't have any extra information to bring back to his buddies. He still couldn't believe they were ignoring the possibility that the kid or even some of the dead guys could have family with that group, people that might want revenge.

But Lori was walking up to him then, a look on her face that said she wanted his attention. So he stopped and waited, all the familiar pangs of longing and regret surfacing as she approached.

"What you did, going back out after them..." she said softly. "I just wanted to thank you. You didn't have to do that. If you hadn't , who knows what could've happened? They might not have made it back."

"You know I'd do anything for you. You and Carl. " He said it automatically. It wasn't the first time he'd said it to her.

She turned her head away, pressing her lips together tightly. "I told him." she whispered.

Shane felt his stomach grow heavy with dread.

"I told him what happened with us," she continued. "All of it. I had to. I just couldn't live with it anymore, not with the baby. "

He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He was feeling all of the hopes he realized he still had for them drain away right before his eyes.

Rick knew. There was no way he could try and steal her away to talk to her alone anymore without it causing suspicion, no way he could show concern for her unborn baby without Rick knowing why it mattered to him so much. The foolish notion he had had about the baby being some sort of glue that might keep them connected suddenly seemed like a childish fantasy. Women made babies with men they gave up on all the time.

And now that it was out in the open, it was no longer something he and Lori shared alone, something special and intimate. Now it was just a betrayal of the man who was supposed to be his best friend, something to be ashamed of. Sure, the others had either known or suspected, but it had never been outright acknowledged. He had a feeling he knew just how Lori had portrayed it to Rick. The only way she could have and still hoped to keep him with her.

"So, what ?" he asked bitterly. " Did you tell him that you were grieving? That you thought he was dead and you just needed comforting?"

She nodded very slightly without looking at him.

"Did you tell him it was a mistake?"

She didn't say anything but the way she still kept her head turned was enough of an answer.

"You know that's bullshit, Lori," he said quietly. "What we had was _real_."

"It wasn't," she said, finally looking back at him, and he wished he didn't see the pity in her eyes then.

"It was a long time coming, you _know_ that," he said softly, desperately.

"It was not, " he heard her say again and he heard himself going on insistently, knowing how pathetic it sounded and not even caring. When she was this close he couldn't stop thinking of how it had felt to finally have her in his arms, looking up at him with what he hoped was love, admiration. It was like once he stopped talking he'd have to face what she was saying and he wasn't ready to do that.

"It _was_ , Lori. You and me, and Carl, it was _real_. It was right, it _felt_ right. Don't say it didn't."

She was just shaking her head,her eyes on the ground, no, no.

"Just think about what you felt, just for a second... what you felt. Everything was falling apart all around us, but you and me...it was _good_ , Lori, it was the one good thing..."

She stopped shaking her head. She didn't look up. Just turned her head to the side again, refusing to look him in the eye, to acknowledge what he was saying. "Rick is my husband. I made my choice, " she said, her voice firm even if it sounded tired. "You have to accept that."

He thought he heard her voice catch slightly as she said it, hoped it wasn't just him with a painful lump in his throat.

He left her without another word.

Without even thinking he found he was heading out to where Daryl had gone to set up his solitary camp, far back on the property.

"What'd she say?" Daryl asked as he came up, busy assembling tent poles. He'd picked a spot under some trees where he'd have nice shade in the daytime for his tent.

"She told Rick," he sighed, shaking his head.

Daryl dropped the pole he was holding, his eyes widening. "She _what_ ? " Shane realized instantly he'd been asking about Andrea. He almost laughed at the panicked look on Daryl's face.

"Sorry, man," he said. "Andrea didn't say nothin'. I told you, she ain't like that."

Daryl was glaring at him, probably thinking he had fucked with him on purpose. "But I don't think I'll be tappin' _that_ again," he added lightly.

"Good," he heard Daryl mutter sullenly in response.

Shane looked at him, surprised. Daryl looked away quickly, his cheeks flushing. It didn't seem like he actually wanted to let that slip out. But it made all the hurt Lori had just brought to him start to fade out a little.

Daryl was busying himself with the tent poles again. Shane started helping him set up. "So Lori finally told Rick," he said, figuring he may as well get it all out there.

Daryl stopped moving and looked at him. " Did y'all have it out, then ? "

"Me and Rick? He ain't said a thing yet," Shane said. It was actually worrying him, what Rick would say or do about it. He had no idea how he could hide his anger like that. If it had been him, he probably would've busted his nose already at the very least.

Once the tent was put together , Daryl set up his cot and flopped down on it. Shane stepped in.

"You got an extra bedroll?" he asked. Daryl gave him an odd look, but reached down and tossed him some rolled up blankets. Shane knelt down and started spreading them out on the floor, next to the cot.

"What, you hidin' out from Rick ?" Daryl asked, actually looking pretty amused .

"I'm just fuckin' tired, man, " Shane said. Daryl was partially right. "Too much drama back there right now. " He'd nap for a few hours, clear his head before heading back to the main camp. See where he stood now, with Rick, with the rest of them.

He rolled over on his side, settling in. He felt something soft smack him in the side of the head and realized Daryl had just thrown him a spare pillow.

"Just don't get no ideas," Daryl mumbled sleepily. " I ain't in no mood to fuck around. "

"Man, why's it always gotta be about sex with you ? " Shane joked. "You some kinda pervert? I'm just lookin' to get some damn sleep."

"Jackass," he heard Daryl mutter behind him.

Shane felt the tension melt out of him as he relaxed into the blankets. At least he had someplace left where he was still welcome.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Daryl woke up, Shane was still out cold on the floor, on his back. He sat there on the edge of the cot, watching him sleep. He knew everyone looked peaceful when they slept, even the evillest of men, but he'd never actually seen Shane like this. The only night they'd spent together Shane had gotten up first and left him in the bed alone. It felt almost perverted looking at him this way, like walking in on someone naked when they weren't expecting it.

His eyes started traveling instead over his broad, muscled chest, the flat of his abdomen rising and falling steadily as he slept uncovered. His strong shoulders and arms, his large hands, with their long, supple fingers. He couldn't look at them without thinking about how they felt wrapped around his cock, or buried deep inside him, teasing that spot that he hadn't even known existed for pleasure before he'd shown him. Shane's belt was undone, the top button of his pants, too. Daryl could see the ridged outline of his cock, semi-erect, through the fabric.

Fuck, he was starting to get stiff himself. It wouldn't be difficult to wake Shane up, he was positive he'd appreciate it...then the memory of Andrea standing behind him while he was on his knees like that flooded into his mind and he instantly cringed with shame.

Shit, why had he let Shane stay out here ? He was supposed to be hiding this kind of shit, not leaving any room for suspicion. That was the unspoken arrangement all along. Nevermind that he was glad that he'd come out here to crash, especially after what he'd said back in the car. "Shoulda fuckin' left with you after the CDC..."

He was embarrassed at how good that felt to hear. Bad enough it seemed like Shane just _assumed_ he would've followed him. He was right, but the last thing he wanted him to know was that he even _thought_ about shit like that. 

Shane's eyes opened suddenly, catching him staring. Daryl averted his eyes immediately, grabbing for his shoes under the cot.

"Hey," Shane said. "C'mere."

Daryl didn't even look back, just slipped out of the tent quickly. He could tell just from Shane's voice that if he turned around he'd get pulled in and he didn't want that to happen right now.

He looked at the sky, checking the time. Couldn't be much past noon. Carol was heading towards them, holding plates of food. Shane stepped out behind him.

"Good call, man," he said, laughing, as he noticed her coming over. "Guess I wasn't thinkin' straight,"

"What else is new ? " Daryl scoffed, but he laughed a little too, relieved that he'd averted another disaster.

Carol held out two plates full of eggs. "Figured you boys would be hungry since you missed breakfast," she said. Daryl caught the slight curiosity in her expression as her eyes slid over them both. He was afraid to look but he really hoped Shane's erection wasn't that obvious. At least his own had deflated once he'd thought about Andrea.

Shane thanked her since his own tongue had quit on him apparently.

"Do you really think we have to worry about that boy's people?" she asked, her soft voice heavy with concern.

"Not if we handle things right," Shane answered quickly.

"What do you mean?"

"We gotta find out more. Where they are , who they are. Numbers. We'll get it out of him," he said, tapping Daryl's arm with the back of his hand, like he was including him in whatever it was he'd apparently decided.

"Rick doesn't want anyone talking to him," she confided. " He thinks it's best if he has no contact with anyone here."

Shane snorted at that. "Kid's already seen the two of us. He shot at us, remember? " He shook his head. "Rick can't always get what he wants."

Carol wound up heading back to the main camp, looking obviously troubled by the discord, and they finished their eggs in silence.

"Fuck it, I'm gonna go talk to Rick," Shane said after a bit.

"You sure that's a good idea ?" Daryl asked. He could tell Shane was in a punchy mood now. He'd already gone at it with Rick and Herschel this morning, and after what he just found out, that Rick knew he'd fucked Lori... was he _tryin'_ to make shit worse for himself?

"Hey, if he wants to have it out with me, I'm ready for it, man," he said aggressively.

Daryl thought for a second as Shane readied to walk off. Pointless to argue with a man when he made his mind up, but he figured it couldn't hurt to try and keep him from doing something stupid. He remembered how pissed Shane had seemed when he'd come back injured from the woods and then when he'd tried to go out alone again after. How he told him he wasn't going out alone, how he physically tried to stop him. It made him angry at the time, because who the fuck was he to tell him anything? But if Shane had actually meant it, it might be a way to make him change course without saying much at all. He'd already figured out that Shane liked to be listened to when he said something.

" I'm goin' huntin'," Daryl said. " Gonna try and find somethin' bigger than squirrels." He _had_ scouted out the woods for deer while he'd searched for Sophia. It was always good to know where the game was. And bringing back some venison might be a good way to get them back in Herschel's good graces.

"Not alone, you ain't, " Shane shot back right away. " You know you ain't healed up enough to drag a deer back alone."

Damn, that bossy tone reminded him of Merle. Right now he didn't altogether mind it though because it was exactly the reaction he'd been shooting for.

Daryl turned to head into the tent for his gear. "You better get your ass ready to move then," he called out to Shane. " I ain't waitin'."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shane went and retrieved his hunting rifle from his tent. He hadn't put it back with the communal weapons when he'd returned. He did need more ammo though, which was all in Dale's hands now since apparently he was the only one Rick trusted with that responsibility.

He saw Rick talking to Dale outside the RV. Dale had his serious concerned face on and it irritated him immediately. The way they stopped talking abruptly as he approached made him suspicious. He knew Dale couldn't stand him but if Rick was seriously listening to this self-righteous prick...

"I'm gonna need some hunting rounds," he told Dale, not acknowledging Rick yet.

"What for? " Rick asked. His tone set Shane on edge even worse. It held an authority that he really couldn't bring himself to tolerate right now, after the boneheaded shit he'd pulled yesterday that now held out the threat of a foreign group attacking them. His expression was cold but he gave no indication that he was looking for a confrontation.

He sighed, deciding that hunting with Daryl right now and getting away from all this was worth keeping his cool for. "Daryl thinks he found a good place to hunt. Could always use more meat. "

Rick nodded, like he was okaying it, like he was giving him _permission_.

Shane swallowed his irritation and moved purposefully towards the door, making Dale have to step aside to let him enter. He enjoyed that small bit of dominance over the man. He grabbed enough ammo to feel comfortable with and left without engaging either of them again.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"See that? That's gotta be at least a hundred fifty pounder," Daryl said, pointing to what to Shane looked pretty much like grass and dirt until he looked close enough and picked out what Daryl was seeing. Apparently a good sized buck's hoofprints.

Daryl had already seen the signs on some trees that a buck had been there, where it had stopped to rub its antlers against the base of the trunks. Shane was impressed. He himself had the rudimentary knowledge any boy from Georgia who'd hunted on the weekends acquired, but for Daryl, it was like he was reading a damn map in all the tiny disturbances in the foliage. He remembered that story Daryl had told him, about being lost out in the woods as a little kid for more than a week. No wonder he'd learned to be so observant. He hadn't had a choice. In another life, he would've been damn good at a crime scene, Shane mused to himself.

He followed along behind Daryl, trying not to damage the trail he was following.

Daryl's footsteps were near silent, a lifetime of learning exactly how to place each foot down with the least impact behind him. They barely spoke, so as not to scare any game away, and Shane felt a little stupid for all the noise he made moving through.

"Like a damn bull in a china closet," Daryl muttered, but he didn't really seem annoyed. Out here he was in his element. Relaxed but completely focused.

It was so peaceful Shane could almost forget the rest of the world was gone. He was enjoying this, the two of them out here alone, on a mission. He wasn't so clueless that he wasn't able to pick out signs here and there to move them along once he really started to pay attention, though a couple of times Daryl just gave him a slight head shake and a look , part disappointed, part amused and Shane figured what he'd noticed was nothing helpful.

After a couple of hours, they came up to a large clearing and there it was, an eight-point buck that might feed the group for a week. Shane realized right away it was out of crossbow range and he'd be damned if he didn't make a go at it after feeling near useless most of the day.

He took the shot with his rifle fast, aiming for the vitals, and saw the deer's hind legs kick out violently before it bolted for the trees ahead of them. He fucking got it ! He was elated that his response time and aim hadn't failed him. He might not be much of a tracker but at least he'd shown Daryl he wasn't the only one who could take down a buck here.

"Nice !" Daryl exclaimed, clapping him on the back. "Man, I think you lung shot it!"

Shane was enjoying the adrenaline surge from getting the shot after all the tracking and anticipation, but seeing Daryl turn towards him with a look that was part proud, part just plain happy, gave him a feeling he'd only ever had with Rick, way before they had grown up and become their own men. Shane had never seen him enthusiastic about anything, and he was taken aback by how much he enjoyed being here to see it.

They headed for the spot where it had been hit, looking for the start of a blood trail. They'd have to wait a bit to track it, give it time to lie down and bleed out without spooking it and forcing it to push on and drag out it's death. Daryl had been right, the pink frothy blood they found indicated a lung shot.

" See all that blood ? You musta got both lungs. He ain't goin' far, we just gotta wait a half-hour or so," he declared, no doubt in his voice at all. "Won't make it much past that."

"A half-hour to kill, huh ?" Shane said, his mind already shifting gears. "I think I know how I'd like to spend it." He'd wanted Daryl since he'd woken up , and now that they had the time and the privacy, he wasn't about to lose the chance. They hadn't had much luck lately.

They hurried out of the clearing, back towards the trees they'd come from. Neither wanted to do this out in the open.

"Best drop your gear, " Shane told him. "It's gonna get in the way."

Daryl didn't even hesitate. He slid his crossbow to the ground, shucked his knapsack off his back, and then Shane was backing him up against the nearest tree, plundering his mouth with his tongue, groping for his cock, as stiff as his own. Shane had a little lube left in one of his pockets but he wasn't even in the mood for that right now. He wanted to make Daryl come apart right against this tree with his mouth and his hands, make him moan and shudder and lose all control.

He found Daryl more receptive than he'd ever been initially, his tongue pushing back into Shane's mouth just as forcefully, his hand working it's way down the front of Shane's pants. Shane caught his wrist and pulled it away. Daryl looked a little confused. "I'll let you know when," Shane breathed, starting to kneel down in front of him.

Shane took him out, hard and throbbing, and slid him into his mouth. Daryl hissed with pleasure, leaning more of his weight back against the tree.

Shane sucked him steadily, until he felt Daryl start thrusting into his mouth, catching his rhythm. Then he slid his jeans down a little lower and stopped for a bit while he took out the lube and worked it over his middle finger. He looked up and grinned at Daryl, taking in the look on his face, his eyes all heavy-lidded, lips slightly parted. That expression got him aching every time, so desperate and willing once he gave in, the same curiosity and eagerness he'd had the first time he'd laid his hands on him.

He moved his hand onto Daryl's ass and slipped his finger gently inside. It was so easy to get him relaxed and open now. He found the sensitive nub and started to make tiny circles against it, gripping his ass tightly with the rest of his hand.

"Wanna hear you make some noise, " Shane murmured, "Got the whole damn forest around us, ain't gotta be quiet." He pulled him forward and slid him between his lips again, licking a hard stripe up the underside. Daryl let out a little moan as Shane started to control the pace using the hand he had Daryl impaled on to thrust him forward into his mouth.

"That's better," Shane whispered. He stroked his prostate gently as he sucked him slower, letting the sensation build more gradually. When his knees started buckling slightly he knew he was getting it right. Daryl let out another little gasping, groaning sound and Shane rewarded him with a slightly quicker pace. He felt Daryl's hands fall heavily onto his shoulders for support.

He tightened his grip on his ass, his finger still hooked into him, and teased the sensitive head and slit with his tongue. Daryl whimpered at that, and Shane grinned around the cock in his mouth. He teased him with his finger and his mouth, keeping him from actually finishing, enjoying making him start to squirm with the need to come. Every time he moaned or gasped or whimpered Shane rewarded him by bringing him a little closer.

He didn't know why he loved doing this to Daryl so much. He hadn't even enjoyed Lori this way. But now he was so turned on he was leaking precome into his boxers without even having touched himself. He looked up, saw Daryl's eyes closed, his bottom lip caught slightly in his teeth.

"Look at me," he growled up at him, and he thrilled at the way Daryl's eyes opened immediately at that. "You ain't holdin' back this time, I wanna hear you when you come."

Daryl exhaled sharply at his words, his cock twitching in Shane's grasp, his eyes widening slightly. Shane smirked up at him. "You ain't loud enough I might just stop in the middle."

He loved that Daryl glared down at him indignantly at that, as if he thought he might be serious. But then he went to work on making Daryl lose it altogether because he was starting to get a little desperate himself.

He worked his prostate mercilessly while he took his cock all the way down his throat, cupping his balls with his free hand. As he made the pressure build, Daryl finally let go and started to respond with a steady, rhythmic stream of little throaty sounds of need until finally he was coming, releasing his seed down Shane's throat with a desperate moan, louder than he'd ever heard him get.

Shane couldn't get up and shove Daryl down on his knees fast enough after that. He took himself out, so over-sensitized he practically came as Daryl's lips grazed the head lightly. Daryl hummed against his cock as he drew it between his lips slowly, teasingly. There was no hesitation in him now as he ran his tongue along the underside, sucking him hungrily. He remembered exactly what Shane liked, the rhythm, that little spot behind the head that made him shiver when his tongue gently flicked at it. It felt even better knowing that he had been the one to teach him all that

"Love that fuckin' mouth of yours," Shane mumbled senselessly as he wound his fingers tightly through Daryl's hair. 

He felt the suction increase, watched as Daryl hollowed out his cheeks to suck harder. He came hard, thrust a little too deep and Daryl gagged slightly, pulling back enough that he was still able to swallow him as he finished. Daryl drew his mouth free slowly, the still-leaking tip smearing come on his upper lip. He licked Shane's seed off with his tongue like it was the most natural thing in the world. Still coming down, Shane shuddered at that sight.

Daryl stood up, dusted off his knees, and immediately started grabbing up his crossbow and gear. "C'mon, let's go get that buck," he said, his voice equal parts eager and impatient.

They tracked the wounded animal to a nearby creek. It had already expired near a large river birch tree by the time they got there. Daryl slipped on his gloves and took out his knife, then stopped. He looked at Shane and held the knife out to him , handle first. "You wanna ? It's your kill."

"Man, I ain't dressed a deer in years. Only did it by myself a couple of times before that. "

"So just go slow. So I can catch you before you fuck up the meat."

Shane took the knife from Daryl's outstretched hand, pulled on his own pair of gloves, and got to work on the carcass. Daryl crouched down next to him. It really was a joint effort, Shane doing the cutting and Daryl directing him here and there where he might have tainted the meat otherwise by accidentally tearing into the stomach, intestines, or bladder. 

Shane was sure it would have gone a lot faster had Daryl done it himself but he knew he needed to hone these skills. He realized suddenly that Daryl _wanted_ to teach him, or he wouldn't have offered him the knife, or been so patient. He'd been doing it all day, while they were tracking, quietly offering little pointers here and there without being asked.

Shane found himself sharing a memory out loud, the first time he'd taken down a buck. He'd been around thirteen, with his uncle and some older cousins.

"They tried to get me to take a bite out of the balls, " he recalled , chuckling. "Told me it was tradition. Make you a man. I damn near went for it, too, til they busted out laughing. "

Daryl smirked. Shane almost expected him to make a joke about him liking balls after that but he didn't.

" My first buck I fuckin' gut shot, " Daryl said instead. "Felt awful. Took damn near forever to track down. My old man made me take a bite outta the heart. It was still beatin' too. Then we hung the nuts from a tree to mark the spot. " He leaned forward to help Shane roll the deer onto it's side to empty out the chest cavity, laughing a little at the memory. "Got me so drunk after, I puked my guts up all over his brand new truck cab. Tried to get it out the window but it wound up getting into the door instead. Damn near killed me for that shit. "

"How old were you ?" Shane asked.

Daryl shrugged. "Almost eleven" he said. Like it was normal.

Shane instantly thought of Carl. How protective he'd felt, how much fun he'd had teaching him to catch frogs, how to shoot a gun. The idea of feeding a kid that age alcohol and then punishing him for being sick...he'd seen all the scars on Daryl's body, he wondered if any were from that day.

"Jesus. Your old man was some piece of work, man," Shane said, shaking his head.

Daryl shot him a sharp look. Shane realized he hadn't hid his sympathy well enough and changed his tone.

" Guess that's what he gets for gettin' a ten year old drunk," he said , laughing a little. "He shoulda waited til you were at least thirteen like a normal redneck."

Daryl huffed a little laugh back at that. "Least I didn't almost wind up with some balls in my mouth," he scoffed.

"Not then anyways," Shane grinned back at him. He looked down at the opened chest cavity of the deer, making sure it was all done before they started wrapping it up to drag back.

"Heads up," Daryl called suddenly, and Shane looked up to see the deer's severed testicles flying at him. They smacked wetly against his face. He caught them in his hand, far past being disgusted at this kind of thing by now.

"You tryin' to tell me you wanna go again ? " he challenged jokingly, getting up and looming over Daryl , the bloody deer nuts hanging out of his fist.

Daryl started scrambling to his feet to put some distance between them, laughing. He didn't think he'd ever heard Daryl laugh like that ever.

The river birch they were working near had a split trunk and it gave Shane the picture of trapping Daryl between the two sides and taking him that way. 

"You see that tree there ? " Shane said playfully, coming at Daryl. "I'll bend you over between them, right there, right now if that's what you need." Not that it could happen now with the two of them surrounded by deer guts but it sounded good to say out loud.

He watched Daryl take a defensive stance, not the least bit threatened but instead looking eager, expectant. And really amused.

Daryl made him feel young again, he realized suddenly. Horny as fuck and no thoughts in his head other than whatever they were doing at the time. Nothing at all like Lori. Or Rick. There was no baggage, just the two of them in the moment. Maybe that was how it oughtta be now. How it had to be.

Shane hefted the obscene bundle of deer genitalia, making like he was going to throw it. Daryl started to duck instinctively but instead Shane tossed it over one of the branches, where it caught and swung there.

"C'mon, man," he said laughing. "Let's get this meat back . I marked that tree though. We're ever out here again, I'll be puttin' it to use."

\-----------------------------------------  
The deer they'd brought back went over the way Daryl had hoped. Herschel was a practical man, he wasn't about to carry much of a grudge once he realized they could help feed his daughters. It helped that Shane stayed out of his way, though.

He set up an alarm around his little camp, so that anyone or anything walking up to his tent unawares would hit the fishing line strung around the trees surrounding his tent and trip the mousetrap he attached to it, setting off a shotgun primer to wake him up. He had thought about moving his tent back with the others but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He liked the idea of having someplace where he could be alone when he needed. Or not...

Somewhere on the way back from the hunt, when he and Shane wound up in a stupid argument about the best way to make venison jerky, he realized he couldn't remember ever enjoying being around anyone that much for that long, especially out in the woods, where he'd mostly always liked to be alone. It felt comfortable. Like they'd been doing it forever. 

Oddly, when they'd returned to camp he felt a familiar pang of sadness, just like he used to feel when he was a kid and Merle would come home for a visit and take off too soon, leaving Daryl to wonder if he'd ever even see him again or what he could have done to make him stay longer, or take him with him.

He thought he'd started to make his peace with what they were. Blowin' off steam, Shane had said. He knew that meant temporary, until something normal came along. For Shane, anyway.

He watched Glenn and Maggie walking off together, heading towards one of the farm's little outbuildings the evening they came back. Normal, he thought to himself. That's what that was. A man and a woman, getting together. Even if the man wound up beating her up, or the woman cheated on him, they could stay together. Nothing you'd have to be embarrassed for anyone to find out about. Nothing you'd have to give up if you didn't want to. And for some reason it made him angry all of a sudden.

He'd slunk off to his tent and passed out after they'd hung and skinned the deer together and given the meat over to Carol for preparation, glad that Shane had graveyard watch so he didn't have to avoid him on purpose.

The next morning he'd spent with T, cleaning out the barn, readying it to hold Randall, since he'd be able to be moved from the spare bedroom by tomorrow.

He didn't mind T-Dog's company. He never understood why he'd offered to go back and get Merle after he'd found out why Merle had been cuffed to the roof in the first place. Shooting off his mouth, threatening them, beating the shit out of T just because he took a swing at him after he called him a nigger.

He knew when he'd heard that story that his brother must have done some crystal beforehands. He hated how Merle was when he was high. He had actually been looking forward to when his stash ran out, so his brother could actually stop being a danger to himself and everyone else around him. Though telling Merle that would have probably earned him a punch in the face.

As they worked on raking out the debris from the floor, Daryl found his eyes catching on the rippling muscles on T's back and shoulders as he worked. His arms were bare, and the thin t-shirt he was wearing clung to him tightly. He looked away, heat rising to his face. Jesus, what had Shane done to him ? Was it even worse because he was black ? he thought irrationally, thinking of Merle. It's not like he'd never noticed things like that before but now that he knew what it meant...and what could happen...fuck...

He felt disgusting.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shane came back from the hunt feeling different.

He'd tried a few times that day to force himself to look into the future. In every scenario he could think of he didn't have Lori. Not when he used his brain and not his heart, or his cock. There was no way to salvage what they had found together when they'd thought everyone else was gone. And Rick, he'd already let go of any hopes of reconciling. Especially now that he knew.

He remembered his own words to Rick days ago, about nostalgia being like a drug, keeping you from seeing things the way they are by keeping you fixated on what was already lost.

Being away from everything, alone with Daryl, he had finally been able to think things through.

He knew he had a crazy attraction to the man, way worse than anyone else he'd hooked up with over the years, male or female. But after being out there with him all day, the longest time they'd spent together while they were both sober and not just screwing around, he realized it had become something else.

Out in the woods, he'd gotten to see Daryl differently than he had before. He'd never seen him laugh or smile as much as he had that day. They felt so comfortable together it was like they'd known eachother for years.

He wasn't stupid. He knew Daryl felt it too. All his barely hidden jealousy over Andrea, the way he'd come to him sloppy drunk and finally made a move on him first. The way he reacted when he stopped him from leaving. Shit, he'd been with _women_ who'd pulled crap like that, pulling away just to see if he'd go after them. Only with them he never really had. 

When they were heading back in the car, when he'd let Daryl know he'd wanted him to come with him, he could see how relieved he was to hear that. It made him feel bad for not telling him sooner, but he figured Andrea was right. Sometimes he was just clueless.

He wouldn't call it a relationship. That's what women needed to do. But it sure as hell wasn't something he was planning on giving up.

After he'd gone up to take the graveyard watch and Daryl had headed off to his tent, Shane caught sight of Lori and Rick together on the porch of the farmhouse, illuminated by the light from inside. For the first time, his temper didn't rise, his chest didn't tighten. He almost felt nothing at all.


	11. Proof

Shane was up early despite having kept watch til the middle of the night. He had some serious morning wood but he knew Daryl had been roped into helping clean out the barn, so he'd have to let it go. He just wasn't in the mood to jerk off. 

Since Daryl was apparently intent on keeping his camp away from the others, he'd just pay him a visit later on. He wondered if that was part of the reason Daryl didn't move his tent back like he'd asked him to. He knew the biggest reason was that he was still humiliated by Andrea's catching them. Whether she'd told anyone or not, he didn't want to be anywhere near her. Shane didn't really like him off alone that far apart from the safety of the group but Daryl felt confident enough in the little alarm he'd rigged up, so he didn't push it.

He took a minute lying on his back to assess the current situation. Thinking about the possibility of a group of armed men out there seeking vengeance killed what was left of his boner. 

He had Andrea on his side about Randall. And he liked that Carol had questions, coming over to feel him out about it instead of just accepting Rick and Herschel's decision blindly. He didn't even have to wonder whose side Daryl would take. T and Glenn were wildcards. So that meant Rick, Dale, Herschel, and the Greene family were opposition. He couldn't even count Lori, he knew she'd side with Rick at this point even if she didn't feel it. 

Letting the kid go free without any intel was just stupid but killing him wouldn't fly with any of these people. Before Otis, he wouldn't have thought he could kill an unarmed man. But if he could leave a decent man to an agonizing death it seemed like spitting on that man's memory to afford some random scumbag any extra mercy. At least Randall's death could be quick and painless.

Still, he'd need some justification. 

It would take revenge off the table if that group did happen upon the farm, he thought. The men that had fled hadn't seen any of their faces and it was too dark for them to have identified the car. They could just deny having anything to do with it.

 _No, that's not enough_. Without knowing if the kid's people were real scum, he couldn't make a case for an execution on those grounds, even to himself. And if they _were_ real scum, they'd have to fight them off regardless. Alright, he determined, killing him without getting more information was as pointless as letting him go.

He rolled off his cot, not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have.

"We need to talk, man," Shane called to Rick, catching up to him as he was getting ready to head up to the farmhouse.

Rick stopped and turned to face him. His expression was cold, distant. It still hurt to have Rick look at him like that, when for so many years, he could always bring a smile to the man's face when he needed to. Up until recently there had never been a time when Rick didn't look happy to see him. He was still getting used to it.

"About what ?" Rick asked, his voice sounding reluctant, and weary.

"We need to talk to that kid, find out about his people. "

"We're handling it," he said tersely.

"What, you and Herschel? And Dale ? " Shane was already losing his cool at the dismissal.

"Look, I already talked to him," Rick said. " He's just a scared kid. He was just with them for survival." His tone had become more patient, but it only served to irritate Shane more because he was already turning back towards the house, starting to walk away. 

"He didn't need to shoot at us to survive, Rick, " Shane snapped, trailing behind him.

Rick stopped and turned again. Shane guessed it was because he didn't want him actually following him up to the house. 

"Maybe he felt threatened. It was dark, he didn't know what was going on when you two rolled up." 

"You shot two of them yourself," Shane reminded him. " You had a reason, didn't you ? Don't tell me you killed two men who were just minding their own business."

"Those guys were older. From out of state. That kid's from around here. Just like us."

Great, so Rick was defending him now. Nothing could be worse than Rick suddenly feeling protective of yet another stranger. 

"So where's their camp ? " Shane asked impatiently.

"He doesn't remember exactly."

"How many of them are there ?"

Rick didn't answer, and looked frustrated. Not nearly as frustrated as Shane was becoming though.

"Rick, we need to know. If there's people out there coming for us, we need to know."

"He said it was just a few. Said they don't really have anything set up, they're traveling."

"Do you believe him ?"

Again Rick fell silent. Shane could see he didn't. He knew Rick's expressions like the back of his hand, he was uneasy about this too. That was a bit of a relief. 

"One of the men at the bar said they were looking for something more permanent...they seemed interested in finding a farm," Rick said. Shane could hear the reluctance in his voice, like he didn't want to give him any room but had no choice. 

"Just lemme talk to him. See if I can find out anything else. " He started to calm down a bit, seeing Rick a little more open to suggestion.

But Rick was shaking his head. "He's too weak right now. He's scared. He's just gonna say what he thinks we want to hear."

"How much time do you think we have , Rick ?" Shane asked impatiently. " We need to be ready if there's a group of men about to roll up on us."

"They wouldn't know where to find us. "

"We ain't that far from town for chrissakes, " Shane persisted, tired of Rick's stalling. " If they're lookin' it ain't gonna be too hard. "

"We can let him recover first."

"Why are you fighting me on this ? " Shane demanded. "You don't owe this kid shit ! "

"I said we got it handled, " Rick said , his demeanor suddenly growing hard.

Shane got it instantly. This wasn't about Randall at all right now. "Look, I know you got a bone to pick with me," he said, calming his tone. " But don't put everyone else in danger because of it." 

" This isn't about us, it's about _them_ , " Rick grit out, sweeping an arm out to encompass the camp, the group. "We need to keep them calm and rational, we can't do that if you're getting everyone worked up about this."

"They need to be worked up, Rick ! We got a group of men close by, probably armed and dangerous and one of their own sittin' here eatin' our food, wasting our medicine..."

"What really happened at that school ?" Rick asked abruptly, instantly stopping Shane's tirade. 

Shane fell back a step. He'd expected more argument. He'd even been gearing up to finally be confronted about Lori, but not this.

He couldn't speak for a few seconds. Rick was watching him intently. His mind went to find a better lie than the one he told at Otis' wake, and the realization that he was looking to come up with a story that would meet Rick's approval suddenly made him angry. Carl was alive because of him, and he was the one who'd have to live with that man's tortured screams in his head, not Rick. 

"One of us wasn't gonna make it out," he said finally. "It had to be him."

He wanted to say it all then, the whole thing, how scared he'd been, how his mind had gone blank, his emotions turned off, and the only thing he could think of was surviving. Yes, Carl was most of the reason, but it wasn't entirely. And that was the part that still gnawed at him. 

But Rick was no longer the person he could unburden himself on. So as Rick waited to hear more he said simply, "One shot to the leg, Carl lives. It's that simple. "

Rick regarded him for several seconds before speaking again. "You don't think I would've done it, do you ?" he asked accusingly.

"Man, I _know_ you wouldn't have," Shane said, unable to hide the bit of scorn from his tone. And then he couldn't stop himself, guilt and anger pushing the words out of his mouth before he could reconsider. 

" You would've died with him rather than leave a man to be eaten alive. Coming back to Carl wouldn't have even factored in. You woulda just _assumed_ you'd make it. Just like you always do. You think doing the right thing is some kind of guarantee, like if you just follow the rules it'll all turn out alright. " 

Shane was ranting a bit now but he didn't care. "Go back for some psychopath drug addict you don't even know, save the lost little girl, go help that old man, every goddam one of those things put us in danger and didn't do us a damn bit of good- "

Rick finally looked angry now, really angry. " I have a son to raise, " he growled contemptuously. " I can't just live like nothing I do matters-"

"Is that what you think I do, Rick ?" Shane shot back, barely keeping from outright yelling now. 

"You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself," Rick spat at him. "That's how you've always been-"

"I was _there_ for them Rick ! I woulda died for them, don't you try and make me out to be the selfish one here-"

"You think I didn't know how you wanted Lori ? " Rick was in his space now, not two feet away, but Shane didn't bother to back up. In the back of his mind Shane started to wonder if they'd wind up in an all out brawl in front of the farmhouse and part of him was looking forward to it, to it being out in the open, and just _done_.

"I'd see the way you looked at her, the way your face would light up whenever she came around. I'm not blind. Or stupid. " Rick's voice was a low harsh whisper as he went on. " When she told me, I wanted to break your jaw, let you choke on your teeth. " 

Then his tone turned calm and deliberate as he went on. " I didn't want to make it worse. For Carl, for the rest of them. So I swallowed it. But I want you to know that there is _nothing_ I won't do to protect my family. And if you're gonna stay with us you're gonna follow my lead. We have a good thing here. You came real close to screwing that up and I can't risk that now. Not with the baby. "

He had leaned his head closer as he spoke, close enough that their foreheads were practically touching, and Shane was strangely reminded of Daryl in that moment, and it made this feel wrongly intimate all of a sudden.

At the same time, the thought of Daryl made this easier to take somehow. He felt calmer then, enough to step back and meet Rick's gaze steadily.

" I never meant for it to happen," he said quietly.

Rick didn't respond and into the silence, Shane finally let go of what he'd been holding onto. " I thought you were dead, but I wasn't sure...there were soldiers shooting people in the halls and then the walkers broke through and I knew there was no way we could get out together and live...if you were even alive... and I couldn't live with myself, with leaving you there. But then I found them and ..." his voice was starting to crack a little, and he swallowed hard to rid himself of the lump in his throat. "I didn't keep Lori and Carl alive, man. They kept _me_ alive." 

Rick had his head down now. He was nodding slightly, as if acknowledging some understanding, if nothing else.

As much as he loved Lori, Shane suddenly realized he would erase it all if he could, just to have them back the way they were, the three of them. They'd been as much his family as his own blood. Lori could never love him the way he needed her to. It had been a fantasy he'd had as a younger man. Once he'd acted on it all it did was hurt.

He moved in closer, fighting the urge to reach out to Rick in some physical way. The last time he'd felt Rick's arms around him was that night he'd come back from that overrun school, and practically collapsed against him, so full of relief and remorse. He was struck by the thought that he might never embrace this man again, that that memory would be the last of it's kind.

"Brother, if I could take it all back, I would," he said, his voice a near whisper. Rick still hadn't responded.

"It was a mistake, " Shane admitted, out loud and in his own mind for the first time.

Rick finally looked up again. Shane didn't see any forgiveness there but the anger was gone, replaced by a tired sadness. "We leave him be for a few more days," he said resolutely, apparently done with the personal part of their conversation. " Then _I'll_ talk to him again."

It seemed petty to argue the point after all that. Shane let him walk off. He got it. Rick didn't want his input. He was no longer a man he trusted.

It hit him hard, that he had really lost Rick. Not like he'd lost him in the hospital, when at least he could hold onto the memory of what they were before. Sleeping with Lori, getting her pregnant, destroyed everything they'd been to eachother. He hadn't just lost Rick. He had lost their whole life together, as best friends, as partners, as _brothers_. It left him feeling hollow, recognizing the finality of it.

But he'd be damned if he'd let that stop him from doing what needed to be done.

He'd led this group before Rick had returned. He had as much at stake now as Rick did in maintaining this farm as a haven. If Rick and those two old men weren't going to take a threat seriously, he had to step up.

He turned towards the main camp and headed off to find Daryl, ready to make a plan. If he was being honest, he just wanted to be near the man right now. Fucking aside, he was the only thing left that still felt anything like family to him.

But Daryl wound up no where to be found. He ventured out to his tent after finding he'd already left T-Dog alone at the barn. His crossbow and hunting gear were missing. Irritated, Shane headed back to the main camp again.

Carl was coming over to him, wanting to know if he needed help with anything. It felt bittersweet that the kid still came to him, completely unaware of how he'd betrayed his father. He was happy for the distraction though. It reminded him that he'd been wrong, Daryl wasn't the _only_ one left who he enjoyed being around.

He spent the rest of the early afternoon teaching Carl how to tie knots and disassemble a pistol, taking a bit of pleasure knowing Lori would disapprove. The kid needed to know things, even if his parents didn't realize it yet. Maybe in the next couple of weeks when Carl was fully healed, he and Daryl would take him hunting.

After a while, his stress over what had gone down with Rick started to disappear. A weight had come off him, now that everything was out in the open between them. Maybe months down the line, after the baby was born, somehow it would all settle out. He'd make peace with being an uncle to his own child, but he'd be there. And if he still had Daryl around, it would make it all that much easier.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

Daryl was sitting in front of the little fire he'd started next to his tent. He was planning on re-fletching some of his bolts and cleaning his rifle before turning in early. He caught sight of Shane heading over as late afternoon was starting to turn into evening. He'd been avoiding him all day, helping with the barn and then sneaking off to hunt some squirrels for awhile, one of which he was idly roasting on a stick.

Yesterday had left him confused. He'd gone from having the best day he'd had in years to feeling angry at himself for being such a sucker, for letting himself feel normal about it, like it wasn't ridiculous to think that he and Shane could keep having days like that, where they weren't just two dudes sneaking around looking to get off.

He didn't even know what it was he wanted from Shane, but thinking about it set him on edge. All he knew was the idea of Shane being with someone else the way he was with him _hurt_ , and that was enough to make him want to shut him out so he didn't have to feel so fucking gay about it.

But now his cock twitched in anticipation, watching that strong, purposeful stride as he approached, and he resigned himself to being weak at least one more time. 

He was expecting some dirty taunting followed by most likely being manhandled over his cot or something else at a convenient height but as Shane came closer Daryl realized that wasn't the mood he was in.

Shane stopped to look for the fishing line alarm and stepped over it. Then he took a seat in the other folding chair Daryl left set up by the fire.

"We're gonna have to take care of this Randall situation," he said seriously, looking over at Daryl expectantly.

"What do you mean ?"

"When you're on watch tomorrow, let me in so I can talk to him. We gotta know what the threat is out there."

"Talk to him, huh ?" Daryl asked, smirking. He pulled the squirrel on a stick out of the fire, and held it out over his knees, letting it cool.

Shane half-smiled. "Yeah, maybe let my fists do a little of the talking if I don't get any answers right away. That prick shot at us, man. They're actin' like he's just some farmboy. It's bullshit."

Daryl nodded agreement. He liked that Shane was coming to him for backup with this, even though it occurred to him that Shane really didn't have anyone _else_ to turn to. What could they do if the kid's people were bad news, anyway ? It wasn't like this group was going to go off and attack them. They may as well just arm up and make this place defensible regardless. Then he had another thought.

"I thought Rick didn't want no one talkin' to him ?"

"So you listenin' to Rick now ?" That obviously set Shane off a bit.

"Just sayin', " Daryl shrugged defensively. " He just found out you fucked his wife, you sure that's a good idea ?"

"That ain't got nothin' to do with this, man," Shane snapped defensively. " We're sittin' ducks here without knowing what the threat is."

" _Fine_ ," Daryl agreed reluctantly. "I got first watch, so be up early." He didn't want to irritate Shane arguing when he didn't really have much stake in it anyway. He tore off some of the squirrel flesh with his fingers and popped it in his mouth, then held the stick out to Shane, offering.

Shane shook his head, a grin starting to split his face. "Nah, I think I'd rather just watch you."

"Huh ?" Daryl grunted at him quizzically, then realized one of his fingers was halfway between his lips as he sucked the remnants of squirrel meat off. _Oh_ , he thought, rolling his eyes. He removed the finger quickly. It made a wet little noise as it came free, and Shane made an appreciative "mmmph" sound, leering at him good-naturedly. 

He shrugged and continued eating, trying to ignore Shane's attempt to mess with him, but he could feel the other man's eyes on him and found himself growing acutely aware of the motions of his fingers bringing the little bits of meat to his mouth, and how his lips parted to take them between his teeth. He felt stupidly self-conscious all of a sudden.

He almost told Shane to cut the shit. It was weird to have that sort of attention even if it was only just the two of them out here, like he was giving him some kind of perverted show. 

But instead some other impulse made him slow down, sucking the juice off of his thumb and forefinger after the next bite, his face growing hot as he noticed Shane leaning back in the chair, staring at him with a predatory expression that made him want to forget all about eating.

He started getting hard despite the embarrassment. All of a sudden it was a little hard to swallow. He froze up a little, picking absently at the animal's remains.

"Keep goin'," Shane whispered huskily. "There's more meat on there."

Daryl's heart started thudding in his chest. He might have been uncomfortable being watched like some kind of porno, but apparently his cock liked it fine. He swelled to full at the insistence in Shane's voice and started to attack the little creature with his fingers again, prying the flesh loose bit by bit and slipping the pieces into his mouth, taking care to suck the tips of his fingers each time. 

He wasn't even remotely hungry anymore, but when he went to toss it aside before all the meat was gone, Shane stopped him.

"You ain't done yet," he said in a low growl that froze Daryl's hand and made him slowly take the critter back onto his lap and resume the obscene little meal, his cock starting to throb. This time he didn't stop until he'd carefully removed every scrap of flesh he could find and licked all the remnants off his fingers. He dropped the bones in the fire, feeling a little silly, despite the heat in his face and the ache in his groin.

"Put that fire out, let's go inside," Shane said, his voice all gravelly.

Daryl hesitated, poking at the fire with a stick, trying to regain a little bit of dignity. 

"Ain't they gonna wonder where you're at ? " he asked reluctantly. "What if one of 'em comes lookin' ?"

He saw Shane stand up out of the corner of his eye. "Ain't that what you got that alarm set for ?" he said, grinning.

Daryl got up and started kicking dirt over the little fire, smothering it safely. He didn't know why he was trying to stall the inevitable, like he wasn't already jumping out of his skin with anticipation. 

Once they were inside Daryl turned to face Shane, wondering what they were going to do exactly, having some real privacy for once. But Shane was still standing right inside the entrance, unmoving. Daryl was thinking maybe he had changed his mind, was about to ask him what was up, when Shane looked him straight in the eye and said, "Strip."

Daryl's heart tripped at the husky-voiced command. Before he could figure out if he should be pissed at that, he found himself starting to undress, his pulse quickening. He stepped out of his shoes first. Bent to pull off his socks. He straightened and started peeling off his t-shirt, tossing it onto the floor in the corner, avoiding Shane's gaze.

His skin felt like it was on fire despite the coolness of the air. No one had ever looked at him like that, like he was a fine meal worth devouring, and it made him keep going even though he knew in the back of his mind he'd be humiliated thinking about this later, Shane just staring at him hungrily, still fully clothed, while he slowly exposed himself for him. Fuck it, he started reasoning to himself half-heartedly, one of them should stay dressed, just in case they got interrupted. It might as well be Shane.

He went to undo his fly, sliding his jeans and boxers all the way down and stepping out of them. His face was burning with shame and arousal as he stood there naked, his erection standing out obscenely. "You just gonna stand there watchin' ? " he mumbled. He tried to sound irritated but it came out too breathless, and then Shane was up against him, grabbing his ass and pulling their groins together.

Instead of just getting them down onto the floor, Shane spun him around, running rough hands all over his chest and abdomen, carefully avoiding the small bandage covering his injury.

"Man, I ain't had you naked since the quarry, " Shane breathed. He pulled Daryl close to bite and suck on the back of his neck.

"Hey, don't leave no mark there ," Daryl whispered frantically, grabbing at Shane's forearms, feeling the pressure and pain of his mouth on him. The idea of having to hide a hickey panicked him a little.

" Don't worry, ain't nobody gonna see it but me," Shane mumbled into his neck, sucking harder but a little further down his shoulder, right under where his t-shirt would cover. 

Daryl groaned, feeling him break the skin. "Said _stop_ ," he whispered gruffly. Somehow he knew he wouldn't though, and he stopped wanting to protest as Shane slipped a hand around his member and started sucking another bruise underneath the back of his neck. 

He felt Shane break away and turned around to see him hastily taking off his pants, kicking off his boots, stripping off his shirt.

He'd only seen Shane fully naked that one time at the CDC and it was embarrassing how often that image had found it's way into his mind since then. The daylight was fading but there was still enough light for Daryl to admire Shane's heavily muscled chest and stomach, his eyes trailing down to the erection jutting out of the tuft of dark curly hair. Daryl stared, his hand unconsciously straying to his cock.

Shane grabbed the blankets off Daryl's cot and threw them down across the tent floor. He got down onto his knees on top of them. "Stop playin' with yourself and get down here," he said, grinning.

Daryl dropped his hand and knelt down, facing him, because no way was he just going to bend over in front of him like a fucking dog, even though he figured that's where it would be going. He suppressed the urge to push himself up against Shane and feel all that warm naked flesh against him, to run his hands all over him for the first time. He felt weak for wanting that. Coming was something to want, _that_ he'd decided was ok, not all that other touching and shit. 

But Shane moved forward almost immediately, bearing down on Daryl until he had him on his back, Shane partially on top of his good side. He reached for the lube in the pocket of his discarded pants and then knelt up between Daryl's legs, pushing his thighs apart roughly to make room. 

Daryl felt his breath catch in his throat as he watched Shane readying his first two fingers with the lube. He'd never been in this position before, on his back with his legs splayed open, unable to close them with Shane planted in between.

"I like having you lying there just waitin' for my cock," Shane whispered down at him.

Daryl couldn't respond, just lay there dazed while Shane slid a finger inside him gently. He closed his eyes, wanting to touch himself to relieve some of the building pressure, but being watched was making him too uncomfortable.

He felt Shane start working his prostate slowly with the pad of his finger until the embarrassment he was feeling for being laid out naked started to fade. He was starting to tremble slightly, his inner thighs squeezing against Shane's legs. He gasped a little as Shane withdrew his finger, opening his eyes slightly to watch the other man squeeze KY onto his hand and stroke it over his cock. Just that sight made his groin tighten with anticipation.

Then Shane's hands were pushing his legs further apart and lifting them, pushing up under his knees to expose him enough to enter.

It made Daryl start to panic a little. This felt wrong all of a sudden, he couldn't handle Shane being inside him face to face like this, on his back, being watched while he lost all control of himself. He pushed away with his legs, rising up on his elbows as he scooted backwards.

Shane looked confused as hell. 

Daryl started to feel really stupid. All the times he'd let Shane fuck him and _this_ was what freaked him out ? It didn't even make sense to _him_. 

"... still fuckin' hurts..." he muttered, touching his bandage lightly. It wasn't true but he didn't know what else to say without looking even stranger. 

Shane nodded, apparently buying his explanation. "Lay down on your side," he said.

Daryl looked back at him blankly.

Shane slid up next to him. "Like this," he said, rolling him over onto his right side. "You'll like it, trust me," he crooned in his ear, his deep, smooth tone already making Daryl start to relax back into mindless arousal. He felt Shane spreading him open with his hand, slipping himself inside, pulling him closer with an arm around his waist until they were completely joined.

This was different then they'd done it before, it was slower, easier, less rough. After a few seconds, Daryl figured out how to move his hips to respond to Shane's thrusts and when he did, he heard his sharp intake of breath, felt the arm around his waist tighten.

Shane's cock was brushing that sensitive little spot repeatedly on each stroke now and Daryl bit down on his lower lip, trying not to moan out loud, knowing how desperate he would sound already. He moved his hand to his own aching erection. It was so easy like this without having to hold up his weight. But Shane gripped his wrist tightly, stopping him. Daryl groaned a little but let Shane pull his hand off and pin it against his side so he couldn't touch himself. 

"Only hand I want you fuckin' right now is mine," Shane rumbled in his ear, sliding his hand off Daryl's side and wrapping it around his length. 

Later he could hate how those words and the way Shane restrained him like that almost made him lose it but for now he just shuddered, arching back and clenching against the other man, pulling him in deeper.

It made Shane moan and bite into the back of his shoulder. "Fuck..." he breathed. "You keep movin' like that, I ain't gonna be able to hold back."

Hearing Shane so worked up, he couldn't get enough all of a sudden, of Shane inside him, holding onto him, filling him with nothing but sheer pleasure so that all that was left was the need for _more_. He was grinding his hips against Shane frantically, thrusting desperately into his hand, and then before he was ready he felt himself starting to come, so hard it was on the verge of painful as he tried to keep himself quiet. 

His hand went reflexively to his member, wanting to push back the overwhelming pressure, but it was Shane's hand he wound up clasping, still wrapped around him tightly.

"...that's it...that's it...don't stop..." Shane whispered roughly, keeping the rhythm strong and steady , not letting Daryl slow down to regain any control. Daryl clenched hard against Shane's cock, losing it completely, unable to contain a soft, whimpering moan as his release flooded out of him all over both their hands.

He felt Shane pulsing inside him then, filling him with his seed as he was still shuddering through the aftershock.

He was so spent he couldn't even move. He couldn't even muster up the energy to be embarrassed at how pathetic he let himself sound as he came. 

Shane's breath was warm on the back of his neck, chuckling softly. "Told you you'd like it," he said, sounding really fucking pleased with himself.

"Gonna have to fuck you like that more often," Shane mumbled into his shoulder. "Made me lose it like a fuckin' virgin." 

His cock had slipped out of Daryl but their bodies were still pressed together, their come-splattered hands resting on top of one another. 

"Man, don't really want to get up about now," Shane murmured lazily.

Daryl didn't answer. He didn't want him to go either. Shane's body felt so warm and comforting against his back as they lay there. He felt like he could fall asleep like this, his mind was so quiet and relaxed. He couldn't remember ever feeling this calm. It felt even better than that night at the CDC and he wasn't even drunk this time. 

Thinking on that he came back to his senses pretty quickly. They both got off, that was supposed to be enough. 

He forced himself to sit up and push himself away, wiping his hand off on a towel and tossing it to Shane.

"You should get back," he muttered, snatching up his clothing and standing up to start re-dressing. 

"Yeah," Shane sighed, sounding a little reluctant. 

The sun had almost completely set. Daryl watched Shane pull on his pants and shirt, knowing the light wasn't good enough that Shane could tell he was staring. 

Shane got ready to leave the tent, then stopped. "It ain't late, why don't you come back to camp, get some real dinner in you ? " he said.

Daryl imagined Andrea, seeing them come back to the camp together, looking at him with a knowing little smirk if he accidentally caught her gaze. He shook his head. "Ain't hungry. Ain't in the mood for none of their company neither." 

Shane looked a little disappointed, but shrugged. "Alright, man. "

After he left, Daryl finished taking care of his bolts and rifle. Double checked the shotgun primer set on his mousetrap alarm. 

Long into the night he lay on his back, staring at the roof of the tent, the calm he'd felt earlier all gone. He was unable to sleep, and having nothing to do out here in the dark alone just made it worse. 

His mind liked to torment him when it had nothing else to do. He was finding Merle's bloody hand on that roof again, feeling as if for the first time that cold stab of fear that he might never know what had happened to the only family he had left. Then he saw that little girl coming out of the barn, looking at him with those dead, bloodshot eyes. Both held that same sense of failure that he couldn't shake. 

He had wanted to be the one to find her, imagining how the group would look at him then. He'd no longer just be some loser redneck with a meth head for a brother. Another part of him wanted to just because he knew how that little girl felt, alone, hungry, wondering if anyone was even looking for her, or if anyone would miss her if she never got found. For once, he'd been dumb enough to think that his hope might actually pay off. But just like with his mom, and his dad, even if the bastard probably would've died soon enough anyway, and Merle, who he'd missed by mere hours, he was too late. Always too late.

He wound up thinking of Shane, about tomorrow's little plan. It would put him on the outs with Rick, who he had to admit he'd respected ever since he went back with him for Merle, even after he'd pulled a knife on him. Anyone else, Shane included at the time, would've been just as happy to let him go off alone on that mission, like he'd planned to. 

But fuck it, Shane was right about this kid, and Rick was being a pussy about it. And it wasn't Rick who was asking him for help. To Rick, he was just a useful body to have around. At least to Shane he was...well...at least a little more than just useful.

Shane's earlier words wandered into his head. Made him come like a virgin, he'd said, and Daryl had almost said _Yeah, I know how that feels_ , but thankfully had caught himself. 

Shane was cocky enough, he didn't need to know he'd never even been with anyone else. Even he didn't count the few barflys and skanks Merle had hooked him up with over the years. He'd never had much choice in the matter anyway. Turning down easy pussy was a good way to look like the faggot he was starting to realize he must have always been, and he'd never even been sober enough to remember much about them anyway.

He'd been high and drunk when Shane had gotten him off that first time, but he remembered every second of it. It was the first time sex felt like more than scratching an itch. It made him feel like he'd never even had an orgasm before. And he hadn't even _liked_ Shane before that. Sure, he'd _noticed_ him but in the same way he'd noticed other guys before getting so disgusted with himself that he'd make himself forget it. He'd gotten so good at it that he could almost convince himself that he never even had those feelings.

But Shane had forced him right past that and as much as it had freaked him out, it was the first time ever that someone saw that part of himself that he was more ashamed of than anything else and actually wanted him for it. Even if it was just sex, that was _something_. Enough to make him look forward to every other time they were alone together like he was a junkie waiting for a fix. 

He twisted restlessly on the narrow cot until he couldn't take it anymore. He found the remains of the whiskey Shane had left him the other day and chugged it, feeling the relaxing warmth spread through his belly after a minute. He settled onto his good side.

If he thought about it, he could still feel Shane curled up around his back, his breath soft on the back of his neck, his arm heavy over his side. If that's what he needed to imagine to finally fall asleep, fuck it. It sure wasn't the worst thing he'd imagined Shane doing to him these days.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shane made his way back to camp slowly. He would've liked nothing more than to have just passed out next to Daryl, naked and sated. He knew it would've been a better rest than he was about to have. Not for the first time, Shane wished there was a decent excuse for two men who weren't related to start sharing a damn tent. 

As he approached he could make out Carol, Andrea, and Dale seated around the fire. Just the sight of Dale sapped what was left of his good mood, especially since it seemed their feelings were mutual. Their eyes met and Shane could almost feel the contempt the older man had for him. 

"Is he ok out there ?" Carol asked then, looking up at him with concern. "He stopped by earlier and gave me a bunch of squirrels but he never even came back to eat anything."

"He's fine, Carol. Just likes it better alone, I guess." He bristled at the look he caught on Andrea's face as he said that, her lips quirking in that sarcastic-looking smirk of hers. That and the way Dale stood up abruptly and headed into the RV set his nerves on edge.

He passed around them to get to his tent, hoping to catch a few hours of sleep before his turn on watch. Fuck, she probably told him, he thought. Why wouldn't she ? Dale had saved her life at the CDC, they were close. She sure as hell didn't owe him any loyalty after he'd basically fucked and chucked her.

Jesus , this just wasn't the sort of shit he needed to be thinking about right now. He'd never had any problems hooking up with dudes outside of town, or even locally if they had more of a stake in keeping quiet than he did, like in high school. But the idea of living with it out in the open, with Rick, with Lori, with Carl...he was starting to understand why Daryl was always so panicked about it. He'd never really considered what that would look like. 

For some reason, what bothered him the most was Rick figuring out he'd been attracted to _him_ all those years. Rick wasn't the bigoted type but that sort of thing couldn't be anything but creepy to him, considering how close they'd been. It would make their friendship seem even more like it had been a lie. Then again, it might make it easier for Rick to handle what he and Lori had done. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, once the dust settled...

He couldn't let himself think about it anymore. However he felt about it, for Daryl it wasn't even a question. If the others knew, he'd probably be out of there so fast it wouldn't even be funny. And with the looming threat to Lori and his child out there now, Shane couldn't afford to be put in a position to choose. He hoped Dale would have the good sense to be intimidated enough of the both of them to keep his mouth shut.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Shane was irritated to find Glenn on watch at the barn that morning.

"Thought Daryl had first watch ?" he asked.

"He uh...Rick asked him to help Herschel fix one of the outbuildings." Glenn had the same nervous look on his face he'd had when he'd been hiding the fact that he knew about the walkers in the barn. Kid has no poker face, Shane thought.

Ok, so Rick thought he'd try something like this. Had to give him points for that, at least. Although it put him off that he knew Daryl would be part of it.

"Alright, " he nodded at Glenn, and walked off, feeling frustrated.

He practically collided with Lori, so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't seen her approaching. He stopped short, startled. They hadn't spoken since she'd told him that she'd told Rick. 

The look on her face told him this wasn't going to be pleasant. " I know I can't keep Carl away from all this forever, but you have _no right_ to just let him start handling guns without even asking us. We're his _parents_ \- "

"Yeah, I got that, Lori, " he broke into her lecture impatiently. For once, he felt more pissed than hurt at the disdain in her tone. " I was showin' him how to clean it properly, he wasn't shootin' at anything. You're overreacting."

" Overrreacting ? " she asked indignantly. He knew she'd be pissed at that, he wasn't sure why he'd gone ahead and said it. "It's bad enough you're going out of your way to _provoke_ him -"

"Provoke him ?" he asked incredulously. "Who's the one who decided to tell him about us, Lori ? It sure as hell wasn't me."

"Well, you didn't have to - " she started to respond in an angry whisper but stopped abruptly catching the look on Shane's face as he noticed Rick and Dale were heading towards them now. 

Shane decided to walk away. He didn't need to talk to any of them right now. Unfortunately, he lost control of his mouth as he caught the look of suspicion on Rick's face, as if _he_ had been the one to seek out Lori and not the other way around.

"Since y'all don't want to take this seriously, I'm goin' to look for more firepower, " he said, not bothering to keep the contempt out of his voice. He shot Dale a good and dirty look while he was at it.

He could see Rick contemplating for a second, debating whether or not to try and stop him. He had a feeling Rick might not mind at all if he went out alone and disappeared at this point. But no, that wasn't Rick, even if that's how he might have felt.

" You can't go alone, it's too dangerous," he said, irritating Shane again with the weariness in it, as if he was annoyed to have to express concern he didn't feel anymore. And it hurt, too. 

" I'm takin' Daryl with me, " he shot back immediately. " He don't need to be doin' farm chores right now."

Dale's expression disturbed him, seeming to change at the mention of Daryl, his face taking on a look of concern.

Shane headed off quickly, eager to put as much distance between him and the rest of them right now as possible.

\---------------------------------

Daryl was helping Herschel fix a wall on one of the small outbuildings around the farm. He'd gone to take his turn on watch by the barn earlier, after Herschel and Rick had moved the kid inside and settled him. But Rick had stopped him before he got there.

"Would you mind helping Herschel with something ? Glenn can handle this right now. The kid can't even really walk yet."

Something in Rick's tone and the way he didn't altogether meet his gaze told Daryl he was sending him off because he didn't trust him. Like he already knew something was wrong. It bothered him being in the middle of Rick and Shane's pissing contest, but at least if he just went off and did what he asked, maybe Rick wouldn't know for sure that he was right not to trust him. So he shrugged like he couldn't give a shit and went off to find the old man.

As he met up with Herschel, who was readying to shore up a large hole in the side of an old outbuilding, the old man didn't waste any time breaking out the lecture.

"You and Shane seem to be of a mindset that you can just do whatever you think needs to be done with no mind to what anyone else thinks. You with my horse. What you both did at the barn. Now with this boy. I don't like having him here any better than you do but as long as he's healing, no harm is gonna come to him. I just want to make that clear to you so we don't have any more misunderstandings. "

The old man sounded so calm and reasonable, yet Daryl could tell there was no room for argument. This was his farm, and as much as he knew Merle, or hell, probably Shane, wouldn't have thought twice about getting in this man's face and telling him he should never have had those things in the barn anyway, that he wouldn't have had to take the damn horse if they'd known Sophia was dead, he just didn't have the stomach to. Not after this man had stitched him up and let him sleep in his house. So he swallowed his pride and just nodded agreement.

After that, they started working together and Daryl found he didn't mind the man's company. He didn't ask any nosy questions and just talked easily about the farm, how long it had been in his family, how he left for a long time until his bastard of an old man had passed and he'd come back to take it over. 

Daryl had nothing to add to the conversation, he'd be damned if he was gonna share anything about his own father, however similar they sounded. It was embarrassing enough knowing he'd seen all the fucked up scars all over his body when he'd taken care of him. But Herschel seemed content to just ramble on a bit and then leave him to finish the project on his own. 

Left alone, Daryl settled into the work he was doing, his annoyance at being pulled off guard duty gone. He'd always liked working by himself with his hands, it was satisfying to see something fixed, to know he'd accomplished something.

He was thinking if he could get a few more deer and Herschel's generators could keep his freezers working, they could store up enough meat to keep the group fed through the winter, so long as he could keep bringing back small game as well. 

He thought of him and Shane hunting together like they had the other day, or doing a few more big runs to stock up on other needed supplies. Wondered if when it got cold enough he could find a way to wind up sharing space with Shane, maybe with a believable excuse of extra warmth from another body in the tent. Would the group would find that plausible if Andrea hadn't opened her mouth ?

With a start, he realized that he was making plans, looking forward to sticking around here with Shane, as if they were _together_. 

His mood darkened at that thought. Looking forward to anything never turned out well for him.

Almost as soon as he got finished fixing the wall, Shane had come over, looking agitated. 

"We're goin' on a run," he said gruffly.

Daryl shrugged and mumbled "alright," before he even knew why, or where, and immediately was annoyed. He'd just gotten done being pissed with himself for thinking like a bitch and here he was fuckin' _acting_ like one. It was just getting harder to remember that he was supposed to be hiding the fact that any chance to be alone with Shane felt like a good idea to him now.

They split up to make preparations. Daryl went off to fill their water bottles at one of the wells behind another outbuilding near the camp. He pumped enough to fill one, then caught sight of T-Dog and Glenn chopping firewood a distance away. Some large bushes obscured the well area from their sight.

It was an innocent enough activity but Daryl found himself drawn to the rhythmic motion of T's muscular arms as he brought the axe down against the hard surface of the wood. He found himself comparing them to Shane's. They were larger, stronger. He liked the way the muscles rippled through his back with each swing.

He watched Glenn as well, bending and reaching to hand the other man another log to split. A lot smaller of a frame, but smoothly muscled, not weak at all. Before he could help it his mind had wandered to what it might be like to feel T-Dog pressing up against him, his large hands running over his hips, or how Glenn's sleek abdomen might feel against his palm as he slid his hand lower.

He'd been disgusted with himself for checking out T before but now he was thinking maybe he should try to be ok with being a pervert if it was just in his own head. Maybe that's all any of this was, and it would get Shane out of his system if he just thought about it _that_ way.

All he knew was that he needed to get some control of himself back, he was getting sick of feeling so fucking weak all the time. He doubted Shane was wasting time worrying about any of that shit.

So instead of looking away this time, he let himself watch, hidden from their sight the way he was. He forced his mind to undress them both, picturing T's dark, smooth skin glistening in the bright sun, taut over his bulging muscles. He tried to imagine what his cock would look like, and figured it might be thick, maybe a little longer than Shane's.

Glenn would be wiry, more like himself but with unblemished skin, sleek and tanned. He'd probably be more slender down there, probably would slip in easier than Shane's. He tried to think of how that might feel, but stopped. He didn't want to picture himself like that with him. So he tried to think of Glenn bent over in front of him instead, tried to imagine the tightness around his cock. 

His cock was stiffening now, but it still wasn't really doing it for him. 

He realized he didn't really want to think about being with either one of them.

Jesus, I can't even be a faggot right, he thought disgustedly. He decided on picturing them fucking eachother, T bending Glenn over the tree stump he was splitting logs on. It was easy to picture the sharp, thrusting motions T would make as he gripped those slim hips and pushed his way inside.

Ok, that was better. If he didn't put himself in the fantasy, maybe he could just get off on the visuals. No emotion at all, just a body getting rid of a need. _That's_ where he needed his mind to be...

He felt a sharp, stinging slap on his ass, and spun around, immediately indignant.

"You planning on fillin' them bottles or jerkin' off ?"

Shane had startled Daryl so bad he'd nearly dropped the one he was holding. He looked amused, watching him fumble it back into his grip to cap it off. 

"Asshole, " Daryl muttered, glaring at the other man. He was furious at himself for getting caught, for not even hearing the sonovabitch sneaking up on him. As if he didn't feel stupid enough.

He went to reach for another empty to fill but Shane stepped in close then and went to grope his cock through his jeans. Daryl flushed hotly, realizing Shane knew the reason he was already hard.

"C'mon, man, " he mumbled irritably, stepping back. "Someone could see..."

"You didn't seem to be worryin' about that a second ago. Shit, the way you were starin' you might as well just take your cock out and wave it at'em." There was an edge to Shane's voice underneath the amusement that made Daryl uneasy.

"You're fuckin' seein' things..." he muttered weakly.

"Yeah, you gettin' all worked up watchin' them two chop wood," Shane joked, backing him against the wall of the building. "Unless you liked me slappin' your ass that much."

Daryl went to shove him off, pissed and embarrassed, but Shane pushed his thigh between his legs and leaned both hands against the wall to either side of him, penning him in so that he'd have to make more of an effort to get free. He slid his hand right down the front of his jeans then and started to massage his cock.

"The fuck are you doin' ?" Daryl snapped, the water bottle slipping out of his hand and hitting the ground. "They're right there !"

Shane leaned in and pressed his body fully up against him. "They can't see us, man, relax," he breathed in his ear. " So which one were you thinkin' about, huh ? T-dog ? Wanna feel that big black cock rammin' into you ? Or is it Glenn you were lookin' at ? "

"Shut up, man !" Daryl went to twist away, pride overriding his arousal, but Shane pushed his weight against him a little more forcefully, gripped his dick a little tighter.

"So Glenn, then ? You thinkin' of poundin' that ass, bendin' him over like I do you ? "

"Shutup !" Daryl blurted in a harsh whisper.

" So which is it ? " 

This didn't feel like a conversation to have with Shane's hand wrapped around his dick. He couldn't tell if Shane was pissed or just horny. He was all flustered and confused now, and a little afraid that Shane wasn't paying enough attention to where they were, or worse, that he didn't care. 

"I don't want neither one of 'em, man, " he insisted, hating how defensive that sounded coming out, and that he felt like he had to say anything in the first place. He didn't know what was worse, Shane thinking he wanted to fuck other men or the fact that he'd been trying to think about other men just to stop thinking about _him_. 

"You sure about that ? " Shane whispered teasingly, running a thumb gently over the slit, then stroking under the head softly.

Daryl gasped slightly, wondering if Shane was crazy enough to be thinking of getting off quickly out here in the open. He really needed to stop this, he thought, trying to gather the will to actually do it. 

"Hey, it's alright, " Shane murmured in his ear. "You can look all you want...long as you remember who _this_ belongs to. " He moved in closer, tightening his grip on Daryl's cock.

Fuck, did Shane really just say he _belonged_ to him ? He couldn't tell if he was joking that time. It was on the tip of his tongue to say "I don't belong to _nobody_ ," shove him away and tell him to fuck off, but the words died in his throat as he realized his heart was pounding in his chest and his cock was starting to throb. He almost forgot they were outside and a stone's throw from camp.

He turned his face to the side to avoid their foreheads bumping together and his head fell against Shane's shoulder instead. Shane slipped his hand out of his jeans, grabbing his ass with both hands and grinding their erections together. Daryl found his own hands moving to grip Shane's hips, bracing himself, craving more friction.

But then it was Shane stepping back with a frustrated groan, separating them. 

"C'mon, man, let's get going," he said. "Before we wind up doin' something stupid out here."

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl went out to his camp to grab more bolts for his crossbow.

He'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't all kinds of confused about what the hell just happened back there. He was pretty familiar with feeling jealous, over Andrea, over Lori. He was damn glad Rick knew about that affair now. And he couldn't say he was glad that Andrea caught him sucking Shane's dick but he wasn't unhappy that she was no longer interested. 

But Shane acting jealous, talking to him like he actually had a say over what the fuck he did with his dick ? If he'd thought a couple of months ago that another man would ever say something like that to him without getting knocked on his ass or bloodied, he wouldn't have believed it. But apparently he was so fucked in the head now, it made him feel _better_. No, worse. It had _turned him on_. 

And right away his mind was making excuses for it, like he did more and more lately. _It's not like I was doing much with my dick before all this anyway_ , he thought.

As he came out of his tent, he looked up to see Dale of all people, coming right at him. Not really the man he wanted to see while he was still half-hard and frustrated.

"Watch the fishing line," he snapped, before Dale had the chance to trip his alarm and waste the shotgun primer it was set with.

Dale stopped and carefully stepped over it. "I hear you and Shane are going out on a run today," he said.

"What about it ?" Daryl asked, annoyed at the hint of disapproval in the old man's voice.

"You know, it might not be the best idea for the two of you to go alone."

" Didn't hear no one else volunteerin'."

" I'm just saying maybe you should wait a few days, until T-Dog feels better, until Rick feels more comfortable leaving Carl again. Then you could go out in a bigger group- "

" Don't got no time to waste. Y'all don't even know what's goin' on out there. "

" Exactly why we should be cautious. If anything happens to the two of you, we're down two people. You think this group can afford that ?"

Daryl smirked. "So you worried about Shane now ? " 

He knew the old man couldn't stand Shane, even at the quarry. He chalked it up mostly to Dale not liking the way Shane had been when he'd been in charge. 

Shane would just tell you how it was gonna be without explaining why. Men like Dale didn't understand that sometimes shit had to get done and you couldn't waste time talking about it. And he'd seen how bad Shane had beaten Carol's husband after he'd come back with Rick after looking for Merle. He remembered Dale acting a lot more wary around him after that.

" Actually, I was more worried about _you_ ," Dale said evenly.

Daryl stopped gathering his gear to stare at the old man, curious and alarmed at the same time. 

Dale seemed to take Daryl's attention as encouragement to continue, leaning in and putting on that bullshit fatherly tone and expression that got under Daryl's skin most of the time. "I know you and Shane have gotten...close... "

That set Daryl on edge right away. Had Andrea told him ? Fuck, was he looking at him like he was some kinda bitch now ?

"...but you're not like him. You've always helped the group, even back when you and your brother first showed up. You hunted for us, did more than your share around the camp..." 

_Yeah, cause Merle wanted us to get your trust so we'd be able to make off with all your shit later_ , he thought, even though he realized he'd actually liked when at least some of them would seem grateful for his usefulness. He let Dale go on, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know where this was going.

" You saved T-Dog's life back on the highway, and then again when you gave him those antibiotics...and then what you did for Carol, for her little girl..."

"Lotta good that did," Daryl muttered.

"Shane wanted to abandon the search after the first day. Did you know that ?"

That hit Daryl a little. He remembered he hadn't seemed so concerned. But Sophia wasn't Shane's kid, and he'd turned out to be right anyway, so... "Yeah, well he didn't. He went out lookin' twice after that."

"Well, what else _could_ he do ?" Dale asked.

Daryl was getting pissed. Shane wasn't his blood but for some reason hearing someone talk shit about him sure made it feel like he was. And this was the second damn time he'd gone through it with this man.

"You best make a point or get the hell out my face," Daryl said, moving into the older man's space threateningly. "Ain't my problem you don't like him."

To Dale's credit, he didn't back away. " You don't know him like you may think you do, " he said, actually sounding concerned.

Daryl was torn between the urge to knock this man on his ass and a sudden need to know what the hell he was getting at. He hadn't forgotten the confrontation he'd broken up between Shane and Dale before. What little Dale had said had bothered him even though he tried to forget it. Plus, the man was speaking to him with respect and that made it harder to just lash out at him. So he stood still and waited.

"Remember the story he told at Otis' wake ? "

"Yeah, " Daryl mumbled reluctantly. A feeling of dread started forming in the pit of his stomach for some reason.

"Rick told me he came back with all the guns. If Otis had been covering him, wouldn't his gun have been missing ?"

"Maybe that man did somethin' stupid to get himself killed and he didn't want to say it in front of his old lady. You ever think of that ? " At least, that was how he'd thought about it when he had his own questions. 

Dale just blinked in response. _Yeah, thought so_ , Daryl thought. 

But then the old man went ahead and reminded him of the other thing that he'd overheard from their last confrontation. "Daryl, he almost shot Rick. "

" Shane's a pretty good shot, don't think he woulda missed," he snapped. This was starting to bother him more than he thought it would, and he didn't even know why. Didn't Shane already tell him that wasn't the case ? How could he take Dale's word over Shane's ? He was starting to feel disloyal for hearing Dale out now, but the old man kept on talking.

"I caught him. It was right after you all came back from Atlanta. They were out in the woods and he raised his rifle on him from a distance, had him right in his sights. If I hadn't walked up in time, Rick might not be alive right now. "

" What's _wrong_ with y'all ? " Daryl burst out angrily. "Y'all so afraid of him you gotta talk behind his back like a bunch of bitches ? "

" I'm just trying to tell you to be careful out there, okay ? " Dale backed up slightly, putting his hands up in front of him, like he was trying to tell him to calm down. "If the shit hits the fan, he may not have your back like you need him to. Just remember, Rick was like a brother to him once. "

"Man, fuck you, " Daryl spat back, frustrated. He wanted to defend Shane but he couldn't find any words. 

He _didn't_ know what really happened to Otis, and if Rick knew Shane's story was to protect Otis' reputation, he wouldn't have gotten Dale all suspicious. And he had no idea why Dale would lie about what he'd seen with Rick. The fact that Dale sounded like he was actually concerned, not just being an asshole, only made him angrier.

He turned and started back towards the main camp where Shane was waiting for him, keeping his stride fast enough that Dale couldn't keep up.

Why the hell should he worry about whether Shane would have his back at all ? It's not like he needed someone to look out for him in the first place. And what the fuck difference did it make what had happened with Shane and a dude he'd never even met ?

Jesus, he had actually been in a good mood before Dale showed up with this bullshit.

 _That's what you get for lettin' your dick do your thinkin'. None a'this shit would be botherin' you if you weren't such a faggot_ , he thought, and his mind's voice this time sounded exactly like his brother's. 

\--------------------------------

They drove out in the Hyundai together. Not fifteen minutes past the tiny town where they'd had the run-in with Randall's people they wound up in an emptied suburban neighborhood. 

It was almost too easy, going house to house, only occasionally having to pick off a stray walker or two. Daryl's crossbow did most of the work outside, being so quiet. 

They split up in each house to cover more territory, using their knives to easily dispatch the random corpses hiding in spare bedrooms or lurking in hallways .

They rejoined after each, sharing their finds, recounting their kills. It was slow-going. Most of the houses had been picked through, either by fleeing owners or looters like them, but after a couple of hours they managed to accumulate several hundred rounds of useful ammo.

They worked well together, efficient, deadly. In a lot of ways, Shane thought he worked better with Daryl than he ever had with Rick. He liked that Daryl let him lead unless he actually had a better idea. He didn't feel the need to try and take control, didn't try and lecture on why his idea might have been better. 

Shane almost felt fucked up for being able to ignore the horrible smells and sights of every house they entered and just concentrate on the search for supplies. He was almost enjoying himself, he realized.

Daryl's mood had picked up as the day had gone along. He'd been silent most of the drive, and Shane could tell it wasn't just his normal state of quiet. He wasn't a talker but Shane was able to read him pretty well now, in the little ways he fidgeted with his crossbow, the sullen-sounding short responses to his attempts to engage him. Not that Shane tried too hard. 

He assumed Daryl had some shit on his mind that he didn't want to deal with and would snap out of it when he needed to. Knowing him, he probably felt stupid about getting caught checking out other dudes. Shane had been surprised at his own flash of jealousy when he caught him. Luckily, T and Glenn were straight and Daryl had so many hang-ups left even with _him_ that he couldn't feel too worried.

Still, he'd never even considered Daryl being interested in any other guys, and the immediate anger and possessiveness he'd felt just catching him _looking_ told him that things had gone further than he thought. Even Rick and Lori hadn't made him feel that way, but maybe that was because he'd never truly had either one of them. It was a little more than he was ready to acknowledge. 

However moody Daryl had been earlier, he never seemed to miss a shot, and towards the end of the block they'd gone through, he was feeling light enough to call Shane into a nearby bedroom he'd just started ransacking. Shane came through the doorway to find Daryl standing in front of a pulled-out dresser drawer full of sex toys, a little half-smirk on his lips. "Lady must have been pretty lonely, huh ?" 

A few huge brightly colored dildos lay obscenely over the other stuff. Shane looked a little closer. There was a cock ring, a butt plug, and an anal vibrator in there as well. The rest of the room didn't even look remotely feminine and Shane realized that as observant as Daryl normally was, the idea of a man using shit like that was so foreign to him that his mind didn't even register the contradiction.

"You sure it was a lady, Daryl ? " he asked, grinning. 

The way Daryl physically recoiled from the drawer as that sank in, yanking his hands away like he'd touched a live wire, made Shane burst out laughing.

"Fucking pervert," Daryl muttered, shaking his head judgmentally at the open drawer. It made Shane laugh harder.

"You use shit like that ?" Daryl asked, looking halfway between incredulous and disgusted.

"Nah, man," Shane answered honestly. "But I know what they're for." 

"Yeah, well, it ain't that hard to figure out..."

"Not the dildos, man. The other shit. "

Now Daryl peered back into the drawer, reluctantly curious. It never stopped surprising Shane how little Daryl knew about this sort of stuff. Sometimes he wondered if he'd ever even been on a computer before. 

"See that ?" Shane pointed to the butt plug. "That's something you put up there to open yourself up, so you can take it easier. "

Daryl shrugged, looking unimpressed.

"Yeah, I know, I get you ready pretty easy without that kinda shit," Shane said, enjoying the flush starting to spread onto Daryl's cheeks. 

He pointed to the cock ring. "That's something you put on your junk so you can't come," he said. 

"Why the fuck would you put that on ? "

"I don't know, sometimes its nice to drag it out, make it last longer," he said. Standing here explaining it to him was starting to make him horny. " Wouldn't mind seeing you in one of those, " he said, lowering his tone to where Daryl liked it. " You know I like makin' you wait." Fuck, he was starting to get way too turned on in some dead guy's room. Even he felt a little perverted right now.

"Hmmph," Daryl scoffed at that. "Ain't puttin' on some used sex toy." 

It amused Shane that Daryl would even think he was suggesting that. That his mind was going there so quickly was really intriguing though. Especially since his only objection seemed to be the "used" part.

"What, so a _new_ one would be ok ?" Shane teased. " If that's the case, I'll be keepin' my eyes open for a sex shop back on the highway. Bet they ain't even all been looted. "

Daryl didn't answer, his eyes still on the contents of the drawer. "What the hell's that ?" he asked, pointing at a nearly c-shaped piece of black plastic.

"It goes inside, and that curved part just vibrates all up on the sweet spot. "

He watched Daryl swallow and catch his bottom lip in his teeth and couldn't help continuing.

"I think they make some of 'em with remote controls," Shane said nonchalantly. " Supposedly you can keep it in under your clothes and shit, walk around with it and everything. I could fix one in you and keep hold of the remote, then I could just hit the button whenever I wanted and have you all desperate and squirmin' around, tryin' to hide it cause there'd be people around... "

"Man, shut up, ain't no time for this shit," Daryl mumbled. Shane could see his dick swelling against the front of his jeans though.

"You'd like that, huh ? It's supposed to feel so good I could probably have you comin' in your pants before you even knew what to do." Shane chuckled a little, remembering that time he'd talked him off at the campfire. " Wouldn't be the first time, " he added.

"Ain't gonna happen," Daryl muttered, slamming the drawer shut. 

"Man, that sounds like a challenge to me," Shane replied, pinching his ass playfully as he walked past to leave the room.

Quick as a rattle snake, Daryl spun around and punched him in the gut, not hard enough to knock the wind out of him but enough to stun a bit. Shane straightened up, watching him head down the stairs. The blow hadn't done a thing to lessen his arousal. Impulsively, he snatched up the contents of the drawer, minus the pink and purple dildos, and dropped them into the duffel bag he was using for loot. That's what they had antiseptic for, he thought, amused with himself. 

He jumped Daryl as he got to the foot of the stairs, dropping his own bag and dragging the crossbow strap over Daryl's head to get it safely out of the way before grabbing him around his arms and torso from behind, too tight for him to get loose. 

"Cut the shit !" Daryl grunted, bucking against him. Shane liked that he was stronger, but he loved the resistance Daryl was able to put up. He didn't even know what he was going for right now, other than just enjoying feeling that warm, wiry body squirming and twisting forcefully against him .

He managed to haul Daryl to the couch and fall onto it heavily, holding Daryl on top of him and on his back. In this position, Daryl was grinding his ass against Shane's erection as he thrashed around, still attempting to free himself, and every little grunt and groan of effort he made was like a stroke to his cock. 

Shane had thought to let him loose long enough to switch positions and somehow get Daryl underneath him but all of a sudden it felt just as good to have Daryl's ass pushing up against his dick, the soft parts surrounding him and giving just enough friction. It almost felt like Daryl wasn't really trying to break away anymore, he was moving a little too rhythmically down there for it to be accidental.

He groaned as the first wave of an impending orgasm washed over him. Daryl started to roll his hips against him then, his arms no longer straining against Shane's hold at all. He could shove Daryl off but he was so close now his common sense wasn't working and instead he clasped Daryl tighter, making him gasp for air a little, and just thrust back, their combined motions sending him into a quick, jolting climax.

He felt Daryl's shoulders shaking under his grip and he realized after a second he was laughing. His laugh was pretty infrequent, and never very long-lasting or loud, but hearing it now made Shane start to laugh with him, even if it was at his own expense. He shoved Daryl off, feeling his briefs sticky and warm with his come.

"Now we're even," Daryl said, a cocky little smirk on his face. He went to the foot of the stairs to retrieve his crossbow, looking satisfied.

"Man, this is fuckin' nasty, " Shane said, shaking his head as he quickly shucked off his boots and pants to rid himself of the soiled garment. He wadded them up and chucked them at Daryl's head. He ducked too damn easily, flipping Shane off good-naturedly as he watched him redress from the doorway. 

"Least I got off, " Shane shrugged. "You wait and see what I make you do for me before I let you come again." 

He grinned at the look he got from Daryl at that. It was probably way more eager than Daryl had wanted to let him see. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They finished the sweep of the neighborhood and decided to call it a day. They'd gotten nearly a thousand rounds of ammo, a few extra firearms, and a bunch of dried and canned foods to add to the group's rations. Shane was more than a little moved by Daryl grabbing up whatever boxes of formula and baby food they came across. He felt like an ass for not thinking of that shit himself. 

As they got closer to the town near the farm, Shane pulled onto the main street. He stopped the car in front of the little pharmacy. 

"According to Glenn there's still some first aid shit left, maybe some meds too. No point leaving them behind. "

Daryl hopped out with him and they headed in, careful to watch for walkers. Apparently with no live bait around the pack of them from the other night had moved on.

They perused the meager shelves. Not much of use was really left, but they dumped what they found into a large trash bag. Shane was quick to grab the couple of tubes left of KY. 

"So that's why you came back here ?" Daryl scoffed at him.

"I'm almost out, you rather I lube you up with spit ? I know you like it rough sometimes, but _damn_ ! " Shane joked.

They walked out the front door and were immediately facing down the barrels of two rifles. 

The men holding them were both dark-haired, one taller and fatter than the other.

"Drop your weapons if you wanna live," the smaller one said. His accent wasn't local. Shane could hear the east coast in it right away. New York, New Jersey maybe. He remembered instantly that Rick had said the men he killed had been from Philly. He wouldn't know that accent specifically but he figured this couldn't be a coincidence.

Neither of the men were shaky with the weapons they had leveled at them. Shane slowly unholstered his pistol and lowered it to the ground, his training allowing him to stay calm so far. Daryl followed suit with his crossbow. 

"That big-ass knife too, " the same man said, briefly pointing the rifle barrel at Daryl's buck knife. Shane watched Daryl out of the corner of his eye as he complied, his movements tight and deliberate. If Daryl was nervous he did a good job hiding it. "And that, " he added, nodding at the black plastic bag Shane was still holding. 

"So where's your outpost ? " the taller man asked then.

"We're just passin' through," he heard Daryl say gruffly.

"Yeah ? This is the car y'all drove in with, right ? " the smaller man said, backing up towards the Hyundai. "So you got all your gear in here ?" Shane didn't like the tone of the man's voice. He was way too calm. "Not much in the back seat, " the man said, glancing back briefly.

"Pop the trunk, tell me what you find," he said to the other man.

Fuck, Shane was thinking. The damn baby stuff. There was no way to explain that if they were just two guys on their own.

"Just passin' through , huh?" The fatter man said from under the trunk lid. "They got a lot of baby formula back here. "

"What else ?" the smaller man said through gritted teeth, starting to look agitated.

"Ammo, lots of it. Some food. That's it."

"No changes of clothing, shoes, nothin' like that ? Blankets, sleeping bags ? "

"Nah."

"Look, man, " Shane said, keeping his voice even. "Just take what you see there and move on, we don't want any trouble." 

"No ? " suddenly the man's rifle was aimed squarely at his head. He heard Daryl's sharp intake of breath next to him. 

"We lost some people here the other night, " the fatter man said, and Shane's belly started filling with dread. "You two know anything about it ?" The smaller man's rifle was still pointed straight at him. 

"We don't know nothin'," Daryl blurted quickly, his voice betraying more nerves than before. Shane felt his chest constrict painfully at that. He could feel the fear Daryl was trying not to show, and it started to chip away the calm he was trying to maintain.

"We ain't askin' _you_ ," the smaller man said, not taking his eyes off Shane. "We already know you're a liar. So _you_ , " he jabbed the rifle towards Shane again for emphasis. "You're gonna tell us where your group is."

Shane froze at that. This wasn't going to end with a robbery. Daryl too remained silent and Shane felt grateful and oddly proud at that.

Everything seemed to slow down in Shane's head. He'd been in this mindset before. He'd had it when he got out of Atlanta, when he'd taken Lori and Carl to safety. When he'd been in dicey situations with armed men as a deputy. That point where a situation is so out of your control that you detach, letting you react without thinking. 

With Otis he'd had to make a choice, here there really wasn't any. He thought about Lori, and the baby she was carrying. And Carl. These men rolling up on their camp unawares, and whatever they did to them being on _him_. He knew he couldn't betray them. But there was Daryl, too, and suddenly he was just as sure he would do whatever he had to do to get him out of this.

" There's plenty of ammo there, " Shane said, almost conversationally. "Took us all day to scrounge that up. Just take it and go. It's a lot easier than tryin' to take on a group that might want to fight back." He was able to keep his tone steady and rational. If these men weren't psychopaths that should make sense to them. 

The smaller man regarded him intently. Shane could see the gears turning in the man's head, trying to figure out where he wanted to take this. He was about to tell them again that they didn't know anything about their people, maybe offer some false leads for them to follow or something, just anything to stall for more time. But the man spoke again before he got the chance.

"So who's this guy to you , huh?" he asked, indicating Daryl with his rifle barrel. 

In that instant everything changed. The man shifted the muzzle of the gun towards Daryl and all the control Shane had retained over his fear was suddenly wrenched away. He felt a cold sweat break out all over. His throat went bone dry. He felt a terror akin to what he'd felt when he'd seen Rick shot right in front of him. That feeling of powerlessness, that blinding fear of loss. 

The other man had stepped away from the car and was covering them both. The smaller man spoke to Shane, even as he kept his rifle trained on Daryl. 

"You're gonna tell me what I wanna know or I'm gonna blow his head off right now. You got 5 seconds. Four, three, two-"

"Wait!" Shane yelled, throwing his hands out in front of him, panicking. In that instant he couldn't even wrap his mind around the possibility of losing Daryl right here and now. It wouldn't happen, it couldn't, he wouldn't let it. 

"I'll take you to them," he heard himself say, without any real thought behind the words yet, a stalling move to buy more time.

The only thing in his mind now was getting Daryl out of danger, however he could. 

"I'll take you to them, " he repeated, starting to regain control of his thoughts. "But you have to let him go." 

The smaller man seemed to consider that carefully. He lowered the rifle barrel slightly and Shane felt such a wave of relief that it almost felt intoxicating. 

Then the man turned to his partner and told him to start tying Daryl to one of the light posts in front of the pharmacy.

"What are you doin', man ?" Shane burst out. "I told you-"

"You think I'm gonna just let him go so he can get back and warn them ? You think I'm stupid ?"

Jesus, he couldn't take this. The thought of Daryl left for walker bait almost made him lunge mindlessly at the man. Somehow he forced himself not to, trying again to speak calmly. "At least put him inside, lock the door-"

"I think it's better we leave him out. That way you won't fuck around and take us on a wild goose chase first. "

The fatter man had gone over to Daryl and had slung his rifle over his back to free his hands. He had some thin rope he was readying. 

A rage started building in Shane's chest then, choking off the fear. _I'm gonna kill them slowly_ , he thought suddenly. He didn't know how yet, but it would happen. But he needed to let Daryl know he had a plan.

"It's more than ten miles off, it'll take too long, man, " he persisted. "C'mon, I'm workin' with you here."

The man seemed to relent at that. "Ok," he said, shrugging how shoulders. Then he grinned at his buddy. " Tie him real tight and just leave him on the sidewalk." 

He looked at Shane, a nasty grin on his face. "That better ? That way he can roll away from the lame brains if he has to. "

It was a small relief to Shane. He was glad this guy was dumb enough to give Daryl a fighting chance even if he didn't seem to think he was. He hoped Daryl caught his purposeful mention of the distance to the farm. It was way off, his way of saying _I got this, just sit tight_ . And even if he didn't make it back, at least Daryl would know he wasn't betraying them. He'd be able to get into the pharmacy, find some way to cut his bindings.

The man behind Daryl went to grab his wrists to restrain him. For the first time since the ambush, his eyes met Shane's. And Shane knew instantly this wasn't going down the way he thought it would. 

Before Shane had a chance to react, Daryl had lifted his leg and driven his heel down on his captor's foot. He heard the sickening crunch of bone. The man let out a cry of shock and agony and started to fall backwards against Daryl.

With no time to think, Shane's body just reacted. He ducked lower than the smaller man's rifle barrel and hurtled towards him, tackling him against the side of the Hyundai. The rifle went off in the man's grip and the blast nearly deafened him but he heard the sharp rush of air leave the man as he hit the car with Shane's full weight against him. 

Shane wrestled the rifle from the man's hands and started to back up and ready it when another shot went off, from where Daryl was. Shane's head whipped around to look, panicked. The larger man and Daryl were grappling on the ground, a pistol clutched in the other man's hand. Shane couldn't tell if either of them had been been shot but Daryl wasn't backing off. 

In that instant of distraction, the smaller man went to grab his rifle back and had almost succeeded when another shot went off to the side of them. 

This time Shane forced himself to stay focused on his opponent. The man's grip had loosened for a second, shocked from the sound of the other shot, and Shane pulled back hard, dislodging the weapon completely, squeezing the trigger as soon as he had it pointed in the right direction. The man didn't fall immediately but the impact rendered him immobile against the passenger door of the car. Shane had got him in the chest. Blood started spreading across the front of the man's shirt almost immediately.

Shane turned then, dreading what he might find. Daryl was sitting next to the bigger man's corpse. A gunshot wound under the man's chin was leaking blood down his neck. The small pistol dangled from Daryl's hand as he struggled to catch his breath, his chest heaving erratically from the exertion. Shane heard a thud behind him and turned. 

The man he'd shot had slid to the ground, his life quickly draining away on the pavement. Watching the man expiring, all he could think was that he wished he could've gotten answers out of him first. He was struck himself by the coldness of that thought. Then he fired a finishing round into the prone man's head and turned his attention to Daryl.

Daryl slowly got to his feet, shoving the dead man's pistol into his belt, pulling the rifle free from under his back. He bent slowly to retrieve his crossbow and buck knife from where he'd dropped them. Shane just stood there watching him, unable to take his eyes off him right now. He was torn between wanting to drag him into his arms and wanting to knock him to the ground for nearly getting himself killed instead of letting him handle shit. 

Their eyes met briefly and in that moment he saw all the same relief and elation he felt mirrored in the younger man's expression. For once, Shane was the one who looked away, a little overcome with emotion he just didn't want to show right now.

"Hey. " Shane looked up again at Daryl's voice. He was hefting the dead man's rifle up like a trophy, grinning crookedly. "Let's see what else they got to loot." 

It wasn't too hard to find their car, there was only one vehicle with an out of state plate on it in the street.

They searched it, finding no provisions other than a couple of bottles of water and a few energy bars.

Shane cursed. They had a camp, they could afford to send out scouts. And they couldn't be too far off.

He heard Daryl call to him from the back seat. When Shane looked over, he was holding up a pair of small pink panties, one leg hole torn clear open. His expression was grim. "Guess Rick'll be willing to let you talk to the kid now, huh ? "

\--------------------------------------

"Why'd you do that back there ?" Shane asked out of the blue on the drive back.

"Huh?"

"You knew I had a plan right ? I was tryin' to leave you behind so you could get loose and warn them."

Daryl didn't respond. Of course, he figured Shane had something up his sleeve, or he wouldn't have tipped him off. But he wasn't about to tell him that he panicked when he realized Shane was going off with two armed men who most likely would wind up killing him. That the thought of never seeing Shane alive again made him completely lose his shit, and that he just reacted without thinking. "It was a stupid plan," he said instead, shrugging.

"He almost shot you," Shane persisted. 

"Yeah, _almost_."

"It ain't funny, man." Shane said, sounding pissed. 

His attitude made no sense to Daryl. It was frustrating. They made it didn't they ? 

"What's your problem ? " he snapped at Shane. " You're pissed cause I didn't follow your damn _plan_ ? "

"No, Daryl, I'm pissed because you almost got yourself killed. See, I was tryin' to _avoid_ that- "

"You were goin' off to get _yourself_ killed !" Daryl exploded. "You didn't even have no gun, what the fuck did you think you were gonna do ? "

Shane kept his eyes on the road. "I woulda figured somethin' out," he muttered after a bit. 

"Pfft, " Daryl snorted.

Shane went quiet, no longer in the mood to argue apparently. _Cause he knows I'm right_ , Daryl thought.

He leaned into the back of the seat, letting himself settle. _Dumbass didn't even know if he'd make it_ , he was thinking. His irritation at Shane started to fade as he slowly realized what that meant. He was remembering the way Shane had freaked out as soon as that little prick had turned his rifle on _him_ instead of Shane himself, the way he looked at him right before he'd lost it and stomped that man's foot, and then again, after it was all done and they knew they were safe. 

Fuck, Shane was trying to _protect_ him. He was willing to go off and maybe get killed just to get him out of harm's way. Even Merle had never done anything like that for him and they were blood. Sure, he was trying to protect the group, keep their location hidden, but this time even he could see that wasn't the only thing going on.

Dale doesn't know what the hell he's talkin' about, he thought as they got ready to turn off onto the farm road. Next time he tried to talk any shit about Shane, he'd be fucking sorry.


	12. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love and thanks to the wonderful [youdbefuntomurder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/youdbefuntomurder). Without her input, this update and the next couple of chapters would have probably sat among the rest of my drafts for _another_ six months.

Shane was lost in thought as they drove back. The deadly encounter had driven home just how hard he'd fallen for this fucking redneck and he was a little disturbed to find that losing him permanently might be more than he could handle and stay sane.

He'd already figured out that Daryl was more to him than just a piece of ass, but when he saw that man turn his gun on him, felt his chest seize up with fear, and realized he was willing to risk his own life to get Daryl out of danger , he knew he'd crossed into uncharted territory.

Daryl stayed predictably quiet in the passenger seat but Shane figured he was feeling it too. He'd seen the panic in Daryl's eyes when he'd believed he was about to leave him behind and go off on a probable suicide mission, and it relieved him to know that he wasn't the only one who was in too deep now. He reached over and laid a hand on his knee, just to feel the reassurance of his presence next to him, safe. 

Daryl twitched slightly as he always did when Shane touched him unexpectedly, shooting him a wary sideways glance, as if he expected him to slide his hand up further and grope his cock. 

Not for the first time, Shane wondered if normal affection was so foreign to him that he couldn't even recognize it. From everything he knew about Daryl so far, he wasn't used to anyone actually giving a shit about him and it made him feel like a dick that he hadn't at least gotten that across to him yet.

He hit the brakes, right before they turned up the farm road, and put the car in park.

"The hell you stoppin' for ?" Daryl asked, sounding suspicious.

He'd barely gotten the words out before Shane had hauled him across the passenger seat into his arms. He felt Daryl's whole body stiffen instantly but he didn't care. It felt so good to hold him like this right now, so warm and alive against him. "That was too fuckin' close back there, man," he said, tightening his arms around him a bit more.

Daryl kept his arms rigidly at his sides, not going to hug him back, but not pulling away either. "Yeah, " he muttered against Shane's shoulder, his voice sounding husky all of a sudden. 

Shane realized this was the first time he'd ever actually shown Daryl any affection that wasn't mostly sexual, and instead of pushing him off, Daryl was letting him do it. He started rubbing a hand up and down his back soothingly, and after a few seconds felt him slowly relax and even lean against him slightly.

This was too good, Shane was thinking. This thing with Daryl, his baby on the way, the safe haven of the farm...with all they'd just been through, what they knew about the danger out there, he couldn't afford to let Rick make another wrong call. 

He released Daryl abruptly, deciding it was time to take control of the situation. 

Daryl drew back into the passenger seat hastily, as if to let Shane know _he_ sure as hell hadn't wanted the embrace to continue. He started fidgeting with the buck knife on his belt, re-adjusting it, keeping his eyes averted. 

Shane didn't let his discomfort last too long. "I'm gonna drive right up to the barn and get some answers outta that prick," he said resolutely. "Whoever's on watch is just gonna have to deal with it. Just make sure no one gets in to stop me before I find out what we need to know. You with me ? "

Daryl sat straight up at that. " _Hell_ yeah," he responded immediately, like he didn't even need to give it another thought, and Shane felt even closer to him in that moment. 

He couldn't help but be reminded of how he and Rick had been as partners, as best friends. Only Rick never just went along with an idea of his without his own two cents added in. So no, it wasn't quite like with Rick. More like the way he'd always wished it had been , in more ways than one.

He didn't see anyone around outside, other than Dale working under the hood of the RV and Carol tending a cooking pot at their camp grill. Good, he'd have enough time.

As they pulled towards the barn, Shane saw it was Andrea on watch and cursed his bad luck.

Next to him, Daryl let out an angry snort. " You can hang with your girlfriend," he said contemptuously. " _I'll_ talk to him."

Shane went to put a hand on Daryl's shoulder, to restrain him. "Daryl, that ain't the plan," he said. He'd been a cop, he knew how to question a suspect, Daryl might screw this up and waste their only opportunity to get real answers.

But Daryl had already lost what little patience he had. "Fuck your plan, you ain't leavin' me out here with _her_ ! " He shot out of the car before Shane could even fully stop the vehicle let alone try to stop him, storming past Andrea, who was so stunned she didn't have time to react.

Shane watched him disappear into the barn and hoped he was thinking straight enough to get the right answers out of the kid. Dammit, he should've thought this through a little more.

He jumped out and ran to stop Andrea with a hand on her shoulder as she was heading into the barn after Daryl. She shrugged him off angrily and spun around, looking ready to tear him a new one, but he clasped both her shoulders firmly and quickly brought her up to speed.

After she heard they had to shoot two men and he told her about the torn panties they'd found discarded in the backseat of that vehicle she stopped trying to argue that they needed to respect Rick and Herschel's wishes.

As soon as it sounded like Daryl was seriously punching the shit out of the kid, heard his frantic pleading as Daryl barked out questions about his group's numbers and location, she got agitated again. Shane reassured her Daryl was holding back, just trying to scare him. He had no idea if that was true, and he didn't give a damn, but it kept her from fighting him further.

By the time Rick and the others had run up to the barn to check out the commotion, the quick and dirty interrogation had been a success, and Daryl was bursting out of the barn doors, breathless, his knuckles bloody. The looks on the faces of the group at the sight of him knocked the satisfied expression on his face clear off, leaving him looking a little lost instead.

But Shane was more than happy to tell Rick, and especially Dale , who looked flat-out horrified, that there was something they all needed to hear.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Once again, they were all assembled around the dining room table in the Greene's house.

Daryl stayed near the front entrance, still feeling too awkward to take a seat around the dining room table like everyone else. This house was so clean, so _normal_ , it made him too conscious of his torn, dirty clothing, his ragged, unwashed hair. Especially now while he was still wiping blood off his hands, his own from the split skin of his knuckles mingled with the kid's.

He hadn't had it in his mind to beat the shit out of the kid at first but when he'd been faced with being left outside to deal with Andrea by himself, something in him just snapped. 

Randall was cowering away as soon as he saw him burst through the door, but whatever sympathy he might've felt got buried under all his anger and frustration at being trapped in this situation. This kid's people had nearly killed them, and now right outside the door was the chick Shane had wanted enough to fuck and maybe ride off with, who knew how he looked on his knees sucking another man's cock. Shane had some fucking balls to think he'd just wait outside with her.

At least knocking that kid around drained him of all the confusing emotions that had built up over the day and actually accomplished something. Knowing Andrea heard it all and wouldn't still be thinking of him as just some pathetic cock sucker was an added benefit. Now she was looking a little more warily at him, a little less smug.

But Carol was looking at him differently too. She'd always had a sweet smile for him, even back at the quarry camp when he hadn't given her any reason to, but right now she seemed cold and distant when she turned to look at him, as if she was finally seeing him for what he really was, a man who was dangerous like her dead husband. Well, she was right, he thought. And fuck her anyway, if she'd turn on him cause of some douchebag kid she didn't even know.

He leaned against the door and listened to Shane filling them all in, on their deadly encounter and on what Randall had confessed, since he'd heard everything through the door. Thirty men - well, twenty eight now - heavily armed, camped right off the highway and looking for a good place to secure for the long haul. Andrea piped in to make sure they all knew just what made the kid start talking, like she felt some kind of duty to let them know he could be that violent.

Dale was the first to start talking shit and Daryl wasn't too surprised that he thought what he'd done was wrong. Although calling a busted lip and a black eye torture was ridiculous. Shit, if Dale wanted to call that torture, what the hell was his whole childhood ? He'd taken beatings a hell of a lot worse from his old man and he was fine. The worst he'd done was threaten to cut into Randall's injury with his knife and it's not like he was actually gonna do it. The kid started babbling out everything they needed to know after that, just like he figured he would.

But the look in Dale's eyes when he met his gaze made Daryl look away quickly. The old man might have been looking at Shane like he was some kind of dangerous animal, but when he looked over at Daryl now he just looked disappointed. Daryl was pissed that he was bothered by that. What the hell did he care what Dale thought about him ?

He didn't bother defending his actions since no one was even talking to him directly. He figured they wouldn't understand anyway. He was pretty sure none of them had ever gotten the shit beat out of them on enough of a regular basis that they'd know it wasn't that big a deal if nothing got broken.

Hell, if the kid hadn't been so terrified that he really _was_ gonna cut him up, they wouldn't have had the last, most important bit of information- Randall had gone to school with Maggie, even though she hadn't really known him. He recognized Herschel, though he hadn't admitted to it before, and had used that as a plea for sympathy, to let him know that he was just a local kid , sticking with those dudes because it was too dangerous to be out there alone. So the prick knew exactly where they were.

After a lot of wasted time arguing, mostly Dale insisting that Randall deserved a chance to prove himself, and to recover in peace, all everyone could agree on was that he couldn't be trusted to be let loose now. No one was willing to think about killing the kid yet, not even Shane, even though he was the one who'd brought it up in the first place.

Daryl wasn't giving too much of a shit about that though. The kid couldn't even walk yet. All he could think of was how much he wanted to be alone with Shane right now. He wasn't even horny or anything. The day had worn him out and he realized again he was thinking about them as if they were really _together_ , that they'd go back to his tent, share some food, plan what they were gonna do about that group camped too close for comfort.

And he wanted badly to be away from all the sidelong glances everyone was throwing at him. He should have been glad that they were looking at him like he wasn't one to fuck with now, but instead he felt like a dog caught tracking mud into the house.

Shane was talking quietly to Rick on the other side of the room now, and the way they stood next to each other, their heads bent close, made Daryl remember that Rick had been his partner back when they were cops, as well as his best friend. Of _course_ they'd fall back to working together if they had to. He wondered if Rick had forgiven him for fucking Lori. He seemed like the sort of man that could. That bothered him too and he realized with some self disgust that he was feeling a little jealous of Rick now too because, hell, they had a _history_. If it came down to Rick finding out about them or Shane cutting Daryl loose, he was pretty sure which Shane would choose. And then he'd be on his own again, because no way would he stick around after that.

Part of him wanted to walk over and back Shane up just in case Rick and Dale were against whatever he was saying, but he stopped himself. Rick had been part of Shane's life back when things were normal, he doubted Shane would want him stepping in like he was actually one of them. Hell, before the world ended the only way he'd ever have known either of them was if he'd been arrested. Just that thought was enough to piss him off and make him head out the front door.

Herschel passed him on the way down the stairs, back from tending to Randall's new wounds, he guessed. Daryl didn't give him a chance to make eye contact or open his mouth about what had happened. He didn't need any more reminders of how these people looked at him.

******************************************************************************

Shane had to admit it felt good to be vindicated. And he was grateful actually, that Daryl had wound up beating the shit out of the kid. If it had been him instead, Herschel and Rick probably wouldn't be considering his words as carefully as they were right now.

Herschel was no longer so dismissive of him, considering the obvious threat these men posed if they found out about the farm. Shane figured with Otis' widow, that useless boy Jimmy, and his own two young daughters to worry about, the old man couldn't afford to hold a grudge against someone who'd proved he was able to defend his own. It was obvious he was looking at Rick as the leader but he nodded in agreement when Shane said there was no way they could ever let this kid off the farm unless they had dealt with that threat first.

He was relieved that even Rick wasn't arguing that point now. 

Dale was the only one still looking skeptical, as if he didn't trust Shane's words, as if somehow he'd really been the bad guy and was covering it up. "Whose idea was it to terrorize a wounded kid not two days out of surgery ?" he asked with contempt.

"You serious ?" Shane didn't bother concealing his own contempt now. "Daryl got more information outta him with his fists than any of y'all did givin' him the VIP treatment. Is that really where your sympathy's goin' ?" He didn't know what pissed him off worse, that Dale was more concerned with a stranger than the group that was keeping him alive, or that he seemed to think he was somehow a bad influence on Daryl.

"There were other ways ! " Dale looked so pleading, like he actually gave a damn about this kid. It made Shane even angrier. " If he saw he could trust us he might have volunteered that information, but you didn't even give that a chance ! And now there's no way- "

"You know what Dale ? " he snarled, taking a step towards him just to make him fall back a bit. " That little prick don't need to trust us. We got what we needed out of him. If you wanna share your food with him, that's your problem, but he's not gonna waste our resources just because you wanna act like we're back in the old world."

"Well what are we gonna do ? Kill him ? What would that make us ? "

"No one's killing anyone," Rick broke in calmly. "He's still recovering, we have some time to figure it out."

"What are we figuring out, Rick ? " Shane asked hotly. "We let him go and its not just that group of scumbags we have to worry about, he could give us away to anyone he runs across out there, and then what ?"

Rick wasn't quick with a comeback, and Shane could see the distress of being forced to consider that plain on his face.

"We can give it a few days, " Rick said quietly, looking at Dale. "Consider our options."

Dale looked appeased, at least for now. He headed out of the house, not looking at Shane again.

Shane became aware of Lori, hovering somewhat close, watching him and Rick together. "Don't know what options you think we have, man, " he muttered before walking out, too uncomfortable to continue his argument now with the three of them together in such close proximity.

He stalked off towards the car. 

The way he felt right now he could walk out there and put a bullet in that kid's head without blinking an eye. Like the man at the pharmacy, like the gunman who'd put Rick in a coma, he doubted he'd lose much sleep over it. If the little prick wasn't just as bad as his buddies he would've seemed relieved to be here, on a working farm with normal people. He would've warned them about their numbers and the danger right away, especially if he'd already recognized Herschel. 

But if he went and killed him outright, it would just be a victory for Dale, who could use it as another example of how cold blooded he was. As if it were cold blooded to feel so protective towards your own that you'd be willing to do anything to make sure you kept them alive and with you.

Fuck it, he thought, the kid might have more useful information in him, or at least be a good hostage if there were any in his crew that gave a damn about him. For now, it was ok.

He got to the vehicle, ready to start unpacking their haul. T-dog was pulling out one of the boxes of dried food goods from the back seat. Before Shane could stop him, T had grabbed at the black plastic bag he had packed at the pharmacy, and a smirk split the other man's face as one of the tubes of KY came tumbling out. He looked about to make a joke, then abruptly his expression changed, and Shane became aware of footsteps coming up behind him. He turned and saw that it was Lori. Thankfully, T-Dog abandoned the plastic bag and made off with the box of food he'd grabbed without a word.

Shane went around to the trunk, already open, and started taking out the cardboard box full of formula and little jars of baby food. He didn't know what to say to her as she stood there watching him, a small, sad smile on her face as she saw what he was holding.

"Thank you, " she said softly. "That really means a lot."

He looked away from her, letting her take the box. He didn't bother telling her it was Daryl who'd thought of it. She lingered as he gathered up some of the other food they'd found, and he got the feeling she wanted to say more, but he couldn't even look at her . Rick would be coming out of the house any second, and he decided he'd rather give her the cold shoulder right now than set Rick against him even worse, especially since he was starting to think there might be a small chance they could patch things up. 

He heard her sigh and looked up to watch her start heading towards her and Rick's tent. Only then did he remember the black duffel bag he'd stuffed those sex toys in. It was gone, not even hidden under the other supplies. Fuck. He looked around for Daryl, or any evidence of anyone else who could have started unpacking the trunk.

Daryl was nowhere in sight, but that smirk T-Dog had thrown at him after spotting the KY suddenly made his stomach flop. Everyone seemed to be clustering around the RV, so he headed over.

When he got there, he skirted around them and slipped up the stairs to drop off the box of canned goods and get a look around. The duffel bag was on the little table inside, zipped shut. He quickly slid the zipper open and checked it while he lay down the food. The toys were gone, all three of them.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

By the time Shane started making his way up to Daryl's tent, he was feeling a little sick. He remembered leaving the bag open when he'd put it in the trunk but he _knew_ they'd been in there.

He'd left the RV, quickly scanning the faces of T-Dog and Carol as they stood around the cooking pot together , and Glenn and Dale's, who were deep in conversation now. No one seemed to be looking at him funny at the moment, which was a good sign, but then again, he doubted any of them would be likely to confront him directly about something like that out in the open, especially with all the other shit going on. 

Ever since Andrea had caught them he'd wondered if he'd be ok with anyone else knowing about him and Daryl. In the past, the thought of being caught with a dude had made him cringe, but the reality hadn't been nearly as terrible. Even so, he was _not_ comfortable with anyone catching them coming back from a run with a cock ring, a butt plug, and an anal vibrator, whether they thought they were his, Daryl's, or both of theirs. He couldn't even imagine how badly Daryl would react if this led to them becoming a source of gossip in the group.

He stepped into the tent, where Daryl was throwing his knapsack and crossbow off. "You bring that black bag up to the RV ? " he asked.

"Nah, think T grabbed it," Daryl replied, shrugging. " Why ?"

Shane scanned his face for any sign that he could be fucking with him. If he was, he was doing a pretty good job of hiding it. He put his hands on his hips, glaring suspiciously, until Daryl looked up.

"What ?" he asked curiously, his face blankly innocent.

Shane narrowed his eyes threateningly at him for a second, but Daryl just gave him a confused look and turned back to unpacking some of the items he'd taken for himself personally, some packs of cigarettes among them. Shane's disapproval at that distracted him for a second. He'd seen Daryl smoke a few times back at the quarry but the thought of it possibly being a real habit bothered him.

"Nevermind, " he muttered, wondering what possible reason T-Dog would have had to snatch that stuff up. Damn, he really hoped he wasn't going to try and give them back discreetly later , like he'd done him a favor. That would be fucking humiliating. 

"You ain't been in that duffel bag at _all_ since we came back ? " Shane asked after a few seconds, out of desperation at this point.

Daryl looked back at him, seeming irritated. "Man, I already said no, why you askin' me again ?"

Jesus. Shane figured he may as well warn him ahead of time, while they were alone, rather than risk him finding out in a worse way from someone else. "Remember that house we were at ? " he reminded him. "With all them sex toys ?"

"What about it?"

"I took some of them out that drawer and put 'em in that bag , and somehow that bag wound up in the RV and they're fucking gone, man." 

He watched Daryl , waiting for him to blow up at that, but strangely he didn't, just lit a cigarette and took a long, deep pull off it. Agitated as he was, Shane still couldn't help but feel a little twinge of arousal at the way his cheeks hollowed out as he inhaled, the way his eyes half-closed with pleasure as the smoke hit the back of his throat. 

He was about to tell Daryl not to worry, that he'd let them think it was all him so he didn't have to feel weird about it, but then Daryl shrugged, like he couldn't give a damn, and said "Maybe Dale wanted to have some fun with 'em. " 

Shane caught the amusement in his voice, and relief flooded through him immediately. Daryl was smirking now, all too pleased with his near-panic apparently, and there was enough embarrassment and irritation left in Shane that it gave him a sudden need to release some of that pent up tension on Daryl for fucking with him like that. Without warning, he reached a hand out to snatch the cigarette out of Daryl's mouth, throwing it out the entrance.

"The fuck you do that for ?" Daryl exclaimed, and before the words were even all out of his mouth, Shane was grappling him to the tent floor, pinning him on his back, arms overhead, legs locking through Daryl's so he couldn't move and their groins were pressed together tightly. 

"Think that's funny, lettin' me walk around thinkin' one of them seen that shit ?" Shane asked, struggling to keep Daryl restrained as he bucked against him, trying to throw him off.

"That's what you get for bein' a pervert," Daryl panted, breathless .

Shane kept him locked tight against him, laughing at Daryl's grunts of frustration as he realized he actually couldn't get free. " Maybe you need to quit smokin', so I can't keep you down so easy, " he teased.

It didn't take long until Shane's dick was rock hard, until he felt Daryl's body give in slowly, no longer struggling, his cock swelling underneath the pressure of Shane's erection. So easy, Shane thought with amusement. Wrestle him to the ground and he became a willing fuck toy every time. _His_ willing fuck toy.

"Want me to pound your ass right here, huh ?" he whispered into his ear, letting his arms free and sliding a hand down the front of his jeans to caress his cock, feeling it already hard against his palm.

"...yeah...", Daryl breathed, and Shane’s head was suddenly spinning with lust. He hadn’t expected an answer and he could tell Daryl hadn't meant to give one, because he felt him tense up right away. But he didn't feel like dealing with any hesitation. He straddled him and started kissing him roughly, letting go of his cock so he could keep thrusting his own against it.

Shane felt Daryl's arms wrap around him unexpectedly, holding onto him tightly as they started to grind their erections against each other. He was kissing him back just as hard now, moaning slightly into his mouth, and it felt so desperate it made Shane's desire nearly uncontrollable. 

He started fumbling with the button of Daryl's jeans one-handed. He knew Daryl hadn't wanted to do it this way before, face to face. He'd made a lame excuse that Shane went with because he knew he needed some special handling sometimes, but now he wanted nothing more than to fuck him senseless and watch him whimper and moan beneath him. This time though, instead of sliding away, Daryl let go of him to start helping to push his jeans and boxers all the way down his hips, just as impatiently.

"Are you guys in there ?" came Carl's voice of all people, a little outside the tent.

Daryl shoved Shane off so violently that he wound up sprawled on his back, the wind knocked out of him.

"Yeah, buddy," Shane managed to croak out, jumping to his feet to cut Carl off before he could enter the tent with Daryl's pants half down. "What's up ?" he asked the kid as he exited the tent, grateful his hard-on was deflating from the shock.

"If those men come up here to fight I wanna help," Carl said, peering up at him from under the brim of Rick's sheriff's hat, over-large on his head. His face was so earnest, so serious that for a second Shane saw a young Rick in front of him and it made his chest tighten painfully.

"Did your dad talk to you about that already ?" he asked, a little surprised that Rick would've broached that topic with him, or that Lori would have let him.

It felt so wrong talking to Carl just a few seconds away from humping Daryl. He was reminded of the time when Carl had almost caught him and Lori together in his tent early one morning while she thought he was still dead asleep in hers. 

At least with Daryl, it was just embarrassment he was feeling, not guilt. Much as he'd enjoyed the idea of being a dad to Carl, he didn't know how the kid would feel knowing he'd been sleeping with his mom not a month away from thinking Rick was dead.

"I listened from the stairs, " Carl was explaining, looking guilty. " I wasn't supposed to but I couldn't help it. "

Shane just nodded, remembering how impossible it had been for him to listen to adults at his age. He didn't agree with Lori or Rick about keeping this shit from him. If he didn't know how to protect himself, how to be tough, he'd wind up just like Sophia. But he couldn't bring himself to break their trust yet again right now. "You don't have to worry about that, Carl, " he said. " Your dad and me, we'll protect you and your mom."

To his credit , Carl didn't look too convinced. "You said twenty-eight men. Even if we count Dale and Mr. Greene that only gives us seven. "

"Those don't sound like good odds, buddy, I know that. Tell you what though, they don't know where we are. It'd be like a needle in a haystack them tryin' to find us. "

"But what if my dad lets that guy go ?"

"He won't." _Not if I have anything to do with it_ , he thought. He couldn't help that it felt good that Carl was looking to him for protection more than his own dad.

"We should set up traps, " Carl said resolutely. "So if they _do_ try and come here, they can't get to us. "

"What kind of traps ? " Shane asked curiously, pleased that the kid was trying to plan ahead.

"Ummm...like maybe something to pop their tires with if they start coming up the road ? Those little sharp metal things..." Carl seemed to be searching for the word.

"Caltrops ? " Shane supplied encouragingly.

"Yeah, " he nodded eagerly.

"Kid's got a good idea, actually, " Daryl said casually, coming up next to Shane. "Spike strips might work better though. That way when we need to use the road we can just pull 'em off. " 

Shane had to give Daryl credit, even with his face still flushed, and his clothing a little askew he never would've guessed he'd been moaning for his cock not sixty seconds prior. "Yeah, that could work, " he said, nodding to him approvingly. He wasn't surprised at all that Daryl couldn't even look back at him right now. 

"We could camouflage them too, " Carl offered. "Cover them with grass and leaves and stuff so there's no way they'd see 'em."

"That's good thinkin', " Shane said, clapping a hand on Carl's shoulder proudly, enjoying the pleased look his praise brought to the boy's face. 

"We could go on a run, maybe there'd be some at a police station !" Carl continued excitedly.

Shane sighed at that, the way the kid so easily included himself , like he thought there was a chance Shane would actually take him out there. He felt for the kid, really. Rick seemed fine with letting Lori dictate what Carl could and couldn't do, as she always had, and it frustrated the boy. Of course he wanted to do what the men did. But no way would he risk a repeat of what had happened with him and Daryl.

Shane shook his head, fixing a stern look on Carl now. "You heard what happened last time we went out, you think your mom's gonna let that happen ? "

"But you killed them, " he said insistently. " Cause they were bad guys. Just like Dad killed those other men. I want to learn how to be like that. So I can protect Mom, too. And the baby."

Shane put a hand on his shoulder, crouched a little lower to his height. "Carl, you ain't even all healed yet. Tell you what, once you get your stitches out I'll see what I can do about taking you hunting. That's a start, and it'll keep your mom calm. She don't wanna hear you talking' about killin' people, so you don't mention any of that stuff to her. Save that for me or your dad , ok ?"

Carl nodded, a little of the disappointment disappearing from his face. Shane couldn't really give him what he wanted but at least he wasn't talking down to him, and Shane knew how much that meant at his age.

He saw Lori approaching then, catching the relief on her face as she saw her son.

"What did I say about wandering off without telling anyone, huh ?" she said to Carl irritably. Shane had never found her mom-voice particularly attractive.

It felt like an intrusion to him, Lori coming out here to interrupt, and it startled him to realize he was looking at Daryl's camp as _theirs_.

Daryl huffed in irritation as she reached Carl, who rolled his eyes but didn't put up any resistance when she told him to get back to the house.

Once Carl was on his way, Lori turned to Shane. "Can I talk to you a minute?" she asked, looking up at him from under her eyelashes in that way he'd loved since she was a teenager.

He felt that little bit of hope flare up in him momentarily, and cursed himself for it. It was almost like a habit his body hadn't fully broken free of rather than anything real anymore. He had no idea what he'd even be hoping for.

They walked a little ways off. She seemed to want to keep walking, but Shane stopped once they got out of Daryl's earshot. Something in him knew Daryl was probably already taking this the wrong way. From over her shoulder he watched Daryl kick at the fire pit in irritation and knowing why brought an affectionate smile to his lips before he could suppress it.

But Lori hadn't noticed, she was busy talking. _They needed to come together, he and Rick, to protect Carl and the group, and he was part of the family after all, and didn't he know how grateful she was for everything he'd done for her and her son ?_

She was patronizing him. Handling him because she thought he was at odds with Rick and might do something stupid. He'd seen the unease on her face earlier when she'd heard that he and Daryl had killed two men. And she'd seemed shocked at the damage done to that kid, with Shane's approval if not his participation. Hell, Rick had probably told her about Otis, too, that he'd wounded the man and left him to suffer. She just didn't trust his judgement anymore.

Why ? he thought bitterly. She'd trusted him fine when it was the two of them and Carl, when he took charge and led their panicked little group of survivors off that doomed highway and out to the abandoned quarry. She had liked that he was able to stand his ground with Merle and Ed and get them to more or less fall in line and contribute, even if Merle's only real contribution to the group had been Daryl.

Lori's mouth was still moving, that soft, pretty mouth he'd loved to feel against his, that never kissed back with the same urgency that he felt. He was barely registering her words now and it suddenly hit him that he was really over her. Not just in the resigned-but-still-pining way he'd been before, but in the other way, the way it felt with the other women in his past, women who only ever sprang to mind now if he happened to recall an anecdote that involved them. He knew he'd always love her but even his baby in her belly couldn't make up for the fact that she'd always belonged to Rick.

He never thought he'd have gotten there with her, but right now all he could think of was the way Daryl had moaned and melted against him on the tent floor, actually embracing him back for the first time, those strong arms clinging to him with as much desire as his own. He didn't have to share Daryl with someone else, or someone else's memory. He was right there, looking sullen as hell that he was talking to Lori, trying not to look over as he busied himself with setting up his perimeter alarm, every movement of his body sharp with pent-up irritation.

"Have you even heard a word I said ?" Lori was asking, looking concerned.

"Yeah, " he nodded. He could patronize her just the same. " You don't have to worry, I'll play nice with everyone. Even Dale. Ok ? "

She smiled at him, a wide sweet smile full of relief. " You're handling this so well, " she said, like she hadn't expected that he would be. "It's for the best, Shane, it really is." She laid a hand on his shoulder sympathetically, and he felt a pang of sadness at the feel of her fingers through his thin t-shirt. It was the first time she'd really touched him since Rick had come back.

She started off to follow Carl and stopped, turning half around, looking a little surprised that he wasn't right behind her. 

Their eyes met briefly and he looked away, not willing to risk getting sucked in. "What ? " he asked softly.

" For what its worth... " she said hesitantly. " I'm really glad you decided to stay."

It's not worth much at all, he wanted to say. It almost angered him, her trying to throw him a bone like that now. He could tell she was happy he was making it easy for her. He could still hear her telling him the baby would never be his, even if it really was. All but accusing him of purposefully lying about Rick's death just to get to fuck her, as if she didn't know he'd loved Rick longer than he'd loved her.

He watched her back as she disappeared among the trees before turning back to Daryl.

"Well that all killed the mood, huh ?" Shane joked, dropping into the lawn chair set up by the fire pit.

"hmmph," Daryl mumbled in agreement. He was sitting in the other chair, next to Shane's, his eyes on the kindling he was arranging in the little dug out area, readying it for lighting later.

"I'm done with her, man," Shane sighed, wanting to say it out loud, for both of them. It made it feel a lot more final that way, and he needed that. 

"More like _she's_ done with _you_ , " Daryl answered moodily. He poked aimlessly at the pile of twigs and branches with a longer stick, keeping his expression blank, his eyes fixed on the pointless task like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"Not this time, " Shane said, shaking his head. He kept his eyes on Daryl, who didn't look up once to meet his gaze. Shane knew it bothered him that he still cared for Lori, that he'd fucked Andrea and was still willing to deal with her even after she'd caught them. It was a long time since he'd made anyone jealous and he had to admit, it didn't feel bad. But right now he didn't want to make Daryl feel worse.

"You were right, " he said after a few seconds of silence. "When you said she she wasn't mine. " 

Daryl resolutely kept his eyes averted, his face showing no reaction. 

" Even if he'd never come back, she never really would've been mine, not... " his voice trailed off, before he finished the sentence. _Like it is with you_. He was unnerved at how close he came to saying it out loud. Must be some kind of residual sappiness leftover from being around Lori, he thought. No way was he gonna say something like that to a dude.

"So where they at ?" Shane asked, needing to redirect things a bit.

"Huh?"

"Them toys. Where you hidin' 'em ?"

"Fuckin' buried 'em," Daryl muttered, a tiny smirk turning up the corner of his mouth, even though he still wasn't looking up.

Shane had a feeling that was bullshit and felt his arousal growing again. He got up and walked nonchalantly into the tent, grabbing Daryl's gearbag and starting to rummage through it.

Daryl burst through the tent flap as he was withdrawing the black silicone toys triumphantly.

"Get the fuck out my stuff," Daryl protested, snatching his bag out of Shane's grip.

"What, are these yours now ?" Shane asked, grinning. "I guess that's fair, I didn't exactly take 'em for myself..."

He stuffed the cockring into his pocket but he tossed the buttplug and vibrator onto the floor at Daryl's feet. He didn't have enough room in his pockets for all of them. "I'll let you hold on to those, " he said.

"The fuck you want with that other thing ?" Daryl asked suspiciously.

"You'll see, " he answered , leering.

"You ain't comin' anywhere near me with that, " Daryl snapped, taking out a cigarette and digging in his pocket for a lighter.

"I don't know... " Shane mused. "I might have to tie you up just to get it on you but once I did, I think you'd like it. " He grinned at Daryl, watching him flush red and start to glare at him indignantly. " That way you couldn't even take it off if you _wanted_ to. You'd just have to wait til I was ready to let you come. Damn, I'm gettin' hard just thinkin' about it... "

"Fuckin' pervert," Daryl scoffed , shaking his head disapprovingly. 

Shane heard the slight tremor in his voice though, saw him shift his stance to try to hide his growing erection as he fumbled to light his cigarette and wound up distractedly lighting the wrong end. He laughed as Daryl swore and ripped the ruined filter off, flicking it at him in irritation and then kicking the sex toys still lying at his feet across the floor of the tent . 

Shane's stomach growled loudly then, reminding him that neither of them had eaten since early in the day.

" You may as well head back to camp," Daryl mumbled, dropping onto his cot and starting to fiddle with the sights on his crossbow. "Ain't got nothin' good to eat out here. "

"Come back with me," Shane said. "You hardly ate anything this morning."

Daryl shrugged. "I'll fix myself somethin' in a bit." He looked moody to Shane all of a sudden.

"You ain't gotta stay away from everyone just cause of that shit with Andrea, man." He came over and sat down next to him on the cot, just close enough that their thighs touched.

"Would you feel the same way if she'd walked in and you were suckin' _my_ dick?"

"She's probably sucked ten times the dicks you have, she ain't judgin' you. "

" She's a _female_ , jackass, " Daryl replied disgustedly. "Ain't even remotely the same." A couple of seconds later he stopped fidgeting with his crossbow, looking even more irritated all of a sudden. " And I ain't sucked no other dicks."

Shane had already assumed there was no way Daryl had ever messed around with another dude. But hearing Daryl actually confirm it out loud felt better than he would've thought.

"So I'm your only dick, huh ?" he asked, knocking his shoulder into Daryl's playfully.

"Told you I wasn't no faggot before all this," Daryl shot back defensively.

Shane laughed at that. "Man, my dick must be magic then."

That got a reluctant smirk out of Daryl, tiny as it was. 

"Hey, I'm glad I got to pop your cherry, " Shane said, poking at Daryl's side teasingly. "That way I get to train you up right. " Daryl knocked his hand away roughly, a shiver running through him first. Nice to know he could be ticklish, Shane noted. 

"Keep talkin' like that you ain't gettin' nothin' else, " Daryl warned as he stood up and started to walk towards the tent opening, shouldering his crossbow.

Shane stretched out a hand to grab the waistband of Daryl's jeans and yank him back. Daryl stumbled slightly, not expecting it, so Shane leaned forward and caught him by the waist, spinning him around, pulling him to stand between his legs as he sat back on the cot. Daryl tried to pull away but Shane only gripped him tighter, digging his fingers roughly into his hips, holding his groin a few inches from his face. 

"Yeah ? " Shane asked, looking up at Daryl's flushed face lasciviously. "You don't want me talkin' about how I had you that first time, stripped naked, bent over my Jeep ? Or the first time I sucked your dick by that little lake till you could hardly stand straight ? "

He rubbed a palm up over the front of Daryl's jeans, feeling his hardness through the denim, watching his face turn a darker red at his words. "You know if I take you out right here and start suckin' you ain't gonna stop me. "

Daryl swallowed hard, swaying forward a little now.

Amused , Shane decided to leave him hanging. He really needed to eat and besides, it'd be nice to keep him a bit frustrated for later.

He stood up abruptly and shoved Daryl backwards. " I'm gonna get me some dinner. If you're gonna threaten to hold out on me, you ain't gettin' a free blow job. "

"Dick," Daryl grumbled, the disappointed look on his face almost making Shane reconsider. He really _was_ hungry, though. 

"C'mon, come back to camp and eat, " he offered. "Don't be such a pussy. "

Daryl glared at him. "What if it was Rick that seen us ? " he challenged. " Who'd be the pussy then, huh ?"

"Rick ain't Andrea," Shane said testily. Daryl had a point though. He still couldn't imagine Rick's reaction to something like that, and he'd tried the last couple of days. The only reason Andrea hadn't bothered him that much was that he knew her type. She didn't give a damn what someone did behind closed doors if it was consensual. And if she told Dale, he seemed to be willing to keep it to himself too, at least so far. Neither of their opinions mattered much to him anyway.

Daryl rolled his eyes scornfully at his answer, though, and that irritated him.

"Tell you what, if it comes down to that, I'll fucking own it, man, " Shane said, with a confidence he didn't really feel yet. "Anyone's got a problem with it, fuck 'em."

Daryl narrowed his eyes at that, like he thought Shane was full of shit. "Right," he scoffed dismissively.

Hell with it, Shane decided. Secret or not, he'd find a way to make Daryl stick it out here with him, even if it meant they'd camp off alone and just work on keeping the farm safe. He wasn't leaving his baby, and he wasn't about to let Daryl run off on him just because the stubborn prick was too hung up on how the rest of them might look at him.

"I ain't kiddin', " he shot back at Daryl. "It's not like I want to announce that shit to everyone but I'll be damned if I'd hide out like a bitch because of it. " 

"You callin' me a bitch now ? " Daryl started threateningly, stepping in close, getting right in his face like he was starting a bar fight. It reminded Shane just how unused to this sort of thing Daryl actually was, that the part he heard loudest out of that was being called a bitch, instead of what he was really saying. That he wasn't willing to give him up just because it might make things uncomfortable.

So instead of taking the bait , Shane caught him tightly by the arms, pushing him far back enough that he could force him to meet his gaze.

"What I'm _sayin'_ is, " he said firmly, before Daryl could take his restraining grip as an attack. "If or when that time comes, it wouldn't change nothin' between _us_."

For a second Daryl's eyes locked on his, his brow furrowing as if he were trying to gauge whether he'd really meant what he said. His lips twisted as if he was about to come back with something snide, but he didn't. Instead he lowered his eyes and stepped back a little as Shane let go of him, chewing on his bottom lip and looking uncomfortable as hell. 

"Now you gonna come eat ? " Shane asked firmly, putting his hands on his hips. " Or do I gotta explain to Carol why I have to bring your dinner all the way back out here myself ? "

Daryl shot him a sulky look that made Shane decide he was definitely finding a way to pay him another visit later tonight.

" _Fine_ , I'll come back to camp, " he muttered softly, giving in. "Just go first. We ain't gotta walk down together like its some kinda date."


	13. Answers, part 2

It didn't take very long for Daryl to regret following Shane back to the main camp.

He was glad to see Carl sitting there next to him since that meant no one would be going on about what happened earlier. All they did was talk in circles anyway, and he really didn't want to hear any more from Dale about how fucked up it was for him to have hurt that kid.

But Andrea was right there too, sitting across the fire from Shane, and apparently since they couldn't talk about that other shit, everyone wound up doing what they always did, calling up memories of how it was _before_. What they'd done, who they'd been. They all had little stories, little fond memories that seemed to give them some comfort to recall or something to brag about.

Carol had shoved a plate of food into his hands as soon as he showed up, so he couldn't just back away and disappear unnoticed. Instead, he stood leaning up against a tree, a bit away from them all.

It was times like this when he wished he was drunk, like he'd been when they all were at the CDC. It was probably the only time he'd enjoyed their chatter, their reminiscing, at least until his mood had taken a wrong turn and he'd stumbled away from them all, enough presence of mind left to know he'd make an ass of himself if he didn't.

He had no stories to tell that wouldn't make him look like a criminal, or a loser, and the last thing he wanted was for Shane to know what he was before, knocking around from one shitty job to the next, when he was even working at all, drunk before noon more often than not.

Shane was busy talking to Carl anyway, since Lori and Rick weren't around. Hell, he'd thought Shane was the kid's dad when he'd first met them. He wouldn't expect him to ditch the kid to keep him entertained. There wasn't much Shane could do to make him feel comfortable here anyway.

Seeing him sitting with Carl reminded him of the first time he'd really noticed him, back at the quarry camp. He'd seen him starting to teach the boy how to tie knots, and he'd been so patient and good-natured, even when the kid's fingers kept tangling the strip of rope up wrong. It was before he and Shane had ever even spoken to one another but he'd felt immediate respect for the man.

It was obvious he cared about the kid, that he'd never call him an idiot for not learning quick enough, or lash out with his fists in irritation if his attention wandered. He wasn't anything like the men in Daryl's family, and he'd found himself staring at the happy little scene for way too long before Shane had caught him watching. He'd looked away immediately and stalked off, face flushing in embarrassment, because you just weren't supposed to pay that much attention to another man like that unless you were looking for a fight.

As soon as he finished his food he went to leave. Carol took the empty plate from his hand before he got a chance to leave it in the plastic tub she was using as a camp sink.

"You should clean your knuckles. They could get infected, " she muttered shortly, barely looking at him.

It irritated him that she still seemed annoyed with him over that stupid kid, but he didn't snap at her like he had when she'd tried to stop him from going out looking for Sophia that last time. He still felt awful enough about that to watch his mouth now, so he just shrugged in response.

"You alright ?" another voice came from behind him. T-Dog, a note of concern in his voice.

"Why wouldn't I be ?" Daryl snapped, his irritation turning on him instead.

"You've been through a lot today, man. You had to kill somebody out there," he said, sounding surprised he didn't get that right away.

It _was_ the first time he'd killed a person, a living person, but it hadn't felt like anything, really.

Out of the blue, he remembered asking Merle if he'd ever killed anyone. He couldn't have been more than fourteen , back when he thought his brother's frequent trips to jail made him cool. He remembered the almost-embarrassed look Merle had gotten on his face when he answered no, quickly adding that no one had ever had the balls to give him a reason to. Like ending a man's life was some kind of rite of passage he'd somehow missed.

It was strange to think that he'd done something like that before Merle had, and that he'd never get the chance to tell him about it, to tell him how he'd nearly been killed but in the end managed to get the sumbitch's own gun jammed up under his chin. He wondered if his brother had even survived long enough to have had to fight for his life the same way. Suddenly he was pissed at having to think about that, and at T for thinking he'd be weak enough to be upset about doing what he had to do.

"That prick didn't wanna die he woulda let us be, " he said gruffly. "Ain't nothin' to lose sleep over. "

He took off towards his camp, ignoring the looks of concern on Carol and T-Dog's faces. They didn't get it. He couldn't afford to be soft like the rest of them. He was fighting for his life and then he'd won. Was he _supposed_ to feel bad for not being the one to die ?

Once inside the small tent, he grew restless.

It was too early to pass out for the night but he didn't quite have enough energy left in him to go hunting this late in the day. Shane would probably take the graveyard watch again, and for some reason, the idea of another long night alone felt worse than it ever had.

He decided against joining him on watch since it felt too pathetic to just want his company like that. Besides, if he was still hanging with Carl or anyone else, he'd just be in the way.

He flexed his injured hand, looking down at the torn skin. Carol was right, no point risking an infection. He started to clean his knuckles properly with a little bottle of rubbing alcohol he'd kept for himself from the pharmacy.

After, he scanned his few belongings lying around the tent for something to tinker with, to pass the time. His eyes landed on his pack of Marlboros, memory instantly flashing back to Shane and what they'd nearly gotten up to after he'd snatched that cigarette out of his mouth.

Dammit, he hadn't been horny a second ago. Now he was remembering Shane's erection pressing hard against him as he pinned him down, his large hand closing warmly around his cock. Even the fact that Carl had nearly caught them didn't shame him enough to get the memory out of his head.

He decided against smoking. He didn't have enough to start using them casually anyway.

He flopped onto his back on the cot, annoyed at his sudden arousal. Something poked him hard between his shoulder blades and he remembered those stupid sex toys he'd hidden away under the mattress before he'd come down for dinner. He'd had every intention of just hurling them out in the woods, but here they still were, and now that he was idle and horny, he started to get curious.

He sprang off the cot, disgusted with himself for even considering it. Then again, it wasn't like he didn't have some alcohol left...and Shane had left a little tube of KY behind from last time...

Impulsively he pulled the sex toys out, picked up the bottle of alcohol and a discarded aluminum can he was planning for an ashtray, and dropped them in, dousing them with the alcohol and swirling them around in it to sterilize them.

Before Shane, his own hand on his cock or a good pillow to hump had been enough to get some quick relief. He'd never even thought about putting anything up his ass while he did it. Now he found himself wondering if he should try to get himself off that way. Just like when he'd tried to make himself think about T and Glenn the other day, part of him hoped that if it felt as good, he might not feel the same need for the flesh and blood person he was getting way too used to.

Suddenly he was thinking back on how Shane had behaved in the car. He couldn't remember anyone ever holding him like that before. He was pissed that he'd let Shane treat him all soft like that, like he'd actually _wanted_ it, especially since he knew it was probably just the adrenaline from the attack. It was just like at the CDC when Shane had been wasted and got all emotional out of nowhere. He couldn't imagine Shane acting like that with someone like him without being drunk or distressed.

Other than the obvious, that Shane really liked fucking him and knew he could rely on him for backup, he still had no idea why the man was bothering with him. He guessed those should be good enough reasons, but it just wasn't the same for him.

He wasn't like Shane, who'd probably had this sort of thing with all kinds of other people before, and probably would again, once things went south. _And they would_ , he reminded himself, _things always do, no reason to think they wouldn't._

He'd never had a girlfriend. Shit, he'd never even really had a friend he'd trust enough to leave his belongings with. The only one who came close was Merle, and even he had never found him important enough to stick around for when there were drugs and pussy to chase somewhere.

When he considered Shane dying, or even just moving on, he actually felt sick to his stomach, and that made him furious at himself.

A man was _not_ supposed to feel this way, especially for another man, and _especially_ not a man who had disparaged his own flesh and blood at one point, a man who would never have looked at him with anything other than contempt if the world hadn't ended.

He reminded himself that Shane had told him they'd keep carrying on together, even if the others found out. But the other part of him, the one that knew people said whatever they needed to if they wanted something from you, made sure he didn't take those words too seriously. Besides, even if Shane was alright with it, _he_ wasn't.

Rick and Hershel weren't big city lawyers like Andrea, or bleeding hearts like Dale, they'd never see him as a real man again if they knew he was taking it up the ass. Even T-Dog and Glenn would lose all respect for him, probably think he was looking at them funny whenever he was around them. It wouldn't even matter how good a hunter he was, or how well he could fight and take out walkers.

Merle and his old man had made sure he always knew he was the weak one in the family, so he'd always been careful to try and hide any signs of that being true. With these people he'd done a pretty good job so far, but there was no way in hell he'd stay here if they started looking down on him any more than they already did.

All those thoughts killed his boner and he was fucking grateful for it. He shoved the sex toys back under the mattress, disappointed with himself for _still_ not getting rid of them.

Fuck it, there was still a little bit of daylight left. Better off out in the woods hunting squirrels, maybe scouting out more deer, than wasting time playing with himself. No point doing something that could only leave him feeling like shit afterwards.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shane was glad T-Dog was willing to take the late watch this time. He made like he was exhausted, pretended he was going off to pass out in his tent, but as soon as he saw him settle up on top of the RV and made sure everyone else was down for the night, he grabbed a few things he'd be needing and snuck off towards Daryl's tent.

He felt bad talking him into coming down to eat with them all and then pretty much leaving him hanging. He could tell Daryl was tense and moody, no doubt because Andrea was sitting right there the whole time, joining him in keeping Carl distracted, but he needed to get used to being around these people now that it was pretty much a sure thing they'd be settling in here for awhile .

Carl had needed to talk to him, to take his mind off all the depressing, scary shit going on, and no way was he gonna blow the kid off at a time like this, especially since he was a big part of the reason Rick and Lori were too distracted to be there for him the way they should be.

When the couple had come back down from the farmhouse, he'd been satisfied when Rick nodded to him in thanks for having kept his son occupied. It was a small thing, but he hadn't figured mending fences would be easy.

Just the chance to spend most of a night with Daryl uninterrupted was making him a little giddy now. The boy didn't know it yet, but he was planning on making it up to him big time. He had a few tricks up his sleeve that Daryl hadn't seen yet. Hell, that he hadn't actually ever tried himself yet.

He was in an adventurous mood and was eager to see if he was right about what else Daryl might get off on. He'd already surprised him the other night, sitting there and sucking his fingers clean for him like he was sucking his cock, even stripping fully naked when he told him to. It was easy to forget about everything else around him when they were together, and right now he needed an escape more than anything.

To his disappointment, he didn't see a campfire going when he got close enough to check. Guess he shouldn't have expected he'd be waiting up for him like a bitch this late.

He was about to turn back when a little stab of worry stopped him. Best to check up on him, not just assume he was safe in bed asleep. He walked up to the darkened tent, carefully avoiding the fishing line strung around the perimeter.

He had to stand absolutely still and concentrate before he actually believed the sound he heard coming from inside. The noise was pretty unmistakeable once he realized. Right away his dick was stiffening at the thought of what Daryl was up to in there. Part of him was a little annoyed that he wasn't there to have started it, but fuck it, he was here now.

He checked himself before just bursting through the tent flap. This was Daryl, it was doubtful he'd react calmly to being caught with a vibrator up his ass unexpectedly.

"Hey, man, you awake ?" he called through the thin nylon wall, his voice casual, like he was just walking up and hadn't noticed the sounds coming through the tent wall.

He heard a muffled gasp and some frantic fumbling around, the low hum continuing for a second or two before he guessed Daryl figured out how to shut it off in the dark. Shane waited for an answer that didn't come, and assumed Daryl was so startled being caught red-handed that he'd froze up. As soon as he could keep from laughing, he entered, eager to see what he could do with the situation.

The moonlight illuminated enough for him to see that Daryl was propped up on one elbow now, his other hand clutching a sheet around himself. He flicked the lantern on, setting it on the floor. Daryl was wearing the same thin shirt t-shirt he'd had on earlier, but he could see now from the outline under the sheet that his legs were bare. The thought of him completely naked underneath made his cock twitch with anticipation.

"M' tryin' to sleep, " Daryl mumbled, sleepy-voiced.

Shane was impressed. If he hadn't heard what he was really up to, he totally would've believed he just woke up. "Figured you might want a little company, " he said, stepping a little closer.

Daryl shifted to a sitting position, keeping the sheet wrapped tightly around himself. "Thought you had graveyard. " He sounded as uneasy as he looked.

"Switched with T. You ain't happy to see me ? " Shane teased, sitting down on the cot next to him and rubbing a hand over his crotch through the sheet. 

Daryl was hard as a rock underneath but he flinched away from his groping hand like he'd gotten an electric shock. "Ain't in the mood for that shit right now, " he mumbled, keeping a tight hold on the sheet wrapped around him, like he was worried Shane might try and pull it off. He was right, Shane thought with amusement.

"Coulda fooled me , " he joked, glancing down at the tented fabric at Daryl's groin.

"Just...woke up like that..." he said lamely, trying a casual little shrug to make it more convincing. "You should get back, shouldn't be out here like this..."

"C'mon, everyone's asleep. We got plenty of time, " Shane said, leaning in to bite at his neck.

"Stop ! " Daryl snapped, shrugging him off roughly.

"You tell me you got a headache I'm gonna think you grew a vagina, boy, " Shane laughed.

"Fuck you , " Daryl muttered irritably, shifting a little further away.

Shane was pretty sure he was all lubed up and ready down there and afraid if things went the way they usually did, he'd be busted. The vibrator was most likely still trapped under the sheet with him, too. It was kind of endearing that the man could be so fucking embarrassed about being caught getting himself off, but he was still itching to maul him right now and wasn't about to let the opportunity go, not when Daryl had a perfectly good hard-on to match his own.

He'd come out here with his police-issue handcuffs and the cockring, wondering how the hell he was gonna spring them on him. Now suddenly seemed as good a time as any.

He looked at Daryl, grinning devilishly. "Gonna have to do somethin' about that mood of yours, " he said.

Daryl's eyes narrowed suspiciously at that, but Shane pulled the cuffs out of his pocket and snapped one on the wrist of the hand he was using to clutch the sheet around himself, so smoothly he never even saw it coming.

"The fuck you doin' ?" Daryl jolted in surprise, going to shove him away roughly.

It only made it easier for Shane to grab both his wrists and bring them over his head, straddling him and forcing him fully onto his back. 

"Gettin' ready for a good time, " he said breathlessly, struggling to keep Daryl's arms still long enough to lock the cuffs around the other wrist and secure them both to the metal cot frame. He shifted his knees to trap the sheet tighter around Daryl's lower half, pinning him more effectively.

" Sonofa _bitch_ ! Get 'em off me ! " Daryl swore, panicking a little as he heard the lock click shut. He bucked his hips frantically, trying to throw him off, but to Shane's amusement all it did was provide some nice friction against his dick. For all his objecting, Daryl was still just as hard as he'd been before.

"You got to play with your sex toy, now I'm gonna play with _mine_ , " Shane teased, settling his cock over Daryl's erection and starting to grind.

"I ain't playin', man, " Daryl growled, twisting his arms violently against the restraints. "Get _off_ me ! " He tried kicking his legs free but Shane had them pinioned under his own.

"What was that ? You want me to get you off ? " Shane joked, enjoying Daryl's wiry frame arching and writhing underneath him.

"Mother _fucker_ -" Daryl swore, and this time Shane just shut him up by pressing his mouth over his, winding a hand through his hair to lock his head in place. He forced Daryl's lips to part for him, roughly claiming his mouth with his tongue until after a few seconds Daryl stopped resisting, his own tongue slipping between Shane's lips needily, arms going slack in the cuffs, hips starting to grind back against him.

Shane knew he was on the right track when he broke them apart and Daryl was just staring back at him dazedly. He knelt up to start pulling the sheet out from around him, eager to get down to business.

That seemed to remind Daryl of why he'd tried to stop this in the first place. "Fuck...wait..." he mumbled, trying to trap the fabric around him with his legs.

It just made Shane's desire to strip him even stronger.

"You think I don't know what you were up to in here ? " he asked. "Got me so hot I'm ready to fuck you raw right now. " Shane's voice was deep and hoarse with arousal, and Daryl rewarded him with that half indignant, half begging-for-it look that he'd come to enjoy so much. 

He stood up with one leg on either side of the cot, grabbed a fistful of the fabric, and wrenched it free.

Daryl was naked from the waist down as he'd hoped, his erection stiff against his belly, but the vibrator lay next to him, bone dry.

Shane shook his head, almost laughing. "You ain't even got that far, huh ? Here I thought you were goin' to town with that thing in here." Even in the dim light Shane could see Daryl's face flush red at that, and now he was loving the idea that he was going to get to try this out on him first after all.

He yanked Daryl's legs apart and sat down between them, running his hands up his inner thighs, roughly spreading them wider.

Daryl's head fell back and he shut his eyes, flinching slightly when Shane found his already well slicked-up hole and rubbed gently around the rim. 

"Mmm..." Shane hummed approvingly. "I like you all lubed up and spread open for me..."

He slid his finger in deeper until he reached the spot that made Daryl groan and turn his head into the pillow to hide his face, working his fingertip against the little nub until he got another little moan out of him. Daryl jerked away suddenly, dislodging him.

"Where do you think you're going? " Shane asked playfully, leaning his forearms down over Daryl's thighs to trap them. He realized if Daryl really didn't want him to keep going, he'd be trying a lot harder to stop him. He was probably just freaking out a little over the loss of control.

"Told you to let me go ! " Daryl spat at him, glaring, but his voice cracked and his chest was heaving erratically, eyes still hazy with lust.

Shane looked back at him steadily, reaching for the vibrator and taking the lube he'd brought out from his pocket. He started slicking it up and Daryl swallowed hard, his gaze faltering.

"Gonna make you come so hard you can't see straight, " Shane said, his voice low and smooth, meeting Daryl's eyes calmly.

Daryl dropped his head back against the pillow with a frustrated groan, pulling hard at the restraints on his wrists. " Fuck, I ain't into none 'a this ! " he practically whined. " C' _mon_... "

"That cot frame'll give before the handcuffs will, you don't wanna break your bed, " Shane chuckled, knowing Daryl was just embarrassed at how turned on he was, that being handcuffed and on display like this had his cock so red and swollen already.

" Besides, don't you remember what I said before ? " Shane went on, rubbing Daryl's engorged length, making him betray himself again with a stifled gasp and an involuntary thrust against his palm. " This is _mine_ right here. I can play with it however I want to."

Daryl liked those words, apparently, since he went completely still, his breathing growing heavier, cock twitching heavily in Shane's hand. 

_Well, alright then_... Shane thought, pleased as hell with himself for reading him right again.

He put the vibrator aside for a second to take the cockring out of his pocket. Daryl's eyes widened when he looked up and saw what Shane was holding now. His lips parted slightly, looking like he wanted to object, but Shane just slipped it onto his cock matter-of-factly, not giving him the chance.

"What're you doin' ? " he nearly whimpered as he felt the compression.

Shane grinned back at him, picking up the vibrator again. "Whatever I want. "

Daryl's whole body tensed, too tight down there at first as Shane started breaching his entrance with the narrow tip. He'd fully expected him to be skittish about enjoying it at first so he just scooted forward, getting in tighter between his legs and steadily working it in, laying one hand over Daryl's cock and rubbing it gently as he watched his hole stretch to take it. 

"Whose cock is this ?" he asked playfully

" _Fuck_ you ! " Daryl huffed indignantly.

Shane wasn't surprised at the response but it only made him want to push it further. "Wrong answer, " he said, low and rumbling. " I think you ain't comin' till you tell me what I wanna hear... "

" I ain't sayin' _shit_ ! " Daryl snapped , but his head fell back and he shut his eyes tight again as Shane kept rubbing him and shifting the toy in deeper, and after a little while Shane had him relaxed enough to finally get it fully sheathed inside.

"Good boy, " he murmured encouragingly, amused and even more turned on at the way Daryl's cock pulsed in his hand at that. He slid his hand off his dick then, to make sure he could keep him from coming too soon. "Now let's see how you like this... "

He flicked the vibrator on, just the low speed, and Daryl's hips twisted sharply as the tip of it hit his prostate, a startled moan torn roughly from his throat. Shane held on to the base of the toy, pushing it gently into the tender spot and raising the speed until Daryl started rolling his hips and whining slightly in the back of his throat. 

"Fuck... _stop_..." he pleaded in a frantic whisper, turning his head to try and bury his face into the pillow. "s' too much..."

" _I_ say when it's too much, " Shane said roughly, his cock throbbing from Daryl's reaction, and at having him at his mercy like this, but still he eased off a little, not wanting to overstimulate him this quick.

"Jus'...jus' fuck me then, " Daryl blurted out, his voice shaky and breathless.

Hearing those words tumble unexpectedly out of Daryl's mouth was almost enough to make Shane plow into him hard, but he knew he'd only said it to derail his own plan of making him lose all control of himself.

"Whoa, listen to you bein' all demanding !" he teased instead. "Like you ain't the one in handcuffs."

Daryl attempted to glare at him in response but apparently he couldn't meet his eyes for more than a half-second in such a debauched state and just dropped his head back against the pillow with a frustrated groan.

Shane couldn't believe how obscene he looked, with his face all flushed, hips twitching uncontrollably, lubed-up hole stretched around the silicon intruder, his cock already an angry red from the band attached around the base.

"I'll get to fuckin' you soon enough, don't worry, " he said soothingly, working the toy against his prostate, watching Daryl grit his teeth to try to keep quiet and struggle to keep his body's spasming movements in check. Soon Shane was aching so bad he needed some relief himself.

He started moving up to straddle Daryl's chest, leaving the vibrator pulsing inside him to keep him wanting. Daryl moaned in protest, arching off the mattress.

"Stop squirmin' around," Shane said firmly. "Want that to stay in you. "

Daryl let out a tiny whimper at those words, and Shane started to wonder if he'd be able to hold out long enough himself if it kept going like this.

He undid his pants and brought his cock to Daryl's lips, which were tightly sealed at the moment. "Open your mouth, " he ordered hoarsely, tapping the leaking tip of his dick against Daryl's cheek.

" I got teeth, " Daryl warned, the tremor in his voice ruining the threat altogether.

Shane grinned down at him, cupping the side of his face playfully. "Yeah, but I know you love my cock too much to hurt it."

Daryl glared back at him for real then, but it only took a few seconds until he slanted his eyes away sullenly and let Shane slip between his lips, smearing them with pre-come as he did it.

Shane felt near intoxicated , not just at the feel of that warm, soft mouth enveloping him, but with the realization that Daryl was enjoying this as much as he was, even if he was still trying to pretend otherwise.

The toy vibrating inside kept him writhing frustratedly, and every couple of seconds he couldn't help letting out a desperate little moan from the lack of friction and the pressure of the cockring. He was sucking Shane hungrily, tongue roughly dragging up and down the back of his shaft the way he knew he liked, as if that was all he wanted to do right now.

Shane couldn't help smoothing a hand over Daryl's head affectionately, tangling his fingers in his hair and tugging gently, even though the sight of him, eyes closed tight, lips stretched wide around his cock, fists clenching above the metal cuffs, made him want to pound his ass right through the mattress.

"Look at me," he whispered harshly, wanting to see Daryl's expression like this, with his cock stuffed in his mouth and aching with need.

His eyes opened immediately at the command, looking almost pleading, but he closed them again nearly as fast and it was just as well because that sight almost made Shane come right down his throat.

He could only thrust into that mouth a couple more times before sliding out reluctantly, nearly losing it again as he watched Daryl's tongue swipe over his lips and lick off the seed he'd left. He'd meant to tease Daryl til he couldn't take it and here he was, struggling even harder to hold _himself_ back now.

He got down between Daryl's legs, licking a stripe up the shaft to the tip, taking hold of the base of the vibrator and pressing it back into the sensitive gland gently. Daryl let out a little whine at that, so Shane kept it up while he took the head of his cock in his mouth, teasing the slit with his tongue, tasting the salty bead of pre-come.

He swallowed the whole length of him, sucking him steadily until he felt him getting too close, legs trembling and starting to make those whimpery sounds in the back of his throat that drove him crazy. He slowed up then, just teasing the tip until Daryl was thrusting his hips clumsily, trying to get the rhythm back and get more of himself back into his mouth, the cockring making his frustration a lot harder to control.

"Gettin' impatient now, huh?" Shane grinned, pushing the vibrating head into the magic spot a little harder while leaving his dick untouched again.

Daryl's back arched off the mattress under the relentless pressure. "C' _mon_ ," he whispered softly, the closest to begging Shane had ever heard him.

Fuck this, he thought, pulling the vibrator out abruptly and tossing it aside, making Daryl gasp at the sudden emptiness. He needed to be inside him _now_.

He climbed off the cot, hastily kicking off his shoes and pants. He caught Daryl watching him as he stripped, eyes wide, lips slightly parted.

The hard expression he always wore was completely gone, and he looked so innocent and expectant, so _trusting_ , that even as horny as Shane was, he was taken aback for a second. It didn't last long, vanishing as soon as their eyes met and Daryl blinked and turned his face away, but it gave Shane an overwhelming rush, knowing he was probably the only person ever able to get him that raw.

But then he was readying himself with the lube and straddling the cot, taking a little time to enjoy the image of Daryl lying there, arms pinned over his head, his cock obscenely hard from the restrictive band and standing straight up against his belly, legs splayed open, just _waiting_ to be fucked.

He ran his hands possessively up Daryl's sides and under his shirt before slipping them down to push his thighs open wider.

Daryl kept his head turned to the side, breathing hard, still unable to face him like this.

Shane nudged the tip in slowly, watching himself disappear into the tight channel, feeling himself swallowed up by that heat. He leaned down over him to press their chests together and trap Daryl's cock against his belly, biting and sucking at his exposed throat as he started to thrust inside him slow and deep.

Daryl whimpered slightly as the new angle hit him a little different, and Shane almost lost it again just hearing that sound. He had to stop moving altogether to keep from coming, which was nearly impossible with Daryl starting to squirm insistently against him.

He raised himself up and reached down to stroke Daryl's cock softly. The tight ring had made the flesh feverish to the touch. "Whose cock is this, huh ? " he asked again, his voice husky, running his thumb over the leaking tip. He felt such a wave of possessiveness over the man that he wasn't even playing now.

Daryl's only response this time was a shaky moan.

Shane bent over him again, only able to move inside him slightly without coming now. "Tell me," he growled into Daryl's neck, catching his teeth in the tender skin.

Of course Daryl didn't answer him but just feeling him shiver in response was enough to make Shane want to make it unbearable. "You're gonna be wearin' that ring a long time, then, " he crooned in his ear, trying hard not to sound like a man about to totally lose his load. 

He sat up and let go of Daryl's cock, gripping onto his thighs instead, holding them wide apart, pressing them down so he couldn't get any leverage at all to control the pace. He started to draw in and out again, angling himself to brush his sweet spot with every stroke. As hard as it was getting to hold back, he knew it would be worth it to see Daryl completely undone, if only to have that seared into his brain for future use.

Daryl was struggling to stay silent but every thrust against his prostate made him have to swallow a whine, his lips pressed together tightly. Shane kept his pace slow, letting Daryl's cock go untouched until he was squirming beneath him, wrists straining in the handcuffs, desperate to find any relief from the pent-up pressure.

After a bit Shane had to slow to a stop to hold himself back again. He looked down at Daryl as he lay there, eyes squeezed shut, face all red and contorted with want. He looked almost pained from his efforts not to come apart and it was so hot to Shane that he couldn't help playing with him some more.

"You ready to answer me yet ? " he whispered gruffly. He reached down to take Daryl in his hand just long enough to make him thrust hopefully into his grip before letting go again, keeping him hovering painfully on the edge. " Cause I can keep this up all night... " 

Daryl made a strangled, pleading noise in the back of his throat and Shane bent over him to nip at his neck, making him hiss sharply as his cock brushed lightly against his belly. Daryl arched up against him urgently, trying to rub against him harder, but Shane raised up so he couldn't get enough friction, and after a few seconds Daryl was trembling uncontrollably, his breath coming in shuddery gasps. 

Shane was just about ready to let them both get their relief, knowing he couldn't last much longer anyway. He slipped his hand down between them, meaning to grab hold of the ring and take it off, wrap his hand around Daryl's aching member, but just then he heard him whisper, "... _yours_..., " breathless and barely audible, but Shane caught it, and it sent the blood rushing to his cock so fast that he nearly exploded. He started pounding into him hard and fast, all control gone, almost forgetting that Daryl's cock was still bound and throbbing painfully beneath him.

"Say it again, " he grit out, senseless with lust, his voice so hoarse he didn't even recognize it.

" _Yours_..." Daryl whispered again desperately, a little louder, apparently just as far gone now. 

Shane rushed to pull the cockring off then, taking hold of Daryl's length as he fell forward over him and started to come with a loud guttural moan. He slid his free arm under the younger man's shoulders to clutch him against his chest as he filled him up, groaning his release into the pillow next to Daryl's head. 

He felt Daryl clench hard around his cock as he lost it too, legs tightening around his waist almost painfully, pulling him in even deeper. He was coming so hard he was whimpering into Shane's neck, unable to hold back anymore, his cock pulsing again and again, hot seed flooding over Shane's fingers in long, thick spurts.

Shane clung to him as they rode out the aftershocks, heads beside each other, chests pressed together, sticky with sweat and come. 

He nuzzled Daryl's neck as he felt the younger man's muscles slowly start relaxing. "Damn right, it's mine !" he muttered teasingly in his ear. 

Daryl lay still beneath him, his breathing evening out, not even demanding to be let free right away like Shane expected.

They stayed like that for long moments after. 

Shane was beyond sated. For a second he thought of the world _before_ , how good it would have felt to pass out in his own bed like this, pull Daryl up against him and sleep, late enough that they'd wake up fully rested. Take a long hot shower together, have another fuck, and watch a game. Or whatever the hell Daryl might have wanted to do in his old life to pass a lazy day together.

He might have just passed out right then and there if not for the fact that Daryl was still in handcuffs. He leaned off the cot, fumbling for his pants on the floor to retrieve the key.

Daryl's eyes were closed as Shane leaned over him to undo the cuffs, still straddling his lap.

As soon as the cuffs were off, Daryl lowered his arms to fold them over his face. "Hope you know you're washin' my shirt, " he muttered sullenly.

"Fair enough, " Shane chuckled, pulling off his own come-soaked t-shirt and using the dry ends to wipe off his hand. "Sure as hell can't give these to Carol to wash."

He climbed off Daryl to start putting on his pants and shoes again.

Daryl sat up and stripped off his soiled shirt, tossing it into a dark corner, then leaned down to grab the vibrator and chuck it off in the same direction. He found his discarded boxers and jeans, wriggling into them without getting off the cot.

The light was dim enough that he didn't seem to mind staying shirtless for now, something Shane figured he never did normally because of all the scars he wore from his childhood. It had bothered him a couple of times at the quarry, watching him suffer in the heat rather than expose himself like that to the others.

It was only now dawning on him how stupidly dangerous it was for both of them to have been naked and distracted like that for so long, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He _did_ care that Daryl was looking moody though. He could tell from the way he was looking off at the floor with his jaw set tightly as he sat on the edge of the cot, slumped forward with his elbows on his knees. Shane wondered what the hell could possibly be wrong after such a mind-blowing orgasm.

It took him a few seconds to realize that probably _was_ the problem.

He figured Daryl hadn't thought of himself as a dude that wanted to be handcuffed and teased senseless until now, and might be a little uncomfortable. It probably didn't help that he'd also just told him his cock belonged to him.

He was close to explaining to Daryl that what a man blurted out when he was about to come didn't matter. What happened in the sack stayed in the sack. Then again, he thought, maybe to Daryl it _did_ mean something.

Now that he thought about it , he fucking _hoped_ he'd meant it. Hearing that out of Daryl's mouth had him wishing they had enough time and energy to have another go right now.

"You should get back before they see you're gone, " Daryl said irritably.

"Tryin' to get rid of me already ?" he asked lightly, dropping down next to him.

"It's late," Daryl mumbled, not looking up, shifting away slightly so their sides weren't touching.

" Didn't know it was past your bedtime. "

Daryl didn't respond, other than to start chewing his bottom lip, and to reach for a cigarette.

"So what do you wanna do about our friends up the road ?" Shane asked as Daryl retrieved a lighter from under the cot and lit it up. He figured if Daryl wasn't ready to relax, he'd at least see where his head was at with their other problem.

"Think we need to take care of 'em before it's too late, " he said gruffly, taking a deep inhale. " Maybe head up there and take some of 'em out from a distance, sniper-style. "

"You ever done that before ?" Shane asked. He had no doubt Daryl could make whatever shot he needed to, but he hadn't taken him for a stone-cold killer. He'd had the same idea once he'd learned the group didn't seem to have any women or children in it, but he was surprised that Daryl was willing to go that far when he wasn't even close to anyone else here but him.

" Ain't that different from a buck, " he said, shrugging. "Easier actually. A man ain't gonna smell you fifty yards away."

Shane was really curious now, since Daryl hadn't exactly answered the question. "How many men you kill since all this started ?" he asked.

"Why ?" Daryl snapped, sounding defensive as hell.

Shane hadn't expected that. "Just askin'. What we did today is one thing. It ain't the same, what you're suggestin'." He wondered what made Daryl so uneasy about that question.

"What're you sayin' ? You think I can't handle it ? " He stood up, seeming pissed now, and Shane couldn't tell if Daryl was hiding some bad shit from his past or if he was just irritated that Shane might think he wasn't tough enough.

Either way it got under his skin, when all he was trying to do was find out more about him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, man ? " Shane asked, his own voice rising in irritation now. "It's just a question. "

"How many men _you_ killed ?" Daryl shot back, almost accusingly.

Maybe it was his own frustration at Daryl's reaction that made the number shoot out of his mouth before he could think to filter it. "Four." The scumbags that had shot Rick before the world had ended. The prick back at the pharmacy. And Otis.

Daryl went quiet, like he hadn't expected such a direct answer. He almost looked a little guilty.

Without really knowing why, Shane started telling him about the men he shot that day everything changed for him, before the virus had broke out. Because Rick being shot, going into a coma, that was the day that turned everything upside down for him, even before the rest of the world fell apart.

He glanced up and saw Daryl's expression had changed. All the defensiveness was gone. He wasn't looking at him but Shane could tell he was listening as he stood there smoking his cigarette, arms folded across his chest, taking in every word he was saying.

"I don't regret either one of 'em, " he told him, after recounting how he'd had to go to mandatory counseling, like all cops after they kill in the line of duty. "Not that piece of trash from today, either. "

"What about Otis ?" Daryl asked unexpectedly. His voice was soft and hesitating, not accusing, but Shane was totally unprepared for it.

Really, he shouldn't have been. He knew Daryl had overheard Dale all but accuse him that day he'd come back after fucking Andrea. He been there at that wake, saw his shaved head, how fucking awkward and uncomfortable his eulogy was. He was way too perceptive not to have picked up on it all. And he wasn't someone to waste words. If he was bothering to ask, it meant he actually wanted the answer.

Before Shane could help it, he started talking, like his conscience needed to get it out before his brain could reconsider.

He and Otis had both been injured. They were starting to get overrun, and he realized they couldn't make it if he had to hang back to help him. "There was no way I wasn't getting back to Carl, man, " he said softly. " I couldn't do that to Lori or Rick, not after... " His voice trailed off, unable to continue for a second, not wanting to revisit all the fucked up ways he'd betrayed the both of them, purposefully or not. But then he started up again, not able to just leave it there.

He told Daryl how he realized he only had one bullet left. That Otis was down to his last as well...

He stopped there. Suddenly he couldn't bring himself to tell the entirety of what he'd done.

For some reason it had been easier to tell Rick the worst than to admit it to Daryl right now, that he'd shot the man in the leg to make sure the dead would target him so he could get away. That he'd then torn Rick's Python out of the man's hand and left him to die defenseless, that Otis had fought back viciously, nearly getting them both killed in the end anyway. 

He was getting choked up all of a sudden, his mind back in that moment, seeing the look of disbelief and terror in Otis' eyes as he made a decision that he'd never be able to think about without feeling sick.

Fuck, this was exactly why he tried to keep it off his mind any way he could.

Daryl sat back down on the cot next to him. He hunched over, elbows on his knees, head down, his expression unreadable in the dim light.

Shane hadn't even fully confessed but he was already regretting coming clean, even halfway like that. He hadn't known how much he'd come to enjoy Daryl's respect until now. He had no idea what the other man was thinking, if he'd realize what part of the story was still missing, if he'd think he was a coward or an animal for leaving a man to die like that. The realization that he might have just fucked up whatever it was they had started here made him feel an aching emptiness all of a sudden.

For once, he didn't know what else to say. He hadn't come out here expecting to spill his guts about this shit, didn't know why the hell he'd dropped his guard like that in the first place. Maybe he'd been wrong about Daryl, to think he'd be able to look at him the same way where Rick wouldn't.

He was about to just get up and leave, unable to deal with the silence, when he felt Daryl rest his hand lightly on his knee. 

Shane recognized the awkward attempt at the same comforting gesture he'd made to Daryl earlier and felt tears sting his eyes unexpectedly.

" Whatever you did..." Daryl muttered, his voice quiet and gravelly. " If you coulda done somethin' else, you _would've_. " 

He sounded so sure of it, like there wasn't a doubt in his mind that if he'd done something that bad, it was because he'd been forced to it. Shane didn't even know that himself, but the fact that Daryl had just taken his side without a second thought filled him with so much affection for the man that his throat tightened painfully.

Daryl glanced at him sideways, hesitatingly making eye contact for a brief second before looking down at his lap again. He almost seemed a little choked up himself.

"...ain't sorry you're the one that made it back, " Shane heard him mumble, barely able to make out his words they were spoken so softly.

His hand rested on Shane's leg for a few more seconds, fingers applying gentle pressure, before he snatched it away. He didn't say another word, just sat there next to him, letting their bodies slightly touch now.

Shane was almost lightheaded with relief, feeling Daryl's warmth against his side. He hadn't realized he'd been carrying that heavy a burden until he felt it lifted off him.

He would never be proud of what he did but knowing that Daryl saw his regret and was willing to let it go, no questions asked, no judgement passed, suddenly made it a lot more bearable.

They sat in silence for awhile. Daryl smoked his cigarette absently.

"So what do _you_ wanna do about those assholes, then ?" he asked finally.

"Fuck if I know, " Shane answered, blowing out a tired sigh. Right now going off on another risky mission with Daryl was the last thing he wanted to think about. " I know this, though. We ain't gotta worry about it tonight. "


	14. Plans

Daryl sat near the fire at the main camp, picking absently at the eggs Carol had forked onto his plate as he listened to Shane start laying out a security plan for the group, the one they'd stayed up last night thinking about. 

 

They'd build a lookout on the old windmill to get a better view of the surrounding territory, trap the main road in- Shane nodded briefly to Carl at that and the kid grinned at hearing his idea put to use - and also set up traps around the whole perimeter armed with explosives that could be set off with a high velocity round, so that attackers or walkers coming in at any point could be taken out from a distance. 

 

They'd use Hershel's tractor to dig a trench all around the property to catch walkers before they could get close, and keep on weapons training so no one would have to be helpless if anything went down.

 

He had to stop to reassure Lori that Carl wouldn't be able to blow up the explosives by tripping over them, and Dale had to chime in that Hershel would have to be ok with them in the first place as well as with digging up his land, and seemed to think it was all a bit paranoid, but overall everyone seemed to be on board. 

 

Daryl felt some pride that everyone was taking it in and nodding, and that Shane had mentioned that they'd _both_ worked it out. 

 

Rick had looked surprised when Shane had commanded everyone's attention and started laying it all out like that was just the way it was gonna be, but really he wasn't reacting badly at all.

 

Maybe since it all made sense and didn't involve killing that dumbass kid, Rick was looking at Shane with a little bit of respect again. And after the night before, Daryl wasn't even feeling any pangs of jealousy.

 

Shane hadn't wanted to leave after getting that shit off his chest about Otis, and Daryl just didn't have it in him to pretend he didn't want him to stick around anyway, so he'd laid back on the cot and Shane sat down on the tent floor next to it, leaning his back against the side so that their heads were close. 

 

Since Shane didn't want to worry about how to confront that other group out there, they wound up talking about camp defenses instead, and then about finding a four-wheeler to hunt with, and about what supplies the group would need on hand to make it through the winter. 

 

It dawned on Daryl how comfortable it felt, the two of them just throwing ideas around and putting their minds to a common goal. Shane listened when he talked, not mocking or dismissing him at every opportunity like Merle often did. 

 

He'd slowly started to relax enough to start feeling a little sleepy.

 

"Once that kid can walk and we find a way to get rid of him, we could take that barn," Shane suggested, when they got to wondering if the winter might be a bad one. Hershel had decided to move the kid to a smaller, unused barn closer to the house after Daryl's rough interrogation. "Be warmer and safer than a tent and we wouldn't have to worry about people seein' shadows through the walls at night. "

 

Daryl had been startled at the casual way Shane had said it, like he'd just assumed they'd share the place, the two of them. 

 

"Like that ain't gonna look gay," he'd scoffed, wondering if Shane was actually serious. 

 

"Think about it, " Shane had persisted. " Maggie'll talk her old man into letting Glenn in the house, Carol will probably be with Rick's family inside, T and Andrea'll stay with Dale in the RV ... where else would we go ? It's the only outbuilding that could work, and no one's gonna expect one of us to just sleep outside in the cold. "

 

Daryl had laid there taking that in, feeling an unexpected sense of relief all of a sudden. _Where else would we go ?_ Shane had said. Like the two of them were a 'we.' 

 

It was embarrassing how good that felt though, so he tried not to sound enthusiastic. " We don't even know the old man's gonna let us stay, " he'd said, shrugging.

 

"We ain't goin' anywhere, " Shane had said resolutely. "And you ain't gonna keep on out here alone much longer anyway, " he went on, as if there wasn't even a question. "It's too far from the rest of us. Ain't really safe."

 

Daryl's defenses rose at that, because it wasn't the first time Shane had mentioned it. He was about to say , " I'm better out here alone than with all of y'all, " because who the fuck did Shane think he was, suggesting he couldn't fend for himself alone if he wanted to ? 

 

"Besides, " Shane had added lightly, before he'd had the chance to snap at him, "I'm too old to be sneakin' around in the middle of the night just to get me some. And if you're gonna be as loud as you were earlier, we're gonna need some real walls around us."

 

Daryl could see the cocky grin on Shane's face even though his back was to him and shoved the back of his head, hard, embarrassed by the reminder. 

 

Shane had just laughed, turning to face him. "Hey, don't be like that, " he said, grinning playfully. " Trust me, that ain't the last time I'm gonna have you moanin' like a bitch."

 

"Yeah, _you'll_ be moanin' like a bitch next time, " Daryl shot back without thinking, and of course that set Shane off immediately.

 

" Let's see about that, " he challenged, climbing back on top of Daryl, the cot groaning under their combined weight. 

 

Shane went to pin him down again and he resisted, because what the hell was wrong with him that he wanted to just _let_ him ? It was bad enough Shane had gotten him to say his cock belonged to him, that saying that out loud had made him come so hard he saw stars. 

 

They wound up on the floor, half-wrestling, half just humping on each other, until Shane pulled both their dicks out of their pants and they were just grinding themselves together. 

 

Shane got his arms trapped over his head like he'd had them earlier, just without the cuffs, and Daryl found himself close to coming just from being put in that position again. 

 

Then Shane was kissing him roughly, biting at his lips, making throaty growls of need that made Daryl suddenly want to stay right where he was, just feeling the warmth of Shane's engorged erection rubbing against his, holding him down like he could do whatever he wanted, and then he was coming hard and unexpectedly, Shane following him over the edge as soon as he'd started losing it. 

 

Shane hadn't let go of his wrists right after, instead leaning in to kiss him again and this time it felt different than any of the other times. It was soft and long, not rushed and rough and full of lust, and when he stopped and released his arms, Daryl had to fight the urge to go to kiss him again. He'd acted needy enough already tonight. 

 

"Maybe takin' that barn ain't such a great idea," Shane had said, laughing, giving Daryl's hip an affectionate slap as he got up off him to clean up again and start heading back. "We ain't never gonna get any sleep ! " 

 

He left then, before it got light enough for anyone to notice him coming from Daryl's camp without a shirt on. 

 

Daryl had drifted off to sleep easily after that, something that hadn't happened since before Merle had disappeared. 

 

Even though he'd found himself alone in his tent again, for once he hadn't felt lonely at all.

 

Now Rick was reminding Shane that they needed Hershel's permission to stay through the winter before they could start making long term plans, and Shane was nodding in agreement, even though Daryl knew he had already made up his mind that they'd be staying here regardless. He told Rick he should be the one to do the asking, since the old man still wasn't exactly his biggest fan. 

 

They seemed to be working out a way to both look like they were ok with each other's attempt to lead things, but Daryl noticed the tightness in Rick's face when Shane told Rick to make sure Lori and Carl could both keep on staying right in the house even after Carl was more healed up, what with the baby on the way. 

 

"I'm already working on that, " he answered somewhat irritably, before taking his leave to head up to the farmhouse. 

 

Lori certainly hadn't seemed irritated, though. The whole time Shane had been standing there talking, she'd been trying not to look too much at him but it was pretty damn obvious that she wasn't altogether over him, regardless of whatever she'd said. 

 

After breakfast the group was breaking up to get to their different tasks. 

 

"Let's go set up that perch, " Shane said, coming over and clapping him on the back. 

 

Daryl tensed at the contact in front of the others, even as innocent as it was, and the knowing look in Andrea's eyes as she glanced over at them made him flush uncomfortably.

 

Shane seemed completely oblivious to it though, so he swallowed his irritation and followed him out of the camp. 

 

Once they were away from everyone, he forgot about it completely as they got to work finding wood and tools around the farm that they could use. 

 

While they gathered up supplies, Shane was going on about what they'd need to get some power going in the barn so they could run a heater or some lights if need be, and how they could rig up a solar shower so they could could wash up with heated water. It was like he thought they'd be setting up a damn home. 

 

Daryl found himself pulled into it though, surprised at how normal it felt talking about settling in together, figuring out how to make themselves more comfortable. 

 

He couldn't help thinking of Merle; he could just hear him calling him Shane's bitch, telling him he was no better than a punk now, but even as that started to weigh on him, Shane was bringing up the two of them taking Carl out hunting in the near future. 

 

" Never seen anyone track like you, man, " he was saying. " Coulda been a damn detective the way you pick up clues. The boy could learn a lot from you. "

 

Daryl only shrugged in response, but that bit of admiration in Shane's tone kept his mood from going dark.

 

When they got to the windmill, Daryl noticed Lori out of the corner of his eye, watching them from the edge of the Greene's fenced yard. 

 

She wandered closer, hovering there and looking up at Shane as he climbed up the side to the level they were going to build the platform on. 

 

Daryl felt a little stab of disappointment, since she obviously had come out here where they'd be working to be away from prying eyes and ears, and Shane would probably want to talk to her alone like yesterday. 

 

Shane nodded a greeting to her across the distance, and she nodded back expectantly and started to slowly head over. 

 

"Guess I'll take a walk, " Daryl muttered. 

 

He got it, he wasn't gonna impose on them. Even if Shane wasn't fucking her anymore, she was still probably the mother of his child and what they'd had was something normal, not like whatever he and Shane were. It was just another reminder of how stupid this all was, and how temporary. 

 

He'd already started to walk off when Shane called his name sharply, stopping him. He turned to look up at him, wondering what they were missing that Shane was gonna ask him to go grab in the meantime. 

 

But Shane was shaking his head at him, his face all serious now. "Whatever she's got to say she can say to the both of us, " he said firmly. "Now start handing me up that wood so we can get this done before it gets too hot. " 

 

He held out a hand to Daryl, prompting him to start moving. Lori stopped her approach, lingering there awkwardly another half a minute before turning away and heading back towards the house.

 

"See that ? " Shane asked, watching her go, almost looking amused now. "Couldn't have been anything too important."

 

"Guess not, " Daryl agreed, shrugging, ducking his head to keep Shane from seeing the satisfaction on his face. 

 

It was the first time he could actually believe Shane might be ready to be over her, even with the baby on the way, and it felt way better than he figured it should.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

By the time Shane settled on top of the lookout for his watch shift he was already starting to feel the effects of too little sleep the night before. 

 

Daryl had gone back out to his own camp, rather than coming up and hanging with him up here for awhile. 

 

They'd spent much of the day together already after they got the lookout built and Shane figured that was a little more togetherness than Daryl was used to as it was. 

 

He also figured he must have spooked him with his last question. 

 

They'd been talking about random shit as they walked the perimeter, checking for any signs of intrusion living or dead. About hunting tactics, cars, motorcycles - or rather, _he'd_ been talking and Daryl had mostly been grunting in agreement, only adding his own thoughts occasionally and with few words. 

 

Shane had wound up wandering off down memory lane as they talked about vehicles, reminiscing about his first car, an old Charger that he'd rescued from a junkyard and turned into the hottest ride at his high school. He was glad that Daryl seemed suitably impressed by his taste in cars and knew enough about fixing them to be able to appreciate how cool it had turned out once he described how he'd restored it. 

 

Somehow that had led to him mentioning he'd been a bit of a legend back in the day, especially on the football field, and Daryl had mocked him for it. " Yeah, prob'ly more like in the locker room, " he'd scoffed, that rare little almost-smile on his face. 

 

Shane knew Daryl meant to make light of his bragging, but he couldn't help but notice it was probably a compliment to his admittedly fine physique and sexual prowess and was actually pretty flattered. 

 

But speaking of the past so light-heartedly had him asking Daryl a little while after what he used to do before all this, an innocent enough question to ask a man he'd been fucking on the regular for awhile now, and he swore Daryl suddenly invented some tracks to follow a little ways before confirming it wasn't really anything. 

 

He picked up on the clumsy misdirection and dropped it, but Daryl seemed uneasy after that and wound up mumbling how tired he was before heading out to his tent alone. 

 

The few anecdotes Daryl had already shared about himself were fucked up enough for Shane to realize not to pry much, but apparently his past made him so uncomfortable any questions about it at all were off limits.

 

Shane was fine with that, really. He doubted whatever he'd been or done before would change how much he wanted him now. 

 

Whether Daryl knew it or not, last night had made things even clearer for him. 

 

The way he'd been so trusting even though he had taken it farther than he'd meant to, the way he'd let him clear his conscience after, and then let him stay nearly the whole night, planning for the winter with him like he no longer had any doubts about sticking around, and then the way he'd fucking _looked_ at him after he'd kissed him that last time - holy shit if Lori had ever looked at him like that _once_ he'd probably be sitting here pining for her right now instead of looking forward to putting Daryl in a better mood tomorrow. 

 

It was like for the first time since the world fell apart, he knew he wasn't on his own anymore. 

 

Protecting Lori and Carl had given him strength, given him a glimpse of what it would be like to be a husband and father, needed and trusted. But it was nothing like having someone who didn't need your protection but wanted you there anyway. 

 

It was strange, to feel this close to a man other than Rick, someone he'd only known for a fraction of the time, but there it was.

 

It didn't hurt that Daryl turned out to really like the handcuffs. It wasn't lost on Shane that no one else had ever fit his tastes as well as Daryl seemed to, and that was rare enough even before the world went to shit. And unlike Daryl, he had a _lot_ of priors to compare him to. 

 

He was starting to get horny just thinking about how Daryl had felt pinned and writhing underneath him, wishing he didn't have a couple of hours of sitting here idle and alone ahead of him, when he heard the loud crack of a gunshot echo out of the darkness.


	15. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to youdbefuntomurder for being a kickass beta :) Also, read her fic , it's hot ! [The Cheering Section](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3411617/chapters/7470368)

Daryl spent the rest of the day out in the woods, where everything still made sense to him. 

 

He managed to take down a couple of squirrels and an unlucky possum, but better yet he found some deer trails, letting him know he could do more hunting in the vicinity when the need arose, which brightened his mood a bit. He liked the reaction he got from the group when he came back with meat. It was the only time he felt like they were really looking at him with respect. 

 

But he wasn't in the mood to deal with them again tonight, especially not Shane, so he gutted his kills and left them hanging out on a tree limb near his tent instead of bringing them back. If he still didn't feel like heading over to camp in the morning, he'd have some for breakfast himself.

 

He went inside and flung himself down on his cot, frustrated. 

 

They'd been having a perfectly fine day, and then Shane had to go and ask him what he used to do. 

 

He knew how worthless his life had seemed to people like Shane in the past, people who had normal jobs and families. Hell, the only people who'd ever really asked him stuff about himself had been cops like him, or worse, social workers, but he couldn't just tell Shane to fuck off and mind his own business like he was one of those. Apparently it was different talking to someone whose opinion actually mattered to him. 

 

It was bad enough the man could read him like a damn book, that he knew him well enough to have known that kinky shit he pulled on him the other night would wind up being something he actually wanted. Anything else Shane might find out about him could only make him look worse. He already regretted the couple of things about his childhood he'd shared with him so far. 

 

So instead of just lying and saying he'd been a mechanic-he _could_ have been, had all the skills at least-or making up something ridiculous to get off the topic lightly, he just froze, and like a damn idiot left him hanging with a lame-ass excuse about being tired. 

 

He couldn't help it though. If he'd answered that one question, even with a joke, Shane might think to ask him other shit about his past and the idea of that just made him need to get away, fast, before he had to dodge the topic again. Keeping shit to himself he was good at, but bullshit just didn't come easy enough to him, not like it did Merle. 

 

 _He ain't yer blood_ , he could hear Merle telling him. _Wouldn't even want nothin' to do with you if you weren't so good at bendin' over for him._

 

 _Fuck you_ , he answered the voice in his head angrily. _If you hadn't left me again it never woulda happened._

 

 _Oh so its MY fault you let him turn you out ?_ the voice spat back at him. 

 

Apparently even the Merle in his head had to have the last word. But Daryl knew it was a good point. He couldn't blame being a freak on anyone but himself.

 

To hell with worrying about this shit. 

 

Whatever Shane might think about him he wouldn't be one to turn down regular blow jobs and someone to back him up when he needed it. He was too practical for that. And there was nothing wrong with taking advantage of the man's lack of other options for as long as he could. 

 

It wasn't long before sheer exhaustion caught up with him and he drifted into unconsciousness.

 

He was jolted awake by the sound of a shot fired. He sat up and threw his legs off the side of the cot, bending down to grab his knife from underneath it as he realized it was the shotgun shell alarm going off, that his camp was already breached.

 

He heard footsteps carelessly crunching through twigs and leaves outside and quickly snatched up his flashlight, keeping it off as he listened, not wanting to give himself away with the light until he knew who or what was out there. 

 

Something crashed hard into the wall that the cot was against, throwing him onto the floor with the impact. His knees hit the ground hard and he grunted involuntarily from the sharp pain. 

 

That's when he heard it, the rasping noise that could only come from the dried up throat of a walker, and he cursed himself for making a sound and alerting them to his presence. 

 

He scrambled in the dark towards where he knew his crossbow was. With his knife clenched in his teeth he shouldered it, picking up the sounds of several more groaning in unison as they sensed their prey. 

 

He flicked on the flashlight and now he could see there was more than one pushing against the wall, making the aluminum frame start to buckle. He made a break for the entrance, not wanting to wind up trapped in here if it collapsed. 

 

As he reached down to grab the zipper on the door flap another one was already shoving against it and he heard more outside coming to join it. 

 

He rushed to the other side wall instead, prepared to slice through the nylon with his knife and make an escape, but just then one of the roof poles snapped down and whacked him hard across his temple, knocking him to his knees next to the cot again, making him see stars for a moment. 

 

There was a loud crack and the wall beside the cot gave out, starting to pull the whole roof down with it. The walkers fell into the caved-in wall and over the cot, crumpling the frame as they came down on it. 

 

Daryl started to crawl away but one of them landed right on him, flattening him on his belly. 

 

The hard angles of his crossbow ground painfully into his back as the thing squirmed on top of him, looking for a place to sink its teeth

 

Their weight was making the fabric of the collapsed tent into a cocoon around him so he began to worm his way forward, completely blind since the flashlight had been dropped in the struggle. He felt them clutching at his legs and arms and he started to panic, not sure how long it would be before they ripped through the thin nylon barrier. 

 

He used all his strength to rear up, displacing them just enough to shift the crossbow off his back. Right now it was just a hindrance, snagging on the nylon and slowing his movements

 

One of them slammed right back into him , knocking him onto his stomach again, but this time he was able to twist around underneath it to face it. 

 

It writhed on top of him, dragging itself up his torso until he could smell the rot from its gaping mouth right in his face. He stabbed at it wildly through the nylon until he finally managed to pierce its brain and it collapsed on top of him, but his victory was short-lived as the other walker pressed against the corpse, jostling the body off him with its attempts to get at the live prey.

 

He yanked the knife free, hearing the others noisily crashing into the cot and the downed tent poles. 

 

Still blind and helpless, there was no time to think. He dragged his body backwards out from under the corpse and stabbed his knife through the nylon again, cutting a wide slit. 

 

As he pulled his torso through, the kneeling corpse of a big man in a flannel shirt with the rotting flesh torn off one side of his face lunged for him. It knocked him on his back before he could free his legs and as it straddled him, his lower body was trapped and rendered nearly immobile.

 

Another one, a fat man in a filthy suit, was dropping to its knees to pile on as well and in the moonlight he could see the shadowy outlines of two others, also on their knees. 

 

A second ago he thought he could've gotten free, now all of a sudden he was fighting two of them from on his back, on the ground, with two more fast approaching.

 

He jabbed his blade desperately through the chin of the flannel shirt guy, ending its attack, but the fat one barreled into the corpse and knocked it off of him before he could retrieve his knife and then he knew he was really fucked.

 

He had no chance to free his lower body and now this heavy sumbitch was mounting him and it was all he could do to keep those teeth off his face and bare arms as long as possible, but he already knew it was too late. 

 

His arms were starting to lose strength and the arrow wound in his side that had been healing up was on fire now, and for the first time he thought _I'm gonna die_. There was no way he could fight his way out from under them all and not get bit. 

 

Suddenly he thought of Shane. 

 

 _He'll have to do it_ , he realized, _he'll have to put me down_ , because in that moment Daryl knew there wasn't anyone else he'd want to do it. It was the only way he could face it, and it wasn't fair, going out like this just when he almost had something good. _Why couldn't he have made it out here ?_ , he thought desperately. _Didn't he hear the shot go off ?_ Suddenly rage was flooding through him and with a final burst of strength he gripped the dead man's neck and pushed hard, putting a good distance between its gnashing teeth and his flesh. 

 

It was bearing down on him again immediately, fingernails digging sharply into his shoulders, and in another second that mouth would be right back in his face again . 

 

He cried out, feeling his arms beginning to buckle, a desperate pleading sound he barely recognized, to who or what he had no idea because he was on his own just like he'd always been, and he should've known this was how it would end, now that he'd finally gotten a taste of what it might have been like to not be all alone...

 

Out of the blue he heard a shot fired, close and deafening. 

 

Fetid blood and brain matter splattered across his neck and face and the corpse dropped deadweight onto his chest. 

 

There were two more shots fired in rapid succession and he scrambled out from under the rotten body to see Shane illuminated by the moonlight, his rifle at the ready as he quickly scanned the immediate area for any more danger, two more dead walkers already lying on the ground nearby.

 

Then he was rushing towards Daryl, blinding him for a second with the light on the scope of his rifle as he unsteadily tried to stand, his heart still beating way too fast. 

 

Shane wasted no time grabbing his arm and yanking him to his feet, slinging the rifle onto his back. " Jesus, are you ok ? " he blurted frantically, his voice breathless and cracking, eyes wide with panic.

 

" M' fine, " Daryl muttered weakly, fighting the urge to throw his arms around Shane. He'd never been so glad to see anyone his whole life. 

 

But then Shane was gripping his chin, turning his head this way and that, running his hands over his neck and arms and shoulders, checking him over like he wasn't about to take his word for it, like he was a kid or something, and Daryl pulled free roughly, all the relief forgotten in his embarrassment at being handled like that. 

 

Shane was yelling then, suddenly seeming more pissed than anything else. " I _told_ you it wasn't safe out here alone ! Look at your damn tent ! Look how close they got ! You realize what woulda happened if I didn't get here in time ? "

 

Daryl turned away from him, hurt and confused, looking for his crossbow under the wreckage of the tent. He wasn't about to answer him. 

 

Of _course_ he knew what would've happened. He'd thought he was dead, or worse, and then all of a sudden Shane was there, and just when he was already feeling pathetic for wanting to cling to him and feel his arms around him, so grateful that for once someone had actually shown up when he needed them, the prick was standing here lecturing him like a fucking child and he didn't want to hear it. 

 

" It's _your_ fault I'm out here in the first place ! " Daryl spat back at him, frustration getting the best of him. 

 

" _My_ fault ? " Shane responded, his voice rising even louder. " I didn't tell you to come out here and hide just 'cause Andrea caught you suckin' my dick ! "

 

" The fuck you _expect_ me to do after that, huh ? " he yelled back, spinning to face Shane angrily. Pain shot through his side as he turned, making his body curl into itself involuntarily. 

 

Shane's demeanor changed instantly. He rushed forward , gripping his arm to steady him. Daryl tried to shrug him off, but that movement just made him flinch harder from the pain. 

 

" Stop, ok ? " Shane said, tightening the grip on his arm but his voice full of concern now. " C'mon, lemme see. " 

 

Shane's other hand was on the hem of his shirt, going to raise it up, and Daryl was about to tell him to get the fuck off him, not ready to forget how insulted he'd just felt, but then there were footsteps coming up on them fast, and they both turned to see Rick, Glenn, and T-Dog racing up with guns drawn.

 

Shane released him, quickly telling them they were fine, that everything was handled. " Took y'all long enough, " he added irritably. 

 

Rick was surveying the wrecked tent and the bodies, hands on his hips and shaking his head. " This shouldn't have happened, " he said, his brow furrowed with concern. "You should never have been out here alone like this. " 

 

Daryl caught the I-told-you-so look on Shane's face over Rick's shoulder and got pissed all over again. 

 

" You should be glad I was out here to take them out, " he snapped. " You'd rather they made it into _your_ camp instead ? " 

 

" We're safer all together, " Rick said firmly. " You're with _us_ now, we need you back there." 

 

He was looking at him the same way he had when they'd gone to find Merle and he'd stopped him from going off half-cocked on his own. It was a look that had told him right away what kind of man Rick was, the kind of man that could show a total stranger the sort of concern you were only supposed to show your own blood. 

 

He gave a little nod without looking up, acknowledging he'd heard him. 

 

 _You're with us now._ Those words hit him hard, coming from someone who he was sure wouldn't have trusted him around his people if he'd known him before. 

 

Rick joined Glenn and T, fanning out a bit to look for more walkers just in case, and then Andrea was running to join them, rifle in hand and looking eager for action. 

 

Shane headed her off and Daryl turned away from them all, irritated as hell hearing Andrea's " What _happened_ ? " as if the answer wasn't obvious. 

 

He checked out his tent. The poles were bent, some were busted. There were some serious tears in the walls and it was smeared with gore. It wasn't even able to stand up now and it was nothing he'd be sleeping in anytime soon. 

 

" Looks like those were it, " he heard Rick saying . "We'll take care of these bodies in the morning, let's get everyone back to camp." 

 

He walked over to Daryl as he was picking his belongings out of the wreckage. " I'm sure Dale'll let you stay in the RV, " he said.

 

"Already crowded enough in there, " Daryl muttered, spotting his crossbow and slowly bending down to pick it up, mindful of the pain in his side. He'd be damned if he was gonna bunk with Andrea and Dale. 

 

" He can crash in my tent, it's got plenty of room, " Shane told Rick, all casual and matter of fact, like that was the end of it. 

 

Daryl was stunned that Shane had just decided they were sharing a tent, right there in front of everyone. 

 

Turning down the offer would look stranger than taking him up on it at this point. Everyone already knew they were at least friendly by now. 

 

He stood there dumbly as Rick nodded and headed off with the others, watching Shane gathering up the bedding off his broken cot, rolling it up into a bundle in his arms.

 

" C'mon, " he said, his voice gruff but gentle at the same time. " Let's get you back where it's safe. " 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl dumped his stuff inside Shane's tent and decided not to go back out and deal with the rest of them talking and worrying about what was already over and done with. Hershel and Maggie had come down from the house, along with Lori, awakened by all the commotion. He mumbled that he wasn't gonna let some dead bastards ruin his night's sleep and just disappeared into the tent before anyone could ask him anything. 

 

He was feeling like an idiot right now. His side hurt like a bitch and he knew without even looking he'd probably busted his stitches. And Shane was limping again, he'd noticed it on the walk back. Not only had he nearly gotten himself killed, Shane had raced out there so hard his barely-healed ankle was hurt worse. 

 

He touched his injured side gently. The bandage was still in place and didn't feel damp, so he decided he'd check it in the morning if it was still bothering him. 

 

He found a half full bottle of water in his pack, wet a rag with it, and started to clean the mess off his face and neck and arms. He went to strip off his t-shirt and stopped. 

 

As gross as his shirt was, the other ones he had were just as bad right now, and he wasn't about to go shirtless for the night. Shane had already seen all his scars but only when he was too distracted by lust to have paid much attention, or so he hoped. 

 

By the light of his lantern he spread his bedding out on the floor, as far away from Shane's cot as space would allow, just in case anyone happened to look in. He made himself believe that Andrea had still kept their secret, just to settle his nerves about it. 

 

He laid back, listening to their chatter, hearing Shane repeat the need for a trench all around the property, Hershel saying he'd consider it, Rick warning everyone about the need to stay close together, and then Dale sounding off on how cruel it was to leave that injured kid chained up alone where he was just walker bait. 

 

"Why isn't anyone guarding him now ? " That was Shane, who then launched into an angry tirade about readiness-why had Andrea left the kid unattended to follow the rest of them out there and why hadn't she headed back there already ? What if he tried to get away ?

 

"He's not suicidal, " Dale was arguing. " Do you really think he's going to try an escape when he can barely walk and he knows he could get an infection and die ? " 

 

" We can't have him loose, " Rick said firmly, agreeing with Shane again. "Now that we know what the people he was with are like, we can't risk him getting free. 

 

"Maybe it _is_ a waste of manpower keeping a guard on him after what just happened, " Shane added. " Tell you what Dale, you're welcome to take him into your RV if you trust him that much. " Daryl could tell he wasn't serious, that he was just fucking with Dale to show him how dumb it was to be worrying about that little prick's safety. 

 

" Maybe that would be a better idea, " Dale responded, sounding all reasonable like he was actually considering it, but Rick was quick to say no to that , sounding annoyed at their back and forth now.

 

" We can't keep him with the rest of us, " Rick was saying. " For now, we'll keep things the way they are. " His tone was firm, like the matter was closed.

 

That seemed to end the discussion, because the next thing he heard was Hershel telling Rick he'd be welcome to come back and stay with Lori and Carl for the night, Andrea huffily announcing she was going back to babysitting, and after that, Shane and Rick talking quietly to eachother, too low to make out any actual words. 

 

Daryl caught himself straining hard to listen anyway, feeling uneasy, and realized it was that little bit of jealousy again, as if Shane rekindling his closeness with Rick might somehow make him lose interest. He was immediately disgusted with himself for it. 

 

It got real quiet then and just as Daryl was trying to settle himself comfortably Shane stepped inside, startling him. He'd expected him to go back on watch.

 

" T offered to take the rest of my shift, he don't feel like sleepin' after all that, " he explained, zipping up the entrance and then sitting down next to Daryl on the floor, grabbing a first aid kit from under his cot. 

 

" The hell you doin' ? " Daryl mumbled, going to lean up on one elbow. 

 

" Gotta check your stitches. You were walkin' funny all the way back, I _know_ you're hurtin'. "

 

" S' fine, just leave it, " he mumbled, settling onto his back. His whole body hurt right now but he didn't want Shane thinking he needed any more help tonight. Besides, he'd gotten over way worse without anyone babying him. 

 

" Wasn't a question, man, " Shane said firmly, scooting a little closer for better access. 

 

" Can do it myself then, " Daryl muttered gruffly, going to sit up. He didn't need Shane thinking he could just tell him what to do whenever he felt like it. 

 

Shane put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down gently. " Don't make me get out the handcuffs, " he said jokingly. 

 

Daryl glared up at him, his face flushing at him bringing that up, but he relented, settling back with one arm across the top of his chest, the other over his face. Fuck it, he knew he had to see to the damn wound at some point, it would just be stupid not to let him if he was offering.

 

He watched Shane from under his arm as he went to work on him, rolling the hem of his filthy t-shirt all the way up his chest and carefully pulling off the soiled bandage. Even as slow as Shane pulled, Daryl had to grit his teeth not to wince as the dressing pulled free, partly stuck to the broken skin . 

 

Shane's expression was all serious and worried as he examined the damage, and it felt strange to realize that worry was for _him_. 

 

"How bad is it ?" Daryl asked after a few seconds, a little worried himself now. He had a pretty high pain tolerance so he figured it might be worse than he thought. 

 

" Some stitches separated. It's bleedin' a bit. Ain't that bad, but we can't have you gettin' an infection. You're gonna need Hershel to check this out tomorrow." 

 

" Nah, it'll be fine, I'll just clean it out. Gimme some alcohol, " he tried to sit up again, only to be stopped by Shane's hands firmly on his shoulders. 

 

" Tell you what, " Shane said. "I'll clean it up and change the bandage. If it stops bleeding and it looks better you're off the hook. If not, you're lettin' him check it first thing in the morning. " 

 

"Pfft, " he snorted. " Ain't gonna need that. I always heal up quick, don't need you playin' nurse. " 

 

" That's fine, long as you know I'm gonna do it anyway, " Shane said, opening up his kit and retrieving a large square bandage, some cotton balls, and some hydrogen peroxide. 

 

Daryl didn't know how to react to that. He was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to be glad that Shane was making the decision for him, but it didn't exactly feel bad that he seemed so concerned. 

 

Shane's touch was surprisingly gentle as he started cleaning the wound with a peroxide-soaked cotton ball. He took his time, making sure every bit of it was tended to, his free hand resting lightly on Daryl's hip. 

 

Daryl had tensed when he'd started, not used to having anyone fuss over him like this, but after a few seconds it started to feel nice. Shane's fingers were light and soothing on his stinging skin and he felt an unexpected rush of emotion at the way he was so focused on being careful not to hurt him as he worked. 

 

" It ain't a gunshot wound, the hell's takin' so long ? " he muttered, fidgeting, making himself sound irritated, even though right now he was only irritated at himself for being such a pussy.

 

"Would you just let me take care'a you a minute ? " Shane said, sounding a little exasperated. 

 

Daryl started to say he didn't need taking care of, embarrassed enough by his own reactions, but Shane cut him off with a stern look. 

 

" I wasn't askin' your opinion, " he said, his tone rough, almost like the way he talked when they were fucking, and for some reason that made him able to relax and stay still as he finished smoothing the cotton ball gently around the edges of the wound. 

 

Shane's forearm brushed lightly against his groin as he went to replace the bandage and Daryl found himself actually getting hard now from just that slight contact. 

 

" Sit up a bit, lemme get this nasty shirt off you, " Shane said, not seeming to have noticed.

 

Daryl was instantly uncomfortable again. " Ain't got nothin' cleaner, " he muttered, not able to tell him why he'd rather leave on a dirty rag of a shirt instead of exposing himself like that. 

 

Shane got up and grabbed a shirt for him from his stash of clothing, tossing it over his still-exposed belly. 

 

Daryl sat up halfway, propped up on an elbow. " That's _my_ shirt, " he said, looking confusedly at the shirt he'd come all over the other night which now looked a few shades lighter.

 

" Told me to clean it for you , remember ? You best appreciate it, ain't every day I do another man's wash."

 

Daryl tugged off the shirt he had on and picked up the one Shane had washed. He hadn't expected he'd actually do it and just that little bit of consideration left him speechless as he slipped it on over his head and settled on his back again.

 

Shane was pulling the bedding off his cot then, laying it out next to Daryl on the tent floor. 

 

" What're you doin' ?" 

 

"Gettin' comfortable, what's it look like ?" Shane answered, settling everything into place, pillows and all. 

 

" What's wrong with your cot ? " 

 

" Nothin'. But you're down here. " 

 

Daryl stared at him, confused. No way was he gonna let Shane fuck him with the rest of them right outside. Sure, as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he started stiffening again, just like he had a minute ago when Shane had used his sex voice... maybe once everyone was asleep they could do other, quieter things...

 

"Tent's all zipped up, no one's gonna bother us, " Shane was whispering, readjusting his pillows a bit, not looking at all like he was about to start anything. 

 

Daryl watched as he stripped his shirt off, the muscles in his chest and stomach rippling as he pulled it over his head, and was a little disappointed when he flicked off the lantern, plunging the tent into darkness. 

 

"Can't even see no shadows now, " Shane said. " C'mon, lets get some sleep 'fore the sun comes up. "

 

Daryl heard him lay down, felt their shoulders touching, and was all confused. So Shane really just wanted to _sleep_ next to him ? 

 

They lay side by side on their backs, in silence. 

 

They'd never really slept together like this other than at the CDC and Shane had been too drunk to do anything but pass out next to him after getting him off. He could feel the tension in the other man through the places their arms were touching; Shane clearly wasn't wanting to sleep yet, and Daryl wasn't sure what he was supposed to do here. 

 

After a bit Daryl heard him inhale sharply and knew he was about to say something. After a couple more seconds of silence, he started to get a little uneasy. 

 

" Y'know," Shane said finally, " I really don't give a damn what you used to do. " 

 

Daryl nearly flinched just hearing that topic brought up again. It startled him how Shane had even thought to mention it and he had no idea where he was going with it now.

 

" I mean, don't get me wrong, " Shane went on, "if you ever wanna tell me I'd love to hear it. But if not, it don't make a difference. Its all in the past. We got enough to worry about in the here and now, y' know ? "

 

It was just what Daryl needed to hear right now, and for a second he didn't even believe he'd heard it right. 

 

" Yeah, " he mumbled after a bit. He tried to sound indifferent but his voice came out all husky around the sudden lump in his throat. _So pathetic_ , he thought, rolling over onto his good side away from Shane, embarrassed.

 

Shane slid in close against him, his chest lightly touching his back but not crowding him. His lips grazed the back of his neck, making Daryl shiver a little at the unexpected softness. His eyes suddenly stung with tears at the feel of Shane's warm breath on his skin and his strong thighs resting against the backs of his legs. 

 

He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him, starting to cry for no good reason. He wasn't even drunk, for chrissakes. 

 

He felt an arm slide down over his chest to pull him closer, felt Shane resting his forehead against his back, and his whole body tensed up as he struggled to keep his shoulders still and his breathing calm, so Shane wouldn't realize he was being such a bitch right now.

 

He felt a sudden urge to pull away and get up, maybe just go stand guard outside. 

 

Whether Shane could tell he was on the verge of losing his shit or not, Daryl didn't know, but he tightened his arm around him then, like he wasn't about to let him go anyway, like this was right where he wanted him. 

 

Daryl slowly felt his muscles relax, melting back against Shane despite himself. 

 

As soon as he did, Shane let out a throaty hum of contentment, nestling his head against Daryl's shoulder. "Now that's more like it, " he murmured, his low, rumbling voice as soothing as the arm around his chest right now. 

 

Shane's hand was resting on his forearm, his thumb gently stroking the bare skin, up and down, the steady rhythm calming Daryl until he found himself starting to nod off. It felt so good he didn't even want to fall asleep now but he realized it was ok if he did. 

 

Shane would still be there in the morning.


	16. The Point of No Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, sorry I am such a glacially slow updater. Real life junk and distraction from other WIPs that I have yet to start posting are to blame. I want to thank everyone still following this after so long. Your kudos and comments have been greatly appreciated :)
> 
> I am especially grateful to [doverit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/doverit) for reading through this chapter and giving me the green light to get it ready for posting, and to [youdbefuntomurder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/youdbefuntomurder) for once again staying up into the wee hours with me tweaking it on Google docs so I could finally get it up.

 

Shane was jolted out of a sound sleep by a childlike whimper.  His eyes shot open in alarm to find the tent bathed in the gray light of early morning.  Daryl was on his back next to him, still asleep, but with his face all scrunched up with tension.  His limbs twitched slightly as another small whine escaped his throat, his brow furrowing deeper.

"Hey, " Shane murmured, close to his ear. " Wake up, man."

Daryl was in deep though, not reacting to his voice.  Shane caught him as he started to twist onto his injured side, gently rolling him in the other direction instead.  He went limp as Shane shifted closer, cradling the younger man's back against his body.

Shane considered trying harder to wake him but Daryl's breathing was slowly becoming calm and even.  Whatever nightmare he'd been having seemed to have passed.

After lying there for minutes with Daryl's ass pressed up against his cock Shane couldn't help getting hard,  but he forced himself to lie still.  Now that Daryl was sleeping peacefully again, he didn't want to wake him

In the long moments of quiet, his thoughts flashed back to last night, to the moment he'd seen Daryl trapped beneath that walker, those deadly gnashing teeth mere inches from his neck.

He'd almost missed the shot.  If he'd hesitated, hadn't taken advantage of that second where Daryl had shoved the dead man far enough off him that he was able to get a clean shot without the risk of hitting Daryl in the process...

Seeing him almost get shot at that pharmacy was one thing. Seeing him so close to being bit was another.

It would've been on him to put Daryl down.  He knew him well enough by now to know he wouldn't have wanted to die with an audience.  And besides, there was no way Shane would have let anyone else intrude on his last moments with him.  Just the thought of holding him in his arms for that awful purpose made his stomach churn.

His arm tightened reflexively around the younger man's chest, letting Daryl's soothing warmth against him and the sound of his slow, steady breathing chase away the lingering dread.

Daryl stirred, his hips pressing slightly backwards, bringing Shane's mind right back to his cock where he figured it was better off right now.

He nuzzled Daryl's neck, wishing there was more than a thin nylon wall separating them from the others.  Those slim hips rocked back against his groin with a tiny movement as Daryl let out a breathy noise that sounded very much like he was trying to say "Shane".

He heard it again a couple of seconds later.  It definitely sounded like his name that time, and the way Daryl's hips were canting back and forth a bit now, he realized with a heady rush of arousal that he was having some kind of sex dream.  And apparently he was right there in it with him.

He wriggled closer, nestling his cock firmly between Daryl's ass cheeks.  It would be hopeless trying to get any action from him once he woke up with the rest of the group right outside, but he'd be damned if he wasn't gonna enjoy this.

 

                                      *********************************************************************************

 

A shout in the distance startled Daryl awake.  He was in a tent he hadn't seen in years, the one his father had ripped to shreds in a rage after he'd had enough of his running away for days at a time and leaving him with all the chores to do himself.

He recognized the voice then.  It was his daddy, sounding drunk and mad as hell.  His heart started pounding out of control as he heard his father yelling for him,  sounding like he was coming closer.  If he'd bothered to track him all the way out into the woods he was really in for it.  He scanned the tent for his crossbow and _fuck_ it wasn't there !  Without it he couldn't even pretend he'd been out here hunting their dinner.

He wracked his brain for a way to escape the beating he knew was coming --if he could sneak out of this tent and make it to the road, head for King County-- Shane was there !  He wouldn't be that hard to find, if he could just get to him--

There were footsteps outside and he played possum, going still, barely letting himself breathe.  He prayed he'd hidden the tent well enough for his dad to pass it unseen.  It seemed like it was working, the footsteps were receding...

He heard other voices outside then - Carol, Rick, Dale.   What the hell were those people doing here ?  Jesus, their noise was gonna make his dad turn right back around and-

"Think you can hide from me, ya little shit ?! "  He cringed at the sound of his father's voice right beyond the tent wall , each word vibrating with sinister promise.  _Fuck, no, this couldn't be happening_ -

" You don't get your ass out here right now and take what you got comin', you're gonna wish you was never born ! "

His heart nearly stopped.  Desperately, he looked for a place to hide in the small tent but there was nothing big enough to cover him.

" Don't think I won't drag you out and tan your hide right in front of all these little friends a'yours ! "

His father was right at the tent flap, and he cowered back, whimpering in panic despite himself.  _No, no, not with all these people here._   He couldn't fight him, he wasn't strong enough, and he knew none of them would lift a finger to help him.

He scrambled backwards blindly, steeling himself to run or fight, knowing he was gonna lose just like always-

His back bumped against something warm and solid and he knew right away it was Shane.  It was like he'd been there all along, and Daryl turned around and clung to him, overcome with relief to be wrapped in those strong arms again.  Until he remembered everyone still outside.

"We gotta go, we can't stay here," he whispered frantically, trying to let him know to be quiet, be careful.

But Shane just rested his hands firmly on his shoulders, big brown eyes trapping him in their gaze,  for once looking all serious.  "We can do whatever we want, " he said.

In the blink of an eye, Daryl found himself completely naked and Shane was tugging him down and over top of him.  He looked up at him with that sly grin of his, hungry and affectionate all at once, and Daryl started to give in, heat flooding through his groin as he pressed against Shane and felt how much he wanted him.

His father’s voice cut through the haze, sending a fresh jolt of panicked fear through him.  "You ain't heard me ?  You think that cop is gonna save you now ? "

Fuck, he'd forgotten all about him !  He struggled to climb off Shane's lap, desperate to cover himself up, scared for him too, now.  But Shane was holding him tight, not letting go.  _Jesus, why the fuck wasn't he listening ? Didn't he see how bad this was about to get ?_    "C'mon, we gotta run, " he whispered urgently.

"You ain't theirs no more, " Shane said, sure and calm, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  He pulled him down and started to kiss him, and the world outside the tent faded into nothing.  Daryl sat up and straddled Shane's hips, shamelessly eager to impale himself on his cock now.  It slid in smooth and easy without any prep at all and he moaned out loud at the sudden fullness.

"Always ready for me, huh ?"  Shane teased.  " Such a good boy. "

Those words filled him with an aching, throbbing need that had him grinding himself on Shane's cock with abandon.  The other man's head fell back, groaning with pleasure, gripping his hips tight enough to bruise.  Daryl's hand darted to his own length but Shane reached out to pin his wrists behind him, pulling him down so their chests were pressed together.

"You know you ain't allowed to do that, " he murmured roughly in his ear, and with those arms holding him so tight he couldn't control how deep Shane went.  He started teasing him with short thrusts that were just missing the spot.

It was too much, he couldn't take it right now.  He wanted it, wanted it so bad it hurt. "Shane...Shane..." he chanted, breathless, unable to form any other words.

" What do ya need, huh ?" Shane whispered as Daryl writhed and twisted his hips, desperate for more contact. " Tell me."

"Need you," he choked out. "Need you... _please_... "

" Show me, " Shane murmured lowly.  He let go of Daryl's wrists so he could sit up and ride him.  "Show me how bad you need me."

The way the other man was looking up at him made him forget his scars, took away all his shame.  If Shane wanted a show he'd give him one.  He started fucking himself down onto Shane's cock hard and fast, barely containing the pleasured sounds coming out of him now.

Suddenly they were back in Shane's tent, on the farm, surrounded by all those new people, and Daryl realized how loudly he'd just been moaning and whimpering like a bitch.  He tried to slow down and get control of himself, but Shane pulled him to his chest again and started rutting up into him, pounding into his spot mercilessly until Daryl didn't care who heard him anymore because _Shane_ wanted to hear him and right now nothing else mattered.

He got closer to the edge and started to panic again knowing he was going to be so damn loud there'd be no going back.  He clenched up all his muscles, fighting it.  "Shane-Shane-stop-I can't-I'm gonna-" he panted, desperate to keep his orgasm at bay.

But Shane wasn't having that. " G'won, let 'em hear you, " he growled in his ear.  "Let 'em know who you belong to now. "

With a jolt, Daryl came awake,  face plastered against Shane's chest, a firm hand on his ass helping him grind down on the other man's naked thigh.  It took him another second to realize he really _was_ close to coming, his cock exposed and leaking against Shane's heated flesh.

He jerked away, disoriented and embarrassed, but Shane pulled him back roughly, forcing his sticky length back onto his thigh.  " Nuh-uh, you ain't goin' nowhere til you're done, boy, " he rumbled in his ear, and Daryl bit back a whimper, his hips stuttering forward against his will.

"That's it," Shane soothed lowly, rocking him steadily against his leg.  "G'won and come for me. Give it to me now. "

Daryl lost it completely at that.  He rutted against him shamelessly, come pulsing out over the other man's thigh in hot bursts as he buried his face in Shane's shoulder to smother his heavy sighs of release.

For long moments after, he lay against that warm, firm chest in a daze while Shane stroked a soothing hand up and down his back.

"What the hell... ? " Daryl finally mumbled.  The dream he'd been having was fresh in his mind, but he still didn't know how the hell he'd managed to wind up like this.

" You were squirmin' around in your sleep callin' my name, so I figured I'd let you borrow my leg before you humped yourself off in your blanket. " Shane was chuckling softly into his hair.  " Gonna have to tell me 'bout that dream though. Damn ! "

" ...already forgot it..." Daryl muttered, too embarrassed to pick his head up yet.  There was no way in hell he was about to share that.  Jesus, just _having_ that dream was humiliating enough.

"Yeah, right, " Shane scoffed.  "I'll find a way to get it out of ya. "  He rolled out from under him to start cleaning them up with a towel while Daryl lay on his back with his eyes closed, recovering.

He was startled to feel Shane press a kiss to his temple, so gentle it made him shiver.  But then the older man shifted closer to kiss him a lot less chastely on the mouth.

Shane's tongue wound possessively around his own, one hand snaking around the back of his neck to hold him in place, the other stroking gently up and down his side.  And Daryl was too relaxed now not to give in and bask in the way it felt to have Shane keep touching him like that.  After a lifetime of going without it, he hadn't known it could become so addictive.

They kissed long and slow and lazy until Shane's erection between them reminded him he was the only one sated right now.

It was only fair to return the favor, he thought, sliding himself down the older man's body.  Just the thought of Shane twisting rough fingers through his hair while he fucked his mouth, and the little growl he'd make when his cock hit the back of his throat,  made his spent member twitch awake again.

Fuck the others and how close they were, he knew they could be quiet enough.

Shane mmm'd appreciatively as Daryl licked his lips to moisten them before he took the tip in.

Dale's voice came crashing through the sleepy quiet of the camp then, his irritated nasal tone killing the mood like a bucket of ice water dumped down his pants.

" Ok, where the hell did you people put the toilet paper ?  I _know_ we're not out yet ! "

Their eyes met over Shane’s swollen cock and the ridiculousness made them both choke back a burst of laughter.

T-Dog was answering Dale, apparently still awake from his watch shift, and Shane dropped his head back against the pillow with a groan. Now that everyone was waking up and chattering there was no way to enjoy this.

Impulsively, Daryl gave Shane's length a long, teasing lick from root to tip before springing up to go take a piss.  The idea of leaving the other man wanting suddenly tickled the hell out of him.

Shane's hand flashed out to give his ass a sharp slap in retaliation but it just amused Daryl even more.  In fact, he couldn't remember starting off a day in a better mood than he was in right now.

 

                                                     *********************************************************************************

 

Dealing with the dead from the night before killed Shane's playful mood pretty fast.

Right after breakfast he, Daryl, T-Dog and Rick headed out to burn the bodies. It didn't take long for Shane to get irritated watching Daryl moving with discomfort as they built a pyre to lay the bodies on.

Before Daryl had left their tent - and yes, Shane thought, it was _theirs_ now - he 'd tugged him back by the waistband of his jeans and made him show him his injury like he'd said he would.  He'd actually been surprised at how easily Daryl had given in, turning around to let him check, for once taking his concern for what it was instead of a challenge to his manhood.  Daryl had been right - no sign of infection, no new bleeding-but Shane knew even if he was healing up right so far, it wasn't worth straining his wound on an activity like this.

He waited until Rick and T were out of earshot to sidle up to him and urge him to sit it out back at camp.

"Quit naggin' me, " Daryl muttered irritably. "You already seen it was fine."

"We got this covered, man, " Shane persisted. " Go back to the tent and get some rest."

"You're the one out here limpin' like an eighty year old. Why don't you ? " he challenged.

"I wouldn't be limpin' at all if you'd done like I told you and stayed with us to begin with, " he shot back, instantly regretting it when he saw Daryl's face tense up at his words.

The last thing he wanted Daryl to think was that he was begrudging him a hurt ankle when it had saved his life.

" Hey, " he said, bumping his shoulder gently as they walked side by side. "All I meant was, if I'm tryin' to look out for your dumb ass, you should listen to me instead of bein' a stubborn prick."

" Pfft, " Daryl scoffed.  His face cleared pretty quickly though, and Shane was surprised and happy it had been that easy.  But he wasn't surprised when Daryl didn't take the advice and kept right on pitching in to drag the corpses onto the stacks of wood they'd laid out.

Looking the bodies over in the daylight, it was clear that they weren't locals. One of them had on mechanic's coveralls from a repair shop in Atlanta; the fat guy and the female were dressed like they'd been at the office when they'd bought it.

"If they're coming out this far from the city already, we need to be more prepared, " Rick said , as T walked off to grab gasoline for the fire and Daryl went to pick through the remains of his tent again in the daylight.

Shane's first thought was an irritated, "No shit, " since he'd been saying that all along, but then Rick added, " You were right, " and it made it all better.

" Am I ever wrong ?" he asked, grinning, an old joke between them.

Rick managed a slight smirk.  He might not be ready to go back to their old selves but it made Shane think he might actually be willing to try.  It felt way better than he'd expected.

" Hershel said there's room for all of us in the house now, " Rick added. "Thought you should know. "

" All of us ? " Shane asked.  Well shit, he thought.  That sure punched a hole in his plan to have some justifiable private space with Daryl.  He'd been counting on them taking the smaller barn together for the winter once they figured out where to dispose of that kid.

" Don't sound so surprised. Hershel's a good man, he recognizes we can keep his family safe. "

"So that's settled. Alright. "

"We get everyone situated in the house," Rick went on.  "Set up another lookout in the barn loft to cover the other side of the property. Set up a new schedule for watches and perimeter patrols. "

Shane nodded, growing comfortable with following Rick's lead now that they were starting to be back on the same page.

They tossed around ideas for where to look for more firepower and finally decided they could try some gun stores that might be further out of the way than fleeing Atlantans would have known to look, and some local police stations as well.

"Daryl wanted to grab some Tannerite to set off the explosives we talked about, " Shane added.  "Plus we're gonna need to find the right attachment for that tractor if we wanna dig those ditches."

" Me and Glenn'll go, " Rick said.  " After what happened out there last time, you should take a break, let your ankle heal up some more. "

" The hell's wrong with you, man ? You ain't exactly had good luck out there either, and you got Carl and Lori to think about.  And Glenn ain't exactly enough backup for you .  I'll set out with Daryl first thing tomorrow, " Shane said.  " Just give me one of the walkies this time in case shit goes down."

" The two of you have gotten pretty close, " Rick said, cocking his head as he looked at him.

"Yeah, well... we see eye to eye on a lot of things, " Shane said.  " He's a hell of a survivor."

" You didn't exactly seem fond of his brother, " Rick pointed out.

Shane recognized his curiosity and it made him a little uneasy.  Rick could be pretty damn observant when he wanted to be.  " Daryl ain't Merle, " he shrugged. " They ain't nothin' alike. "

Rick shook his head, looking troubled.  " Still can't believe he made it off the roof in that condition. "

" He probably didn't make it much further, " Shane said grimly.  He could see the remorse plain on Rick's face even now. He felt a stab of regret too, that he'd been so callous about it to Daryl when he'd first found out.  Even though they hadn't hooked up yet at that point, it nagged at him.

" Yeah, " Rick said, shaking his head again.  " I'm surprised Daryl's still here. He seemed pretty convinced that his brother survived, even with all the blood loss. "

"It'd be like looking for a needle in a haystack, man. He knows that, " Shane said, wanting to get off the topic fast now.  Daryl hadn't brought up Merle's disappearance once since they'd come back without him, but Shane remembered how they'd been at the quarry.  It was obvious the brothers were close and that Daryl still looked up to Merle, no matter how undeserved that might be.

" Alright, " Rick sighed. " If you two are still up for it tomorrow I'll hold down the fort here. "

Shane nodded, enjoying the growing sense of peace between them.  He was gladder than ever that he'd found it in himself to apologize to him the other day.

He felt a sudden urge to tell Rick about Daryl. Until his mistake with Lori, his attraction to men was the only thing he'd really ever kept from Rick.

Not for the first time, he found himself thinking it might help now, might let Rick put his mind at ease with him even further.  If he knew how close he really _had_ gotten with Daryl, saw he wasn't planning on fighting him for Lori, somehow their friendship might be able to get back on track.  Maybe someday he could have his brother back again.  But this wasn't the time or place, and he didn't even know where to start.

T came back with the container of gas and lit the pyre.  The three of them stood back, watching the bodies start to burn.

Shane's eyes wandered over to where Daryl was.  He caught Daryl watching him from across the field, and wasn't at all surprised when he turned his back right away and started snatching up his things, trying to mask the fact that he'd been staring. It reminded Shane of the handful of times he'd caught him doing that back at the quarry, before he'd been sure of the reason, and it brought a smile to his face that he quickly suppressed, what with Rick right beside him.

On the way back to his tent he noticed once again the small barn holding Randall was unguarded. Andrea was supposed to head over there again after breakfast but she was nowhere to be seen.

He walked over as quick as he could on his sore ankle.  As he got to the door he heard Randall talking, his whiny, pleading voice getting under his skin immediately.

" I just said that stuff so that dude would stop hitting me, " he heard him babbling. " He wouldn't believe me even though I was tellin' the truth. Thought he was gonna kill me, y'know ?  The ones that attacked your friends and your dad, they were the bad ones.  I'm glad they're gone, too ! The rest of 'em ain't bad at all, and they got lots of supplies.  Your dad, he seems real nice. Maybe you could help me get outta here and I can take you and your dad back - "

He was talking to Carl. _Sonofabitch !_

He burst through the door, shutting the kid up instantly, watching his eyes fly wide open with panic. Bad enough that Carl was able to get in here alone with him, the last thing he needed was the boy getting sympathetic to this piece of shit.

He moved past Carl to throw Randall up against the wall, heedless of his wounded leg, and shoved his pistol in his face, shifting his hand from the kid's chest to wrap it around his throat instead.  The boy just cowered there.

" Whatta you think you're doin', huh ? " he snarled in his face. "  You think I won't put a bullet in your head before you make it two feet off this farm ? "

" I--I--was just--" the kid floundered, too scared for words.  Shane was anything but sympathetic.

"You're lucky you're alive right now, you know that ?  I woulda left you to bleed out on the pavement after what you did.  You talk to this kid again and what happened to you the other day will feel like a walk in the park, you hear me ? "

" Shane ! _Shane_ ! " he heard Andrea's urgent voice behind him. 

"You remember what I said, " he growled menacingly before releasing the kid's throat with a rough jerk.  Randall slumped weakly against the wall, eyes round with terror. 

Shane spun to face Andrea, noticing Carl's shocked and fearful expression in the meantime.  Dale was next to her, all fish-eyed and looking horrified.

" Nice of you to show up for guard duty, " Shane snapped at the both of them before Dale could get a chance to start any self-righteous tirade.

" I had to pee, " Andrea said disgustedly.

"Don't give _her_ any crap ! " Dale said. " You're the one waving the gun around Carl here."

"Carl shouldn't be in here with this animal in the first place ! And don't tell me how to handle a weapon, old man, believe me I know a lot more about that than you do ! "

"Oh I don't doubt that, " Dale shot back, even as he'd backed away a few feet at Shane's advance.

He felt his temper slipping so he focused on Carl instead. H e pushed the boy out the door and led him away.

" Please don't tell my parents, " Carl blurted as soon as they were outside.

" This ain't about gettin' in trouble with your parents, Carl, it's about life or death.  You coulda been hurt in there, you know that ? "  His tone came out harsher than he wanted it, still rattled by the confrontation.

The boy hung his head, clearly upset to have disappointed him. " I just wanted to see him for myself, " he mumbled into his chest.  " Everyone's been calling him a kid, I thought maybe he was younger...I didn't think it was a big deal."

Shane sighed in understanding. He was just desperate for company closer to his own age with Sophia gone. "Well now you see he ain't really a kid. Not like you. "

He hunched down a little, getting more on Carl's level. "He's bad news, alright ? So are his people. And there ain't no reason for you to go near him again, you got that ? "

Carl nodded gravely, and Shane felt himself starting to calm down now that the situation was handled and the kid seemed to get it.  " Tell you what. I know you're restless, ain't got enough to do here. When me and Daryl come back from our run tomorrow, you can help us set up them traps, alright ?  Bein' as it was your idea and all."

That brightened the kid's face immediately. "Can I help you set up the explosives, too ? "

" Hey don't push your luck, buddy, " he warned playfully, glad nonetheless to see Carl so interested in helping with the defenses.  Rick and Lori could try to shield him all they wanted, but he'd still do what he could to make sure the kid wised up enough.

He sent him back to the house and told him to look for Jimmy. He was as close to another kid as Carl was gonna get around here.

He thought about heading back to the barn and explaining himself to Dale and Andrea , but decided against it. If they wanted to coddle that kid and make nice with him before they'd have to see him thrown to the wolves that was their problem.

  
                                  *****************************************************************************************************

 

  
Daryl gathered up his broken tent and what little he'd left in it.   He swore, finding his carton of cigarettes crushed nearly flat then felt his heart jump as he found a tube of KY in a corner of a collapsed wall. He was pretty sure no one could have seen that last night but not being certain left him a little unsettled.

He cursed himself again as he noticed the squirrels and possum he'd left hanging off a tree branch last night, looking like they'd been chewed on by the same fuckers they'd just got ready for burning.  Another reminder of how stupid he'd been, leaving fresh meat out, not acting fast enough when he'd awakened- hell, even camping out alone like this in the first place.  Apparently this thing with Shane was using up so much of his brain he didn't have enough room left for common sense. 

The memory of this morning sprang into his mind.  That fucking dream that he'd been flashing back to all day.

He hadn't dreamt of his old man like that since he'd watched him die.  He figured it must've been brought on by what had happened last night -memories of his father’s uncontrolled rage somehow standing in for all those walkers.

Thinking on it now, he couldn't help but find something funny about how it had played out.  Leave it to Shane to turn a damn nightmare into a sex dream.

But that wasn’t the only thing that struck him.  Shane had saved his ass in his sleep, just like he had in real life.  And waking up beside him right after made him feel things he knew he'd never felt before.  Things he wasn't even remotely ready to let himself think on.

Instead he let himself get distracted watching Shane talk to Rick.  He watched him scrub his hand over his head in a gesture familiar to him now, and he wondered what was frustrating him about their conversation.

But what was really holding his attention was the way Shane's sweat-damp t-shirt outlined every muscle of his chest and abdomen and stretched taut over his broad shoulders. His cargoes showed off his perfectly shaped ass and when he moved just right, the ridge of his cock.  Daryl smirked to himself, remembering how frustrated he'd left him this morning.  Wondering what Shane might do to get him back made his cock twitch in his jeans.

Jesus, not five minutes away from dealing with rotten corpses and here he was getting horny.  But no one was paying attention to him way over here, and he realized it felt good to just let himself stare at what he wanted.

No.

What he _had_. The thought struck him out of the blue and it startled him.

He _had_ Shane.  For how long, who knew, but he'd be there tonight, right next to him when he slept.  He'd be there the next morning.  And even though looking forward to things had never worked out for him in the past, he couldn't help feeling this time was different.

Shane turned his head towards him suddenly, startling him. He flushed and turned away, feeling silly for ogling another man so openly.

But as he made his way back to Shane and the rest of them he decided, hell with it- tonight, when Shane was on watch he _would_ go and keep him company. In the dark all the way up on that platform where no one could see anything, he‘d climb right up there and suck him so good he'd forget he ever had anyone else's mouth on his cock.

 

                                                ******************************************************************

  
The confrontation with Dale and Andrea left Shane wanting to punch something.

But as he rested his ankle over lunch, watching Daryl tune up his brother's bike under one of the big trees a little ways from camp, he finally started to unwind.

Daryl's face was damn near beautiful when his guard was down and his attention was focused.  It reminded him of their hunting trip, the first time he'd seen him close to looking truly relaxed,  and of the way he looked right after he came, when lust momentarily crowded out any of the bad shit he normally carried with him.

Being able to do that for Daryl, take away whatever had kept him so wary his whole life, was a rush he'd never felt from anything else.  And he had to admit, he'd spent a lot of nights with people he'd fucked but none had ever called his name in their damn sleep.

His dick began to stiffen as his mind wandered back to this morning, remembering the feel of that slick tongue trailing up his length, and the cocky, teasing look Daryl had thrown him that made him want to bend him over that bike right now and  
fuck him into submission.

" You might want to be a little less obvious if you expect it to stay a secret, " he heard Andrea say quietly, sliding into the lawn chair next to his.

" Fuck. Thanks." Shane shook his head, feeling his face heat up a little.

" Look, about Randall, " she started. " I don't think you have to get so worked up. He's not with those people anymore and I think he just needs a chance. Sooner or later, you're going to have to get used to him being here."

He bristled at her bringing it up . " Look, Rick and Hershel already made it clear that we're stuck with him for the time being. But that don't mean he's staying indefinitely." He couldn't help but shake his head in disgust.  " Shoulda just left him behind in the first place, now everyone's goddamn conscience is involved."

"He's only _nineteen_ , " she said, as if that should count for something.

It reminded him that she'd been a lawyer. He guessed she was used to trying to see something decent in a man just to be able to pull off a convincing defense.

"Listen, I had plenty of experience dealing with scumbags," he told her.  " I know one when I see one. So does Rick, he's just too stubborn to agree with me right now. "

She sighed and shrugged. " Have you given a thought to telling Rick about the two of you ? It might make some other things a little less painful. I mean, does he even know you're...bi ? "

" Nah. Wasn't somethin' I ever needed to tell him... "  He trailed off, reminded of his own urge to confess a little earlier.  
His eyes drifted back towards Daryl and he became acutely aware that he' d noticed them talking. His face wasn't so relaxed anymore. The tension was back, and a bit of irritation.

He stood up , no longer even remotely interested in finishing their conversation.  " Gotta take care a'somethin',"  he said, taking off towards Daryl.

" What'd Blondie have to say ? "  Daryl muttered, using the nickname Merle used to use for her back at the quarry.  He didn’t even bother to look up from the bolts he was tightening .

Daryl's jealousy was so unnecessary it made him smile.  " Said she wants to ride my cock like a rodeo bull. "

Daryl snorted derisively at that.

" I told her she was outta luck, I already got the best cock warmer this side of the Mason-Dixon. "

That earned him the glare he expected, but he couldn't exactly give Daryl a hug and tell him he'd thought of him even while he was fucking her.

" Wasn't nothin' important. “ Shane said.  “Matter of fact, I already forgot. "  Then he dropped his voice a bit deeper, a bit quieter.  "Too distracted watchin' you bendin' over that bike, crankin' that wrench..."

"Stop," Daryl warned in a low murmur.

"Can't even think straight when the last thing I remember is you draggin' that tongue a' yours up my dick. "

A little smirk crept up the side of Daryl's mouth at that.  " Still blue ballin', huh? "

"Oh you think that's funny ? "

" Shoulda woke me up earlier, " Daryl countered, going back to his tune up, looking amused.

" I'll remember that for tomorrow, " Shane said, enjoying the unexpected teasing.

He filled Daryl in on his plans for another run tomorrow, then let him know that Hershel had agreed to let them stay inside.

"So much for takin' the barn, huh ? " Daryl muttered, looking disappointed.

"We can keep the tent for a bit. " Shane was pleased by his response. " Trust me, I'll figure somethin' out. The way we woke up this mornin', I'll be damned if I go back to sleepin' alone now."

Daryl's face twitched the way it did when something got to him unexpectedly.  He dropped his eyes to hide his expression.

Shane got it.  He'd felt how choked up Daryl had gotten last night as they lay together.  The man had clearly never been made to feel cared for.  But Shane was coming to realize just how desperately he needed it.

The swell of affection bubbling up in him caught him off guard as he realized it was a lot stronger than it had been before last night.

"You could hand me that other wrench 'stead 'a just standin' there, " Daryl said after a couple of seconds, nodding at his other tools laid out on the ground next to them.

Shane bent down to retrieve it, then leaned up against the tree and paid attention to what Daryl was doing.  He'd never been much of a motorcycle guy but he figured it wouldn't hurt to learn.

Daryl didn't seem to mind the company, even with Andrea sitting in plain view. He surprised Shane again a minute later by suddenly bringing up his brother.

"Y'know I don't know when the hell Merle bothered to tune this thing up last, " he said absently.  "Surprised it ain't fell apart on the way here. "

"Yeah, he didn't seem the type to worry about routine maintenance, " Shane said.  He didn't know what to say when the last words he'd spoken about his brother had been to call him a douchebag to Daryl's face.

"Used to pawn that off on me when he could, " he mumbled as he continued working. "S'how I learned though."

Shane knew it meant something, that Daryl was sharing something with him about the only family he'd had left.  "Hey, " he said. "What I said out there that day, when y'all were goin' back to Atlanta for him ? I never shoulda said that shit to you, man. "

Daryl shrugged, eyes still on the bike. "Y'said what you meant.  Know you couldn't stand him."

There wasn't any heat in his tone but Shane still couldn't just leave it.   " He was on drugs, " he went on.  " I know what that does to people.  You know how many meth heads I busted as a deputy ? None of 'em were what they woulda been if they were clean. "  He didn't altogether believe that but he figured it had to be true of Merle if Daryl could've found anything to respect about him.

Daryl didn't say anything but his face twitched again.  He gave a short nod of agreement.

"For what it's worth, " Shane went on, "If I had to do it over I'd have been right out there with you."

Daryl did look up at that, and his gaze remained locked on him for once, steady and thoughtful.  But it wasn’t too long before his eyes darted away again.  "Hell, you was right anyway, " he said quietly with a little shrug.  "Ain't nothin' came a'that trip but us losin' half our guns an' ammo to that gang that wound up dead anyway. "

He recognized Daryl's way of accepting his apology, and as relieved as he was to have that off his conscience, Shane hated seeing the pain and regret clearly etched across the younger man's face at the memory.

He was trying to think of a way to lighten the mood but then Daryl seemed to shake it off, volunteering some ideas of his own on where they should head first in the morning.

When he looked up at Shane again he had a crooked little smile on his face, like something was amusing him again.  "S'just us tomorrow, right ?" he asked.

" Hell yeah. We don't need no third wheel. "

"Good, " Daryl muttered, slanting his eyes away, his smirk growing.  "Cause we're gonna be passing someplace I remember from the trip here, near one of the turnoffs.  It'd probably kill ya to have to miss it, if someone else was along. "

Shane grinned, tickled as hell at the implication.  "You talkin' about some kind of sex shop ? "

"That's for me to know and you to find out, " he shot back,  glancing up briefly to give him an honest-to-God playful look.

Shane's cock came to attention again, seeing those blue eyes twinkling back at him with an ease he'd never seen before, even if Daryl's cheeks were flushed pink with a little embarrassment.   "You keep talkin' like that, we're gonna be takin' a walk out into those woods so I can - " He cut himself off seeing Daryl's eyes widen and flash with panic.

He turned to see Lori coming up behind him.

"What's up ?" he said, walking a short distance forward to head her off.  He was still surprised at the lack of pain in looking at her now. Every day he felt a little less connected to their past.

She handed him a piece of paper, and looking at it he saw a list of different vitamins and supplements. "For the baby, " she said. "I know you're going for supplies tomorrow so if you're anywhere where they have these..."

"Yeah. Sure, of course, " he nodded.  He could see how worried she was, a new life growing in her at the mercy of all those unknowns out there. He felt it too, every time he thought about the baby he knew had to be his.

"I mean, we don't know how much food we're gonna have or what we'll be missing, but this way--"

"You don't need to explain, Lori, I know, " he said, cutting her off.  Jesus, it was his baby too, she didn't have to justify it to him.

"And I appreciate it, " she went on.  " The two of you going so Rick doesn't have to. I really do."

And Shane was even more surprised that her openly putting Rick before him barely affected him, either.

"Hey. We're all gonna get through this, alright ?" he said, ducking his head to catch her eyes.  " Carl, the baby, you and Rick-we'll all be fine. " For some reason right now he found himself actually believing it.

She met his gaze, holding it steadily for the first time in weeks. "You know, we couldn't have gotten this far without you, " she said. This time he heard a tremor of emotion in the back of her throat that told him she really believed it.  And _that_ got to him.  Just not the way it would've before.

"Just make Rick happy, Lori, " he told her, feeling an incredible lightness as he realized he meant it.  "He deserves that."

He turned back to rejoin Daryl, surprised to see the younger man facing him, like he'd been watching them the whole time.  Their eyes met and from the satisfied little smile turning up one corner of Daryl's mouth, Shane was fairly certain he'd heard them as well.


	17. Ours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a HUGE thanks to my good friend and all-around awesome person [youdbefuntomurder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/youdbefuntomurder) , for her invaluable help with this chapter. 
> 
> Also, I want to point out that there's a [new Walking Dead kinkmeme](http://twd-kinkmeme-redux.dreamwidth.org/) out there ! The [old one](http://twd-kinkmeme.livejournal.com/) stopped being moderated/updated a couple of years back, but there are still a lot of fics on there that aren't posted anywhere else . But the new one is taking prompts and organizing fill lists again. 
> 
> If I hadn't come across the original kinkmeme I never would have tried to write anything other than shopping lists and forum rants, and never would have found this hobby that I love. So I wanted to mention the old and the new one, for anyone interested :)

After dinner, Daryl found himself lingering around the fire with Shane and Carl. Somehow he'd let the kid rope him into a reluctant agreement to teach him how to shoot a crossbow, if they came across one in their scavenging that he'd be strong enough to manage.  Carl insisted he wanted to go hunting with them soon, even though Daryl told him he'd probably scare away the game if he stomped around as noisily as Shane did.

"But you still let _him_ go with you, right?"  Carl shot back, and Daryl didn't really have an argument for that.  He was actually surprised at how little he minded the boy's pestering with Shane there.

It reminded him of some of the only good memories he had as a kid, when he was a little older than Carl.  Him and Merle sitting back at their camp after they'd been hunting --Merle running his mouth while Daryl relaxed, nursing a beer and smoking a cigarette like he was already a man.  Mostly he'd just enjoyed the calm, the _safety_ his brother brought with him, the couple of times he came back around, right after he'd left home. People wouldn't normally think of 'Merle' and 'calm' in the same sentence, but their dad knew better than to tangle with him once he was big enough to really fight him, so he'd snatched Daryl up and for a few days, it was just the two of them and the woods.

Just like Merle, Shane was doing most of the talking. Daryl had to keep reminding himself not to keep his eyes on him too long at one time. It wasn't easy, with Shane seeming so utterly relaxed, his wide open smile flashing frequently.  Daryl couldn't help but think he was at least partially responsible for the other man's good spirits and felt an unexpected flare of pride at that.

When Andrea settled nearby to read a book by the light of a hanging lantern, he decided he'd had enough socializing for the night.  He wandered off, took a piss, then headed back to Shane's tent, planning to nap until it got late enough to pay him that visit he'd planned while he was on watch.  As soon as he was inside, the tent flap rustled behind him, then the sound of the zipper being drawn closed.

Shane stepped in, eyes scanning around the tent floor.  "Hey, could you grab me the flashlight outta my gearbag?"

Daryl bent over to do that, but rifling through the canvas bag he didn't see any flashlight.  Before he could straighten up, strong arms had wrapped around his upper body, pinning his arms to his sides in a tight embrace.  Shane nipped lightly at the back of his neck, pressing his erection up against his ass.

"Fuck, not now!"  Daryl hissed.  He should've known that was why he'd zipped them in.

"Shhh, I got somethin' for you," Shane whispered in his ear.

"Yeah I can feel it," he snapped.

Shane's hand slid down the front of Daryl's jeans to palm his hardening cock.  "Relax. It'll be real quiet if you try and keep still, " he murmured.

“The hell are you -- "

"I know we can't fuck right now, “ he whispered over Daryl’s objection.  “Just wanna do somethin' for you before I gotta go sit out there alone."

Daryl was already letting himself be guided onto his knees despite his hesitation, heat coiling in his belly as Shane bent him over the cot. Fuck it, Shane was right, he could be quiet and they could straighten up quick enough if anyone got too close.

He dug his hands into the blankets, body tensing in anticipation as his jeans were shoved down around his thighs.  A slicked-up finger teased at his entrance and he couldn't help smiling to himself as Shane slipped one, then two digits inside.  Why Shane was doing this for him when he was about to go on watch and wouldn't even be able to get himself off, he had no idea, but he wasn't in the mood to stop him now. He let his body relax against the cot.  Shane's fingers always felt so fucking good, and there hadn't been a time yet when he hadn't made it worth it.

A few seconds later, the teasing drag in and out was making him shiver and wonder what Shane was doing -- he wasn't going deep enough to hit the place he needed, wasn’t even grabbing his prick yet. How the hell was this supposed to be fast?

But then something harder than flesh, and a lot smoother, replaced those fingers, and before he had a chance to react,  Shane had slid something long and thick all the way inside until it bottomed out right up against that spot that always rendered him near senseless with want.  He bit back a groan and tried to pull away, knowing right away what it was.  "The hell you doin'? " he whispered furiously.

He felt Shane's chest vibrating with soft laughter as his arms wound around him again, keeping him restrained.  "Shhh, relax, " he soothed. "I took the batteries out, it won't make no noise."  He bit down onto Daryl's neck, just enough to make him feel it, but not enough to bruise. "Want ya to come on watch with me, " he murmured against his ear, in that deep, rumbling tone that made him hot all over.  "Gave T the windmill so we could take the barn loft.  We can have a little fun up there."

"Get that thing outta me!"  Daryl demanded in a harsh whisper.  He struggled against Shane, and the curved plug shifted inside and sent a surge of warmth through his lower body. It sapped some of the resistance out of him immediately.

"C'mon now, wrestlin' with me is gonna make a lot more noise,"  Shane teased, bearing down on him a little more forcefully, and _fuck_ if that didn't set off another rolling wave of pleasure that made it even harder to resist.  "Ain't that long a walk...no one'll know, " coaxed softly, sweetening the deal with one slow rub up and down Daryl's cock.  He must have recognized the second when Daryl's muscles went lax because he took that moment to ease off his back and pull his jeans and boxers back up.

"Good boy,"  Shane muttered playfully, kissing the top of his head as he carefully tucked his length back into his fly.

"Jackass,"  Daryl couldn't help grumble back, with a rough poke to Shane's ribs that only seemed to amuse him even more.

He let Shane help him to his feet, nearly reconsidering when he felt the toy shift and press up against that spot again.  He swallowed what would have been an embarrassing noise and took a deep breath.  Shane was watching him intently, eyes dark and focused and looking all too pleased.

Maybe some day he'd figure out why this man was able to make him go along with just about anything where his dick was concerned, when he'd gone his whole life barely using it.  But right now he could only stand here trying to figure out how to move with this thing inside him while he watched Shane bend down to grab his bow for him, every nerve ending in his body tingling.

It felt like a dare at this point , and he'd be damned if he gave Shane any satisfaction by pussying out now.

"C'mon," Shane said, motioning towards the tent flap, a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

Daryl took a tentative step outside, cheeks flaring hot as Carol glanced over at him from her chair by the fire and smiled.  Before he could duck back into the tent and forget this terrible idea, Shane had gotten slightly behind him, propelling him forward with a friendly clap on the shoulder.

The toy shifted again and he grit his teeth to keep a whine from escaping his throat.   _No one can see anything, quit worryin',_   he told himself.  He couldn't believe he was doing this, but somehow he felt a strange sense of pride that he was.  It felt like the bravest shit he'd ever done, even if it wasn't something he'd ever tell another soul.  He put one foot carefully in front of the other, mindful of keeping his expression blank, calm.

Just when they'd gotten to the edge of the camp, just as he was starting to feel relieved, Rick came striding up to them purposefully.  Daryl's whole body seized up, forcing the end of the toy right into that oversensitized place.  His eyes rolled back into his head and he slammed them shut in a panic, trying to steady himself.

"Shit, " he heard Shane mutter under his breath, and that didn't exactly make him feel any better.

"Hershel found these," Rick was saying, cutting them off to hold out a pair of night vision binoculars that Daryl recognized as being the kind of hunting equipment he'd never been able to afford.  "Belonged to his son."

Shane nodded his thanks, as Daryl stood there tensing all the muscles in his thighs, trying hard not to squirm.  He was gonna fucking kill Shane for this.

"You alright? " Rick asked, his eyes narrowing at Daryl's flushed and sweaty face.

"M'fine, " he grit out, struggling to keep his voice from cracking.

Rick looked concerned, those sharp blue eyes assessing him carefully.  "Maybe you should have Hershel check you out again. You don't want to have to deal with an infection."

Daryl was pathetically grateful when Shane cut in with,  "He's fine, man. Anything changes, I'll let you know tomorrow."

Rick held Shane's gaze a beat too long before nodding at the both of them, not looking wholly convinced.  But thankfully he headed back towards the camp.

Daryl glared daggers at Shane as they started walking again.  "You sonofabitch," he ground out through clenched teeth.  It was taking all his will to keep moving forward when every step was jostling the toy mercilessly into that spot, sensations thrumming through his body that made his legs feel like rubber.

"Hey, relax, man,"  Shane reassured him.  "You got a damn good poker face.  He had no idea."  Then, in his huskier voice,  " So fuckin' hot watching you stand there all plugged up like that.  Knowing you got somethin' in you that I put there.  Lets me know that ass is _mine_."

Daryl let out a low whimper at that, cursing himself as he did.  "Gonna get you back for this, you watch," he said, voice too strained and high-pitched to sound threatening.

"Ahh, you ain't gonna be mad for long,"  Shane assured him, his cocky grin growing even wider.  "Look at'cha. Bet if I ran one finger up the side of it right now, you'd shoot off like a rocket. "

Daryl doubted it would even take that much.  Without the cockring, he was dangerously close to coming in his pants, his length throbbing against the fabric as he walked.  Then, before they were fully out of the line of sight of the camp,  he felt the toy begin to shudder inside him.  He swore and doubled over, gasping, as the vibrations rocked his lower body and punched the air out his lungs.  Then those blissful waves started up again and sapped all the strength from his limbs, making him want to drop to the ground.

"Shit, Daryl, hold up." Shane caught him by the arm as he struggled to straighten up, unable to contain a strangled whine as the toy continued it's relentless assault.

"You said... you took the batteries out," he seethed through gritted teeth.

"M'sorry, man, I didn't think it would go off like that, " Shane said, and Daryl could tell he was fighting not to laugh.  "C'mon, walk with me, we're almost there. "

If not for Shane's hand on his elbow steadying him, Daryl was sure he'd have collapsed by now.  Each step had him groaning with the effort not to fall against Shane and let his release wash over him.  Just the slight friction of his length against his cotton boxers was almost too much.

Finally, he made it to the barn door,  already feeling the stickiness from his leaking cock.  As soon as they were hidden from view Shane slipped a hand down the back of Daryl's jeans.  Somehow Shane managed to press the toy deeper into his tender spot while he fumbled to turn it off, making him keen against Shane's chest from the over-stimulation.  Then it stopped and before he could even blink, Shane's lips were on his, hands grabbing his ass and grinding their cocks together.

Any anger he had left vanished in a heartbeat.  He kissed Shane back hungrily as the warmth started to spread outwards from his belly. "Fuck, Shane..."  he gasped against the other man's lips.  "Don't wanna come out here like this."

"Don't worry, " Shane breathed, backing him through the door.  "You left me hangin' all day, you ain't comin' til I say so."

Just hearing those words almost sent Daryl sliding over the edge.  He struggled to hold on, tried for deep, slow breaths to stave it off.  Not for the first time he thought _this is how a_   _junkie feels, getting a fix._ He wasn't ready to come down yet, not when Shane was looking at him with eyes that screamed hunger, hunger he was starting to think might really be just for him and not only the sex.

Shane slid the bar of wood into place across the door to secure it.  "C'mon, let's get up to the loft, " he said breathlessly.  "Can you climb like that?"

Daryl nodded, not really sure but not caring, too eager to get situated before he lost his load against his will.  He scrambled up the rungs of the ladder, grateful that Shane was close behind with a steadying hand because he nearly toppled off twice before he made it to the top. He crawled shakily onto the floor of the loft and collapsed on his side.

It was dark enough that Shane took the little travel lantern from his pack and set it aside on the floor.  The sight of Shane standing over him, leisurely peeling off his shirt with the shadows playing over all that ripped muscle made him ache to feel all that bare skin against him.

Then Shane was straddling him, rolling him onto his back.  "Let's get you outta them jeans before you make a mess in 'em," he rumbled down at him.

Daryl moaned, rutting against the fleeting touch of his hand involuntarily.

"Nuh uh, none a'that,"  Shane murmured.  His eyes had that predatory gleam in them now.  "We ain't there yet."  He worked Daryl's jeans all the way off his legs then knelt between them, spreading them further apart and running his hands up and down his trembling thighs.

It started to feel like the time with the handcuffs, everything blurring out except Shane's voice in his ears and his hands on his body. Somehow without the restraints he felt more naked. There was that urge to hide his face again, pull away from so much exposure.  But this time the feeling passed quickly and he found he couldn't look away from the sight of Shane moving his hand deliberately between his legs, barely skimming his cock, then traveling lower.

Their eyes met and Shane gave him a devilish smile.  His cock twitched against his belly as he realized what was coming.  He slammed his eyes shut as he felt that low pulsing throb start up again.  Shane had it on the lowest setting, not the one that shocked all his senses, but the one that had slowly driven him out of his mind with need.

He heard Shane hum in approval as he clenched his fists at his sides to keep from touching himself. He'd shoot off right then, he knew it, and Shane wouldn't want that. Neither did he.

Shane climbed over top of him, taking his wrists in his hands and sliding them up over his head, but keeping his weight off his body. Daryl's hips canted off the floor, moving of their own accord, the plug inside massaging his spot relentlessly.

"Tell me what you want, Daryl," Shane murmured down at him, soft and low.

Like his mouth had a mind of its own, he blurted, "Wanna suck you." _And God, he did_.  He heaved up suddenly, heedless of the twinge of pain it caused in his side, pushing Shane off him so that he fell flat on his back with a surprised grunt.

Shane watched with wide eyes as Daryl shimmied down his body. "Jesus," he breathed, as Daryl tore him out of his cargoes.  Threw his head back and moaned as Daryl's tongue flicked and swirled around the head before he dove down on the whole length in one smooth motion.

Daryl forgot to care about how obscene he looked, ass in the air, the toy pulsing inside him as Shane's thickness filled his mouth and leaked down the back of his throat.  He looked up over that expanse of broad chest, muscles rippling under smooth, tanned skin, and swelled with pride as Shane's mouth fell open from his efforts, breath hitching with pleasure as he twisted his fingers possessively through Daryl's hair.

He wasn't sucking for more than a minute before Shane was grabbing him under his armpits, hauling him up until he was over Shane's body on his hands and knees.  "Want you on my cock like this," he demanded, reaching a hand around to slide the vibrator free. He flicked it off and tossed it aside, leaving Daryl gasping at the sudden emptiness.

Shane's large hands closed around Daryl's hips, helping him straddle his lap for the first time.  That dream he'd had this morning flashed into his mind, easing the way.  He was gonna make Shane come, watch him fall apart and know it was because of him. He didn't know how many others Shane had been inside of, but he'd make sure he was better than any of them.

He took a deep breath and lined Shane's cock up against his hole. He was so opened up from the vibrator the tip breached him easily.

Shane let out a low groan. "Oh fuck, _Daryl_."

No one had ever said his name like that before.  He dared a look into Shane's eyes, and when he saw the warmth and affection there along with the lust, Daryl suddenly couldn't take his eyes off his face.  Not when there was never a guarantee he'd get a chance to see that look again.

Shane's eyes stayed locked onto him too, like he was trying to memorize every last second, until Daryl had to close his eyes and drop his head, concentrating instead on taking all of Shane inside and clenching down on him as he did, trying to make it as good for him as possible.  He felt strong hands trail from his neck down the length of him, almost a caress, coming down to wrap tightly around his hips again, steadying him as he bore down, slowly.

Once Shane's cock was fully sheathed inside, Daryl's eyes opened again to see his face break into a wide, blissful grin, so infectious that Daryl felt his lips curling up to smile in return.  He huffed in startled amusement at his own reaction, to actually smile at a time like this. Then for a split second he felt like a bigger idiot, thinking this was not the time a man should be laughing, either.  But Shane's grin only grew wider, and a moment later Daryl was pinned against his chest and Shane was devouring his mouth like a starving man.  When they broke for air, Daryl braced his hands on those broad shoulders and started to roll his hips, getting used to the new position.

"Fuck, you feel so good like this," Shane moaned. "God... so good..."  He started thrusting up into him, and it made Daryl fuck himself down onto Shane's length even harder.  It was a little painful now, the way it was going, but he was glad, it would keep him from losing it until he'd given Shane the pleasure he wanted to.  He'd never gotten to see him like this, and it was close to overload, even with the slight pain, those eyes raking over his body with such focused lust.  Then Shane shifted beneath him, adjusted Daryl's hips slightly, and found that place inside him that he'd almost been trying to miss.

A shiver rippled down Daryl's spine, back arching involuntarily.

"There you go," Shane purred beneath him.

In a matter of seconds, Daryl was mindlessly impaling himself at that just-right angle, all thoughts of controlling this flying out the window. He darted a hand to his length only to have it slapped away.

"Keep them hands on me," Shane growled, and Daryl nodded reflexively and dropped his hands back onto the other's shoulders.  What was he thinking?  He knew he wasn't supposed to touch himself.  His length pulsed and leaked a sticky trail along Shane's belly.

Not a minute in and Daryl's resolve was breaking.  God, if he could just relieve some of the pressure...his hand had slid between his legs again, like it had a will of its own.

Shane smacked his hand away, a little less gently this time, even if his eyes were still playful.  "Told you no touchin'," he drawled, enough edge to his tone to send a thrill through Daryl.  "Now you're gonna have to come like this.  Just from my cock this time, nothin' else."

"That ain't...I can't - " Daryl panted, protesting.  But his hands wound up back on Shane's shoulders again, fingers tensing as he struggled to keep them there.   _He's fucking with me,_ he thought.   _Trying to make me wait...that couldn't even be possible..._

"Yeah, you can, " Shane rasped.  "Wanna watch you ride me til you can't take it anymore, til you're comin' all over yourself cause I feel so good inside ya."

Daryl moaned, felt his stomach do another slow, heated roll, and wondered if Shane might be right about that after all.

"That's it,  " Shane murmured, as Daryl's motions grew increasingly frantic.  Then he reached out to roll Daryl's wife-beater all the way up his chest.   _Right, fuck, it wasn't like he had an extra to walk back in_.  Without thinking, Daryl tugged it the rest of the way off, only realizing after it was dangling from his hand that he'd just stripped totally naked.  And as Shane's eyes roamed over his body with pure hunger, his cock was suddenly throbbing hard enough to hurt.  He dug his fingers into Shane's shoulders and ground himself down on his rock hard shaft, hungrily seeking contact with that needy little place inside since he couldn't touch the other.

Shane looked mesmerized.  "God, look at'cha, " he breathed.  "Ridin' my cock like you own it."

"I do," Daryl groaned, not registering what he'd said until Shane's eyes locked onto his with an intensity that left him breathless.

Shane yanked him to his chest and crashed their lips together, hard and bruising.  "Say it again," he growled.  " _Tell_ me."

"It's...mine _,_ " Daryl whispered, faltering at first over the sentiment.  Then something shook loose in him and he couldn't stop himself.  "It's  _mine...mine...mine..._ "  the words punched out of him by each rough thrust, over and over, as his mind desperately echoed the other half of that in words he couldn't say out loud.   _Yours, I'm yours, I'm yours_...

Shane was suddenly clutching him so tight he could barely breathe, pounding up into him without mercy.  Daryl found his teeth on Shane's neck, overtaken by an urge to leave a mark, like the ones Shane had left on him just beneath his shirt, bruises on his body that for the first time in his life meant something good had happened.  He sucked deep and hard until he tasted blood and Shane let out a guttural moan.  Daryl could feel him swelling thicker inside him and clenched himself tighter, rolled his hips faster, his own need for release no longer as important as driving Shane straight over the edge.

But then Shane ordered,  "Come for me. _Now_!" in a gravelly rasp that told Daryl he was already right there, and his body obeyed like it had no choice.  He cried out, unexpectedly and loud as his whole body convulsed,  came so hard it streaked out over Shane's chest, pulse after pulse painting his tanned skin with thick white ropes, nearly reaching his neck.  He almost blacked out from the force of it.

He felt Shane losing it inside him somewhere in the middle, rewarding him with a deep, raw groan that told him without a doubt how satisfied he was.  They clung together, faces buried in each other's necks as their bodies writhed and shuddered and emptied.

Shane was slow to pull out, arms still holding Daryl as he rolled him gently onto his uninjured side.  Daryl was still whimpering blissfully every few seconds from the shockwaves still rolling over him, way after he thought he should be done.  But he felt no shame, not when he was barely aware of anything but Shane's chest under his cheek, his hand tracing long, soothing circles on his back as the tremors died down.  This time it took way too long before he came back to himself enough to remember to pull away and sit up.

A sharp stab of dread shot through him when he caught sight of the dark bruise sitting between Shane's neck and shoulder, not quite far enough under where his collar would rest.  "Shit," he muttered, eyes fixed on the mark he'd left.

"Branded me, huh?" Shane asked, grinning.

"Didn't mean to do that," he mumbled, panicking a little.  "Wasn't thinkin'... "  How could he have been so stupid?  Maybe Shane was still too sex-drunk to realize how bad he'd fucked up, but he should have known better, shouldn't have let himself go like that.  Shane had never been dumb enough to leave evidence where it might show.

"Nothin' wrong with markin' your territory, man," Shane said and Daryl's gaze shot up to meet his at that.  Shane didn't seem anything but pleased about it.  Warm brown eyes met his easily, like he hadn't just said something that had knocked the air out of Daryl's lungs.   _His territory..._

He covered pretty well.  "Hope it feels as bad as it looks.  S 'what you get for pullin' that crazy shit.  The fuck were you thinkin'?"

"Apparently, I wasn't, " Shane admitted with a shrug, pulling a small towel out of his pack to start cleaning himself off.  "But hey," he said lightly, "if pluggin' you up gets me that reaction, I'ma have to keep you that way more often."

Daryl flushed, choosing not to acknowledge that particular statement.  "It's fuckin' _dark_ ," he persisted, eyeing the bruise worriedly.

"People got better things to worry about than lookin' for hickeys, man.  I'll keep my shirt on, no one'll notice."

"You aint at all worried 'bout getting caught?  Hell, what if that thing had gone off before we left the camp?"

"Like I said, wasn't thinkin'.  Or my dick was thinking.  I don't know."  He smirked, adding,  "Tell you what, next time I'll take the batteries out for real.  That better?"

"Next time, huh ?  Ain't happenin',"  Daryl muttered, not sounding all that convincing even to himself.  He dropped his gaze from Shane's face because _fuck_ , he was looking at him in that way that made him blush like a damn kid, and after the way he'd just completely lost his shit it felt way too... _close_.  He stood and grabbed up his discarded clothing and started dressing, just to occupy his hands and eyes.  It surprised him, how easy it had been to forget he was still naked.

Shane pulled a wrinkled map from his pack and tossed it at his feet.  "Why don't you plot our route tomorrow ?  Figure out the best use of time."

Daryl was grateful to have something to concentrate on that wasn't the tail end of that orgasm still shuddering through his belly.  It actually felt like he might be able to get it up again.  Fuck, what the hell did Shane do to him ?

"Don't forget to plan for that place by the turnoff you mentioned," Shane reminded him with a wink.

That porn store.  Not anything he needed to be thinking about right now.  "The hell you even thinkin' like that, right after?" he said, pretending disbelief.

"Can't help it, you got me addicted, " Shane replied, grinning.  " You came _just from my dick_ , man. "  He said it like it was some accomplishment.  " That was some porno shit right there. "

"Didn't know that was even a thing,"  Daryl admitted despite himself.

"It mostly isn't.  Ain't never seen it in real life.  So fuckin' hot, you got no idea."

"Think it felt a lot better than it looked," he mumbled, unable to keep a corner of his mouth from turning up at the memory.

"Yeah, I believe that.  You came like a goddamn firehose, man."  He was shaking his head and chuckling, still busy wiping off his chest.

"Least you ain't gonna be leakin' the rest of the damn night,"  Daryl said, then cringed at his own confession.

"Are you _tryin'_ to get me hard again?"  Shane looked at him with a wolfish grin that made him flush even darker. "Cause we _are_ supposed to be on watch."

But Daryl wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as he thought he should be, talking about being fucked like it was just a normal thing.  "Like you could get it up again that quick, anyway," he said with a derisive snort.  "You ain't no teenager."  Nevermind that he wasn't either, and was already half-hard again.

"Hey, don't count me out," Shane shot back.  "I ain't been this horny this often since I was fifteen, that's for sure."

"You been doin' this since you were fifteen?"  Curiosity pushed the question out of Daryl's mouth before he remembered his self-imposed ban on asking questions about the past.  He immediately cursed himself for opening up that topic.

"Well, not this exactly," Shane said, smirking somewhat ruefully.  "Took me a little longer to figure that part out.  Just not nearly as long as you."

Daryl occupied himself studying the map he'd spread out on the floor.

"So lemme ask you somethin'," Shane ventured after a few seconds.  "And feel free not to answer."

Daryl didn't take his eyes off the map.  His stomach knotted up, just a little.  "Shoot," he said, as Shane seemed to be waiting for the go-ahead.

"You ever have anybody before all this?  Female, I mean."

That at least, was safe enough to answer.  "Nothin' serious," he shrugged.   _Fuckin' understatement of the year,_ he thought, remembering the handful of drunken one-nighters that left him feeling dirtier than the chicks he'd been inside of.

"So you _have_ been around a bit," Shane said, but more like it was a question.  Daryl thought he heard a hint of worry in that.

"A bit," he mumbled.

There was a pause.  Then, "So how do I stack up?"

Daryl ducked his head to hide a smirk as he picked up that concern again.  Was Shane a little jealous ?  If he let on how ridiculous that was, he figured Shane's ego would know no bounds.  "Ain't even remotely the same," he replied, with a noncommittal shrug.

"That ain't exactly an answer."

"Ain't never gone back for seconds with none'a them," he admitted.  He figured _that_ he could give him.

"Well, shit." Shane looked surprised.  And maybe a little disappointed.  "Can't imagine you just lookin' for quickies.  Don't really seem like you."

"Didn't really have to look," he shrugged, realizing the second it was out of his mouth that it sounded like he didn't even need to try, like he was bragging or something, when what he meant was he'd really never _wanted_ to try.  But he didn't want to tell him that.  Jesus, he should have kept fucking quiet.  That always worked out better for him.

"So what, blonde, brunette, big titties, small titties?"

"Your type, man," Shane clarified, when Daryl looked at him blankly.  "What did ya go for?"

Daryl found his memory hazy.  Such a long time ago, and so rarely revisited.  Four, he knew the number.  Were they all blonde ?  One of them had black roots under a bad dye job.  He gave up trying to make a profile.  "They were drunk, mostly."  That was at least accurate.

Shane laughed.  "I don't know if that counts as a type, but it ain't a bad strategy," he conceded.

"Wasn't no strategy," Daryl admitted.  "Just kinda worked out that way."  Merle had always been along, pushing and prodding.  And always that unsettling fear, that if he were to turn down an easy lay without a good reason, it would open up that door to suspicion even further.

"C'mon, you're bein' too modest.  You had to have fucked someone sober."

Daryl felt that uneasiness that still plagued him every so often, that felt so much like being the only kid in his class without lunch money. He knew aside from however many dudes he'd fucked, Shane had probably been with dozens of women.  And yeah, it shouldn't be a contest, but he knew damn well it always was.  He was suddenly, irrationally, angry, was about to say something nasty he'd probably wind up regretting.

But Shane was taking his silence as enough of an answer, and was shaking his head, somewhat in disbelief.  "Man if that's the truth, you must never have put in an ounce of effort.  If you'd even bothered at all, you woulda had chicks lining up for a chance at you."

It took a second for the words to register, to slip through the haze of defensive anger.  "Pfft," he scoffed at the compliment, wary.  A reflex, from when Merle would fuck with him, really meaning just the opposite.

But Shane wasn't kidding.  He could tell by the look on his face.  He was just stating something that seemed obvious to him.

An unfamiliar warmth was blooming in his chest.  It was dawning on him all of a sudden, clear as anything.  That he'd never be with another woman again.  Or a man.  "Don't make no difference now anyway," he said quietly.

Shane broke into a smile at that, a different one than he'd ever seen.  Softer.  "No," he replied.  "It don't."

Their eyes met again and for once neither glanced away.  The moment stretched between them, way too long, and it felt like one of them should say something but neither seemed to have any words.  And strangely it wasn't uncomfortable at all, and Shane's hand was lifting, slowly, to grasp the back of Daryl's neck, thumb stroking along his jawline.

Then, the loud jarring screech of an accelerating engine.  They jolted into action, both scrambling for their gear, tearing down the ladder once they realized whatever was happening was impossible to see from the barn loft.

When they burst out the doors, the Hyundai he and Shane had used on their run was speeding off the farm.  A couple of seconds later, the lights flared on the old farm truck and that rumbled to life, too.

They were both running, Shane falling behind on his bad ankle, Daryl clutching his bandaged wound protectively.  The truck caught them in the headlights, and Daryl could make out it was Rick in the driver's seat.  The vehicle wheeled around to come up alongside Shane, braking sharply, the passenger door flying open.

"C'mon !"  Rick yelled down to his ex-partner,  "It's Randall, he took off," and without hesitation, Shane jumped into the vehicle.

Daryl was reaching for a hand up - there was room for three in the front seat - but Shane slammed the door shut.   "You gotta stay here, " he told him through the open window.   "You gotta protect Lori and Carl, man, we don't know what's gonna go down."

He opened his mouth to protest, but Shane cut him off before he could, eyes latching onto his and holding them, serious, just like they'd been a few minutes ago.  "You're the only one here who _can_."

Daryl understood immediately.  The kid might make it to his people first, tip them off and then there'd be hell to pay, and they'd need more than a handful of people who could barely shoot straight to keep them safe.  He understood, but it didn't make him any more ok with staying behind right now, with Shane riding off into who-knows-what.

The truck shot past him as Rick stepped on the gas.  "Just sit tight," he heard Shane call out.  And then, louder as the truck picked up speed,   "Be right back, don't you worry."

Daryl watched the taillights disappearing into the darkness, a sick feeling crawling up his spine.  That was the last thing Merle had said to him, too.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, SO sorry for the ridiculously long waits between updates. I'm always astonished that people are still following this after all this time. I am seriously grateful for every kudo and comment :)  
> Big thanks to [youdbefuntomurder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/youdbefuntomurder) for beta-ing most of this and to [doverit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/doverit), for reading through my final draft and boosting my confidence. Check out her sweet new [Daryl/Jesus fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7782610/chapters/17752576)! It's a completed work, so no waits for updates!  
> 

"I was out on the porch. Couldn't sleep," Rick explained breathlessly as the truck hurtled down the dirt road off the farm. The taillights of the Hyundai were barely visible ahead of them, winking in and out of sight as the road dipped and swelled. "Heard the car driving off. I don't know how he got out. Didn't have time to check the barn."

"Fuckin' Dale was on watch, wasn't he?" Shane growled. "We gotta end this, Rick. This is bullshit. C'mon, gun it, let's run this prick off the road!"

"The pedal's already on the floor," Rick insisted. "This truck's too old for this."

"Man, once he gets to the highway we're fucked. His people ain't that far off."

"Don't you think I know that?!" Rick snarled back at him, and that told Shane right away that Rick was already blaming himself for this. _Good,_ he thought, but he bit his tongue and tried to slip his mind into the headspace he needed; calm, focused on the task at hand, and disconnected from what he'd just left behind.

The gap between them and the small car shrank a bit more as the truck picked up speed, until the road went from dirt to gravel to pavement. Once the Hyundai hit the smooth surface it shot forward, increasing the distance between them again.

"We're gonna have to fight," Shane said grimly. He was already planning for the worst: that they'd run across these assholes while in pursuit, since Randall had never given up his group's exact location, even after the beating Daryl had dealt him. If that happened they'd wind up in a shootout.

"If we lose too much ground, we let him go," Rick said. "Head back and get Lori and Carl hidden. Then we can be strategic. Set up defenses. Let them come for us where we have the advantage."

"We ain't gonna have an advantage if they have the numbers the kid said they did. We never even got a chance to find the shit we need. No explosives, nothing."

"We'll make do with what we find around the farm. There's enough old junk around that we can still set up obstacles, trap the road-- "

"Nah, fuck that." Shane drew his pistol from his pack and cocked it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Slowin' him down a bit. Maybe for good." He leaned out the open window and took aim at the back windshield. He squeezed the trigger, and the sound of shattering glass followed half a second later.

The car sped ahead and Shane cursed himself for the failure. Rick was swearing too, yelling about the gunshot alerting the enemy, and that he'd acted without thinking. But then the wheels of the Hyundai caught on something; the vehicle jerked, swerved sharply, and careened off the road at a dangerous angle, disappearing into the darkness to the deafening sound of crunching metal and glass.

Rick slammed on the brakes, tires squealing as the truck came to an abrupt stop. He cut the engine and the headlights and they both jumped out, using their flashlights to illuminate the drainage ditch off the side of the road that Randall had gone into. The car had wound up further ahead than he'd thought, the front end of the passenger side partially wrapped around a thick tree. They approached the wreckage carefully, guns drawn. For a moment, the way their movements synced up automatically felt to Shane like they were partners back in King County again, the rhythm instantly familiar and comfortable.

The windshield was shattered and Randall was missing from the driver’s seat. “Guess no one ever taught him seatbelts save lives,“ Shane muttered, the callousness earning a disapproving glance from Rick that also felt familiar. They scanned the immediate area with the thin beams of their flashlights, but they didn't see evidence of a body at first glance.

The ditch was full of tall marsh grass, obscuring their view of the ground. They began to step through it carefully. "Don't hear him moving, that's a good sign," Shane observed.

"He's gotta be close," Rick replied, positioning himself so they were nearly back to back, scanning on opposite sides as they moved slowly around the front end of the crashed vehicle.

"Randall," Rick whispered harshly. "It was stupid, what you did, but it doesn't have to get any worse. You don't have to die out here. Do you hear me?"

There was no response of any kind, just the quiet night sounds of the woods. All Shane was hoping to find at this point was a corpse. Whatever condition the kid would be in now, he'd probably be better off dead. He got his wish a few seconds later, when his flashlight illuminated the boy's prone form, lying amidst the tall grass with his head bent at an impossible angle.

"Problem solved," he muttered, nudging the head with the toe of his boot. For a split second Shane felt a pang of remorse at the waste of a boy barely out of his teens. But it passed just as quickly, replaced by a profound relief. They'd done what they'd set out to do. Time to go back.

His mind was already switching gears, back to _Daryl_ , and _safe_ , and _home_. They could fortify the farm now, hunker down and deal with Randall’s group later, from a position of strength.

Rick was crouching down beside the body, still illuminated by Shane’s flashlight.

“C’mon man, look at his neck," Shane said impatiently. "If he’s still got a pulse it’ll only be for a couple more seconds.”

Rick was removing the knife from his belt, his eyes never leaving the kid's body.

Shane was puzzled. "What're you -?"

His question was cut off by the sounds of crunching leaves and loud, erratic footfalls coming at them from the direction of the highway.

"Shit!" they both said in unison, turning their flashlights towards the sound.

Five walkers, male, youngish and dressed in mismatched hunting camo and paramilitary gear were stumbling towards them with the swiftness of the freshly turned.

Rick raced ahead to engage them, knife at the ready, and Shane made the split second decision not to switch weapons himself. Not enough time to holster his pistol and draw his knife for the sake of stealth, not with Rick already surrounded and his own speed compromised. Rick felled one with a knife through the face but another was right beside him, clutching at his shoulder, and the third had already gotten too close to Rick for Shane to risk shooting. But he wasn't about to lose Rick right before his eyes. No fucking way.

With his flashlight as a guide, he blew a hole through the head of the one furthest from Rick, and rushed forward, adrenaline taking away the pain and stiffness from his wounded ankle. He body-checked the one he’d been unable to shoot before, sending it sprawling to the ground, but had to drop his gun and flashlight to drag one of the walkers grappling with Rick free. It gave Rick the chance to pierce the eye of the one directly in front of him. Shane kept the fetid, squirming body pinned against his chest, facing away from him, until Rick could slide his knife free and plunge it through its temple. As he shoved the limp body off of himself, the walker he'd knocked to the ground lunged for Rick's ankle. Rick dealt it a vicious kick under the chin, and Shane took that opportunity to unsheath his knife and drive it through the side of its head.

He was still catching his breath as Rick headed up to the road to check for others. His ears were ringing from the shot he'd fired and it dawned on him as he watched Rick, just how vulnerable the temporary deafness made them out here. He definitely needed to have Daryl teach him the crossbow.

Shane began scanning the underbrush for his discarded flashlight and pistol. The attack came without warning. A heavy weight slammed into his side and sent him crashing to the ground before he could even recognize the threat.

Suddenly he was locked in a fight for his life. A walker was rasping and squirming on top of him, forcing him to drop his knife so he could use both arms to try to keep it's teeth at bay. It wasn't very heavy or strong but it had the advantage all the dead shared, the unceasing drive to tear into living flesh however they could. He felt it’s fingernails claw at his chest and bare arms.

The beam of Rick’s flashlight suddenly illuminated his attacker. It was Randall, his head hanging unnaturally from his neck, lips peeled back to bare snapping teeth mere inches from Shane’s flesh.

He grabbed the back of the kid's hair, wrenching the head back with all his strength and holding it until Rick dragged the body off him and plunged his blade into the dead boy's temple.

Rick immediately knelt beside him, shining the flashlight on him as he checked him for bites. It wasn't lost on Shane, how frantically Rick scanned over his body, even taking hold of one wrist then the other, turning his arms over to make sure. Shane let him, relief washing over him as he caught his bearings.

"That was too close," Rick breathed, when he was satisfied Shane hadn't been bit. The concern in his voice was real and when he stood and reached a hand down, Shane took it, more grateful for the chance to feel Rick's palm against his than for the help up.

But something was confounding him. Randall shouldn’t have turned. That meant at least some of what they thought they knew might not be accurate, and if that could be the case, then the scratches he was feeling from the kid's fingernails might not be so harmless either. He fought back a panic as he wracked his brain for any instances of a scratch leading to a turn. None came to mind, but it didn’t do much to comfort him right now. He focused on the stranger part instead - “He wasn’t bit, Rick. You seen that, right?”

“Yeah,” Rick replied, after a small hesitation. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and bowed his head, staying silent long enough that Shane could tell something was very wrong. Rick _knew_ something. He recalled how Rick had unsheathed his knife and studied the corpse, like he was _waiting_...

"Jenner..." Rick was saying, " ...what he told me before we got out of the CDC...we're all infected."

At first Rick’s words were incomprehensible. " _What?_ " Shane asked.

"He told me when we die, we all turn. Even without a bite, even without the sickness. I wasn't sure I should believe him, didn’t know if his information could be trusted. Until now."

"Until _now_ , when this fucker nearly bit my face off?" Shane exploded. "Jesus, Rick, how the hell could you keep that secret?!"

"I didn't know if it was true," Rick defended. "You saw how Jenner was! He was out of his mind! Telling the group they're all gonna turn would've done nothing but spread panic."

"The fuck makes you think that's your call to make?! Keepin' shit from us ‘cause you think we can't handle it?"

"What good could it have possibly done? Jacqui had _just_ chosen to die, Andrea was almost right behind her, I didn't think -"

"I'm a grown-ass man, Rick! You coulda told _me_." He fought to keep his voice to a harsh whisper, just in case there were more dead lurking around that could be attracted by the sound of the living. "You told _someone_ though, right?" he asked bitterly. "Dale? Hershel? I mean, you couldn't just have kept it to yourself. What if somethin' happened to you before anyone found that out?"

Rick stayed silent and Shane fumed. He knew he'd wrecked their friendship, but for fuck's sake, how could Rick consider them better equipped than him to handle that?

Before he could launch into an indignant tirade Rick spoke again, sounding slightly conciliatory. "None of them know, alright? There wasn't any time or place to bring it up that wouldn't have made it harder for us to keep going."

As satisfying as it was to hear he hadn't been excluded, that once again it was just Rick being Rick, trying to take the weight of the world on his shoulders, Shane was still pissed. "Me and Daryl were goin' out tomorrow," he persisted. "You don't think we shoulda had that information?"

"We got bigger things to worry about right now," Rick deflected, defensive again, and with just enough of a patronizing tone to make Shane seethe.

"No," he bit out. "You ain't sweepin' this under the rug, man. You fucked up. Don't try and pretend you didn't."

"You really wanna have an argument about who fucked up more right now?" Rick shot back, his voice rising along with his temper.

The guilt that statement brought to bear snapped Shane out his righteous anger. He swallowed the rest of his argument and settled for, "Look, I'm just sayin' -now that you got your confirmation, we tell 'em. Soon as we get back."

He could feel Rick's glare, even in the dark. Then he felt him brush past abruptly to head back to the truck. _The fucking balls on him_ , Shane thought, following along a couple of seconds after. God forbid Rick couldn’t be the one on the moral high horse for once.

He climbed into the cab to find Rick was rifling through his gear bag in the soft light above the dash. He pulled out the night vision binoculars and handled them thoughtfully. When he looked up to meet Shane's gaze, the instant understanding between them took a bit of the edge off.

"Do some recon?" Rick suggested.

"We can't be too far off," Shane agreed. "Go on foot?"

"What about your ankle?"

"I can make it. If they're right off the road, we should be able to spot them without getting too close."

"Alright. I'll take point, you watch my back. We get just close enough to take stock, then head back. We don't engage."

Shane nodded agreement, reaching into his pack to retrieve a few caplets of ibuprofen to top off the ones he'd taken a couple of hours prior. Couldn't hurt to keep the pain dulled even more in case he wound up having to move quickly.

As the two of them made their way up the deserted road, Shane found himself feeling strangely happy; a little exhilarated, even. Despite his frustration with Rick for withholding information, despite the hurt Rick's words had dredged up, heading off in the dark together to face another unknown danger it was hard not to feel like somehow, they were almost brothers again.

 

****************************************************************************************

Daryl ran towards where Randall had been held, reaching the small barn just as Dale came stumbling out, looking dazed and holding a hand to his head

"The hell happened?" he barked at the unsteady man, nerves already frayed by the fact that Shane and Rick might be about to do battle while he was stuck here fucking _babysitting_.

"I heard him moaning, like he was in terrible pain. I went to check on him and he was doubled over, begging me to let him go to the bathroom. I didn't want to let him go all over himself like that, so I uncuffed him - "

"Then he knocked your ass out," Daryl finished flatly. _Motherfucking bleeding heart_ , he thought, disgusted.

"As soon as I got him on his feet, he headbutted me right in the face," Dale confirmed, at least having the decency to look guilty. "Where is he?"

"He's _gone_ ," Daryl snarled at him, immediately turning around to stalk towards the house. The porch light was on and he could see Lori, Hershel, and Maggie were already gathered beneath it. He was dimly aware of Dale's footsteps following, and heard the commotion from the camp behind him as the others emerged from their tents.

"What happened?" Hershel demanded, his shotgun in his hands.

"Kid got loose and stole a car. Shane and Rick went after him."

"Jesus, why does it always have to be Rick?" Lori cried, raking a thin hand through her hair in frustration.

"He didn’t go alone," Daryl reminded her irritably. Then it occurred to him that he was probably supposed to reassure her, regardless, so he added, "They ain't too far behind, they'll get'im." 

Carl appeared in the doorway, sleepy-eyed but looking alarmed, and Lori hustled him back inside, shutting the door behind both of them.

Daryl turned to Hershel. "You got anywhere the women can hide? In case shit goes down?"

"We don't need to hide, we need the guns," Andrea's voice sounded firmly at his shoulder.

"Wasn't talkin’ bout you," he muttered, his hackles rising at her sudden presence. "Talkin’ bout his girls, and Carol and Lori."

"I'm my own girl," Maggie said sharply. "And she's right, we _all_ need to be ready."

" _Fine,_ " he snapped. "Y'all know where they're at, go get 'em." Jesus, he was trying to be helpful, what the hell was their problem?

"Let's get everyone in the house for now," Hershel said, his calm, authoritative voice soothing Daryl's nerves a bit. "And bring all your weapons inside."

It sounded like a good enough place to start so Daryl headed towards the RV, running into Glenn and T-Dog as they were on their way to the house. He let them know the little prick was loose thanks to Dale, and didn't bother answering Glenn's panicked, "Is he ok?"

The younger man ran off to check on his surrogate dad while T-Dog helped Daryl gather up the guns and ammo.

By the time they got back to the house, everyone was assembled in the living room.

"Look we don't know for sure he's going back to those people," Dale was saying. "Maybe he's just scared of _us_. I mean, Shane threatened to put a bullet in him just this morning."

"Yeah, and why was that?" Daryl challenged, not even giving a fuck when everyone turned their attention towards his outburst. He hadn't been there, and Shane hadn't filled him in, but he didn't need any backstory to know Shane had been justified in issuing that threat.

"He caught Carl in there with him and overreacted."

"Carl was in there with him?!" Lori asked in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because there hadn't been any harm done," Dale replied, having the gall to sound defensive.

"You still thinkin' that now?" Daryl snapped.

"He wanted me to help him get out so he could take us back with him," Carl confessed. "He said they weren't bad and they had lotsa supplies and stuff, but -"

"Were you _alone_ with him?" Lori cut him off furiously before turning even angrier eyes on everyone else. "Wasn't someone supposed to be watching him?"

It was on the tip of Daryl’s tongue to say, _Who? Randall or your dumbass kid?_ but then Carl said, "Mom, Shane was right." His voice was calm and firm, and surprisingly mature. "He said he'd try to make people feel sorry for him so he could get free. That's just what he did to Dale."

"So what do we do now?" Carol interrupted nervously. Daryl was startled when her eyes focused on him as she said it, like she was expecting him to have the answer.

His eyes quickly scanned the room, and he was unsettled to find the rest of them looking to him as well, like they were waiting for him to answer the question. He met Hershel’s gaze but the old man just gave a small nod, as if prompting him to speak.

He felt the weight of Shane’s words to him right before he’d taken off with Rick, that he was the only one he trusted to keep Lori and Carl safe. Apparently the rest of them were extending him that trust now, too, and it gave him a warm feeling at the same time it made a tight knot start forming in his stomach.

He took a couple of seconds to quiet his mind before telling them what seemed to him to be pretty obvious anyway. "Arm up. Cut the lights. Watch the road and be ready for trouble. If they ain't back by dawn, I'm goin' after 'em."

He felt a hint of pride when no one objected, when the looks on their faces seemed relieved, and a few seconds later, T was heading back out to the windmill watch post, and Glenn was laying out the guns on the dining room table for people to choose.

He walked out onto the porch, not interested in whatever chatter was starting up behind him now. The idea that he might be left alone with these people for good was trying to take hold in his brain, and getting the hell away from them was the only way he knew to prevent it.

All he wanted to do right now was grab his bike and take off down the road, wherever Shane had headed. Be there to back him up. He didn't know if the old truck would be able to catch up in time, or if they were headed right into a damn trap, and the powerlessness Shane had forced on him was infuriating.

He knew he couldn't leave. Lori and Carl were here, and if anything happened to either of them it would be on him if he left. He'd never be able to face Shane if he let them get hurt because he went to chase after him like a bitch. Then again, if anything happened to them while he _was_ here that would be on him, too, and the unfamiliar burden made the knot in his stomach tighten even harder.

"Got another one of those?" he heard Carol's small voice at his side.

"You smoke?" he asked, startled by her sudden appearance. And at the fact that they shared the habit.

"No point not to anymore," she shrugged.

He pulled one from his pack, held the lighter to it for her once she'd placed it between her lips. His eyebrow quirked up when he noted she had a rifle slung over her shoulder. He hadn't seen her use a weapon yet, save for the pick-axe she'd unleashed on the corpse of her asshole of a husband back at the quarry. He'd thought of his mom in that moment, as he'd watched her smash the man's face into oblivion. Wondered if she would have had the same deep well of rage in her for all the times she'd probably been forced to swallow it. He'd liked Carol ever since. It'd made her seem more like his people instead of one of _them_.

She caught his surprise, and explained, "I'm not a good shot. I never got to practice. But I know _how_."

He nodded, and they stood quietly on the porch together, looking out onto the road and puffing their cigarettes.

He recalled that she'd seen him smoking before and hadn't ever bothered to ask for one. It gave Daryl the feeling that she'd come out here just to check on him and he couldn't figure out if it was an annoyance or a comfort. Maybe both.

A little of Shane's come started leaking from his hole and he grew thoroughly disgusted with himself, standing here next to a decent woman. Then the thought that it could be the last of Shane he ever felt sprang into his mind and he wound up with a lump in his throat that was almost more humiliating.

Carol interrupted his morose thoughts as if on cue. “They were cops, they know how handle themselves. They won’t do anything stupid.”

Daryl snorted derisively at that, almost on reflex. Before Shane and Rick he couldn’t remember ever having anything but contempt for cops. Now here he was fretting over one like a little bitch.

"They'll be back," she added softly, a few seconds later.

"Ain't no guarantees," he muttered, giving away more of his mood than he'd meant to. He gazed out into the darkness, breathing the unwanted emotion away slowly.

"Shane's a survivor,” she persisted. “He'll do whatever he has to do to get back."

He startled at her mentioning Shane, wondering uneasily if Andrea had opened her mouth after all.

"Rick, too," she added a beat later, "but you didn't see how Shane was before you and your brother showed up. Without him, I don't think we all would've even made it off that highway."

To his relief it seemed more like she was just recounting a memory. He wanted to ask, _how was he?_ but he knew that wasn't the sort of interest he was supposed to show in another man so he said nothing. It eased his nerves a bit, though, hearing her talk about Shane that way.

Carol didn't say another word, either. But she stayed, slowly finished her cigarette, and gave him a soft pat on the shoulder before turning back to enter the house again. Somehow after having Shane's hands on just about every part of his body, the unexpected contact didn't set off his defenses the way it would have in the past.

He wanted to stay angry, at Shane for leaving him this responsibility, at these people for expecting him to carry it. Being angry enough could have dulled the gnawing fear in his gut. But there wasn't any of that in him now. There couldn't be.

Not only had Shane trusted him enough to leave a child and a pregnant woman under his protection, somehow the rest of these people seemed to trust him as well. _And they could_ , he was surprised to admit to himself. Staring fixedly down the dark road Shane would use to return, he couldn't help but wonder what Merle would have made of that.

**************************************************************************************  
They found a spot up the road, where dirt and grass had been freshly churned up and smeared across the asphalt. Judging by the impressions in the ground, it seemed to have been several heavy vehicles moving at a fast clip. Off-road tires had dragged clumps of earth with them when they'd returned to the road; muddy tracks in the grass leaving an obvious trail to follow to where they'd been.

"Maybe they left," Shane speculated hopefully. Before Rick could answer, a steady breeze accosted them with the overpowering smell of carnage, the coppery scent of blood mixed with the nastiness of emptied bowels, coming from the same direction as the tracks.

Rick nodded towards it, readying his Python and raising the binoculars to his eyes. They moved in tandem towards the foul odor. Too quiet to indicate walkers, Shane thought. They'd have heard rasping or clumsy footfalls, at least. The hair on the back of his neck rose nonetheless.

"Jesus," he heard Rick breathe suddenly, and prepared himself for something grisly.

Rick flicked on his flashlight, prompting Shane to do the same.

They were surrounded by corpses, scattered haphazardly within a wide circle of tents. They were male, twenties to forties from the looks of them, most likely the people Randall had been looking for. Blood and guts were everywhere, saturating the ground they walked on. Torsos lay split open and gutted. But several were just lying there, with bullet wounds to their heads and on further inspection, no other visible injuries. Shane watched Rick reach the same conclusion that he had come to, sharing a grim nod as Rick rose to his feet after rolling another one over. This hadn't just been a walker attack.

A startling noise brought them both up short, coming from one of the tents. At first it sounded like a wounded animal. Rick started moving towards it tentatively. Shane moved up right behind him. The pained whimpers were sounding a lot more human now as they reached the tent flap, and as they stepped inside, the smell of guts grew overpowering in the confined nylon bubble.

It was a man, maybe no more than thirty. His entrails were seeping through a gaping wound in his belly, the slick viscera glistening in the light of their flashlights. But the point of entry looked like it came from a large caliber round, not a set of teeth. From the smeared blood on the tent floor, it looked like he'd dragged himself in here for shelter.

Rick dropped to his knees at the man's side. "Who did this?" he demanded. Shane was a little surprised to see Rick all down to business so quickly.

"Pleaseithurtssomuch," the man babbled in a weak, high-pitched whine.

"We're gonna help you," Rick said, his tone switching to calm and reassuring. Shane hoped to God it was only meant to comfort; Rick _had_ to know there was nothing they could do for him but end his suffering. "Just tell us what happened."

"These dudes rolled up on us out of nowhere," the man wheezed. "Shot us up and took our shit."

"How many?"

"I don't know, maybe six, seven? God I'm gonna die, man, please help me -"

"We’ll get you taken care of," Rick cut in gently. "How long ago did this happen?"

"I...I don't know," he whimpered. "Please..."

"Ok, ok, shhh," Rick soothed. "Is there anything else you can tell me about them?"

"One a'them...the leader, maybe...some crazy hick missing a hand...had a knife strapped to the stump..."

The description made Shane's heart skip. Rick, too, seemed to freeze at the words.

Convulsions began to rack the man's body and Shane panicked at the thought that there might be no more answers now. He dropped to his knees next to Rick and leaned in towards the dying man. "The crazy hick, did you get a name? What'd he look like?"

He'd twisted his fingers into the front of the man's bloody shirt without even realizing it. The victim was starting to choke on his own blood, eyes widening in panic as he weakly struggled to take in air, but Shane had already realized the man was beyond repair and was desperate to get as many answers as possible before it was too late. "What kind of vehicles were they in, huh? C'mon, think, man!" he demanded.

There was a gurgling in the man's chest, like blowing air into liquid through a straw. The panic-stricken eyes went vacant, as if he were suddenly staring not into Shane's face but off into a vast distance. Rick leaned forward to slide an arm gently under the man's shoulders as Shane reluctantly let him go.

Shane reeled back, watching numbly as Rick rolled him just far enough over to stealthily get his pistol resting near the base of his skull.

"Easy, easy," Rick soothed the twitching, shuddering form. "We're gonna get you help now -" He pulled the trigger mid-sentence.

The gunshot mercifully ended the man's life, but all Shane could think through the deafening ring in his ears was that this was the beginning of a shitstorm of trouble he wasn't sure he was ready to handle.


End file.
